New season (of 24). [duh, SPOILER]

I haven’t watched a 24 season premiere by myself, like, ever. So this year there was nobody around to freak out with during commercials. So, internets, I shall freak out with you instead!

Obviously, if you dont’ want to know what happens, then you probably shouldn’t read this.

    the first hour:

  1. Carlo Rota! Woot! Mick Schtoppel comes to CTU. How charming. Also, that makes the third Nikita crossover. Now if they’d just snag Nikita or Michael…
  2. And, hey, the weird boss lawyer from Ally McBeal. He short, cute… aaaand probably Evil.
  3. President… holy crap–Palmer? I’m not sure whether this is a good or a bad thing. And, as one who watches 24 should take note of, he is wearing a wedding ring, so there’s a wife. Maybe Sherry has an evil sister? Got turned into a zombie? That would be so cool.
  4. Oh, I like Ally McBeal. I like Ally McBeal a lot. He is so totally evil. Evil minature Mr.Spock. Tee! Hee!

    Palmer: “But, now that I’m the one sitting in that chair, I’m starting to wonder if I’m the right person to lead this country.”
    McBeal: “It’s an irrelevant question, sir.”
    P: “Excuse me?”
    M: “You will lead this country, whether you want to or not. You are the President.”

  5. I don’t like Schtoppel schtupping Chloe. She is sacred, people. But, wait, it appears he is her husband… and always has been. Chloe and Morris O’Brien. Damn. How did I somehow miss that? Ah, ex husband. And he was in last season. Oh yeah. Shoes. Huh.
  6. I don’t like emo Jack. He’s all sad and mopey. Hopefully someone will, like, smack him around or something and make him mad.
  7. Dammit, I hate it when they fire Chloe. Oh, goody, they finally figured out they can’t fire her and now they just… what? Tell her they want to fire her? God, she is so cool.
  8. Ok, I also really hate it when they cut off people’s fingers. Jack on a skewer, enh, whatever. But, see, the beating? Totally worked. Yay Jack!
  9. Didn’t they do the thing with the kid last time? Oh, wait, this time the kid is the bad guy. Stupid kids. They should totally never be involved in issues of national security.
  10. Ew. Jackibal Lecter. I bet K is, like, thinking he’s even hotter now.
  11. Ahhhh, Abu also has the 24 fatal flaw. Why do these people keep telling Jack Bauer their plans? It’s not like people haven’t planned to kill him before, ok? First rule of doing evil: Keep your yap shut. Resist gloating !
  12. That was a very first season Prison Break exit, what with the bars and all.
  13. Jack’s mortal wounds so far: various scars, cuts, burns, and bruises per the Chinese (also deprivation, I’d imagine, and worse, since the Chinese escort admitted he hadn’t spoken in more than 2 years and was never broken); beaten, knifed in the shoulder, burned with acid on the shoulder, and a skewer through the midsection, per Abu Fayed.
  14. the second hour:

  15. Aaaaand, the first phone call between Jack and the President. “We don’t have much time sir…”
  16. Jack has been in the Chinese prison for 20 months. Almost as long as the interminable wait between seasons.
  17. Goddammit, when will those Palmer men learn to LISTEN TO JACK BAUER? Then again, I guess if they listened to Jack Bauer, 24 would not be a very interesting series. Cause they’d catch the bad guy in the first hour and spend the next 23 doing paperwork about it, most likely.
  18. McBeal looks like he’s watching a particularly exciting episode of thirtysomething there in the President’s chambers. I bet that’s totally what Rummy and Cheney look like, too.
  19. Oooh, YEAH. The President has a sister. Sandra Palmer. You know, “Sandra” and “Sherry” both start with ’s,’ ya’ll! And, ooooh she’s mouthy! You go girl! (And, also, wasn’t she on 227*)?)
  20. More suicide bombers and their strangely homosexual cult leaders. I really don’t think suicide bombers caress one another like that before setting off on their missions. In, y’know, real life.
  21. Bill Buchanan gets more and more like the ol’ silver fox every season. But, word to the wise: Operations would never be caught in that kind of cheap blue government suit. The white collars! Clash with your hair! Find a tailor, man, please.
  22. Awesome. Jack now has superpowers. He can tell when the people he tortures are lying. His haunted past lets him look into their souls… or… ok, maybe not. In fact, he appears to have lost his badass somewhere in China. Interesting plot twist.
  23. That Sandra Palmer’s going to make me happy, I can just tell.
  24. Stoner boy and Ah-med annoy me. Ah-med, cause, well, he’s kind of an ass what with all the suicide bombery-ness, and stoner boy because he is a classic example of the 24-idiot. But, hey, at least he’s not Spawn. (Though incidentally she was mentioned by Jack within the first :30. Again, he’d plans not to tell her that he is back from the dead. Or exiled. Or whatever. ‘Cause, y’know, that worked so well last time.)
  25. Subway chase as the critical first-ep last-arc cliffhanger. Promising. Though I kind of like the reformed terrorist, Hamir Asad. This is possibly a side effect of the fact that he is the same gentleman who played the loveable Dr. Bashir on DS9, who shares a name with my favorite gaming character ever. However, I fear he may be led to his death here in just a few moments.
  26. “So Jack was right. He was right all along, and this is going to get much worse.” Speak it Brother Palmer. May you learn better than your sibling.
  27. And, hey, Bashir made it through to next week. Sweet!
  28. Jack’s mortal wounds so far: nearly blown up by a US military airstrike; nearly blown up by a parcel bomb on the subway. Wow, he got off easy this episode…

* Too bad there is not some sort of high-paying job available for those with great skill at picking out character actors. Sandra Palmer, when she was just a fresh-faced youth, was indeed Miss Brenda Jenkins on the Sherman Helmsley vehicle 227.

You know, that was kinda fun. Perhaps I’ll do it again tomorrow.

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