Subject: Difference, Community, and Sustainability

From: [email-masked]
Date: Tue, 23 Mar 1999 06:12:10 EST

It seems to me that there are some elements in mainstream American society
that really get in the way of sustainable community ...

...and a main one is intolerance of difference, exceptionality ... i really do
think it's a big deal that just wanting to control one's appearance, for
example, is such a big deal ... if you have different colored hair, or like to
dress differently, or if you're gay, or if you're pagan, people make it really
really hard for you to get along or fit in and thusly you have to reach
outside your "community" (snicker) to other "communities" (snicker) for those
who are different there, and thus maintain phone, car, and email relations
across local channels ... if I could be myself locally, find companions
locally ... but realistically, amongst all these monster trucks and mainstream
Xtian moralistic judgemental mediocre fools? *sigh* ... these technologies
perhaps are bandaid solutions to social problems which need to be faced head
on ...

...if there were widespread celebration of diversity, I could see neighborhood
gardens, regular weekly block parties, and car poolings, etc ... i could see
safe bicycling and public transpo ... but i don't trust enough, and thus only
reach out to those who seem to share something in common that they're
different ...

... anyone else had any similar thoughts or troubles?

---

From: Mark & Kelly Ludwig <[email-masked]>
Date: Wed, 24 Mar 1999 20:41:47 -0600

Greetings,
My comments and questions come from having lived in both the
"alternative" world and the mainstream world on and off.  I have found
no less community in "mainstream American society" than anywhere else. 
Please consider.....

[email-masked] wrote:
> really hard for you to get along or fit in 

You choose to frame this as other people make it hard for you to get
along/fit in.  My perception is different and is that it takes two to
tango, in other words, you make choices that take you down a path where
you accentuate the differences.  There have been times in my life when I
felt it was important to me to have brightly colored extremely short
hair, dress differently than most people, and constantly focus on
cultural, political, religious and sexual differences.  And there have
been times in my life when I learned a lot from the "regular people"
around me because I stopped putting energy into the differences and
started trying to listen to them on their own terms.  Before you decide
I'm preachy and obnoxious I'll admit this change in my attitude was not
something I dreamed up because I thought it was the right thing to
do.......on the contrary.....I was living alone in a pretty remote rural
area and NEEDED THE HELP of my right wing patriarchal homophobic
Christian neighbors. There was nothing like splitting wood and hauling
water to remind me that I wasn't so different after all.  The great
thing about asking for help is it seems to give others permission to ask
you for help, too, and then you're really in the club, even if you look
funny or have different cultural/political/religious/sexual qualities. 
I swear, all I had to do was STOP JUDGING THEM, and they stopped judging
me.  I decided it was more sustainable for me to focus on the areas of
common ground (they are there if you look.)  And it felt good!  

>and thusly you have to reach

I decided it was less important to seek out people who shared my
interest in Egyptian Goddess culture or who shared my militant views
about images of women in the media.  I was inspired by Gene Logsdon's
concept of "becoming native to this place."  I decided the right wing
patriarchal homophobic Christian down the road was less like a weed and
more like a native plant who was better adapted to the local niche than
I was.  So, to get better adapted to the local niche I suspended my
negativity/emphasis on differences long enough to listen and learn, and
sure enough, I am better adapted now.  It took energy to do that and it
isn't always comfortable.  Sometimes a neighbor will say something truly
offensive and to be true to myself I must speak up.  I try real hard to
comment on the content of what they said and not on their worth as a
human being.  It offends me just as much for you to generalize people as
"moralistic judgmental mediocre fools" as it would for one of them to
make a comment about organic farming hippies (or whatever.) How many of
these moralistic judgmental mediocre fools have you taken the risk of
opening your heart to?  I don't want to berate you; I want you to see
you have a choice in how you respond to them.  All I can say is I am
happier now and feel more community connection.  For me, it was
exhausting to subconsciously categorize people and lonely to dismiss
everyone who was mainstream.  I also observed that just within a few
hundred square miles here in southwest Wisconsin, there exists a "mosaic
of subcultures" within the right wing patriarchal homophobic
Christians.  In some communities the Lutherans and the Catholics, or the
Swedes and the Germans, or the farmers and the laborers, see as much
difference between themselves as they would see between themselves and a
vegetarian black lesbian poet.  At the same time, the world shares
information so fast and so thoroughly via TV, the Internet and other
media that mainstream folks have at least heard about much of what's
alternative. For example, my elderly dairy farming uncle who rarely
leaves the farm except to go to the hospital had a book on herbal
healing on his shelf.  Now, he wouldn't have bragged about that, but
neither did he seem to have any prejudice against herbalists. 
Fascinating. 

I will freely admit that as a white person in a white community my ways
of being different are not visible to the naked eye, so I have the
luxury of de-emphasizing them.   

> reach out to those who seem to share something in common that they're

I think you're right about it being a trust issue.  But someone's got to
take the risk first and all I can control is me, so maybe I need to take
the first step.  If someone will really listen to me talk about the
practicality of solar and wind energy, greywater systems, agroforestry,
and reducing consumption of consumer goods destined for the landfill,
and all I have to do is leave my hair brown and take the time to sit
down with them and reciprocate by asking what's important to
them.........I'll do it in a heartbeat.  I acknowledge the importance of
celebrating diversity because without actively celebrating different
cultures there is the danger of being so color-blind, gender-blind,
etc., that we all become the same.  I'd call for us to also celebrate
sameness, in other words celebrate our common ground as beings who need
air, water, clean food, safe shelter, companionship and love, regardless
of our differences.

Kelly Ludwig
Town of Dunn
South Central Wisconsin
[email-masked]