The Rhetoric of Action
From the Winter, 1995, issue of Creative Screenwriting
THE RHETORIC OF ACTION
by Charles Deemer
In his biography of Samuel Johnson, James Boswell tells of a
long night in the tavern when the good doctor and his intellectual
drinking buddies argued through the night about whether a horse gets
to its feet in the morning front feet first or hind feet first. The
debate was as spirited as the libations, and the late night and early
morning hours were filled with sophisticated arguments and references
to knee anatomy and centers of gravity.
When someone pointed out that the sun was about to rise and
suggested a trip to the nearby barn to settle the question by
observing a horse, the gasps and protests were immediate: no 18th
century intellectual and gentleman would set foot inside a barn! If a
question couldn't be settled by reason alone, it was not worth asking.
They all went home to bed with the issue unresolved.
In this article, I am going to lead you into the barn. Rather
than relying on any theory of screenwriting, we are going to go where
the action is, into the language of scripts themselves, in order to
look for an answer to this question: is there an identifiable pattern
of rhetoric common to action scenes in successful screenplays?
In other words, what language choices do successful
screenwriters make in their descriptions of action? Virtually all
contemporary theories of screenwriting point out the economy of
language in any effective script. How is this economy played out in
scenes of action, where the temptation to over-write is great,
particularly to beginning writers? Can beginning writers learn any
general principles of rhetoric that they can apply to their future
action/adventure scripts?
Occasionally questions like these can cause debate as heated
as the tavern discussions in the Boswell/Johnson era. Recently on the
Internet, for example, a literary agency offered a "format tipsheet"
that contained this advice:
"...with violent action merely state: 'John raises his fist,
strikes Carl and they begin fighting.' Choreography for any type of
physical action is done by the director."
This advice brought an angry response from a produced
screenwriter:
"Wonder if Shane Black would've sold for $4 mil if that's how
he wrote the action? This is bad advice, gang. If you envision a two
minute fight to the death, you'd better take two pages to compellingly
describe it."
Who is right? Rather than argue theory to settle the
question, I suggest we go into the barn and look closely at relevant
scripts for clues - and answers. In particular, I'm going to analyze
five representative action scenes from classic movies of the genre:
1. "Raiders of the Lost Ark" (1979), the early scene that ends
with the famous shot of Indy being chased by a huge boulder;
2. "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" (1984), the comic
action scene in the restaurant when Indy is trying to get an antidote
to the poison he has taken, while at the same time the vamp Willie
tries to retrieve her diamond;
3. "Die Hard" (1987), the showdown between McClane and Karl;
4. "Jurassic Park" (1992), raptors stalking the kids in an
industrial kitchen;
5. "True Lies" (1994), the confrontation between Harry and
thugs in the men's room.
Along the way, we also might ask whether "the rhetoric of
action" has changed over the past two decades of our examples.
_____________________________________________________________________
EXAMPLE ONE
RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK
by Lawrence Kasdan
Rev. 3rd Draft - August, 1979
9 THE RETREAT - INTERCUTTING INDY AND SATIPO
The santuary has begun to rumble and shake in
response to the mysterious mechanism. Just as
Indy goes out the door, a rock shakes loose
from the wall and rolls onto the tiled floor.
Immediately, a noisy torrent of poison darts
fills the room.
IN THE FOYER, Satipo swings across the pit.
He makes it just as the whip comes undone from
the beam, leaving Indy without an escape.
Satipo, extremely nervous, regards the whip a
moment, then turns back to face Indy, who has
run up to the far side of the pit.
SATIPO
No time to argue. Throw me the
idol, I throw you the whip.
Indy hesitates, eyeing the rumbling walls.
SATIPO
You have no choice! Hurry!
Indy concurs with that assessment. He tosses
the idol across the pit to Satipo. Satipo
stuffs it in the front pocket of his jacket,
gives Indy a look, then drops the whip on the
floor and runs.
SATIPO
Adios, amigo!
Indy grmaces. He had a feeling this might
happen. He looks around.
AT THE VINED LANDING, Satipo flies through
like a chubby ballet dancer and takes the
steps five at a time.
IN THE FOYER, Indy runs in full stride to the
edge of the pit and broad jumps into space.
He doesn't make it. His body hits the far
side of the pit and he begins to slide out of
view. Only wild clawing with his fingers at
the edge of the pit stops his descent. With
just the tips of his fingers over the edge, he
begins pulling himself up.
AT THE CHAMBER OF LIGHT, Satipo has slowed
down. He begins to edge carefully around the
light shaft.
AT THE VINED LANDING, Indy sails through
sideways and rolls to a stop at the bottom of
the steps. His whip is grasped in his hand.
As he raises himself, he hears from above the
giant spikes of the Chamber of Light CLANG!
and an abrupt, sickening rendition of SATIPO'S
LAST SCREAM. Indy runs up the steps. The
rumbling sound grows louder.
AT THE CHAMBER OF LIGHT, Indy slides to a
stop. The spikes have retracted, taking
Satipo's body to one side. Indy edges into
the chamber with his back to the shaft of
light. Soon he is face to face with the dead
Satipo; spikes protrude from several vital
spots in the Peruvian's body. Indy removes
the idol from Satipo's pocket and moves
quickly out the other side.
INDY
Adios.
10 THE INCLINED PASSAGE
Indy shoots out of a cut-off hallway and turns
toward the exit. The rumbling is very loud
and now we see why: right behind Indy a huge
boulder comes roaring around a corner of the
passage, perfectly form-fitted to the
passageway. It obliterates everything before
it, sending the stalactites shooting ahead
like missiles. Indy dashes for the light of
the exit. His hat flies off his head. Almost
immediately it is crushed by the boulder.
Indy dives out the end of the passage as the
boulder slams to a perfect fit at the
entrance, sealing the Temple.
_____________________________________________________________________
ANALYSIS
When I compare the passage above to the writing of my
students, something immediately jumps off the page: where are all the
adjectives? Students, who early in their writing careers commonly
are addicted to over-blown descriptions ("the handsome broad-shouldered
dark-haired gent walked across the thick red carpet under the swinging
expensive chandelier to the long white-tableclothed table of the
incredibly delicious buffet"), tend to over-write, which is a sin
especially visible in such an economic form as screenwriting.
Note that Kasdan's writing has a mere scattering of adjectives.
The other rhetorical characteristic of our first example is
the preponderence of simple sentences. I looked for four kinds of
sentence structures: complex (using subordinate clauses), modified
(using significant modifying devices), compound (using compound
subjects, verbs or sentences) and simple (subject, verb, minimum of
modifying elements). Kasdan favors simple sentence structure: "Indy
dashes for the light of the exit. His hat flies off his head. Almost
immediately it is crushed by the boulder," although all the
alternative structures above also are used.
The lack of adjectives in writing action scenes will be an
important but qualified "rule" in our examples, as we'll see below.
First, however, our next example clearly puts the burden of action
writing where it grammatically belongs - with the verbs.
______________________________________________________________________
EXAMPLE TWO
INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM
by Willard Huyck & Gloria Katz
Authorized Publicity Shooting Script, 1984
(from 5.)
Indiana scrambles on his hands and knees after
the rolling vial. People keep kicking it - he
almost has it when Willie runs into him, trips
and lands on her back.
INDIANA
Look out, damn it, I need that
antidote!
WILLIE
Who cares? Where's that diamond?
Gunfire explodes and they both scramble in
different directions. Indy dives through the
fleeing nightclub patrons and slides behind a
water-spewing fountain. Water kicks up as
Indy is shot at by Lao and his henchmen.
Indy sees the vial of antidote kicked again
and it spins across the marble floor - feeling
the poison, Indy shakes his head groggily and
splashes water on his face.
Meanwhile, Willie is chasing her diamond,
shoving through the panicked crowd. She spots
the diamond! Another elegantly dressed woman
is bending to pick it up -
WILLIE
(acidly polite)
Excuse me, but I believe that's
my diamond!
Willie smiles and suddenly kicks the woman in
the butt! Willie reaches to get the diamond
but not before the other woman tackles her.
Behind the fountain, Indiana makes a break -
he runs and dives on top of a serving cart.
The wheeled cart hurtles toward an
unsuspecting gunman, crashes into him from
behind and sends him flying head first into a
row of ice buckets.
Nearby, Willie slugs the other lady in the jaw
and grabs for the elusive diamond just as the
ice buckets shower ice across the floor -
which camouflages the diamond!
WILLIE
Aw nuts!
Searching desperately for the jewel, Willie
sees the vial of antidote spinning across the
floor - as it slides by, she grabs it.
INDIANA (O.S.)
Hey, doll! Don't move!
She sees Indy speeding by atop the serving
cart. Lao and his gunmen rush out to block
the way. Indy rolls off the cart and slides
behind a potted palm as Lao's men open fire
again.
INDIANA
(shouting to Willie)
Hey, don't go away! I need that!
Willie smiles meanly as she slips the vial
down the front of her dress, thumbs her nose
at Indiana and walks way.
_____________________________________________________________________
ANALYSIS
Although Huyck and Katz use adjectives more often than Kasdan
does, they rely on verbs to convey the flow of action. I call these
"power verbs" - vivid verbs evoking images of action: "Indiana
scrambles...", "Indy dives...and slides...", "cart hurtles...", "ice
bucket showers..." This is a technique will shall see repeated often
in the examples below.
The writers here also prefer compound to simple sentence
structures, a choice that better conveys the wider focus of the
action, with many things going on at once: "The wheeled cart hurtles
toward an unsuspecting gunman, crashes into him from behind and sends
him flying head first into a row of ice buckets."
Another example: "Indy sees the vial of antidote kicked again
and it spins across the marble floor - feeling the poison, Indy shakes
his head groggily and splashes water on his face."
There is a small picture and a big picture at work in the
writing strategy here: small, at the level of words and decisions on
how best to embellish the action, whether with adjectival or verbal
elements; and larger, how to structure and order the sentences, what
balance to use between simple, compound and more complex sentences.
How you make these decisions will determine your
action-writing style. (For example, note the free use of exclamation
points here, which I find over-bearing.) But as we shall see, there
are some general decisions made in common by successful writers of our
examples. Beginning writers need to know what they are and how they
work.
_____________________________________________________________________
EXAMPLE THREE
DIE HARD
by Jeb Stuart
Revisions by Steven E. DeSouza
Revision #6, November 17, 1987
326 THE MACHINE FLOOR
McClane and Karl move towards each other, each
sizing the other up, each looking over the
terrain.
MCCLANE
Better this way, isn't it?
I mean, any faggot can shoot a
gun.
This time Karl doesn't take the bait. Then,
when he does charge, it's unexpected.
The two men fight brutally, Karl bringing
years of martial training to the moment,
McClane bringing nothing but the street.
327 NEW ANGLE
MCCLANE
You should've heard your brother
scream when I broke his fucking
neck...
Karl steps in quickly with a deadly move.
McClane twists free, slams an elbow into
Karl's kidney. Karl backs off, circles
McClane with new respect.
CUT TO:
...
337 MACHINE FLOOR
Karl drives McClane back with a sweeping head
kick. Another one. McClane is staggering.
He gets in one hard punch and then Karl
charges at him. McClane falls backwards,
drives his legs upwards, propelling Karl into
the air:
338 LOW ANGLE
Karl goes into a loop of chain hanging over a
turbine, becomes entangled.
339 MCCLANE
jumps to his feet, yanks the other end of the
chain.
340 KARL
is JERKED upwards by the neck. He TWITCHES
like a captured fish - starts to turn blue.
341 MCCLANE
Twists the chain end around a pipe as Karl
STILLS. McClane snatches up his Baretta from
the floor, runs out.
_____________________________________________________________________
ANALYSIS
The first thing to note is that this screenplay uses a
presently out-of-fashion format that was popular in the 1980s, in
which sluglines are used to focus action visually, making decisions
properly determined by the director (as reflected in the master-scene
approach in fasion today). Format aside, the writing here uses "power
verbs" and a balance between simple and compound sentence structures -
almost to the near exclusion of more complex forms. But something new
is added: a judacious use of adverbs and fragments.
Adverbial constructions - "fight brutally", "steps in
quickly" - have been previously conspicuous by their rarity, probably
because the right choice of a "power verb" does not require additional
amplification. As an exercise you might try and replace the adverbs
above with more powerful verbs.
Stuart/DeSouza use fragments in a way we haven't seen before
but which many contemporary writers favor: "Karl drives McClane back
with a sweeping head kick. Another one." A similar "fragmented"
effect is obtained by dropping an expected word: "He TWITCHES like a
captured fish - starts to turn blue." Here the dash replaces "and",
and sometimes a comma is used: "Karl goes into a loop of chain hanging
over a turbine, becomes entangled." With the grammatical flow
interrupted, the sentence has a staccato rhythm that duplicates the
action of the fight.
In our next example, the use of "power verbs" reaches new
emphasis, a trend that is pushed even farther in our final excerpt.
But our final example adds two new elements to our action-writing tool
box as well.
_____________________________________________________________________
EXAMPLE FOUR
JURASSIC PARK
by Michael Crichton
Re-write by Maria Scotch Marmo
3/14/92
INT. KITCHEN, VISITOR'S CENTER - CONTINUING
ACTION
The kids hurtle through this huge, industrial
kitchen. The kitchen is a maze of turns, from
the hot lamp pickup area to the rows of
stainless steel burners to the chopping blocks
to the potwashing area. The kids dart and
duck from one area to the next, taking
shortcuts under tables, crawling behind
counters, scattering pots and pans behind.
Relentlessly, with a casual speed, the raptor
stalks them. It avoids their obstacles with a
casual grace and when it cannot fit through
their shortcuts, it just continues around.
Timmy pulls open the large silvered door of
the freezer. Lex starts to hurry inside.
Timmy grabs her.
TIMMY
We'll freeze to death in there.
LEX
He's going to eat us!
Timmy reaches into the freezer and grabs a
pile of steaks. He tosses one toward the
raptor. The raptor gobbles it in one bite.
Timmy shoves Lex out of the way and begins to
toss the steaks on the floor. One after the
other, he tosses them, in a row, closer and
closer to the open freezer.
The raptor mechanically gobbles the steaks,
following their path. He continues right into
the freezer to grab the last of Tim's bait.
Tim leaps and slams the heavy freezer door
shut. Lex comes running and throws her small
weight alongside of Timmy's.
TIMMY
PUSH!
They heave and the lock catches on the door.
From inside, there is a strangled CRY and the
door is slammed repeatedly. The metal panels
of the door buckle but they do not break. The
door hinges bend and curve but they do not
give.
The kids collapse in relief on the kitchen
floor. In just a moment, Timmy is back on his
feet.
LEX
What is it, Timmy?
TIMMY
I just remembered something.
Raptors are born in large litters.
There's probably more coming. We
gotta hide.
He grabs her hand and they run out of the back
entrance of the kitchen. There's a stairway
and they race up.
_____________________________________________________________________
ANALYSIS
In "Jurassic Park", the power verbs drive the narrative:
"kids hurtle...", "kids dart and duck...", "raptor stalks...", "raptor
gobbles...", "Tim leaps and slams...", "door hinges bend and
curve...", "kids collapse...". Indeed, this sequence of power verbs
does well to summarize the movement of the scene.
There is an equal use of simple and compound sentence
structures here and very little use of more complex structures.
There are few adjectives and adverbs.
The lack of grammatical complexity here makes the scene a
quick and easy read, and yet the scene is very graphic, driven by the
writers' choices and dependence on evocative verbs.
_____________________________________________________________________
EXAMPLE FIVE
TRUE LIES
by James Cameron
Revised draft, January 3, 1994
82 INT. RESTROOM - NIGHT
Harry can't answer because Mahmoud just
entered the room behind him. Harry is at one
of the urinals, apparently taking a leak.
Mahmoud goes to the mirror. Starts combing
his hair. He doesn't much notice the pack of
Camels sitting on the counter nearby. Harry
is whistling. Shaking himself.
HARRY'S POV - In the video glasses Harry sees
himself and Mahmoud. Yusif comes into the
restroom, seemingly ignoring both Harry and
Mahmoud, as if heading for the stalls. As he
passes behind Harry he reaches into his coat -
Harry spins lightning fast. He knocks away
the SILENCED PISTOL aimed at the back of his
head with a sweeping block, capturing Yusif's
arm in an arm-lock. The shot goes wide,
shattering a urinal.
Harrly slams his palm into Yusif's face like a
piledriver, and spins him against the steel
stalls. The silenced pistol goes skittering
across the floor.
Mahmoud whips a pistol out of his waistband.
Still holding the bear-like Yusif, Harry draws
his Glock so fast we can barely see him move.
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Three .45 slugs go
through Mahmoud's chest, shattering the mirror
behind him. He flops on his butt, slumping
against the wall.
Yusif, who is easily Harry's size, bellows and
grabs his gun arm. They smash against the
walls, struggling for the gun. Yusif, locked
to Harry, hurls him against the stalls. They
hit a locked door, which pops open, banging
inward.
Yusif drives Harry to the floor. Harry's head
is between the shoes of an OLD GUY sitting on
the can, who looks down uncomprehendingly at
him.
Yusif slams Harry's gun hand repeatedly
against the doorframe of the stall. He twists
Harry's wrist brutally. He even pounds
against Harry's hand with his knee. The old
guy winces. That's got to hurt. Harry cries
out in pain and the gun drops. Yusif reaches
for it, but Harry kicks it under the stalls.
He punches Yusif in the face, driving him
back. They grapple, spinning. Harry drives
Yusif's head into the counter. Then he elbows
him in the throat and they crash together on
the filthy floor. Harry grabs Yusif's hair
and pounds his face repeatedly against the rim
of a urinal. In case you haven't noticed,
this is a messy, nasty fight. Survival is
like that.
Yusif sags into submission. Harry pulls a
nylon zip-strip out of his pocket and uses it
like hand-cuffs, securing Yusif's wrists.
_____________________________________________________________________
ANALYSIS
But power verbs carry even more weight in our final example,
suggesting a writing trend over the years to cleaner, more verb-driven
action screenwriting. Cameron also uses, more than the writers of our
other examples, modifying elements and fragmented constructions.
The verbs are easy to spot: "Harry spins...", "Harry
slams...", "pistol goes skittering...", "They smash...", "Yusif
drives...", "He twists...", "old guy winces...", "They grapple...",
"Yusif sags..."
Again, the sequence of power verbs reads like an outline of
the action, evocative and visual. Verbs, after all, are action words
by nature, and good action writers learn how to choose them
effectively and creatively.
Cameron, more often than others, puffs up verbs with
modifying phrases, usually verbal in construction: "shot goes wide,
shattering a urinal", "go through Mahmoud's chest, shattering the
mirror behind him", "flops on his butt, slumping against the wall",
"punches Yusif in the face, driving him back."
This not only enhances the visual impact of the scene but
presents a less steady rhythm of language than, say, the example in
"Jurassic Park." But there the action was focused on stalking and
danger, a quieter, more evenly paced tension than the flat-out fight
depicted here.
Cameron also uses fragments to change rhythm: "Harry is
whistling. Shaking himself" Or: "BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!"
He also personalizes his narrative with editorial asides:
"That's got to hurt"; "In case you haven't noticed, this is a messy,
nasty fight."
_____________________________________________________________________
CONCLUSION
The literary agency's tip sheet is wrong: although it is true
that directors, not writers, choreograph action in a film, nonetheless
the writer must describe action with economy and imagery, bringing the
scene to life on the page. For this goal, verbs are the heavy-hitters
and simple sentence patterns, rhythmicly broken up with compound or
modifying elements, build the foundation of the narrative structure.
As the examples above show, within these guidelines a variety
of personal writing styles is possible. You must find yours.
But always remember that you are writing for the SCREEN:
S implify!
C reate
R eadable
E fficient
E vocative
N arration
SCREENWRIGHT: the craft of screenwriting