My tips for God. (Written by Mark)
A Guidebook for Living with My Big Sister, Maria.

1. Learn to appreciate the wonders of singing. You can expect to hear a lot from Maria.
2. Don't talk when you first get up in the morning. 2 grunts means pass the peanut butter.
3. Prepare to laugh a lot. Maria's laugh is infectious.
4. Don't worry about the details, Maria has already taken care of it.
5. Maria gets automatic "dibs" on the TV when "The Sound of Music" is on. Muppet Show is a no go.
6. Don't trip over the copy of "Gone with the Wind" when you walk in her room.
7. Don't leave the chocolate frosting out it may unexpectedly disappear.
8. If you want free fries and a coke at Roy Rogers just check in Maria's room for a winning game piece.
9. Bring your own reading material to the toilet. Maria has left only Ann of Green Gables in there.
10. Don't make fun of "Little House on the Prarie" unless you're ready for a fight.
11. Prepare to feel loved. Maria will make you know that you are loved and teach you how to love in return.

Travel Tips
12. When traveling with Maria, make sure Maria has enough phone cards to call home.
13. Stay away from guinea pigs at all costs, especially in Peru. Maria does not care for guinea pigs, as pets or to eat.
14. Remind Maria to buy a gift or souvenir for herself.
15. If you travel with Maria, make an itinerary and stick to it. Justify any changes.
16. Be warned that the only Spanish words Maria knows are: Donde? Esta? Comme? They don't get you too far on the Inca trail.
17. A warning. When you get to the top of the mountain Maria is going to start singing, “Climb Every Mountain”.

How do you solve
A problem like Maria?
How do you catch
A cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word
That means Maria?
A flibberti gibbet!
A willo' the wisp!
A clown!

Many a thing you know
You'd like to tell her,
Many a thing she ought
To understand.
But how do you make her say,
And listen to all you say?
How do you keep a wave
Upon the sand?
Oh, how do you solve
A problem like Maria?
How do you hold
A moonbeam in your hand?