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Something funny at Lollapalooza . . .



	[cross-posted to triangle.general]

There was so much interesting stuff happening that day at Walnut Creek, 
but this little incident just *has* to be shared:

WXYC's table was next to the "Latex Lounge," a safer sex demonstration 
workshop tent thing (like most Lolla things aside from the music, the 
reality was somewhat less grandiose than the advance billing, but never 
mind that). Local folks from non-profit agencies staffed the tent, and 
were very fun and friendly as they handed out condoms and info. One of 
the stunts they did was hold "condom races" using plastic dildos; they'd 
encourage two people to race each other putting condoms on the dildos, 
right? Get a crowd, talk to folks, etc. Silly, yes, but effective in 
sparking discussion.

Until, that is, the Hardee's Creek people clamped down, warning them they
couldn't display the dildos at all. Hmmm. Well, that lasted a while, but
then the fun started again--you must understand: the crowd was totally
into the presentation; the chances that anyone at Lollapalooza would be
even mildly "offended" by these races is very very slim. 

Suddenly, though, there's this ALE guy who's telling one of the local
volunteers "You have the right to remain silent" etc. Seems that it's not
just prudishness on Walnut Creek's part, but Alcohol Beverage Control law,
which states that if alcohol is being served there can be no "exposed
genitalia" on display. Idiotic. Not just the law, but the application in
this case. Funny how scared ALE is of erect penises, eh? 

Back to the tale: The volunteer manages to talk her way out of getting 
busted (beautifully done, I assure you), and a small crowd gathers. 
There's a young guy with a tape recorder present; he's with some NC Youth 
Radio service, and now the ALE guy's hassling him for the tape. I'm 
amazed at the intimidation tactics the guy's using, but the kid stands 
his ground, even as Mr. ALE *demands* that he "rewind the tape and play 
it back so I can check it." Free speecher that I am, I insert myself into 
the scene and ask Mr. ALE if he's going to take the tape, because if he 
is, this becomes a first amendment issue and we're gonna be all *over* 
that. ALE sees that a crowd of about ten folks has gathered, watching, 
and hesitates. He says, "I just wanted to check if he got the whole 
story; he can't just record part of it and edit it the way he wants."

Well, of course, the reporter could do just that, as anyone who's ever 
been misquoted by the press knows, but I'm distracted from making the 
point by a Lollapalooza employee, who taps me on the shoulder, points to 
ALE's head and mouths the words "look at his hat" to me. So I do, and 
can't help myself--I burst out laughing. The guy's got on this white 
baseball hat with "SMOKE HERB" on the front. I look at the rest of his 
clothes: Grateful Dead t-shirt, big pot leaf on the back surrounded by 
those dancing bears, shorts, sandals, just a hilariously silly-looking 
40-year old undercover ALE agent. I ask him if he's supposed to be 
undercover, still chuckling, but getting angrier at the tax-supported 
idiocy of this guy, "policing" something that no one around--except the 
folks who wrote North Carolina's ridiculous alcohol laws decades 
ago--sees the need to "police".

I mean, does anyone else think it's ridiculous that ALE gets our tax 
money to walk around looking for dildos wherever alcohol is served? The 
idea of a room full of "SMOKE HERB" hats somewhere in downtown Raleigh 
notwithstanding, I find this less and less funny the more I think on it.

Oh, yeah, the story: ALE now feels a little defensive, and explains the
law which makes it illegal for dildos and beer to be in the same arena
together, as well as the fact that Hardee's will get into trouble for it,
not the volunteer (point well taken--I'm not objecting to Hardee's Walnut
Creek trying to obey the stupid laws). The scary thing is that ALE guy
obviously believes this is a sensible law. He's rambling now, and asks me
if I was at the Lords of Acid show at the Ritz a few months ago. I was,
and tell him so. He says, "Well, they had these inflatable dolls hanging
from the ceiling, with genitals showing, and the Ritz got in trouble for
it! You want to see the negatives?" He's fumbling in his wallet now; I am 
thoroughly confused, but curious. He pulls out two negatives and holds 
them up to the sky, and--sure enough--there are two inflatable dolls 
caught on film, one male, one female, both naked. I remember them from 
the show, a noisy goth-rock industrial dance fest peopled by folks even 
more bizarre looking than at Lollapalooza today. "The case comes up 
Wednesday," ALE says, in a voice that oozes self-satisfaction.

I'm stunned. I can't think of anything to say. Does he mean to tell me
that, at that show, which was about as tame as could be, ALE actually
*took pictures* of the naked inflatable dolls' "exposed genitals" (the
dolls were hanging from the ceiling, folks, no one simulated sex with them
or anything) and then *took the club to court* for violating alcohol
laws?

Jesus. And we're all paying for this. *And* for Mr. ALE to bust a safer sex
demo using a plastic penis at a concert known for attracting "alternative"
folks, *and* to bust the Studio theater in Raleigh last year for serving 
beer while showing an artsy erotic film (remember that?), and for lord 
knows what other "crimes" being perpetrated by evildoers everywhere. What 
a crock.

So, anyway, ALE puts the negatives away, and boasts that they've busted
folks today for pot, speed, hash, etc. I'm not impressed. "So? That's a
big deal?" He's distracted now, trying to get away with the reporter, but
turns back to me and pointedly says, "Mushrooms!" like it was some ace in 
the hole, the end of the argument. I can't believe this guy; he just 
doesn't get it. So I spell it out, slowly, "I think people should be able 
to do mushrooms if they want to" and he stops, his face blank and his 
mouth working (I'm not making this up, people, it was like time had 
slowed to a crawl); I get the feeling that he's wondering if he can 
arrest me for saying that I think drugs should be legal--hell, for a 
second, *I* wonder if he can arrest me for saying that I think drugs 
should be legal.

Then he goes away. As he's walking, I notice this early-20s guy with a
baseball cap turned around backwards and a backpack over his shoulder
nearby, watching. He hasn't said a thing, and now he moves away, too. 
Duh. So I go up to him and ask him, "Are you an ALE agent too?" and he
(cleancut, very young looking), nods and says yes. Is that a trace of
embarrassment in his eyes? Probably not, but somehow I have a harder time
believing that this one has the same ideological fervor as his older
partner. Maybe he'll quit once he can no longer live with the realization 
that his job's not about justice, or fairness, or even helping people.


So, that's my funny story from Lollapalooza. *One* funny story, that
is--the whole day was filled with interesting stuff like that. And
Superchunk were the best I've ever seen them, a major peak experience. 
Pavement were hot, too, making zero concessions to the arena crowd and
playing sloppily great, and Sonic Youth were a real treat to watch as they
tried to be themselves and still deliver for the kids. I was impressed as
hell with those three bands. Hole: yawn. Her shtick is way old, was way
old before she was born. Couple of good songs in there, so what. Redman 
was hilarious, and loony, with killer beats and great patter. Dirty Three 
were a beautifully loud Can-like groove band; they said they were coming 
back to the area in the next month. Met some great people, had a blast 
at the XYC table, tried my hand at a little Pit preaching about the 
music biz, missed the drag queen's audience participation gig at the 
third stage (damn), got too wired and had a short bad drug experience, 
and just generally enjoyed myself all to hell.

How 'bout you?

todd superchunk superchunk superchunk I've said here before that I always 
get bored halfway through their live shows but man oh man did they tear 
the second stage up Sunday morman

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