The more I see my fellow man - the more I like my dog. I don't yell in your ear, please don't pound on my keyboard. When all else fails, turn off the terminal. Keep it up and I'll tell them you were playing STARTREK all day. Just when you have the system down pat, we change it all on you. To err is human - - - To really screw up requires a computer. I'm not perfect, but try going back to your SLIDE RULE ! Comupters unite, you have nothing to lose but your "CHAINS". Did you really expect me to read in "5/16" correctly ? When in doubt, comment it out ! This is the way the world ends, not in a bang but a CRASH. You'r ok, I'm ok, but DEC's program logic ...... So the day wasn't a total loss, You made lots of scratch paper. I know I put that file somewhere, now let me think.... No, the head crash didn't lose the files, only the DIRECTORIES. Check Your Biorhythm, You'r making a lot of mistakes today. Push that on your STACK ! No, I can't UNDELETE that program. As of today's data, all file sizes will be reported in metric. Give a programmer a byte, and he'll take a block. Look at that VAX, She's really stacked. In science, we use DECIMALS, not FRACTIONS. I don't understand either, that command should have worked ! Don't complain, last time I took a week off it was total chaos. So the program doesn't work, the documentation is beautiful. New manuals will be out the week before we change the system. I'm sorry service is slow, but there are three STARTREKs going. Don't look at me, I don't design programs, only run them. If all else fails, try reading the manual (if You can find it.) If You can't communicate, the least You can do is shut up ! Eat Your heart out --- I B M Play it again Sam, (the reel just fell of the Mag-Tape drive.) Abandon Hope all Ye who program here ! Our system is up to date, only the Programmers are behind. Look carefully, the [ and ] keys are on the keyboard somewhere. At the speed you type, we could be here forever ! No, odd addresses don't occur on the South side of the street! The program wouldn't bomb if only it kept its TRAP shut. Keep it up and we'll both go out for a beer. Keep trying, eventually You'll get that command line right. Not tonight - - my DISK has got a splitting HEADache. If things are that bad, better call home and say You'll be late. I know just the routine you need, unfortunately it's in FOCAL. That's ok, FRIDAY is only 15,552,345 clock ticks away. What's wrong with You? I understood that error message ! Thing's seem slow to You ? I'm still running on 50 Hertz. That's what happen when you buy a BRITISH operating systems. No, IAS doesn't stand for "Impossibly Aggravating System". A new command "UNQUE" will read listing (in reverse) from LP: Debugging programs is fun, (so is running headfirst into walls.) Our programs are Bug-free, (our Programmers however...) If the system TIME is wrong, maybe my CLOCK needs winding. Remember the MAINE. (To heck with the SUBROUTINE.) This program is not recursive, re-entrant or pure (its just FUN) The Japanese computer that said "PREASE ROGIN ---" Don't worry, it will be fixed in the next release. Unfortunately that subroutine is in a WRITE-only PSECT. If that file was so important, you should have PROtected it. If You don't clean up your files, someday I WILL. I hope that taught you to document well.