Oxford Orphanage


Rev. David R. Grissom

Hear this interview in Real Audio Format

What brought you to Oxford in the first place, Reverend Grissom?

Back in 1988 I applied for this position as Administrator for the Masonic Home, it was called Oxford Orphanage then, and it had been called Oxford Orphanage since 1921. Like a lot of folks, I was wondering, working with an orphanage, what would that be like? My background, working with youth ministry, in churches where I've served in eastern North Carolina, I've always enjoyed working with young people. My wife and I both have enjoyed, over the years, working with young people. As it turned out, when this position opened up, I applied, went through a series of interviews, and then in 1989 I came on board here as Administrator and started January 3rd. Wanting to come here, my wife and I felt like this was a real ministry. We could help kids who are really in need, who needed direction, needed stability, needed guidance, and most of all, need a lot of love and hope. We felt like that was what we had been promoting and talking about in ministry and our churches, and we've talked the talk, now it's time to walk the walk, and get out in the missionary field and see what it's all about.

Tell me about your educational background and your previous vocational experience, including your youth ministry. How did that prepare you for this position?

It seemed like God was preparing us from many years ago, because, since I've been in the ministry since 1970, I've been in the ministry, it seemed like the focus was "Let's get the young people back, and get them active, and get them involved." Whenever we'd do programs in church, the programs would grow, the kids and grow, and there just seemed to be something there that the kids needed. They needed to feel stable, they needed to feel secure, they needed to know the church was giving them guidance and direction. So as time went on, every church that we served seemed to prepare us for the long range, this position. I remember in Goldsboro, I was serving a church there, and we had close to 150, 175 young people in our youth group down there. We took trips, we did things, but it was a very spiritual group and they were hungry for it. They wanted direction and guidance. They had good family support, but there was just something in there that they needed more. So, we worked with that group of young people, and then every church I've had we've had an active youth group. I think in all the experiences we've had, it was making us more well-rounded to come here. We tried this over here at this church, this over here at this church, and it seemed to all pull together when we got here. We're dealing more with a crisis ministry, a crisis work, here. Kids coming from different kinds of backgrounds, and I was involved in a chaplaincy program over at Murdock Center with the mentally handicapped there, and that's different kind of child and a different kind of person, but it was still a crisis and I think even that was preparing us for here. In coming here, we're dealing with the crisis work, we're dealing with a lot of kids who just need to feel loved, they need to be loved, they need to be nurtured, so all these experiences have helped us prepare for this. We've seen a number of kids, who have graduated from here since we've been here, who have wanted to come back since this is the only place that they know as home.

Tell me about your job. What does being the Supervisor of Oxford Masonic Home for Children involve?

Well, Supervisor or Administrator, I used to be called Superintendent, and they changed that in 1994 when they changed the name from Oxford Orphanage to the Masonic Home for Children, and I was given the title "Administrator" then. Being Administrator is like being a big father. It's an awesome responsibility with 125, 130 kids, and 71 staff people. We're one big family. Just like in any household, you've gotta have a daddy, you've gotta have a mom, you gotta have somebody who can take the lead and run with it, and not be afraid to take some chances. Being an administrator here is like being a father, being someone who loves to love, but I enjoy receiving the love, too. It's fulfilling a part of my ministry, something I feel God wanted us to do, I thoroughly love it here. We deal with a lot of different things - every day is a new experience. Some people say, well, I don't want to go to my work, I don't want to go to my job, but I enjoy watching the sun get up in the morning, coming to work, because it's going to be a new experience. Not every minute is going to be the same, I can assure you. And this afternoon when the kids get home from school, it's going to be a new experience then, too. This job entails many, many things. All the way from working with the kids to working with adults, and involved in all the programs that go on here to help the kids to grow.

What do you like best about your job?

Getting out of this office and getting out there on the ground, playing with the kids. Being with the adults. I love going into the departments and finding out what the needs are, what the adults need so they can help the kids, but I enjoy going into the cottages, I enjoy being out here just being among the kids, playing with them, talking with them, fussing with them, laughing with them, just being a part of them.

What's the most difficult aspect of your job?

Telling a child he or she can't go home. Knowing that situation is going to be an abusive situation, especially around Thanksgiving, the Holidays. A parent or guardian will say, yeah, I want my child to come home. And knowing that situation, the father, the mother, or the guardian, may be an alcoholic, may be a drug addict, we know that, we have proof of that, we've called that in to Social Services, Child Protective Services, and because of the backup they haven't had a chance to investigate that in some cases, and I have to tell the child "I can't let you go, because I don't feel good, or we as a team don't feel good about you going home. We're not sure what will happen to you if you go home." And you have understand, too, I'm sure you know, but blood's thicker than water. If a child comes here and they've been abused, knowing full well that child may be returning to an abusive situation, that child will want to go back home rather than stay here. Just to be home. That's difficult to tell a child they can't go anywhere. That's tough. And to see them when they come here, we have a number of kids who's come, and they'll sit on the couch, out front, and sit there, and just bawl because they're homesick. It's tough watching them. But in time, we work through that, we get them on their feet, and some cases you couldn't blow them off this campus. They all of a sudden inherit many brothers and sisters, and they enjoy it.

What do you think some stereotypes are that people have of Orphanages or homes like this?

That's a good question. Over the years, people here the name Orphanage, and they think it goes back to Charles Dickens. The orphan is a little child in ragged clothes with a runny nose and hair, and just unclean. We've had a number of people who have traveled on I-85 just about three miles from here, and they see the name Oxford Orphanage, and they say well, we want to see what an orphanage looks like. And they'll come in here and they'll say "We're looking for Oxford Orphanage," well, you're standing in the middle of it. They cannot believe it's a beautiful campus with over 300 acres with dorms that look like college dorms. It looks like a college campus, to be honest with you. And people cannot believe what it looks like. There's a stereotype that been there for years and years, well, it's an orphanage, that's where the kids go when they're dumped off, nobody cares about them. It's an orphanage, the parents are deceased, nobody cares, so why spend any time down there with those kids? They're just outcasts, kind of thing. But that's not the case at all. Every child here has a parent, guardian, or custodian, and if a child can return home after they've been here, and the home environment is good and they can return to that, we'll stand at the front gate and applaud, glad they can return home. If not, they can stay here over a longer period of time.

I think you mentioned earlier, the state doesn't provide any money. This is a non-profit operation.

It's a non-profit, charitable institution. Many of the homes in North Carolina, child care facilities, are non-profit. Especially through religious denominations, be it Baptist, Methodist, Presbyterian, or Episcopalian. A lot of them are non-profit, but most of the homes throughout North Carolina receive the children from Social Services, they are directed there. The children we receive here come through private agencies or private people. We're supported by the Masons of North Carolina, and in North Carolina we have 384 Masonic Lodges. They are scattered in all the communities across North Carolina. If a child in a community like Oxford, we have two lodges here in Oxford, if we pick up and hear of a child needing something, needing help, needing assistance, that family needs assistance, then that is referred to the Lodge. They, in turn, fill out the application, they fill out the necessary information, and that child is referred to us. If we accept the child, we accept the total child, from head to toe. From the time they come in that front gate until they leave, we take care of all their needs at no cost to the family. That's the reason we're saying we're charitable. The Masons and the people who support this home give knowing every dollar, every penny of that dollar, is going to be put right here.

Do most children come to Oxford as are infants, or when they are older?

It will vary. We have a number of children that have come as infants, we have several now in the Baby Cottage or Dunn Building. Most of the kids will come, they will average, anywhere from 8 to 13, 14 years old. Our admission age is from 3 to 16. But depending on the situation, depending on the cirumstance, and if we can protect that child even at a younger or a little bit older age, we see what we can do to help that child, first and foremost. But on an average, between 12 and 14 is our average age.

What kind of turnover is there among the residents at the children's home? Do most of the children that come end up staying for, until they're college age, or University---?

They will stay, here again, depending on the situation, this past year we had several kids to graduate from high school. One of the girls, Priscilla was here almost 15, 16 years. She graduated from high school and now is at Barton College in Wilson. We've had them to stay as little as 6 months, 15-16 years, on an average, anywhere from 3 to 5 years' stay, it just depends. Of course, the earlier we can get them, the more we can work with them, get their shots and get them in school, and do those things that little kids enjoy doing, that little babies and little boys enjoys doing, and get them into a routine.

Does the Home have its own medical staff and educational facilities and things like that?

We have an infirmary now. The Oxford Family Physicians are just about a mile up the street from our Home. They're the ones who prescribe the medications, and we have an infirmary staff, in the Administration building, a registered nurse and two certified nursing assistants who work there. They distribute whatever medications our doctors prescribe. Every morning we have a line of kids that come in, getting their cough syrup, or medication for the day. At night before they go to bed, another string of kids coming in. Our infirmary is open 24 hours a day, holidays, 365 days a year. In the event a child is here, be it one child, or no children, if we have a situation where all the kids are gone, like at Christmas, all the kids will be going home, or somewhere, for the holidays, but we'll keep our infirmary open just in case one of those kids, it doesn't work out at home and they need to come back early, our infirmary will be open here.

What about with education? Where do the children attend school?

We have five schools in Granville County. We're in the northern end of Granville County, and we have five schools that the children attend. We have a line of buses about 3:30 in the afternoon, that come by and pick up the kids and take them to the five different public schools. But we have a great, great education system here. The Granville County School System has been good to this home, we feel like we've been, in turn, good to the school system. We have a great education director, staff that work the schools, constantly in touch with the teachers. If there are problems, you can just about put a time clock on us, we're there in ten minutes or less. We'll be at that school to help that child. We'll advocate for that child, but we'll hear the other side, too. The teacher may have a very valid and strong point. If so, we'll take care of it.

Who typically would handle those situations? Is it someone in the particular cottage or house that they live in, or a particular counselor from the school?

Well, the counselor or the teacher may refer the child to the principal, the principal will, in turn, if there's some disciplinary action, refer the child back here. If they are referred back here, then restriction is placed on the child, they may not get their allowance for a while, they may have to sit in study hall for a period of time, they may have to rake leaves. There are a number of things that we try to do to get their attention. But when they're here, even though they may be dismissed from school, they're still in the education department, reading, writing papers, doing something to fill that void. They get a zero for the day if they're kicked out of school for 2 or 3 days. But here, they're still going to work as though they're in school, and our education department is very, very strong on educational principles and even though you're out of school, you're still going to read. You're still going to learn, you're still going to do something.

It sounds like you really try to handle these situations as a family would.

Yeah, just like, if you had children, we had children, how would you treat your own son or daughter? If they were dismissed from school for a particular reason, what's your mom or dad going to do? What are my parents going to do? Get them home, they may have to sit in the corner. They may have to stand there for a while, or do whatever. But we will make it uncomfortable so when they get back to school, they'll want to stay there. I don't want to go home, I'll have to rake leaves, I'll have to sit in that corner and read, read, read. I want to go out for recess.

What is special about Oxford? What do you really think sets it apart from similar institutions?

The Home or the town itself?

The Home itself.

The Home is the oldest child care facility in the state of North Carolina. We started child care in North Carolina. And we feel like we're the Godfather. Other wonderful institutions have come up since we have been here, and they have equal programs, some are better, some are not so good. But, we're all working for the same goal, and that is to help kids. Ours is unique because we're still a long-term residential care. If a child comes here and needs to remain for a long period of time, he or she can remain here until they graduate from high school. They can remain through college. We're going to educate them, we'll pay for their education, as long as their attitude and their grades are good, we'll help them with their education.

Do you have a special grant that goes to help for college?

We have scholarships, of course, if they go to college, like Vance-Granville Community College, which is only 8 or 10 miles from here, we'll apply for the Pell Grants and they can get that. We have scholarship monies available here, to help every child. If they want to go on and become a doctor, or a busdriver, or whatever, if they want to get an education, we'll help them.

What kind of changes have you seen at Oxford since the beginning of your experience here?

We have seen many, many changes. For the longest time we had this thing, this veil that was over us, saying that we would never take African-American children. We'd never take children of other colors. We finally took care of that. For years and years, we never had an application to come in for an African-American student. We've had several Asian and Hispanic children, but we never had an African-American child. Finally in 1993, we had an application come in for 5 children out of one family, and there was no problem, we took them in. They needed help, and we were able to help. I think that is one of the biggest barriers we have broken down to dispell that rumor out there saying that we were racist. That we don't deal with black kids. But we do, I don't care if they're black, green, white, polka-dotted, striped purple, who cares? If a child needs help, that's our mission, that's our goal. And to see that change, and to see that whole facade taken away, it's like the Berlin Wall being torn down, that facade of racism being torn down, and our doors opening up. Another thing we've done is open our doors to the community. Open our doors to the world. We have nothing to hide, and our biggest thing is, let people come in and see this beautiful place. Let people come in an intermingle with our kids, with our big family here. How in the world are kids going to learn and develop and grow if they don't intermingle? We used to have a school here on campus, well that was fine and good in its time, but technology changed. Social standards change. Kids need to mingle with other kids, other than just their own. Once they started into the school system, they had that social interaction, and it's worked out good. We have groups that come in and provide things for the kids that used to, didn't do that, that much. But in the 10 years we've been here, we've been able to open the doors and really, really let the people see what a great home this is. Now, we're not perfect, by any way, shape, or form. We make our mistakes. But we try to correct them, and we try to make them better, and we try to improve every time we do something, allright, what can we do to make it better? What can we do to help this child so he or she can be a better person? That's where we are. There have been a lot of nice changes.

Where do you think the Masonic Home for Children at Oxford is headed in the new millenium?

I hope that we can, you'd like to say, you'd be every thing to every child. And I'd like to say, we're going to reach more children, we're going to touch more lives, we're going to make every effort to help every child that we can to be a better citizen. You and I both know when we reach an age where you and I can't make decisions any more, and we've retired, somebody's got to stay up here and make those decisions. Somebody's got to take over the responsible roles, they've got to be leaders, they've got to be preachers, they've got to be teachers, there's got to be a number of people who are going to take our places, and pick it up and run with it. That's what we're trying to do. Train the young people now, so in the new millenium, and the years to come, they can step into our positions, and make them better. I've had several kids come in and say, "I want your job, Mr. Grissom," and I said, "Go for it." If I can help you get there, come on. Do it. That's what I like to hear. I like for them to set their goals high, and go for it. If I can help them attain that, that's what our purpose as administrators, as, all across the state, I'm sure, and as adults on this campus, to make every effort to help that child attain his or her goals and dreams. We're a dream factory hear, we like to see dreams come true.

Is there anything else that we haven't talked about, that you'd like to add in closing, talk about the Home?

I would say to everyone who listens to this, keep us in your prayers and thoughts. We cannot work without the Good Lord blessing us every day. He gives us a new day, a new opportunity, new goals, new challenges, people come in here and say "We've got another problem," I say, "No, we've got another opportunity." So, keep us in your prayers and thoughts, and hopefully we can help every child who comes in here to be a better person, and to be somebody special because every child that comes here is special. We just need to help them to know that they are special.