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In Memory of Stella Sutter

By Sean T. O'Brien
president, Triangle Dart League
January 2010

stella.jpgIt is with great personal sadness I must inform you in the darting community that Stella Sutter, secretary of the Triangle Dart League, died December 24 2009 from complications of her treatment for lung cancer. She was 66 years old.

I describe Stella as "secretary of the Triangle Dart League" because of all things I believe that is the distinction of which she would be most proud. Even in her last days, when she was too sick to be worrying about much other than her medical treatment, she was looking forward to next season - getting ready to take back the reins of doing the newsletter and preparing discussed changes to the league's constitution and by-laws. It is work she never got to finish.

In the past couple of decades, the TDL has lost too many cherished friends. In those times, it usually was Stella's task to write the eulogy -- to try to put into perspective their lives and what they meant to the dart league. On other occasions, that duty fell to me. Well, Stella isn't here for this one. I hope I can do her justice.

Trying to put Stella's life and what she meant to the people who play darts in Chapel Hill - indeed the entire Triangle area - is not an easy task. In many ways, Stella was the Triangle Dart League - or least its mother. Sometimes it seems everyone who plays in the TDL started on one of her teams. Certainly everyone knew her. And if ever there was a question or comment about what was going on with the league, everyone knew she was the one with the answer.

That all changed in recent months. As some of you know, Stella was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer back in September. She kept that information mostly private. She always was the one who did for others, she didn't want people fretting over her.

During this time, when people have asked me how she was doing, there were certain comments that always came up, usually such as "The first dart team I ever played on was hers" or "I remember the first thing she ever said to me, 'You want to play on a dart team?'" Yes, mother of the dart league is an accurate description. There would be no Triangle Dart League as we know it without her.

My story about meeting Stella is slightly different. I, actually, was in the league before her, but I had dropped out of darts when I graduated from Carolina and entered the world as a working journalist for the Rocky Mount Evening Telegram. Then, after a failed attempt at big-time newspapering in Danville, Va., I found myself back in Chapel Hill -- getting my car fixed at Foreign Motors downtown. I decided to wait at The Cave, have a few beers and see if they had any house darts. I was looking to get back into the game.

After a few Pabst's Dark draughts and some meager attempts at hitting the board, three women walked in. One was a tall, angular woman with curly hair and over-sized glasses. She wasn't talking, though, she didn't say a word.

She couldn't. She had laryngitis. Stella had to write everything she wanted to say on note cards. The four of us spent most of the afternoon there playing doubles. We all had a fine time talking, passing notes, drinking beer and throwing darts there in the corner of The Cave, until Stella came over with a big pursed smile on her face and handed me a note card. It read, "Do you want to play on a dart team?" So, I too, reentered the TDL as a member of one of Stella's teams. It was 1980.

A couple of months later, Stella and I were driving around in Burlington, completely lost, trying to find the outlet store where we were to buy the Carolina Blue shirts for the Chico Esquela Memorial Fund, the first dart team she and I ever played on together. There were several others. I still have that shirt, and - if I can find it - I intend to be wearing it the next time I go out to throw darts.

In the years that followed, Stella and her family became some of the closest and dearest friends I've ever had. I watched Darrell and Laurel grow up and become adults. They are as close to me as any family members I have ever had. Stella and I grew apart in recent years. Her path and mine led in different directions. I regret losing her close friendship, but she never lost my respect - or my admiration for all the work she did for the dart league. I'm not sure she really understood that. It is a failing on my part that she didn't.

Laurel has asked me to convey to you all the deep gratitude and appreciation she, Darrell and Brent feel for the support and offers of condolence many of you have sent since Stella's passing. There are difficult days ahead for them, but many of Stella's friends are stepping up to help shoulder the load. Laurel also wants everyone to know the family is holding up well and will survive this time of grief.

It was Stella's wish to be cremated so there will not be a traditional funeral. Plans currently are for a memorial and Irish-style wake Saturday, Jan. 16, 2:00PM at the West End Tavern in Durham. Laurel says she wants this to be a celebration of Stella's life, not a lamentation on her passing. The observance will include something of a pig picking with guests asked to bring covered dishes.

The dart league also is planning what we hope will be a fitting memorial. I envision a permanent trophy named in her honor and starting a memorial fund to assist with the many medical bills she incurred during her fight against the cancer. Those plans also still are in the working stages. Details of all these plans will be distributed as they are decided.

Stella isn't here to look after us any more. We are going to have to do that for ourselves. What we can do is honor her memory by preserving and fostering the dart league she loved so much. Because she was loved by so many, she always will remain the heart and soul of the Triangle Dart League. She will not be forgotten.