Dr. Data Explains Sunshine Dr. Data c. 1993 Dr. Data Note: the following research was made possible by a generous grant from the Home Power Tax-Free Institute for the Study of Sunshine, whose generosity made the following research possible. Solar beginners often ask me privately about sunshine. This is understandable, because sunshine is the most complicated part of solar energy. Newcomers to solarism ask, "I think I can perceive sunshine, but how can I really use it?" Students demand, "Dr. Data, if you're so full of knowledge and grant money and experience, why don't you write down what you know for future generations to study and build upon?" Well, Dear Reader, thanks to a generous grant from the Home Power Tax-Free Institute for the Study of Sunshine, the time has come to let you know what you've been missing: the solar energy secrets that were hidden from you; the reason your neighbor's batteries stay charged, while yours just leak nasty chemicals. The first and biggest problems faced by apprentices is summed up by asking, "Do solar panels work at night?" Unfortunately, years of laboratory research prove that they do not. Solar panels charge your batteries all day, but that's all they're good for. In fact, the main disadvantage of solar panels is that they don't work at night. At night you need to use Lunar Panels. Lunal panels convert moonlight and starlight into usable 12 Volt charging power, enabling you to watch late night movies on your wide screen color T.V. without running down your batteries. State-of-the-art lunar panels are eight feet wide and nineteen feet six inches long, so you can easily fit two of them on the roof of your barn or forty foot RV. Prices have dropped to only $63,500 each, well within the budget of dedicated late night movie fans. Daylight Savings Time The second most asked question is, "How do I reset my solar panels for Daylight Savings Time?" This was a real stumper. Even Dr. Data had to ponder this one. "There has to be an easy way," I thought. "It can't be all that complicated!" Months of research followed. Then the answer came to me one day, when I was in line at the bank depositing some generous grant money. Solar panels are easy to reset! In the fall, simply locate the "plus 12 Volt" wire (usually colored red) from your panel to your battery, and cut it. Carefully reconnect the wire one hour later, and you are ready to go. In the spring, when you want to set the panel forward an hour, instead of back, you will have to disconnect and reconnect the "plus 12 Volt" wire twenty-three times, instead of just once. Each time you reconnect the wires, be sure to solder and wrap the joints carefully with red electrician's tape and red heat shrink tubing. Save the black tape for your "minus 12 Volt" wire, which has more electrons. Look for later articles in this series by Dr. Data. You'll learn how to keep your solar panels from becoming guano depositories by running them in reverse when birds approach. Also, you will find out how to make your own solar panels using toxic chemicals from worn out hearing aid batteries. Do you have any questions for Dr. Data? Send your questions and grant applications to Dr. Data, care of this magazine. Access Dr. Data, c/o Home Power Magazine, POB 520, Ashland, OR 97520