Subject: Re: Plans - Sharpened Stick

From: [email-masked] (Mike [insert quote here] Bartman)
Date: 27 Mar 1997 22:52:23 GMT

In article <[email-masked]>, Adam Whiteson <[email-masked]> took the time to say:
>Ignore all these jokers!  If you are serious about making a sharpened
>stick I have plans which I will sell for a mere $50.

You don't need plans if you use a properly shaped charge of plastic
explosives.  You attach this to the end of your chosen stick, back off to a
safe distance (at least 3 or 4 feet) and yell, "Fire in the hole!" very
loudly (I'm not sure which hole this is meant to refer to...the stick is
extremely convex...but it's traditional, and who am I to fight tradition?). 
You then activate your detonator and begin the hunt for your now-sharpened
stick...

-- Mike 
     "there is no personal problem so severe that it can't be solved by a 
      suitable application of high explosives" 
          Bartman --

==============================================================================
| I didn't really say all the things that I said.  You probably didn't read  |
| what you thought you read.  Statistics show that this whole thing is more  |
| than likely just a hideous misunderstanding.				     |
|                                -- * * * --                                 |
|             I don't buy from people who advertise by e-mail.               |
|                       I do complain to their ISPs.                         |
==============================================================================

==============================================================================
Do not use hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it effectively.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---

From: [email-masked] (Mike [insert quote here] Bartman)
Date: 27 Mar 1997 22:59:37 GMT

In article <[email-masked]>, [email-masked] (Phil Miller) took the time to say:
> At 08:04 AM 3/19/97 -0800, you wrote:
>>I want to make a stick with one end sharpened.  Does anyone know of any
> >plans for such an item?  The stick should be about 4' long.  I want to
>>put a point on one end, preferably the end that points down.  It should
>>be able to penetrate the earth deeply enough to stand on its own.  Anyone
>>have any plans?
>
>The best way to sharpen a stick is the way it was done a hundred years
>ago by REAL craftsmen:  use a Stanley #33 1/3 stick sharpening plane.
>Of course the Stanley #33 1/3 isn't as good as the Record #007, but
>those are EXTREMELY rare -- only two were ever made and I own them
>both (I got them at a garage sale).

<regretful snip>

>Rehone the blade often while sharpening the stick.
>
>If you find that you have too much end grain tearout, switch to a
>Stanley #3.1415927 plane.  It was especially designed for stick
>sharpening endgrain.
>
>Good luck!
>
>Phil Miller
>[email-masked]

ROFLGOST!!*

Thank you!  This is the funniest thing I've read or heard in the last year! 
I had to wipe the tears from my eyes to type this note.  You are a true
master of the parody art form.  My hat, not to mention my contact lenses,
are off to you!

-- Mike "*Rolling On Floor, Laughing Guts Out, Streaming Tears" Bartman --

==============================================================================
Avoid cliches like the plague.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---

From: Ronald Baugh <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 27 Mar 1997 17:50:19 -0500

1