A little diversion

From: Jim West (jwest@Highland.Net)
Date: Sat Aug 15 1998 - 15:53:24 EDT


Colleagues,

I received this and thought I would pass it on for your entertainment. I
wont do it again, so please dont be mad. But It made me laguh really hard...

> Windows 98 Recall
>
>It has come to our attention that a few copies of the West Virginia edition
>of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside West Virginia. If
>you have one of the West Virginia editions you may need some help
>understanding the commands. The West Virginia edtion may be recognized by
>looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background
>picture of General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped
>with a Daisy Duke screen saver. Also note:
>
>The Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
>My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
>Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys
>Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard
>Hard Drive is referred to as Four Wheel Drive
>Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.
>And instead of an error message, you get a winder covered with a garbage
>bag and duct tape.
>
>Other features:
>OK = ats aww-right
>cancel = hail no
>reset = awa shoot
>yes D shore
>no = naaaaa
>find = hunt-fer it
>go to = over yonder
>help = hep me out here
>stop = ternit off
>start = crank it up
>settings = sittins
>programs = stuff at does stuff
>documents = stuff I done done
>
>Also note that winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation
>marks.
>
>Some programs that are exclusive to WINDERS 98:
>tiperiter = a word processor
>colering book = a graphics program
>addin mershene = calculator
>scratch paper = notepad
>jupe-box = CD player
>inner-net = microsoft explorer
>pichers = a graphics viewer
>IRS = M/S accounting software
>IRS2 = M/S accounting sofware with hidden files
>coon dog = American Kennel Club records
>fishin = Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records
>NRA = National Rifle Association
>shot gun = Remington arms price list
>riffel = Winchester price list
>pisstel = Smith and Wesson price list
>truck = Ford and Chevrolet dealers in Kentucky by zip code
>house = nearest mobile home repair service by zip code
>car = same as truck
>cuzzins = family history (usuall a 3 meg file)
>tax records = usually an empty file
>shells ammunition inventory (another 3 meg file)
>bud = list of Budweiser sellers by zip code
>racin = NASCAR racing schedule includes a list of tv stations that carry
>the races
>car n truck parts = nearest junk yard by zip code
>doc = vetrinarians by zip code
>
>We regret any inconvenience it may have cause if you received a copy of the
>West Virginia edition. You may return it to Micrsosoft for a replacement
>version.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Jim West, ThD
Adjunct Professor of Bible
Quartz Hill School of Theology
jwest@highland.net
++++++++++++++++++++++++

"es ist Schuld und VerhŐngnis aller Kirchen, dass sie zu viel Dogmatik und
zu wenig Jčngerschaft praktizieren" E. KŐsemann

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