Lenhart | Philosophy | FAQ
What's this page?

This page is the FAQ associated with the website Metaphysical Monkeywork.

What's an FAQ?

'FAQ' stands for frequently asked questions. An FAQ is a list of questons and associated answers. Typically they are designed to be informative.

So, if I ask you questions, you'll give me answers?

Yes, exactly.

So, who're you and what do you do?

I'm the author of this site, and I am an aspiring philosopher.

So should I ask about philosophy?

Sure.

So, uh, what is the meaning of life?

life (LAIF) n.: The quality or character distinguishing an animal or a plant from inorganic or from dead organic bodies, which is especially manifested by metabolism, growth, reproduction, and internal powers of adaptation to environment.

Doesn't that answer conflate 'the meaning of life' with 'the meaning of 'life''? Aren't you ignoring the use-mention distiction?

Yep.

So, with this distinction in mind, will you tell me the meaning of life?

Nope.

Why not?

If I were to know the meaning of life, I would be publishing a book that would be making me millions, not posting it on an FAQ on an only slightly better than cheesy website.

Don't you think that if you know the meaning of life, you'd want to give that knowledge away?

No. I might think so, if I thought that knowedge were suffcient for right action, but I don't have strong beliefs about whether knowledge is sufficient for right action. What's more, if I knew the meaning of life, then I might very well know soemthing that made me not want to give that knowldge away.

What?

What what?

What what what?

This conversation isn't gong anywhere.

Have you ever read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintainence?

No.

Why not?

I don't own a motorcycle.

It's not about motorcycles. Its about humanity and life and the universe. Doesn't that sound like the kind of book that you want to read?

Not really.

But shouldn't philosophers care about humanity and life and the universe?

Yes. Or at least I think so.

So why don't you read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintainence?

I doubt that the author knows what he's talking about.

Is that because you are a skeptic and doubt that anyone can know about life and the universe and all that?

Not at all.

So why don't you think he knows what he's talking about?

The cover of his book says that it is about motorcycles. People that know about life, humanity and the universe don't usually mistake them for motorcycles.

I don't think that that is the point.

If you would like for me to question your statements, I would be glad to; however, this is an FAQ and thus not the appropriate forum in which to do so.

Let's move on.

That's a command.

You son of a bitch!

Do you ever get the feeling that you're Alex Trebec? In an FAQ one uses questons, i.e. interogative statments (as opposed to declarative statements, imperative statements or semi-literate cvetchings), in order to probe for the informatition that is the topic of the question. Please ask questions, otherwise I can't help you.

How do I know that my red is the same as your red?

Woah, woah woah. I realize that I was just insiting on the proper question-answer format of an FAQ but you'll have to forgive me--you know that my red is the same as your red?

No.

There are certain kinds of questions, like 'What is the name of the present king of france' and 'How come Pauly Shore is so funny' and 'Why doesn't your wife cheat on you', that can't be answered because they presuppose the truth of something that isn't true. I can't tell you how you know something that you don't know.

Can I go now?

Sure.

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Last updated 30 March 2003