Here's a sample of crisp, clean screenwriting from one of my online students, Averil Meehan from Ireland. Good screenwriting always can be read quickly and still be understood. Notice how strong the focus is here and how direct, even simple, the narrative is.
EXT. STREET - DAY
A lorry stops at traffic lights. MEGAN, a rather
bedraggled fifteen year old, pulls back the cover. She
grabs her plastic bag of belongings and jumps off. Megan
looks round, then runs to a shop doorway.
Megan watches the lorry drive off, looks up and down the
street, then edges out on to the pavement.
She walks down the street gazing about her, and gives a
little skip. She walks on swinging her plastic bag.
EXT. STREET - CHIP SHOP - NIGHT
It is raining. Megan is walking slowly, dragging her bag.
She stops at a chip shop. She goes inside.
INT. CHIP SHOP - NIGHT
Megan looks at the price list. She takes a few coins out
of her pocket, counts them then goes to the counter. PAUL,
a thirty year old, is behind it. SYLVIE, his pregnant wife,
is setting tables in the sit-in area.
MEGAN
Half a bag of chips.
PAUL
We don’t do half bags.
Megan sets her coins on the counter.
MEGAN
Whatever I can get for that.
PAUL
You deaf or what?
MEGAN
Please. I’m hungry.
PAUL
I feed you, I’ll have half the
bleedin’ city in here. Go on, clear
out!
Megan stares at him. Paul races round the end of the
counter, his fist raised. Megan runs out.
EXT. STREET - CHIP SHOP - NIGHT
Megan stands outside and stares through the window. A
group of men come out. She holds back against the wall and
watches them eat.
A woman comes out carrying a steaming parcel. Megan
approaches her.
MEGAN
Can I have a few chips?
The woman stares at her.
MEGAN
Please. I’m hungry.
The woman sniffs in disgust, then turns and walks away.
Paul runs out.
PAUL
I warned you, clear off!
Megan runs down the street.
EXT. STREET - SHOP DOORWAY - NIGHT - LATER
It is still raining. Megan is sheltering in a shop
doorway, lying wrapped in a cardboard box, shivering. She
watches the chip shop on up the street.
A man comes out, stands a few feet from her, eating from
his bag.
A bus comes along, he flings the bag on the ground, and
gets on the bus.
Megan dashes over to the bag, takes it back to her
cardboard shelter and starts to eat hungrily.
Also notice the use of strong verbs: edges out, races, holds back, counts, stares, sniffs, flings. Action verbs are a screenwriter's best weaponry.
Another example of good screenwriting.
Example of poor screenwriting.
7/00