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Old Habits Die Hard

Wendy Low, Singapore

In Singapore there is always this general notion that women have already attained equal status with men in terms of wages, job opportunities, education levels, positions in the society and so on.  Many Singaporean women would claim we have already achieved gender equality and equity that there is no reason to question the existing equilibrium women are enjoying.

I am not sure if this attitude is sheer arrogance or pure oblivious as there are many indications around us that show Singaporean women are still very much expected to act or fulfil the images, behaviours, roles and responsibilities as those 50 years ago.  Although I must admit that in many instances, Singaporean women have attained a reasonable level of societal position than many women in other societies, perhaps this is the sheer arrogance that has clouded us to perceive we have achieved all and neglected the subtleties that are still conditioning us to perpetuate the expectations laid by a largely patriarchal society.  Indeed, if we had achieved gender equality, we would not be subjected to lower wages than men because of a policy that rewards men for a 2-year compulsory military service*.  Nor would the statistics for women civil, corporate and theological leaders be so disproportionately low.  Nor would many people, even women, keep using gender insensitive languages without realising what they mean to women.

* though the  practice is more entrenched in civil compared with private sector service

 

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For example, I usually hear this common phrase among people, especially from women themselves, “Hey, if you guys like to meet up, I am OK!” or “What about dinner, guys?”  My friends used this phrase too often on me.  When I hear this, I would ask myself, “Why did she use the word, ‘guys’?  But I am not a ‘guy’, I am a woman”.  I tried to check the dictionary on the meaning of ‘guy’ and found that it is an American colloquial for man.  I tried to reason with myself that perhaps most Singaporeans are too much under the influence of American pop-culture, but again, I reckon that there is no reason to lump all human beings into one sex, that is male.  As it is, I can still hear the phrase, “one man one vote”, or when we describe a person who is indecisive or being wishy-washy as “grandmother and mother” (it is literally translated from Mandarin, a common language used by Singaporean Chinese).  So it seems that the female sex is perhaps prone to indecisiveness?

Most of the time, language proves to be a lethal weapon in gender socialisation.  If we use certain words without questioning, it will soon become a habit, and in turn a norm.  In no time, we would be using words or phrases without thought, thereby assimilating their nuances, even if they inevitably discriminate the genders.  Gender sensitive language needs to be learned and practiced when one is young.  And it needs to be reflected upon as we grow older, so that we can continue to be gender sensitive and sensible.  If not, it will become an old habit that refuses to die.

 

A Reflective Liturgy on Old Habits Die Hard

 

Call to Worship

(Members who play musical instruments are selected prior to the worship to play the music of the song, Enemy of Apathy as a call to the rest of members to join in the worship.  When all have gathered, all members sing the song together once again.)

 

 

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Song

Enemy of Apathy

She sits like a bird, brooding on the waters,

Hovering on the chaos of the world’s first day,

She signs and she sings, mothering creation,

Waiting to give birth to all the Word will say.

 

She wings over earth, resting where she wishes,

Lighting close at hand or soaring through the skies,

She nests in the womb, welcoming each wonder,

Nourishing potential hidden to our eyes.

 

She dances in fire, startling her spectators,

Waking tongues of ecstasy where dumbness reigned,

She weans and inspires all whose hearts are open,

Nor can she be captured, silenced or restrained.

 

For she is the Spirit, one with God in essence,

Gifted by the Saviour in eternal love,

She is the key opening the scriptures,

Enemy of apathy and heavenly dove.

 

(Enemy of Apathy, from the song book, The Iona Community, 1988)

 

Opening Prayer

Dear God, open our hearts and sensitise our mind, our ears, our sight to images and words which are discriminatory, images and words which attempt to draw an arbitrary divide to the goodness of your reign.  For what you have created as whole, womyn and men have discriminated through their limited understanding.  Our first sin was not in seeing differences in our sex, but seeing differences in our gender.  We pray for

 

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guidance, for repentance and reconciliation to our differences.  And we pray for strength and openness to see Christ, not in name, nor embodiment, but in essence and in spirit.  May we all unite in spirit, to dispel differences and build the godly reign as divined.  Amen.

 

Response

 

Leader: In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God

All:       and the Word was God.

Leader: The Word was whole, and through the Word, the world was created.

All:       Womyn as with men.

Leader: Though we are different in sex, in gifts and in strengths, let us not be divided.

All:       Womyn as with men.

Leader: Let us not associate words with gender inferiority.

All:       Womyn as with men.

Leader: Nor defile God’s image by condescending one sex over another.

All:       Womyn as with men.

Leader: For we are all from the Word.

All:       Womyn as with men.

Leader: And the Word was whole and undivided.

All:       Amen

 

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Biblical Reflections – Biblical Image of God as Female

“We cannot get to an idea of God beyond gender until we come to terms with a God who includes both male and female. Otherwise our idea of God as Spirit will still be the God-He in abstract terms and we will not dare to say that women are included in the Image of God as fully as man.”

Rosemary Radford Ruether, Sexism and God Talk, p.69

 

(1)     God created human beings in God’s image, Gen 1:26 - 27

(2)     God as Wisdom - The Hebrew word for ‘wisdom’ hokmah is grammatically feminine.  Proverbs 3:19-20; Proverbs 8:22, 3-31; Proverbs 1:20; 8:1-21; 1 Corinthians 1:23-24, 30

 

Closing Prayer

Forgive us God if we have been too arrogant, too proud to listen to you.  Forgive us God if we have not delivered our promises to you.  Forgive us God if we have not been sensitive in using languages that are gender bias and insensitive.  We pray for your wisdom that we humble ourselves as we learn our first steps again in acknowledging the many forms of gender discrimination that is happening in our daily lives.  We pray that you give us strength to overcome our ignorance and insensitivity.  Amen.

 

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For Discussion

1.       What are some of the common gender-discriminatory words or phrases used in your society?  Do you think these words/ phrases have reinforced society’s perception of these gender differences?  How have they reinforced these perceptions?

2.       Has the visualisation of God as female made you re-look at Christian theology differently?  How is it different from using patriarchal terms?

 

Contemplation Exercise

Write a list of 3 words which you have used in a gender-insensitive way.  Watch your speech in the course of 1 week and observe how often you have used these words.  If you manage to refrain from using them, commit another 3 for another week until you have become gender-sensitive in your speech.

Alternatively for those who have used any of these gender-insensitive words, contemplate why you used them and whether there are more balanced ways of articulating your thought.  Commit to another 3 words only when you are ready to renounce the first list.