http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/015048.html#1327201 #93 ::: Phil Lee ::: (view all by) ::: May 02, 2013, 09:45 AM: Ingvar M @90: Sam and Frodo are riding through a residential neighborhood on the edge of Cirith Gorgor on the new Shiremobile: a decomissioned Nazgul mount that Sam picked up at a Mount Doom City Police auction. After running a red light a dark, hooded form on a similar horse pulls up behind them and waves for the two to pull over. Sam: Shit. Frodo: What? Sam: Riders. Frodo: No. Sam: Yep. Frodo: Shit. The Nazgul pulls them over and asks for Sam's license and registration, which he reluctantly hands over. Sam: I bet those cops have got SAURONs. Frodo: SAURONS? Sam: Sauron Army Uruk-hai, Riders, Orcs, and Nazgul System. The Nazgul notes the astonishing number of Ring War violations on Sam's record and the instructions "Arrest Hobbit, Impound Horse". The former great lord of Numenor returns to the Shiremobile and asks Sam to step out of the car. Sam and Frodo look meaningfully at each other, and then Sam kicks the spurs in, leading the Nazgul cops on a merry chase. Frodo: First you trade the Cadillac for a string of sausages, then you lie to me about the Fellowship, and now you're gonna put me right back in the Tower of Cirith Ungol. Sam: They're not going to catch us. We're on a mission from Gandalf. The Shiremobile narrowly avoids being divebombed by a Nazgul on the back of a 1978 Ford LTD Winged Creature. Sam: We'll be alright if I can just make it back into Gondor. The two hobbits tear through the Black Gate of Mordor, the Nazgul in hot pursuit. Frodo: This don't look like no Gondor to me! The Shiremobile does donuts around the plain of Ud, narrowly weaving around orc encampments as the Nazgul close in. Frodo: You got us into Mordor, pal, you get us out of it! Sam: You want out of Mordor? Okay. Sam punches it and crashes right through the entrance to Barad-d. Cue Tom Bombadil performing "I Can't Turn You Loose" as mayhem ensues. *** Other tidbits: "1060 W. Addison? That's Pelennor Field!" And: "We got two hobbits out there dressed like Elvish diamond merchants." "Say what?" "The shorter one wants four whole fried chickens." "Frodo..." "The fat one wants white lembas bread, dry." "...and Sam! Shit, the Shire Brothers!" ** "We're putting the Fellowship back together!"