Subject: Pink Plastic Flamingos and...

From: [email-masked] (EJGOLD)
Date: 28 May 1995 14:41:52 -0400

After reading the plea for more professional discussion in this group (as
opposed to 'gardening'  Q&A) I decided to poke some fun at Do-It-Yerself
Home Gardeners. I would like to see if we can verbally describe the
ultimate NIGHTMARE landscape.

Here is the setting-
Its a half-acre of grass with a double-wide prefabricated trailer home
(mint green with white trim) parked right smack in the middle, with a
crushed rock driveway leading up to it. Parked in front, out in the grass:
the obligatory rusted remains of an old car, could be a '62 Comet (also
mint green). The mailbox out by the road is bashed up pretty bad. The back
yard faces out into 640 hectare beet farm.

So, heres a start. Theres a small flock of pink plastic flamingoes which
appear to be feeding from an inside-out tire planted with Roses and
Rhododendrons (ouch).

(Feel free to add your own special touches to this fantasy landscape
design project. If possible, use design elements you've actually seen
implemented. Remember, this is all in good fun. The property described
above is a figment of the authors imagination, but if it sounds like your
place, I'm sorry (:-|... )

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From: [email-masked] (alan turner)
Date: Sun, 28 May 1995 19:42:12 GMT

Every vertical element (lamppost, flagpole, mailbox, whatever) has six red 
cannas around it.

There is a polychrome statue of the Virgin Mary (her robe is light blue), 
centered directly in front of an upended cast iron bathtub.  She is 
blessing a group of chlorotic azaleas.

Every evergreen is sculpted into a cube, sphere, or cone.  It's a landscape 
of dice, golf balls, and rocket ships.

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From: [email-masked] (Liz Farrell)
Date: 2 Jun 1995 21:40:47 GMT

Everything drains to the low spot under the
trailer, except in one area where the virgin
Mary seems to be sinking into that old septic
tank hole.

The owners dream that someday, they'll start
>from  scratch and do the whole thing over in lava
rock and junipers.  They'll even repaint the trailer
avocado with mustard and lime trim.

Seriously, tho-  This place seems like paradise
compared with what the landscape architects I
interviewed came up with for my house. Berms,
mow strips, lincoln logs, rainbird sprinklers
loud enough to raise the dead, strawberries with
little islands of lillies of the nile. Trailing
rosemary, dumb yellow marguerite trees with green
copper malibu lights, and a big *rock*.

Lizzzz