Somewhere in the Milky Way

not far away in space and time.

.



- Captain, we are on a trajectory through a Red Dwarf, ETA 15 minutes.

- Change course Navigator.

- Negative, navigation sub system is not responding.

- Engage navigation back up sub system.

- I can only engage navigation back up sub system when main navigation
  sub system drops out.

- Then switch to manual steering.

- Manual steering is locked until main navigation sub system stopped.

- Ok, Computer, stop navigation sub system.

-
Navigation sub system denies command execution.

- I am the Captain!

-
Navigation sub system denies comm..

- Yes, yes, give me the sub system.

-
Navigation sub system Linux N3001 OSMN rev2 beta4 reports.

- Beta 4 !

- There were some rumors. The Admiral wanted the new phasers and
  they were tight on budget...

- Navigation sub system, Here is the Captain,
  Machines stop, Switch to back up system.


-
Access denied.

- I am the Captain!

-
User group Captain, no privileges for program change.

- I don't want to change the program code, I just want to change to
  another program.


-
User group Captain, no privileges for program change.

- Ok, Computer, universal macrosoft software override code
  MS2502476969427 on navigation sub system, Authorization Captain.


-
Navigation sub system denies command execution.

- That's impossible. Call Macrosoft.

- Yes Captain.

- ETA 12 minutes.

- Welcome to Macrosoft Support. I am your holographic adviser.
  Please tell me the product you need support for.

- Navigation sub system.

- Very good. Please provide the serial number.

- Sub system, tell us your serial number.

-
3156c6c8f86edee08c87e510c501d297

- I am afraid this is not a valid serial number.
  Please check your reading and repeat.

- What the h..

- Maybe there is a problem with your audio character recognition.
  In this case please select the correct characters of your
  serial number on this virtual point board.

- What?

- Captain I think you should point at the first character of the serial
  number on his point board.

- I should point on the ..? That's ridiculous.

- Please provide your serial number. Macrosoft Support can
  only provide support to registered users.

- ETA 11 minutes.

- Captain, we should take into account that the situation
  may become serious. Time demands action.

- I think I see your point. Thank you Number Two.
  What was that first number? Sub system, first digit of your
  serial number.


-
3

- All right, three.

- Very good, the first character of your serial number is a 3.

- Sub sys, second digit.

-
1

- a one

- Very good, the second character of your serial number is a 1.

- Sub, third.

-
5

- five

- Very good, the third character of your serial number is a 5.

- Fourth

-
6

- ..

- Very good, the fourth character of your serial number is a 6.

- ETA 9 minutes.

- ..

- Very good, the fifth character of your serial number is a 9.

- No stop, the last one was a mistake.

- If you made a mistake please point on Cancel and start again.

- No it was just the last..

- If you made a mistake please point on Cancel and start again.

- .. Sub, first digit of serial.

-
3

- ..

- Very good, the first character of your serial number is a 3.

- ETA 8 minutes.

- Sub put your serial on screen.

-
3156c6c8f86edee08c87e510c501d297

- VeryVerVeVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV -
  Thank you.
  This is not a Macrosoft Product. Please do not call Macrosoft for
  unsupported products. Do you need support for any other Macrosoft Product?

- I need support for this ... nav system immediately,
  this is an emergency!


- Captain, there, a woman on the screen!

- Macrosoft emergency help. This is a human operator.
  What's the problem?


- We are going through a Red Dwarf,
  navigation sub system does not respond, no universal override,
  we are all going to die in ..


- ETA 6 Minutes

- Thank you.

- I see. Navigation sub system, report status.

-
Navigation sub system Linux N3001 OSMN rev2 beta4.
  Unexpected condition. Buffer overflow in segment 52998353:48860326.


- This is not a Macrosoft navigation system!

- I know. We made a mistake, please help.

- This is an official Macrosoft hyper band connection.
  This is a very expensive link, without support legitimation
  I am not allowed to maintain this connection.

- Please.

- ... All right, the Federal Fleet was always a good customer.
  We can talk on standard relay connection.
  This will only give small delays and costs you nearly nothing in the end.
  Switching.

- Wait!
  
- ...
  ...

  Back again

- How can I reset this ... nav computer?!

- ETA 4 Minutes.

- ...
  ...

  Ah, well the programmers should know the access password.
  We may be able to contact them. Let's see.
  Your Linux N3001 OSMN was programmed by
  
  Steve R. Welch, now on Centaur Gamma.
  I am afraid the standard relay signal to him
  would take 2 years.

- Oh my God.

- There are two others.
   ...
  Sorry?
  ...
  Jeff Zerl, crash landed on Moon with Linux N3001 OSMN rev2 beta3

- It's hopeless.

- and
  Martin Fuller, on space exploration on the FF-101.

- We are lost.. Wait that's us. HE IS ON OUR SHIP!

- ETA 3 Minutes.

- Martin Fuller to the bridge. Come immediately, this is an emergency!

  ...

- ETA 2 MINUTES.

  ...

- MARTIN FULLER, WHERE ARE YOU. MOVE!

  ...

- ETA 1 MINUTE.

- MARTIN! YOU..

- Martin Fuller reporting. What's up?

- The Nav Computer. We are all Going To BURN IN THIS STAR. IN ONE MINUTE

- ETA 50 seconds.

-
Hi Marty.

- What's my Moon Navigator doing here?

- JUST STOP IT!

- Hi Nav. What's the problem?

-
Overflow in 52998353:48860326.

- ETA 40 seconds.

- STOP IT!

- I see. You shouldn't have used the Moon Nav for interstellar flight.
  Nav, reset mile counter.

-
Password?

- 30 seconds. Good bye Captain. You have always been...

- Let's see. Hmm. It was .. it was ..

- 20

- Ah yes. Open source rules.

-
Access granted. Welcome Master.

- Nav, reset mile counter.

- 10

-
Counter reset.

- 9

- Max reverse

- 8

- trust.

- 7

-
This is central

- 6

-
computer. Course

- 5

-
changes only

- 4

-
with Captain's

- 3

-
authorization.

- 2

- MAKE IT SO!

- ...

- ...

- ... HURRAY! Hurray. We are saved!

- Hurray. Yeah!

- ...

- Where is the captain?

-
Captain is on the Holodeck.

- On the screen.
  ..
  Oh dear.
  Here is Number Two, officer in charge.
  Counselor, the Captain is shooting
  penguins at the Holodeck.




This transcription of the FF-101 computer log book was
swallowed by a penguin on star time 20001002.20001002.