The Real Paul Jones

Accept no substitutes

Date: 5/20/2006

Lordi WINS Eurovision Contest!

There is a god — of a sort! At least Metal One. BBC just announced that Lordi, representing Finland and all monstermen and monsterwomen, has just won the Eurovision Song Contest besting Russia by 44 points!

According to BBC:

1. Finland – 292 points
2. Russia – 248
3. Bosnia and Herzegovina – 229
4. Romania – 172
5. Sweden – 170
6. Lithuania – 162

According to the Eurovision site:

But if you thought that rocked, you ain’t seen nothing yet. It’s the turn of Lordi, the monstrous hard rockers from Finland. The eponymous lead singer Mr. Lordi has miniature skulls on his kneecaps whose eyes light up red, his microphone is attached to the handle of a battleaxe and he has devil horns protruding from his head. It’s not exactly Abba. Despite their frightening appearance, there’s something really likeable about the group and the crowd really warm to them… and are warmed by them! There’s so much fire on stage, the temperature in the arena rises several degrees.

Eurovision performance of Lordi

The Lordi Semi-Final performance is on YouTube
(they have great pyrotechs).

Lordi video

If you are too pure to install Flash or have seen but not quite gotten the story in Lordi’s “Hard Rock Halleluja!” video, let me explain. [see also the Google Video version]

First we see a MetalGoth Girl walking down the halls of her school. Everyone else is pretty much blonde, this being Finland, but she has GothBlackHair and some various GothMetal fashion touches including an mp3 player which just happens it be playing “Hard Rock Halleluja!” which no one can hear but us and our heroine. She softly sings along as she walks. We see she has a drawing pad with pictures of Lordi and the band. We notice American-style football players in the halls. They seem not to notice our MetalGothGirl even though she has obviously stolen their anti-glare eye black and is wearing it.

This is because:
The saints are crippled
On this sinners’ night
Lost are the lambs with no guiding light

As she gets to the gym door, she is pushed into the wall by onrushing cheerleaders. The cheerleader costumes are coordinated with the video and so are black and white including the pompoms. The lead cheerleader is blonder yet and is wearing a tiara. She casts a condescending look at MetalGothGirl.

But then smoke fills the room. A taloned hand appears in the window making a MetalSign. Surprise, it’s Lordi! He and his band complete with instruments and firepots burst through the doors and even the walls. The cheerleaders are struck down (some would say dead) and writhe a little in some basic dance moves.

This is because
The walls come down like thunder
The rocks about to roll
It’s the Arockalypse
Now bare your soul

All we need is lightning
With power and might
Striking down the prophets of false
As the moon is rising
Give us the sign
Now let us rise up in awe

But soon they are brought back to life — some would say as zombies, but they are pretty much the same as before except that they like Lordi’s music and the worship our MetalGothGirl.

This is because
The true believers
Thou shall be saved
Brothers and sisters keep strong in the faith
On the day of Rockoning
It’s who dares, wins
You will see the jokers soon’ll be the new kings

MetalGothGirl now marches down the hallway pumping her fist in the air singing the anthem — what else “Hard Rock Halleluja!”

Rock ’n roll angels bring thyn hard rock hallelujah
Demons and angels all in one have arrived
Rock ’n roll angels bring thyn hard rock hallelujah
In God’s creation supernatural high

Wings on my back
I got horns on my head
My fangs are sharp
And my eyes are red
Not quite an angel
Or the one that fell
Now choose to join us or go straight to Hell

Close on cute and happy MetalGothGirl with fist raised.

You may enjoy this interview with Lordi by Eurovision from the Eurovision Lordi site.

Note: Lyrics (above in italic) and music by Mr. Lordi

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