Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 +---------------------------------------------------------------+ | | | NN NN AAAA MM MM VV VV EEEEEEE TTTTTTTT | | NNN NN AA AA MMM MMM VV VV EE TT | | NN N NN AA AA MM M M MM VV VV EE TT | | NN N NN AA AA MM M MM VV VV EE TT | | NN N NN AAAAAAAA MM MM VV VV EEEEE TT | | NN N NN AA AA MM MM VV VV EE TT | | NN NNN AA AA MM MM V V EE TT | | NN NN AA AA MM MM VVV EEEEEEE TT | | | | The International Newsletter for Vietnam Veterans | +---------------------------------------------------------------+ Editor in Chief: Todd Looney Assistant Editor: G. Joseph Peck NAM VET is a special )| electronic newsletter dedicated to _+|__|_ * VIETNAM |--- --| VETERANS * around the ------------------------=========================== world and \_______________________________________________) provided as a ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ service to participants in the International Vietnam Veterans Echo Con- ference (IVVEC) available on many FidoNet (tm) bulletin boards throughout the United States, Europe, Australia, and Canada. _ Not all of the articles appearing in here | are written by participants in the IVVEC, but NAM VET | is very much an electronic newsletter by, -----/_\----- of, and for Vietnam veterans, their -O==============< : >==============O- friends, wives, and lovers. ( ) (...) ( ) If you are a veteran or anyone else wishing to express yourself concerning our Nation's Vietnam or other related experience, you are invited to submit material for publication to the Vietnam Veterans Valhalla (143/27), VETLink #1 (321/203), or to any BBS carrying IVVEC whose sysop can forward your work from there. NAM VET is published | monthly by Vietnam Veterans Valhalla. The views expressed | are not necessarily those of the NAM VET its staff or any of |____====________ its volunteers. The newsletter is ||__________}____)==================|) made up of =============---------------------===_____ articles and items /| | | | |\\from other newsletters \________|__________|_________|_________|/ and a variety of \\(O)___(O)___(O)___(O)___(O)___(O)// other sources We are not responsible for the content of this information nor are any of the above-mentioned parties. ____________ ======= _________________/|_____... | | " === |_______________| |-----::: |._ - " ) |_|___| / / |___| Duplication and/or distribution is /_/ permitted for noncommercial purposes only For other use, please contact Todd Looney at (408) 947-7668. Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 ================================================================= T A B L E O F C O N T E N T S 1. EDITORIALS Stereotyping veterans??? ................................ 1 This Account Past Due ................................... 3 May Showers ............................................. 5 2. MEMORIES Honor With Tears ........................................ 6 Reflections of a Vietnam Veteran ........................ 10 A Day In Uniform - Eight Years Later .................... 20 Viet Nam-The Rear Echelon Service? ...................... 22 3. GENERAL ARTICLES Can do? ................................................. 24 The Wall - Between the Lines ............................ 25 MISSING MEN ............................................. 26 The Dangers of Stereotypical Thinking ................... 27 VA's National Vietnam Veterans Readjustment Study??? ... 29 Should we build a VETNET? ............................... 31 4. "MINI" WALL SCHEDULE 1989 "Mini" Wall Schedule .................................... 33 5. CALENDAR NAM VET Calendar of Events .............................. 34 6. IVVEC NODELIST IVVEC Nodelist .......................................... 35 NAM VET NEWSLETTER SUBSCRIPTION FORM .................... 42 NAM VET Newsletter Page i Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 ================================================================= E D I T O R I A L S ================================================================= Stereotyping veterans? Editorial by: Glenn Toothman, Sysop The Commo Bunker FidoNet 1:387/801 Joe, you have asked for input for the newsletter, and now that I have the time, I thought I would input something from me down here in the sticks of South Texas.... It seems that several things have been going on lately relating directly to us (the Nam Vet) and it gets my anger up... First, the scholastic view of the Vietnam War (Conflict-Police Action-Advisory Action etc.). It seems that here in Texas the persons who make the decisions about what books are used for the education seem to be grossly uneducated on what has happened on this front... it seems that they feel that we "Lost" the war.... this leads me to think (in my own prejudicial way) that none of them are Namvets, and they were "draft dodgers", "professional students", and other "anti-war advocates". When confronted with the information, it seems that they "blame" the troopers for the "Loss" of the war, and when told that Vietnam was never a war, and when we left Nam, we DID NOT SURRENDER. To loose the war entails surrendering, and implies occupation of the loosing nation.... This never happened, due to the fact that we were initially sent to Nam by President Eisenhower (as advisors in the mid 50's) and escalated during the Kenedy administration, carried further during Johnson's administration, and finally coming to an end (honorable or otherwise) during the Nixon regime... These persons refuse to accept any other ideas, and their perception of the Namvet is quite slanted, even though we wear ties and coats, are managers, workers (many persons have said that if the job needs to be done hire a Namvet to do it, Mr. Mike McKinney, Career Com CEO, at the National Convention in Atlanta, GA 1988 said just that). If we had more progressive persons that judged each and every case on its own merit the image would be greatly changed of the vet... This leads me to my second item. A friend of mine (Sea Bee, Phu Bai/Danang 67-70) was busted the other day for narcotics violations. Now this is bad enough, however he is the Commander of the local VFW, and this gave the "Old farts" a chance to run amok with "I told ya so's" and this frosts my lower extremities. Now for the actual happenings (taken from the police reports): 1. A gentleman of some influence in the community (theoretically a WW II Veteran) told the county sheriff's dept that this person (the Sea Bee) was doing drugs all over town and selling mass quantities to the public from his farm out in the country. 2. Two overzealous police officers (under the age of 30) started investigating the case on "their off duty hours". 3. When the bust came down, there were officers from the county, the local city (closest to the farm), the state, and federal, NAM VET Newsletter Page 1 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 they brought out the narcotics dogs, DEA, the whole thing.. (kinda reminiscent of "Alices Restaurant"). All they found was 7 small marijuana plants, one suspected pipe (classified as paraphanelia). 4. The family (the gent, his spouse, and a friend) were taken into custody, and when arraigned were placed in their own custody. 5. The spouse was made to dress in front of the officers (all male (the bust came down in the early morning hours)) thus thoroughly embarrassing her. 6. After all the above, the only charge that was made was misdemeanor marijuana charge.. (in Texas the equivalent of a traffic ticket). Now, I am being followed by these two alleged police officers, apparently because I am friends with the persons in question, even though I work for a company that requires me to take periodic drug testing (which I do not mind, as I am clean and don't smoke stuff) and others are being investigated due to the association with this person. What all this boils down to is that in this county, if you are a Vet you are a druggie, and a malcontent. However, if you look at the records, it seems that this county has an extremely high record of exemptions from service during the Vietnam Era... Farm exemption, married with children (there was a huge population explosion during this time), persons who stayed in college for over 10 years, persons who suddenly developed exotic illnesses, and the good ole national guard and reserves.... These are the persons who are making decisions about us... this makes me extremely angry... and there is nothing I can do until one of them slips up, and then legal counsel can sue them, and let the rest of the county know that we are not going to take it sitting down... We have had a gathering of Veterans from all over Texas here this weekend, the police (the two mentioned earlier) have been driving by in civilian vehicles, golf carts, hiding in the tree line and watching through binoculars, and keeping the entire thing under close observation.. All the guys have been extremely supportive of the Sea Bee and his family, and have been getting laughs out of the police dept there.. however it again makes me angry that these idiots have the impression that all Namvets are druggies and malcontents.. Well enough for the soapbox, if any of you have any suggestions, get on the IVVEC, and let me know, I will pass them on to the persons involved... 'Til Next Month Keep yur nose in the mud Glenn..... (and all the vets out here in the sticks) NAM VET Newsletter Page 2 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 This Account Past Due - Please Remit Editorial by: G. Joseph Peck Assistant Editor Sysop - VETLink #1 Pittsfield, MA FidoNet 1:321/203 Alternet 7:46/203 (413) 443-6313 I've seen it in the words of our veterans, watched it overflow from the eyes of our incarcerated veterans - their families, relatives and close others. "I don't understand what happened. Things were goin' so smoothly - and then this!" I've heard it in the subdued voices as another veteran walked away from the unemployment office. "$3.50 an hour! How am I supposed to take care of my family with THAT?" I've touched it - in jails, in prisons, in courts and judge's chambers; in one rejected application after another, in hospitals, in educational institutions of one form or another, and in the daily news media - whether that's radio, television or the newspaper. "Does my being a veteran stand for anything?" America's payment for the service of her veterans. Sometime's the "payment" has been a good one. Veterans have gone on to further their education and are now proud parents of average and above-average families. Others, working hard and deeply dedicated and committed, have involved themselves in helping those of their brothers and sisters who came home long ago but are still haunted by tragic, painful memories. And some are tremendous successes in the financial world - and with themselves. But at other times, America's "payment" has been one of misunderstanding and confusion, of unconsciously penalizing the veteran for the past mistakes and errors of those in high political places; of subjecting her veterans to an ongoing period of trial and testing - waiting for them to make a mistake so it can be amplified and used as an example of WHY others of a similar background should be only cautiously entrusted with any opportunity to advance him/herself. We are on the doorstep of another Memorial Day - a time when this great America takes a few moments and REMEMBERS... remembers the rockets red glare and cannons bursting in air, soldiers going off to battle and coming back again, remembers the sacrifices and prices paid by many of her veterans to perpetuate the freedom in which she today exists. Sadly, many of those "rememberances" will revolve around tombstones and memorials dedicated to our fallen comrades who no longer can be beneficiaries of America's appreciation. Too sadly, many of our brothers and sisters will be on the fringes of the crowds watching... watching as America tells herself again that she's done well and is proud of her soldiers and defenders of freedom - while another veteran and his/her family goes hungry or tries to gather enough bedding and find shelter to sleep tonight; another scans the want ads of the daily NAM VET Newsletter Page 3 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 newspaper and looks at the listings from the local unemployment office. Across town, sounds of drums and bugles resonate softly through the windows of the local penal institution while another veteran looks longingly at open spaces through barred windows. ... and the young widow tearfully reads in the autopsy report of her late husband that the cancer from which he suffered was most likely caused by his exposure to Agent Orange... THIS Memorial Day, America, let us hear you say: "It is time we paid attention to the needs and concerns of those living who have incurred some very debilitating costs to ensure that we can enjoy and exercise our freedoms." NEXT Memorial Day, America, we hope to let YOU hear, from us: "You done good, Sis... you done good. You cared for the homeless; you understood some of the root causes of HOW our incarcerated veterans developed their feelings of isolation; you've helped our Agent Orange afflicted veterans and their families; you've educated and employed many who had all but given up on life in a Land of Freedom; and you've given as much of yourself as those toughest, most persistent and determined veterans in all your history did for you. You done good, Sis... you done good!" Let US, by next Memorial Day, be able to tell ourselves the same things... 'til next month Show a brother/sister veteran That YOU care Ci'ao for Ni'ao -Joe- NAM VET Newsletter Page 4 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 May Showers Editorial By Todd Looney Vietnam Veterans' Valhalla San Jose, California Well, I know not many of you have heard from me lately, I wanted to let you know that I am still around, and kicking. Something Ollie North said after he was convicted on three felony counts this week really stuck to me: "One thing I learned in the military was to fight hard, and keep on fighting until it was over". (Well, metaphorically anyway). The legal problems I have been fighting have nearly drained me, and if not for the faith and support from my friends - Joe, Kathleen, Richard, Doc, Larry, and the rest - I would have gone down a long time ago. Thanks to you all for your help, and for your support in my fight. I'll always remember you guys. The Valhalla is still down, but don't worry, we will be back up and running in another month or so if all goes well. By the next issue of the NAM VET, we hope to be back up full swing again. Hang in there with us, we won't let you down as we have never let you down. Todd NAM VET Newsletter Page 5 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 ================================================================= V E T E R A N S ' S E R V I C E S ================================================================= Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 ================================================================= M E M O R I E S ================================================================= Honor With Tears Vietnam Medics & Corpsman Tell Their Story By: Jean Toler Input by: VETLink #1 - from an article found in an aging duffle bag...
EDITOR's NOTE: In May we celebrate Memorial Day, a time when we pause to honor the men and women who have fought and died for our freedom. This article is our special tribute to those heroic veterans of Vietnam who have received so little recog- nition for their efforts in an "unpopular" war, but who fought and died and gave with dignity -- and to their loved ones who have suffered, mostly in silence. AG Every war is a living hell. There are no easy shortcuts to coming back home and putting the pieces of lives back together. After World War II, veterans often spent weeks or months with their units, returning on ships from all over the world. During those long trips home, men had the closeness and emotional support of their buddies to rework the especially traumatic episodes they had experienced. The Vietnam veteran, however, usually returned pretty much as an individual, with only a short, solitary plane ride separating two totally different worlds. Many made the transition from rice paddy to Southern California in less than 36 hours! And his homecoming was to a society that didn't really understand where he had gone - or why! His mind, filled with the joy of returning, was also superimposed with grief, conflict and confusion. The ideological basis of the Vietnam war was difficult for most Americans to grasp. The United States had been very clearly threatened in World War II by a uniformed and easily recognizable foe. In Vietnam, it was quite the opposite. The whole country we were supposed to be fighting to defend appeared to be hostile to American forces. The enemy was rarely uniformed, and American troops were often forced to kill combatants who were women and children. There were no real lines of demarcation. Most American forces had been trained to fight in conventional war- fare, in which other clearly identifiable human beings are confronted, or a block of land is either acquired or lost in the fray. We were emotionally and psychologically unprepared for Vietnam. The human enemy was rarely even sighted, and surprise-firing devices, such as booby traps, accounted for a large number of casualties. A piece of land might be won, but not held. When a unit pulled out to another conflict in the vicinity; if it wished to return, it would once again have to fight for that same block of land. It seemed such an endless war, with seldom-seen enemies and no ground gains -- only a constant flow of troops in and out of the country. The only outcome that seemed measurable was an endless production of maimed, crippled bodies, and countless corpses. Some of the bodies were so disfigured it was hard to tell if they were Vietnamese or American. Vietnam became a private war of survival for every American involved. NAM VET Newsletter Page 6 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 When the Vietnam veterans finally returned home from their personal tour of hell, whatever fantasies they had about their homecoming were soon replaced by harsh reality. Although the civilian population of 1945 had been conditioned by Hollywood-movies designed to stir patriotism, encourage support of our armed forces, and bring "our boys" home as heroes, the returning Vietnam veteran came home to face a civilian population who had seen the horrors of the war (along with anti- war protestors) only on the six-o'clock news. Our society was tired of a war they had neither believed in nor understood, and they were numbed to the whole experience. Some were angry, and many returning veterans became the victim-targets of that civilian frustration and anger. WWII veterans came home to victory parades. Vietnam veterans returned in defeat; and, instead of confetti and open convertibles, they witnessed anti-war marches and protests. For WWII veterans, resort hotels were taken over and made into redistribution stations to which the men could bring their wives and devote two weeks to the initial homecoming and adjustment. For Vietnam veterans, there were screaming anti-war crowds and locked-down military bases where they were processed back into civilian life in two or three days. The men who served in Vietnam were victimized by the horrors of a war whose cruelties were beyond anything the Western mind could imagine, and again when they returned "home" to the country who sent them away. They have struggled to make the adjustment, but they are drastically changed. Their world will never seem the same again. Their homecoming fantasies some twenty years ago were just that: fantasies. Their experiences in Southeast Asia, along with what happened to them when they came back, have left an indelible mark on each of their lives in a different way. In an attempt to capture the psychological drama reflected in some of these lives in the last two decades, my daughter, Candy, and I recently interviewed five Vietnam medics (including an army nurse), and one Navy Corpsman. It was on a Friday evening in March, in the lounge of a Vietnam Outreach Center. Guy, who was the spokesman for the group, introduced Candy and me and explained that Bud, my son and Candy's brother, had been killed in Quang Tri. Our grief experiences as bereaved mother and sister seemed to validate our right to join them, and to probe their experiences as well. Although they are generally reluctant to trust "outsiders," they agreed to grant this exclusive interview for BEREAVEMENT magazine. Seated on four sofas, arranged in a circle, these veterans looked as if they had never been touched by the ravages of war. Casually dressed, the men were clean shaven (except for Guy, who could have passed for one of the Smith Brothers on the cough drop box), and there was kidding and laughter as we began our interview. Bill, who sat next to me on the left, at first seemed more relaxed and natural than the others. In the beginning, as the conversation moved around the circle, he seemed willing to talk; but as the evening progressed, he became more quiet. Steve, slightly built, quiet and withdrawn, spoke only when he gave direct answers. Chic, too, seemed withdrawn and spoke only when called upon. He seemed to concentrate by keeping his knee bent and crossing his foot over his leg as if he were picking at lint on his sock with his fingers. Steve sported an attractive mustache and had a deep, forceful NAM VET Newsletter Page 7 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 voice that carried well. Ann, very attractive, neatly dressed in slacks, has done a lot of work on her bereavement issues. Andy, tall and young, came on strong with anger at first, but later retreated in silence. It was easy to see that each one had an honest anger over a tragic situation. I began by assuring them that this article would reflect THEIR thoughts on THEIR grief. However, getting them started was a puzzle. I had made a list of questions, but I really wasn't sure whether they needed the prompting or whether they would just talk on their own. It was rapidly becoming clear that nobody was going to volunteer anything, so it was up to me to start the ball rolling with questions. We started with their age group. They were all willing to handle that question, and with some chuckling they confessed that when they were in Vietnam they were 18 to 25 years old, and they now range from 38 to 46. It seemed safer now to move to more serious issues: "What emotional condition did your military job create for you?" Agreement was unanimous that the horror of the carnage and the immense number of the casualties had been the most emotionally traumatic. The work was difficult and demanding, the shifts seemed endless, and there was no time for personal reaction or emotion. Feelings were stuffed away to be dealt with at some more convenient time. It seemed safer psychologically to concentrate on treating the wounds and avoid the faces that came with them. The few who let their emotions predominate "went home in strait jackets." All this demand came after an Army training input of only a few weeks (somewhat more from the Marine Corps). Discussion of the Vietnam War Memorial in Washington, D.C. brought about a totally positive response. Comments such as, "It's the prettiest monument we have honoring the war dead," and, "Beautiful, a moving tribute;" or, "Black is a good color because of the black war, the black tragedy;" and, "Many call it the 'wailing wall', I think it's a good name;" suggest their appreciation for some small recognition at last. They admitted that some of the current movies about Vietnam bring back memories for them, but mostly they perceive movie and TV versions as "Hollywood." They were proud of what they were able to accomplish over there in spite of the tremendous odds against them. Ann, a nurse who had served in the "massive casualties" section, reported that through the entire war they had a 98% lifesaving rate of patients, although some came home with disabilities. They came back more handicapped, though, by society's rejection of them than by their own shattered bodies, emotions and grief experiences. Picking up a copy of BEREAVEMENT magazine, Bill leaned forward and said, ""The Vet's grieving doesn't have to be because he touched death. It can be because he lost touch with the world - with family, friends, even himself. Grieving doesn't have to be caused by death." In summary, their final messages to the outside world (what an unfortunate expression!) are, STEVE L.: "Don't let there be another Vietnam. Don't give up on us. Realize the real cost of the war - not just those that died. Remember the M.I.A.'s (missing in action)." CHIC: "Remember those killed in action. In reliving it, I know that those men didn't die for no reason. Their deaths were not a waste." ANDY: "How do we justify the deaths of eighteen year-olds who did their best? I was taught NAM VET Newsletter Page 8 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 in school you serve your country whether the government is right or wrong." BILL: "Drop the 'crazy Vietnam Vet' bit. We're trying to do our best with what we have now. We want to be like anybody else." STEVE M.: "Society is trying to give us a token of acceptance, but we won't allow them to accept us because we've build an (emotional) wall." BILL: "They taught us to build the wall! I'm one of the first to be tested as an Agent Orange Veteran. I don't want any compensation. I want to make sure my son is taken care of (because of defective genes)." (Author's note: Once exposed to Agent Orange, the effects can be passed down to the third and fourth generation.) In response to a question about where they felt God fitted into all this, Bill replied slowly, "I never remember blaming or questioning God. I know that the wounded or casualties I saw either cried out for God or Mom. I can't ever recall one asking for Dad." Ann agreed, "I had the same experience. It was either God or Mom -- never Dad." This three-hour meeting passed in what seemed like minutes. It was an emotional and enlightening evening, and when it was finished we were all drained and tired. We parted with handshakes, hugs and tears. I had an opportunity to look at bereavement and grief in ways that I had never thought about before. In sharing this knowledge now, my prayer is that not one word of this experience will go to waste. As the group has said, "Don't let there be another Vietnam." NAM VET Newsletter Page 9 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 Reflections Of A Vietnam Veteran By: Spencer J. Campbell, MSW United States Marine Corps Vietnam 1967 - 1968 Input and edited for NAM VET by: G. Joseph Peck, Sysop VETLink #1 - Pittsfield, MA FidoNet 1:321/203 AlterNet 7:46/203 (413) 443-6313 DEDICATION My reason for walking once more with the shadows of my past, and bringing them to light was because of my experience with other Vietnam Combat Veterans while doing my MSW internship at the Veterans Administration Medical Center, Beckley, West Virginia. I dedicate this work to them, and also to my fellow Marines of whom I can now only walk with in the shadows of my past. Spencer J. Campbell, MSW United States Marine Corps Vietnam 1967 -1968 The booklet from which this text is copied is provided by: The New Jersey State Commission on Agent Orange Wayne P. Wilson, Executive Director Broad Street Bank Building, 10th Floor 143 East State Street Trenton, NJ 08608 (609) 984-7396 Edited By: Paul L. Sutton, Administrator Published by: THE IMAGE FACTORY P.O. Box 1827 Trenton, N.J. 08607 (609) 393-9147 Copyright 1983 Second Printing Approaching my thirty-fifth birthday and fourteen years removed from my combat experience, I have taken some time for inner reflection. I have tried as objectively as possible to evaluate the impact of my combat experience upon my present quality of life. The first conclusion I reached was, I am a composite of all my life experiences. I am all things I have been. Vietnam appears to have had a strong influence on certain emotions I feel and the way I express them. How far removed am I from my combat experience? Just as you remember your favorite song and can hear the words and music long after it has faded from the air waves, so I remember Vietnam. The rockets, rain, pain, hunger, fear, frustration, death, and the reality of losing all hope to ever function as a complete intelligent human being again. THE FLIGHT OVER I departed the United States on a 747 from El Toro, NAM VET Newsletter Page 10 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 California. The first leg of my journey to southeast Asia took me to Camp Hanson, Okinawa. We arrived late and were piled into a bus, issued bedding, and taken to the barracks, where I would remain for two days. The next morning a Sergeant came in and we packed all of our noncombat possessions in our sea-bags and were marched to a large metal building that was to house our belongings until our death or return. Early the next morning we were transported to the air field. We boarded the 747 with the officers in the front, the NCO's and nonrated personnel like myself in the rear of the aircraft. The mood was somber and our future uncertain. I remember looking at the faces of the older officers and NCO's. They had experienced war in Korea, and some were returning to combat in Vietnam for the second time. The closer we got to Vietnam, the quieter they became. The face of each Marine that had experienced combat had a more determined look on it. When I first saw the coast of Vietnam, I looked back at the stewardess and wondered if she would be the last round eye I would ever see. My heartbeat increased and my palms were sweaty and inside I wanted to run. As I stepped from the plane at DaNang, Vietnam, I was hit by the heat, smell and the uncertainty of my future. The total feeling of that moment I cannot adequately describe. VIETNAM, I REMEMBER YOU I remember well the endless days and nights, and just not caring anymore, the thoughts of being wounded and fear of being captured. Life became an unattached drudgery of mechanical action to survive without experiencing the emotion of the event. At first it was not like this. During the first days of combat, after the body counts, there was nausea, vomiting, and confusion within. When this passed, so did many values, feelings, and dreams of the future. After days of walking and running for cover in 130 degree temperatures, it was not important to seek cover from life threatening events anymore. I experienced the deep feeling of hatred and anger toward the Viet Cong, because they were using tactics of intimidation. This caused a change in my attitude toward death. I decided early on they could kill me, but I would not buckle to their intimidation. I then realized death was a way out that might be far less painless than survival. The rainy season came. Because the downpour was so fierce, the beans were washed out of our C-rations cans quicker than you could scoop them up. When the temperature dropped to 60 degrees, I became extremely cold. I got wet the first minute of the monsoon and remained soaked until the season passed. Due to the endless walking in rice paddies, my feet were constantly soaked. I realized this was good after taking my boots off for the first time in a week. My feet were white and wrinkled like prunes, and cracked open between my toes. The water and blood had combined, so I just put my wet socks back on again, and discovered I had been miserable so long I now thought I was comfortable. I remember thinking about patriotism, and knew I was not fighting for it. Somehow the "Star Spangled Banner" was not inspiring anymore. As the rain hit my steel helmet and dropped on my face, I tried to open a can of C-rations packaged about the time I was born, with the same style of can opener the Marines had used in World War II and Korea. Words of the Marine Corps Hymn echoed through my mind, "We have fought in every clime and place where we could take a gun." I then realized all combat veterans NAM VET Newsletter Page 11 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 were held together forever with a common bond. I was fighting for my survival and the survival of those with me, and nothing more. Marines who had gone before me and those who would come after, would arrive at their moment of truth the same as I had. I wanted to survive and return to living. Little did I realize then what a difficult task that lay ahead. "America land of the free, home of the brave," didn't seem the same when you were half a world away. The land of the free was in protest and from the view I had, almost a Civil War because of my being in Vietnam. The home of the brave had apparently slid across the border into Canada. So what was I fighting for? Combat requires and develops very special skills. It is also rewarding - facing situations that test the mind, body, spirit, and receiving the passing score of survivor. I have never taken a tougher test. Combat is the biggest ego builder I have ever experienced. To control life, death, and destiny is the most powerful experience, I feel one can ever have. Power in combat is a feeling that can never be equalled. You are nineteen, cold, wet, tired, and someone you can't see is shooting at you trying to rob you of life. The anger and frustration builds. You don't care anymore. With the most powerful hand weapon of that time - an M-60 machine gun - you leap up and assault an unseen enemy with the same amount of reflex that you had tackled a halfback with when he ran around your end in a high school football game. Your weapon stops firing; you are out of ammo - and still yelling your lungs out. Then it grows quiet. You hear the sound of your heart beating. You smell the black powder from the ammo. You don't know what you are doing standing alone. You grow numb. Your squad yells to see if you're okay. You move into the village, not sure of what you will find, and not really caring. Then you see a body in black pajamas, about your age, with a single shot weapon beside him. Somehow, this does not seem tragic anymore. Someone smiles and calls you a hero. You look back at him with death in your eyes. His smile fades. Today you discovered what heroes are made of. Men who are afraid, cold, wet, tired, and don't care anymore. Heroes are those who experience the point of no return, action without thought. Incidences like this were many in Vietnam. Although the Vietnamese served beside you, they didn't seem like real people. Their language, customs, and values were much different than yours. My training and instinct told me never to trust them. I guess my human factor, what little was left, said if you understand them, you will feel more comfortable with them. So I learned the language, customs, religion, and way of life. Then it happened. We had stopped for chow on the outskirts of a small village. While we were eating a small girl, not more than twelve, ran up to one of the Marines who was seated about a hundred feet away and appeared to playfully hit him on the back. She had placed a grenade on his back, and as I looked up I saw him with his arms out to his side, trying to take his flak jacket off. Suddenly there was a bright flash. The Marine I knew ceased to exist. I was numb and had a ringing in my ears. I looked up into the face of a South Vietnamese, and felt rage. I could taste my own blood, from a head wound. I could feel my left hand hurting. The squad had taken care of the twelve year old Viet Cong. I now had experienced the rage that could and did, turn one into an animal. All emotions within me were dead. Vietnam, I remember entering one of your small villages up north that had been overrun by the Viet Cong. One monkey and a NAM VET Newsletter Page 12 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 woman in childbirth were left alive. The mortaring started again and, at nineteen, having viewed one film on childbirth, I was in the process of seeing life born in the midst of death. The mother died in childbirth and the child I wrapped in the mother's clothes. Blood was everywhere. The child was left with the mother and I moved on. Not until ten years later did I realize what actually occurred in this event. It took that long for the numbness to wear off. Everyone knew the day they arrived in the country. When they were leaving, the question became: "Were you rotating or deserting your buddies? Why not extend? You had a good experience, you were a team member." I approached that date with some of the same feelings of my last football game - the game would be over and others would step in for better or worse, but the season would never again be the same. RETURN FLIGHT After boarding the 747 at DaNang to return to the States, I felt numb. I could not believe I was leaving. I met a few guys I had trained with. Somehow we all looked older. I heard many stories of Marines I knew that were sent home in body bags. As the plane taxied down the runway, I saw soldiers stacking body bags. I saw Viet Cong prisoners sitting on the ground with black bags over their heads. The plane jerked and everyone yelled - we had just left Vietnamese soil. The stewardesses were nice and when I looked at their round eyes, they looked very different. I sat in the back of the plane and the aircraft grew quiet. I realized I was alone. Although I was around many people, I was alone. Then I became aware I had arrived alone. No one on the plane had exactly the same combat experience. The things we would forever share in common were guilt, the knowing we would always be different, and the fear of not knowing how different we were going to become. It was raining when we landed in Okinawa. I showered and was given clean, but not new, utilities. I felt like a duck out of water. Where do I go, what do I do? I went to the NCO club and was not interested in drinking. I just wanted to be alone. The next day, I went to the same metal building I had left my sea-bag in over a year ago. Not many bags were remaining in the section mine was in. I remarked, "All the other guys must have beat me here." An older Sergeant replied, "Mac, they went home early alright, but they didn't need their sea-bags." I felt dumb, mumbled something, and left. I put my clothes in the cleaners and had my shoes shined. I went to the PX to buy the decorations I rated, and really didn't know what they looked like. Some young Captain on his way to Vietnam was going to inspect us before we got on the plane for the States. The girl at the PX was American and I asked her if she would give me the decorations I rated and to please put them in the proper order. She made some remark about Vietnam, I mumbled, paid her and left. It seemed like the middle of the night when the lights came on. It was 0400. We were to go to chow, turn in our linen and be ready for inspection at 0600. I wasn't impressed with this, so I laid in the rack thirty more minutes and skipped chow. Everyone was putting decorations on their uniforms. Somehow I felt my eleven decorations were not important - they served more as a trophy to the dead - so I put them in my shaving kit. When the Captain stepped in front of me, he asked why I wasn't in NAM VET Newsletter Page 13 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 uniform. I asked what he meant, he replied, "No decorations, no ticket." He went on to say maybe he should take me back to the war with him. I was told to fall out and report to his office in uniform after the inspection. I went to the barracks, took out the eleven new ribbons and put them on my shirt. When I walked through the hatch the Captain looked up and saw my eleven decorations and stood up, smiled, and stretched out his hand and said, "Welcome home, Marine." I shook his hand and looked him in the eye. He knew I wanted to hit him. I told him I was a lot farther away from home than Okinawa and would like to leave now. Boarding the plane in Okinawa with a group of Marines I didn't know was the same as it had been when I departed Nam. Again I sought out the rear seat and just wanted to be alone. The stewardess came around and wanted to talk. She asked about the ribbons and I replied, "I was at the wrong place, at the right time, and stayed too long." She smiled and left me alone. The flight was like a dream. It didn't seem like it was me in the seat. My arrival at El Toro was like my departure. No bands, family or welcome committee. One plane of Marines leaving for Nam, one plane returning. I guess it happened like this everyday. The only thing different was today was my day. I was processed and received my back pay and thirty days leave. WELCOME TO THE WORLD Back in the world, I discovered I had rotated from one war to another. This was an internal war that I would discover I could never leave, but only control. Upon my arrival at the L.A. Airport, I was met by a strange group of young people. I remember meeting a girl who drove a cart that transported passengers from one airline to the other. As I rode on her cart she said "don't mind the hippies". I replied, "I never saw a hippie before." In our conversation I discovered her brother was a Marine and had been killed three months earlier. She asked if I knew him. I replied no, and I was sorry, but I didn't feel anything. As I walked toward the ticket counter, dragging my sea-bag, the group of hippies pressed closer. I could see their mouths move and the flowers in their hair, but couldn't comprehend what they were saying. One young girl got up in my face and screamed "How can you kill innocent women and children?" I continued to walk. The crowd pressed closer, again she yelled, "How could you kill women and children?" I remember calmly looking back at them with my heart pounding and my palms sweaty. I knew 48 hours ago I could have handled it differently. I squared my shoulders and looked her directly in the eye with the same hate I had come to know so well in Vietnam, and replied, "You don't aim quite as high, or lead them quite as far." With this, silence fell, the crowd parted. My first meal was an American hamburger and milkshake. I looked out the window and saw all around me what I supposedly had been fighting for. It made me sick. Then I knew it would be a long time before I would belong to this world - and possibly never again. Deep inside, I knew I would never be the same, but I had a fear, because I didn't know how different I would become. VETERANS VIEWS All things pass, and so did my military obligation. The physical scars and the realness of my combat experience have remained. I have learned to deal with them on a day-to-day basis. Like all combat Veterans, I remain only one thought from my past. NAM VET Newsletter Page 14 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 Sometimes I discuss Vietnam with a friend; at times I bow my head and cry. My combat experience will remain a dark shadow of my life. Fear and intimidation are things I still very much dislike. Before I will let someone intimidate me or control me by using fear, I'll move on. This brings out anger, which is the mainspring I have learned I must control. It gets easier with time and understanding. The ability to detach yourself from those you have had a close relationship with, I feel has been acquired from my Vietnam experience. A part of me only other Vietnam Veterans will ever know. Until I entered graduate school at West Virginia University, I did not understand the grieving process that surrounds death. Having died a thousand deaths, I had to work through them. Some never do. My own opinion of death is, it matters not how it occurs, but rather how life is lived. This is what counts. I feel the experience of walking in endless rice paddies and being miserable for a year and a half has given me the perseverance to now engage in the educational process. Until I looked at some old pictures of Vietnam with my father, I had not given a lot of thought to why the Confederate flag had been displayed by many men in Vietnam. I now feel that the only other group of American Veterans the Vietnam Veteran could identify with is the Confederate Soldier. He gave his best for a cause that was also lost. His Medal of Honor, Silver and Bronze Star did not carry the same respect as the Northern Medals for he participated in a losing cause. Long after the war, he was discriminated against because of his speech and dress. I feel the returning Vietnam Veteran who dropped out was treated similarly to the Confederate Soldier. No memorial ever approved of what the southern soldier fought for, they simply stated what he did and with this same meaning stands the Vietnam Memorial. When the Vietnam Veteran looks at the names of his fallen comrades, chiseled in the cold, black stone, he sees his own reflection. This is as it should be - because we saw life and death both together that day and everyday since. To help the Vietnam Veteran adjust today, we must understand where he grew up, how quickly he matured and in many cases, the fact that he experienced more life and death in one day than most people experience in a lifetime. Vietnam Veterans have been classified by many as crybabies. We grew up in the age of seeing a President expelled from office and mistrust in the government. Is it any wonder then why we are concerned about the effects of Agent Orange and post-traumatic stress? SHADOWS OF THE PAST All of life's events move into the shadows of our past. For the most part, these shadows are free from traumatic aftereffects. Normally, the shadows of one's past consist of faded love, friendship, and a few events that have been viewed by us as catastrophic in nature. Some of these would be divorce, death of a family member or friend, or accidents we have been involved in. These shadows from our past often confront us and yet, the most part, our daily routine remains uninterrupted . Why are Vietnam combat veterans still being actively pursued by shadows of their past? Why has their combat experience changed the course of their entire life? If these questions were easily answered, the affects of post-traumatic stress would not be viewed NAM VET Newsletter Page 15 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 as disabling. I must point out that post-traumatic stress is not unique to the Vietnam Veteran. Although it has been given different titles the issue of post-traumatic stress is the same issue all combat veterans have faced. Combat Veterans are held together by a common bond of internal emotional conflict. They have experienced the ultimate emotional dilemma - the struggle to live and the necessity to kill. This emotional conflict never leaves the combat veteran. They become forever the dark shadows of his past. For many Vietnam combat veterans the shadows of their past are very much alike. Feelings of loneliness and of not belonging to society are because the shadows of the past dominate the veteran's present life. They are so involved with the shadows from the past they cannot participate in the present, and do not comprehend the future. The experience of war was so catastrophically shocking to the Vietnam combat veteran he cannot turn it loose from his mind. Dealing with the issues of those who experienced combat in the Vietnam war and being able to assist them in resolving their personal feelings surrounding their experience is a difficult task. Wars are basically the same: men kill, die, and become physical or emotional casualties and view the greatest atrocities of life and death without purpose. VISITS FROM THE SHADOWS OF VIETNAM To understand the problems of the Vietnam combat veteran, one must understand how the visits from the shadows of Vietnam put the combat veteran back in the war. For some, this occurs daily. Others are living with the shadows of the past in a more controlled - but no less real - manner. Shadows of the Vietnam combat veterans past have become very illusive and tricky. For some, they have become the dominating factor of life. Just as you are visited by the shadows of your past and experience the realness of tender moments you have experienced with someone you have loved, with that same intensity the Vietnam Veteran remembers the horrors of war. The shadows of Vietnam are composed of many events that the veteran participated in and observed. Recording the actual event occurred with the same amount of effort it would take to snap a picture. Little did the veteran realize the pictures of Vietnam taken by the camera of his mind would continually remind him of the horrors of his combat experience. The shadows consist of faces, names, places, sounds, and fear of impending death. These pictures that had been so graphically captured by the camera of the mind have also been recorded with the sounds of the veteran conscience. Now the dark shadows of the Vietnam combat experience are as real in the mind of the Veteran as they were when he experienced them fourteen years ago. Each Vietnam combat veteran had a different experience in Vietnam, depending on where you were and the mission of your unit. So very few veterans fight the exact same shadows from their past. Some may be visited by shadows of women and children running for cover and not making it. Others may experience again the sound of death - as they clutch a dying comrade to their chest, and lean their head forward to catch his last words, and feeling the warmth of his blood as it flows through your fingers, while they struggle for life together. Fourteen years later, because it has been captured by the camera of your mind, you experience again the emotions of that moment. NAM VET Newsletter Page 16 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 It's ironic how you view one part of a person for a few brief minutes and that picture is retained forever by the camera of your mind. So I remember the eyes of the Viet Cong. When you approach a man with a bayonet you know the fight will not be a long one, but it will produce only one survivor. As you approach your opponent your eyes become fixed on his. All movement with the bayonet becomes rhythmically mechanical. You view hate, fear and rage in your opponents eyes. When the final blow is dealt, the eyes of your opponent become fixed and start to glaze over with an endless glare of relief and hate. You move on - only the momentary victor. Emerging as victor of a combat episode that lasted less than three minutes, you will be visited by the shadows of that event over and over again in your mind. After years of seeing the final look in the eyes of your opponent, you feel you now understand his message. "It's now over for me. As long as you live, it will not be over for you, for I have become a permanent part of the shadows of your past." Although you never knew his name and he never spoke, you knew him, for you struggled together that day. Because of that struggle you have lived and died together ever since. Visits from the shadows of your mind occur when you least expect them. While you are driving down the highway, the camera of your mind can click you back to Vietnam. You can feel the rain on your face and a chill runs up and down your spine. You see in your mind's eye where you were on patrol. You hear a loud scream. "I'm hit. I'm hit." You jump. You're sweating. Your palms are sweaty, your pulse rate is increased, your mood is anxious - just like when you were on patrol. You are not in Vietnam. Although you don't remember turning on the windshield wipers, they are methodically removing the rain drops from the windshield. You are still in the process of completing your journey. You don't remember the turns and traffic signals. It was so real. It seemed to briefly control your every being. As the day wears on, you try to dismiss the event from your mind. Suddenly you realize, fourteen years ago today your body was torn apart from a Viet Cong bullet. The cries "I'm hit, I'm hit," were yours. Without thinking, your fingers are mechanically tracing the scars of your wounds through your clothes. You wonder when it will ever end. Inside, you know the shadows of your past will continue to haunt you until you join them in their dark eternity. As the seasons change, the camera of your mind is once again triggered and you are reminded of specific events in Vietnam. During June, July and August the temperature reminds you of how it was in the country. At night, as you try to sleep, the camera of your mind once again clicks; you feel the pounding of your heart against your chest, the sound of your boots sloshing through the rice paddies. The callsigns of your patrol echo over the radio. It's like you are back in Vietnam on patrol, but you are unable to communicate with your buddies. Everything appears routine. You are startled by an explosion and cry for help. You once again see your point man covered with blood. His boot is lying about 25 feet from him, with his leg in it from the knee down. Someone is calling for a medi-vac; the medic gives him a morphine shot. As you pick up the boot and leg you see the dog tag in the boot laces covered with blood. His boot is laced exactly as yours except your leg is still attached. Your buddy isn't aware his leg is missing. As the pounding of the chopper blades get louder you are suddenly awakened by your own screams. You are wiping at your clothes trying to remove the flesh and blood of your buddy's leg. As you hurry to turn on the lights you realize you have been NAM VET Newsletter Page 17 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 visited by the shadows of your past. You can't believe what you experienced. You were there - Vietnam - it was real. Why did it happen to you tonight? Then it hits you. Faces; names; places, they all rush through the pictures of your mind. You start to cry. As you look out the windows, it appears to be a typical summer night. You see the street lights, and no one is moving about. All appears calm. For you its one of many nights of terror that have been brought about from the shadows of your past. As you pour yourself a cup of coffee and wait for the morning light, your combat experience continues to roll through your mind. Will daylight ever come? It seems better in the daytime - there is movement and you can stay busy. Daylight finally arrives and the shadows of your past scurry off into their endless eternity. You give a sigh of relief. You know one thing for certain: when you least expect it, they will return to haunt you again. You mix with other people but never feel part of them. Occasionally, you go to a party. You arrive late and hope no one will notice, or make an issue of you being there. As you walk in, you force a smile and move toward the food. As you look around, you realize you feel as uncomfortable here as most of these people would feel in the jungle. Everyone is engaging in small talk. You hear music and laughter. It's not long before you know where all the exits are, and you are standing so no one can startle you from behind. This has become second nature to you. You don't want to overreact to a startled response so everyone will laugh at the nervous vet. The conversation is about political issues. Although participants are arguing with vigor and conviction for their point of view, it is really very unimportant. Life and death does not depend on them or their point of view. By the camera of your mind you return to another time and place. These men had vigor and conviction and were committed to staying alive so they could be where you are now. Its ironic - you didn't belong in Vietnam then, but because you were there, you don't belong here now. Your thoughts are interrupted by an attractive young lady who asks you if you would like to dance. You accept and the sound of the music, along with her smile start to drive the shadows from your mind. Before they leave, the voices echo questions: "Mac, where was she in 1967? Do you think she really wants to dance with a killer?" The music fades, you thank her and tell her you have to leave. Your mind has answered the question echoed by your past. As you move out into the night, you feel better. Alone in the darkness, you feel at home. Each time you hear the National Anthem and view the stars and stripes, and hear the Marine Corps Hymn, the shadows of your past come to mind. You remember a hand-painted sign displayed in a Ranger Camp in Vietnam, "Freedom has a price the protected will never know." Survival and return to the world were not what you expected them to be. The reason for this is while you were in Vietnam, you lost your innocence. The lasting effect of that loss of innocence is echoed in the poem "Thoughts By A Young Veteran." *The years others knew as youth, I spent learning the meaning of Death. The times others spent learning to love, I passed hoping to live through endless nights. The moments others remember as laughs in classrooms, I remember terror in the jungle. The instants of pleasure taken for granted by others, I remember as forgotten hopes - long ago crushed, by the reality of war. The unfulfilled dreams of others are yet to be thought by me since I am in search of my elusive youth, looking for years lost NAM VET Newsletter Page 18 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 in combat, which are no more - and never will be. *Taken from page 72 of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorders of The Vietnam Veteran, Edited by Tom Williams, Published 1980 by The Disabled American Veterans. Why did I walk with the shadows of my past? Because of my fellow veterans, still fighting the war for inner peace. I also have experienced that war. You can never be closed to a man than when you struggle with him - either to kill him, or help him overcome death. NAM VET Newsletter Page 19 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 A Day In Uniform - Eight Years Later By: Mike Gordon Flash Port BBS 720/7 18/7 (901)525-2710 Veterans of all services I have a challenge for you. Spend a day of the work week in your old uniform. I did and the reactions I got went a long way to helping me explain to myself what has happened in this country. The apathy for MIA's, POW's and the like. I was up most of the night preparing my old camouflage utilities for the day. Remember all those long nights spent preparing for inspections of one sort or another? This was no exception. It took about eight coats of boot polish to bring those old combat boots back to a respectable shine. I never did find a single one of my old Marine Covers so I had to improvise and use an old hunting hat. It did not do the uniform justice at all but that's the way it is eight years later. The day began a little earlier than usual. Resetting the chevrons, name tag and going bananas trying to find a button to replace the one that I notice missing not half an hour before I was due to leave for work. I never did find one but again that's the way it is eight years later. When I did get to work I was almost late so most of those I work with were already setting up for the day. Most took a quick look at who was coming through the door right at opening time. There was a difference this time when I walked in that door. I felt as though I was embarrassed. Eight years earlier I was proud (and still am proud) of the uniform, but this particular day something was different. I have not quite pinned it down to one special look that day. Initial reactions to the uniform from the work force was a mixed bag. It covered the total gambit of the spectrum from down right shear laughter to reserved stand off-ish-ness. As the day wore on, some of the people who had complemented me two earlier days on my dress (I wore dress clothes and a tie in a tie shirt and grease environment) were strangely stand offish. One of the two never did say a word to me that day. The other said only a casual; "hello" Other reactions were not what I expected in many ways. Memphis is a large city and familiar with the Navy installation just 20 miles to the North (NAS Millington - Electronics training facility) so I expected some positive reactions to the old uniform, but to my dismay my co-workers all seems to think I was going Dove hunting, or even worse was going to go crazy and kill a few people as the now famous postal employee did. One of the most memorable comments went something like this: "Well you have been driving that tank (1972 Impala) for years now and didn't have a uniform for it now you do!" Another comment goes with what I said earlier. It went something like this: "When you go crazy and start killing people please remember I'm a friend and leave me out of it, PLEASE...." Then there was another lady who when catching sight of me exclaimed, "OH MY GOD!" I've had some time to try to sort through my personal feelings about wearing the uniform. It definitely brought back some memories both good and bad. It reminded me where I came from. I started replaying the last 20 years of my life over and over in my mind. Maybe this is what some would call NAM VET Newsletter Page 20 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 flashbacks. I don't know, but it was definitely a day I will remember for a long time. The reactions of my co-workers served only to emphasize to me why this country is in the state of confusion it is. There is just no pride in a man wearing a uniform anymore. I'd wager a guess that if a World War Two veteran was to put on their uniform eight years after returning from the war they would not have been given the kind of reception I was. In all fairness, my co-workers are young and most have not been in service to their country at all but from them I did not expect to receive the coolishness that I did from other working NamVets! The President gives lip service to any questions about MIA's and POW's. He always says we are doing all we can to bring them home, but really doesn't fund the efforts nor publicize them either. The FULLEST ACCOUNTING POSSIBLE has been beat to death! The apathy shown by my "friends" shows only to well why our congressmen have allowed the VA Hospitals to deteriorate into such deplorable conditions. If I was to sum it all up in two words they would be apathy and disrespect. Apathy for those that served and their problems and disrespect of the uniform they served. What ever happened to American Honor, American Pride? I will repeat my challenge to all veterans reading this. Put on your old uniform for a weekday and watch the reactions of those around you. I hope your experiences will be better than mine. Only one thing I ask. Write about it and post it here in NamVet. I would like to read about others experiences. NAM VET Newsletter Page 21 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 Viet Nam The Rear Echelon Service? By: Mike Gordon 18/7 720/7 Memphis Possm Net 1 (901) 525)2710 Those of you who walked in the rice paddies of Viet Nam will know what this story is about just reading the Title. Still Many others might not have the foggiest of knowledge as to what the title implies. The Rear Echelon Service was in retrospect probably much bigger than twice the amount of men that served walking the rice paddies (here after called the boonies). It consisted of the surgeons, pilots, aircraft maintenance personnel who kept the boonie walkers supplied (well almost supplied anyway). I was what should be considered an Rear Echelon Server. Graduated Marine Corps Recruit Training in Sept. 1971 and sent to Okinawa in February of 1972. I pulled two "floats" off that island to the beautiful waters of the coast of North Viet Nam. Ok, Ok, beautiful most of the time, except when one morning I was standing on the deck of the good ship (I can't remember her name anymore) watching the sunrise beautiful and peaceful. My tranquillity was disturbed by the brilliant "LED's" coming from the shore less than the legal limit away. Watching these lights reminded me about the camera I was going to buy with the saved money from this trip. The little lights turned to dust and went out and a few seconds later I was whipped about as though someone had slapped me on the jaw! Now I was a pretty stout man for the tender age of 20, but this "concussion" had its way with me. After regaining my senses I thought about those men that had experienced similar concussions at even closer range and resolved (rather cowardly) that I hoped I would never have to be faced with THAT experience. Time traveled on, Nautical Miles turned into Statute miles, Electronic Counter Measures turned into Total Automated Banking Systems, but the gravity to that experience was etched indelibly with my memory. To this day I have not felt another experience like it. Time has a sort of funny way of changing things. Maybe that concussion was not so big after all, maybe not, but I am sure this type of "remembrance" is shared by more soldiers than myself. The boonie walkers among us could probably tell stories that would curl my hair. Lt. Calley could tell the real truth twenty years later. The NCO that froze in combat could try to explain (if even to himself) the unexplainable. The Joint Chief's could try to explain why the same hill was taken several times each with its loss of life. No, Viet Nam is a war that many would like to forget, but how can a man forget something that he is reminded of every time he looks at the scars from the surgeons knife? Or, every time he hears that special scream of incoming mortar fire? Or, every time he sees a face similar to the buddy that ended up in pieces in his lap? NAM VET Newsletter Page 22 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 I do not pretend to be able to emotionally understand these things, but I can try to provide an outlet for other Nam Vets who have lost so much, and still carry the scars twenty years later. That outlet is the NamVet Echo Conference. Anyone who has read these messages knows this is a place of refuge, of healing, but most of all comradeship. I believe this comradeship has saved a few suicides, a few cases of "Postal Worker went berserk", and simply a few cases of nobody understands. In this conference, there are people who care, who understand because they have been there! [Editors' Note: Thank you Mike] NAM VET Newsletter Page 23 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 ================================================================= G E N E R A L A R T I C L E S ================================================================= Isn't there ANYTHING **ANYONE** can do? by: Alan C. Harnack 199th Light Infantry Brigade In: VVA Chapter 362 Cadillac, MI Chapter Newsletter Isn't there ANYTHING **ANYONE** can do? ==================================================== P.O.W. - M.I.A. <<<<<<< Doesn't Anybody Care About Me? Hear me, help me, Uncle Sam. I'm a prisoner of war in Vietnam. I came to serve my blessed land. Now I'm confused on where I stand. They tell me that the war is through. But I have yet to see the proof. The man by the door still has a gun. And I have yet to see the sun. I've been here for eighteen years. My eyes are wet from lonely tears. I pray some day that I may see My lovely wife and my family. Leeches live upon my skin, Parasites down deep within. Mosquitoes land upon my face. I've got to get out of this place! Men have died since I've been here. I feel my number's getting near. My vision's dim, it's hard to see. Doesn't anybody care about me? - Alan C. Harnack - NAM VET Newsletter Page 24 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 From: At the Vietnam Veterans Memorial: Between the Lines Submitted by: Alex Humphrey > Eugene E. Grollmes < Depending on the date of death -- Their names are listed...Fulton... Jackson...Nottingham...O'Rourke... In polished black granite from Bangalore -- row upon row -- Forever in honor of those who Died in the rice paddies, jungles, Mountains, fields: oh, they are Already beyond the confines of Time: yet they are present in the Hush of the valley -- watched Over by comrades in bronze -- On a nearby ridge looking down at The Wall -- almost in disbelief At the number of dead -- can They all be dead?...Pritchard... Randall...Sheridan...Wolf...?"Yes," The Wall answers...and answers. Yes NAM VET Newsletter Page 25 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 MISSING MEN From the VETERANS' NEWSLETTER an inhouse publication of: U S WEST (formerly Northwestern Bell) Input by J. Renne Sysop Friend's BBS 14/622 MISSING MEN Long ago, the people say The world was peaceful every day. People passed each other by And never told a single lie. Unless, of course, the time did come, When soldiers marched by playing drum. Then people gathered around. And never made a single sound. The mothers held their children tight, For they were overcome by fright, The soldiers stopped Their drumming then, And read the names of missing men. Some families were relieved to say. That God was with them on that day, But others turned away in sorrow, Knowing only that tomorrow, Sons of some husbands and wives, Would also lose their precious lives, And soldiers would come back again, To read the names of missing men. By: Kim Shortall Ingramport, Nova Scotia NAM VET Newsletter Page 26 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 The Dangers of Sterotypical Thinking by D.J. Lawrence, President Operation Vets-Haven, Inc. Input by: VETLink #1 Oftentimes I am asked why I work so hard on an issue that seemingly ended almost fourteen years ago. I refer of course to the Vietnam War. Some people in this region have asked me why it is necessary to have another Vet's organization. Can't these Vietnam Veterans let it go after all this time ? The truth of the matter is that most veterans by and large have managed to re- integrate themselves into society in a way they think successful. This is great ! However, there are some vets who haven't "come home" yet. That is, they have been unable to make the readjustment, or did in fact do so years ago, only to have something happen to them much later that upset that. I have observed over the past, that many vets who are still having difficulties are doing so, not so much on account of their war experiences (though that is an item) but because of how the American Society views them, and in many cases has judged them based on faulty and inaccurate information that was disseminated through the media during the Vietnam Years. When you take a seventeen, eighteen, or nineteen year old boy, train him to be a soldier, convince him that this war is necessary in order to prevent the spread of communism or whatever, ship him off 10,000 miles away to a land most people at the time never heard of, and then a year to thirteen months later, pluck him out of that situation, and put him on his front porch; and then proceed to tell him how nasty the Vietnam War is, and thus tell him how terrible he is; when you ask and accuse him of all kinds of atrocities, scream epithets in his face, call him "babykiller", 'warmonger' etc, That now young/old boy is going to listen to all of that and in some cases start believing it. That is stereotypical thinking that is very destructive. The evidence clearly shows that most vets are fine, sane, caring and service oriented people. But in short, if you teach a man to hate himself, then he is going to have a very hard time loving anybody or anything, especially a society that has in the first instance called on him to fight, and then turned around and threw him away. It has happened time and time again, and it still does! Another example, is the Vietnam veteran "crybaby". This term is applied by people who think that Vietnam vets are just trying to use their war experience as an excuse for weakness. In short an accusation of "not being a man." In the last eight or ten years, I think I have met maybe three such vets that would possibly fit this description. In other words it is rare - very much so. So what is the solution? Simple. Don't hold onto media hype and myths of the past. Become informed, and involved. Quick judgements are almost always wrong. Educate yourself or attend classes on the subject both pro and con, of that time. Stop thinking of vets as losers or victims. They're not. The preponderance of evidence is such as to the abilities, purpose, talents and caring of the veteran, that it is overwhelming. If you know, or come to know a Vietnam vet, don't ask him how many people he killed, ask him what it felt like to be nineteen or so - and scared out of his mind. Ask him what it felt like when he NAM VET Newsletter Page 27 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 came home from the War. Ask him what he feels now, and how much his past experiences influence him in the present. And then LISTEN to him. If you can do nothing more than listen and attempt to understand, you will do a great deal indeed for the veteran. Stop treating him as a second-class citizen. He isn't. After all he went to that war. Another thing, the Vietnam veteran did not lose the war. The government of the United States did. The fact is we did not lose one major battle of the Vietnam War in all the years it was going on. But don't do any of these things because I say so, or society expects you to, or because it is "trendy" and fashionable. Do it because you genuinely want to know - and you care. If your motives are not real, the vet will see it in a second, and drop you just like that ! No more guilt, please. That will just cause more unnecessary pain. Thank the vet for the job he did, and welcome him home - sincerely. And the vet ? Try to listen to your public, open your heart and become the true, loyal, teaching and loving citizen, that you know you are. More - demand and take, your proper place in society, that is rightfully yours. And one more thing: *** WELCOME HOME, BROTHER *** NAM VET Newsletter Page 28 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 VA's National Vietnam Veterans Readjustment Study??? THE NATIONAL VIETNAM VETERANS READJUSTMENT STUDY Input by: G. Joseph Peck, Sysop VETLink #1 - Pittsfield, MA FidoNet 1:321/203 AlterNet 7:46/203 (413) 443-6313 The National Vietnam Veterans Readjustment Study was mandated by Congress in November 1983 under Public Law 98-160. In Jan. 1984, the Veterans Administration issued a request for proposal to prospective offerors for the study and in Sept. 1984 awarded a contract to the Research Triangle Institute, an independent research firm in North Carolina. GOALS OF THE STUDY The Study was designed to provide: = Information about the incidence, prevalence and effects of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and related post-war psychological problems among Vietnam veterans; = A comprehensive description of the total life adjustment of Vietnam theater veterans and to compare their adjustment to that of Vietnam Era veterans and civilians; = Detailed scientific information about PTSD, including its consequences; its relationship to other physical and emotional disorders; its impact on veterans' families or partners; and the relationship between PTSD and physical disabilities, substance abuse, minority group membership and criminal activity. METHODOLOGY RTI conducted a National Survey of the Vietnam Generation which involved indepth, face-to-face interviews with a nationally representative sampling (more than 3,000) of Vietnam theater veterans, Vietnam Era veterans, and nonveterans or civilian counterparts^. The nonveterans or civilian counterparts were matched to the theater veterans on the basis of age, sex, race/ethnicity (for men only) and occupation (for women only). Certain subgroups were oversampled, including females, black and Hispanic males, and theater veterans with service-connected physical disabilities to ensure adequate statistical assessment. RTI also conducted a preliminary validation study of all measures of PTSD used and to prepare for the National Survey. Following the National Survey, clinical interviews were conducted by mental health professionals, and interviews also were conducted with spouses or partners. To increase the accuracy of the estimates of PTSD prevalence, multiple PTSD measures were used. HIGHLIGHTS OF FINDINGS MALE VIETNAM THEATER VETERANS = 15.2 percent (an estimated 479,000 out of some 3.1 million) currently have PTSD; 11.1 percent currently have partial PTSD (some symptoms of PTSD with sufficient severity to NAM VET Newsletter Page 29 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 require treatment but not the full diagnosis) = 30 percent have had PTSD at some point in their lives = During the course of their lives, more than half had had PTSD or partial PTSD = Almost half of Vietnam theater veterans had at least one psychiatric disorder at some point in their lives, alcohol abuse or dependence accounting for the greatest proportion. (In general these rates were NOT substantially higher among non-theater veterans.) = One in 10 has been homeless or vagrant at some point during their lives. = Veterans with PTSD are five times more likely to be unemployed = Those veterans exposed to high levels of war stress had higher rates than other Vietnam veterans for divorce, marital problems and problems in parenting their children. HISPANIC MALE VIETNAM VETERANS = 27.9 percent currently have PTSD BLACK MALE VIETNAM VETERANS = 20.6 percent currently have PTSD FEMALE VIETNAM THEATER VETERANS = 8.5 percent (610 out of an estimated 7,000) currently have PTSD = 7.8 percent currently have partial PTSD = 26 percent have had PTSD at some point in their lives = During the course of their lives, an estimated 48 percent have had PTSD or partial PTSD = 20 percent of those exposed to high war zone stress currently have PTSD. ^ Vietnam theater veterans served on active duty in the U.S. Armed Forces during the Vietnam Era (8/5/64 - 5/7/75) in Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, or the waters or airspace surrounding these countries. Vietnam Era veterans served on active duty in the U.S. Armed Forces during the Vietnam Era but did not serve in the Vietnam theater. An estimated 8.2 million men and women served during the Vietnam Era. 3.1 million men served in the Vietnam theater; 7,000 women served in the Vietnam theater. NAM VET Newsletter Page 30 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 Should we build a VETNET? by: G. Joseph Peck, Assistant Editor - NAM VET Sysop, VETLink #1 FidoNet 1:321/203 AlterNet 7:46/203 There has been a lot of quiet discussion concerning setting up our own VETNET - an information, service and support network dedicated and committed to veterans of the military service and their families and significant others - which would be akin to the present-day FidoNet system we're all used to (Node numbers, etc). Working with homeless, incarcerated and unemployed veterans - and their families - and veterans in crises of one form or another, I've come to appreciate the ability we all have for rapid communications... and to be a little concerned about message turn- around times sometimes in excess of 7 days. Since the Vietnam Veterans Valhalla went down, I've noticed terribly little traffic in all the echo's listed below - EXCEPT the Vietnam Vets echo... and THAT one is just now starting to regain its previous momentum and service-orientation and other veterans are discovering that the Valhalla is down. Together with a few other Sysops, we've been working on the institution of a VETNET which will carry ALL of the echo's and make them available to our nation's veterans and concerned others. ECHO's that are presently planned for VETNET are: VIETNAM_VETS (Todd Looney, Moderator) VETS_FRIENDS (Joan Renne, Moderator) MILITARY_ISSUE (G. Joseph Peck, Moderator) MIA_POW (Glenn Toothman, Moderator) VETREACH (G. Joseph Peck, Moderator) Other potential echo's are: ACTIVE_MILITARY (Rod Prince, moderator?) INTERNATIONAL_VETERAN - moderator needed (commond bonds) EMPLOY_A_VET - moderator needed - (Employment for vets) VET_HELP - moderator needed - (Homeless & other crises) VETERAN_GROUPS - moderator needed (DAV, VFW, other Vet groups) Further discussion concerning "VETNET" has indicated that none of the above-mentioned echo's should be on the backbone in order that we keep control and responsibility for rapid communications and help to a veteran and/or his family in need. At a later date, text and other files important to our veterans may also be distributed through the VETNET network). A few MORE *STARS*, ideas and suggestions are needed before we can begin the implementation of VETNET. If *you* or the Sysop of a BBS near you would be willing to handle a nightly poll of a Star near you to pick up/deliver any of the VETNET echo's and make them available for pickup to nodes within the states immediately adjoining yours, please contact me either through the Vietnam Vets echo or NETMAIL to 1:321/203 or Alternet 7:46/203. Ci'ao for Ni'ao NAM VET Newsletter Page 31 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 -Joe- NAM VET Newsletter Page 32 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 ================================================================= " M I N I " W A L L S C H E D U L E 1 9 8 9 ================================================================= "Mini" Wall Schedule Wall "A", 1989 May 05-----11.....Winston Salem NC 17-----21.....Chatanooga TN 25-----29.....Comer GA Jun 01-----07.....Marion IN 12-----18.....Unassigned 22-----28.....State College PA Jul 02-----08.....Massena NY 12-----18.....Bronx NY 23-----29.....Greenfield MA Aug 01-----13.....Beverly MA 18-----24.....Oneonta NY 27-Sep 04.....Akron OH Sep 11-----17.....Kokomo IN Oct 16-----22.....Mobile AB 27-Nov-02.....Jacksonville FL Nov 11-----17.....Bayaman PR Wall "B", 1989 May 01-----07.....Traverse City MI 10-----17.....Aurora IL 23-----29.....Alton IL Jun 02-----08.....Lincoln NB 13-----19.....Valley City ND 23-----29.....Pontiac IL Jul 01-----04.....Rockford IL 09-----15.....Laramie WY 19-----25.....Colorado Springs CO Aug 07-----13.....Grand Island NB 17-----23.....Maryville TN 26-Sep-01.....Nashville TN Sep 06-----12.....Round Rock TX 16-----22.....Ventura CA Oct 23-----27.....Orange CA Nov 02-----08.....San Clemente CA Nov 11-----17.....Los Angeles CA NAM VET Newsletter Page 33 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 ================================================================= C A L E N D A R ================================================================= May 16, 1989 Vietnam Veterans' Valhalla THIRD Anniversary June 1, 1989 Vietnam Veterans' Valhalla Coming Back ONLINE! NAM VET Newsletter Page 34 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 ================================================================= I V V E C N O D E L I S T ================================================================= IVVEC Nodelist ================================================================= OFFICIAL NODELIST INTERNATIONAL VIETNAM VETERANS ECHO CONFERENCE ================================================================= 01 March 1989 As of the above date, these are the net/nodes currently receiving the IVVEC Echo that we know of. If you have any ADDITIONS, DELETIONS, or CHANGES to report, please Contact Woody Carmack at 1:153/130 (1-604-462-8753 Data) or leave a message in the IVVEC. We will acknowledge receipt of your note. ================================================================= NET/ MAX NODE BBS NAME City/State/Country Phone BAUD ================================================================ 632/350 Yarra Valley BBS Melbourne Austr AU 61-3-848-331 1200 114/113 Corwin's Keep Tempe AZ 1-602-894-1470 2400 114/13 Corwin's Keep Tempe AZ 1-602-894-1470 2400 153/123 DAETECH Burnaby BC 1-604-420-2641 9600 153/130 Vietnam Veterans In Canada 9600 HST 1-604-462-8753 Headquarters, Vietnam Veterans In Canada Int'l VETNet NodeList Coordinator 153/501 Valley Hub Clearbrook BC 1-604-850-0021 2400 153/508 Ebenezer Christian BBS Mission BC 1-604-826-6607 9600 153/133 Hot Line Data Network Langley BC 1-604-533-0421 2400 220/20 Old Frog's Almanac Nanaimo BC 1-604-758-3072 2400 103/507 Philosopher's Log Anaheim CA 1-714-535-1258 9600 200/100 The Board Room Belmont Shores CA 1-213-498-6425 2400 161/502 Wildcat Benicia CA 1-707-746-5820 2400 161/66 Generic BBS Citrus Heights CA 1-916-722-3659 2400 203/66 Generic BBS Citrus Heights CA 1-916-722-3659 2400 161/1 Nerd's Nook Concord CA 1-415-672-2504 9600 202/401 jabberWOCky Escondido CA 1-619-743-9935 2400 161/34 Now and Zen OPUS Fair Oaks CA 1-916-962-1952 9600 161/56 Nat'l Family Forum Freemont, CA 1-415-651-4147 2400 NAM VET Newsletter Page 35 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 161/7 Mover Mouse BBS Fremont, CA 1-415-883-1644 2400 200/200 CSULB Long Beach, CA 1-213-494-8737 1200 161/39 Nightline Mather AFB, CA 1-916-362-1755 2400 161/509 Enterprize Pinole, CA 1-415-758-1650 2400 161/11 The Byte Boutique Sacramento CA 1-916-483-8032 2400 161/5 River City II OPUS Sacramento, CA 1-916-646-9678 9600 161/943 Eagle's Nest Sacramento, CA 1-916-334-2822 9600 10/215 Silver BBS San Diego, CA 1-619-226-4502 2400 125/31 Echo Coord San Francisco CA 1-415-621-5206 9600 143/27 Vietnam Veterans Valhalla San Jose CA 1-408-293-7894 2400 Todd Looney 24Hrs/365 Days FrontDoor v1.13g CM Int'l VETNet Headquarters, Vietnam Veterans Valhalla NAM VET Editor/Publisher Member, Berkshire Veterans' Center B.O.D. Temporarily Down until June 1989 (Re-Direct all E-Mail to 1:143/28 or 7:406/28) 143/31 Tranquility Base San Jose CA 1-408-251-4926 9600 204/40 Sir_Dep's_Dungeon Sunnyvale CA 1-408-992-0846 2400 Temporary West Coast Distribution Center 143/86 Cat's Tail BBS S T O P San Mateo CA 1-415-349-8245 2400 125/78 Living Sober BBS San Mateo, CA 1-415-342-2859 2400 125/12 The Grape Vine Santa Rosa, CA 1-707-546-4938 2400 125/7 Survival Forum Santa Rosa, CA 1-707-545-0746 9600 HST 103/501 Mount Silverthorn Tustin, CA 1-714-544-3369 2400 104/28 Pinecliff BBS Boulder, CO 1-303-444-7073 2400 128/13 COSUG-Colorado's User Clrdo Spg CO 1-404-548-0726 2400 128/16 Firenet Leader Colorado Spring CO 1-303-591-9600 2400 104/739 The Phoenix Parker, CO 1-303-841-9570 2400 104/51 P2 B2 South Denver, CO 1-303-329-3337 2400 141/488 Alice's Restaurant Branford CT 1-203-488-1115 2400 141/250 Wilton Woods Wilton, CT 1-203=762-8481 9600 135/27 Bitsy's Place Miami Beach FL 1-305-865-0495 1200 135/35 The Way Out BBS Miami, FL 1-305-665-3283 1200 NAM VET Newsletter Page 36 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 363/9 Wit's End Orlanda, FL 1-305-894-0807 1200 363/10 Midas Touch Orlando, FL 1-305-648-1133 1200 366/38 Jolly Green Giant Shalimar, FL 1-904-651-3875 9600 18/43 Athens Echo Athens, GA 1-404-546-7857 9600 370/10 OnLine OPUS Athens, GA 1-404-548-0726 2400 370/5 Athens Forum Athens, GA 1-404-546-7857 9600 12/7 HPCUA Honolulu HI 1-808-422-8406 9600 12/1 Aura Net Honolulu, HI 1-808-533-0190 2400 115/761 ICS/TRIX 1 OPUS Chicago, IL 1-312-761-7887 2400 115/529 Elk Grove Repeater Elk Grove Vlg IL 1-312-529-1586 2400 115/20 North Shore BBS Evanston, IL 1-312-491-2611 2400 115/429 Chicago Business Evanston, IL 1-312-491-2611 2400 232/4 Runways End OPUS Peoria, IL 1-309-691-5416 9600 HST 11/202 The SouthSide BBS Indianapolis, IN 1-317-882-9330 1200 227/1 Michiana TechLine Mishawaka, IN 1-219-258-0286 9600 227/150 The SX Project Whiting IN 1-219-659-2711 2400 108/90 DATANET Information Syste Erlanger KY 1-606-727-3638 2400 108/50 The ZOO BBS Independence, KY 1-606-283-2040 2400 321/109 PIONEER VALLEY PCUG #1 Amherst, MA 1-413-256-1037 9600 HST 321/201 Mountain Top Dalton, MA 1-413-684-2886 2400 321/203 VETLink #1 Pittsfield, MA 1-413-443-6313 2400 G. Joseph Peck 24Hrs/365 Days FrontDoor v1.13g CM East Coast Distribution Center President, Berkshire Veterans' Center NAM VET Assistant Editor 109/722 Ronnie's Roadies BBS Camp Springs MD 1-301-736-0135 1200 109/648 Falcon's Rock College Park, MD 1-301-345-7459 2400 109/124 ZEPHYR National Capital Area 1-703-620-5418 HST 9600 13/33 Avi-Technic Lutherville, MD 1-301-252-0717 9600 13/30 The Futurists BBS Perry Hall, MD 1-301-529-0716 9600 261/628 Liberty Hall Reisterstown, MD 1-301-833-8933 2400 261/628.1 Systemhouse Link Reisterstown, MD 1-301-833-8933 2400 NAM VET Newsletter Page 37 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 109/717 The Tin Badge BBS Silver Spring, MD 1-301-589-2016 1200 1/214 Region 14 Echo Coor Minneapolis, MN 1-612-377-3398 2400 1/314 Software Dist Minneapolis, MN 1-612-377-3469 2400 282/1 Midwest Echo Star Minneapolis, MN 1-612-377-3469 9600 151/20 Metro Link Charlotte, NC 1-704-541-8626 2400 151/60 VMC-BBS Lewisville, NC 1-919-945-4850 2400 151/100 NC Central Raleigh, NC 1-919-851-8460 9600 151/1000 REDCON Raleigh, NC 1-919-859-3353 2400 14/662 Friend's BBS Omaha, NE 1-402-896-2669 2400 Joan Renne 24Hrs/365 Days Tabby/DRBBS CM Member, Berkshire Veterans' Center 132/101 BBS Source Archive Nashua, NH 1-603-888-8179 2400 150/803 Jersey Vertex Moorestown, NJ 1-609-869-0139 2400 1:305/101 NASW New Mexico Las Cruces, NM 1-505-646-2868 2400 381/401 Border Connection Santa Fe NM 1-505-678-1318 2400 107/105 NY Transfer Staten Island, NY 1-718-448-2358 2400 108/105 Global Time Systems Cincinnati, OH 1-606-341-7910 2400 157/1 Auer Register Cleveland, OH 1-216-883-0578 2400 110/20 EDS Data Dayton, OH 1-513-455-2431 2400 157/501 The PC-Key BBS Girard OH 1-216-545-9205 2400 385/4 Info-Net Lawton, OK 1-405-357-6181 2400 385/6 Bink's Barn Lawton, OK 1-405-357-2473 2400 147/14 Dark Star TBBS Oklahoma City, OK 1-405-691-0863 9600 148/120 Genetic Research Vat Toronto ON 1-416-480-0551 2400 11/700 FCAU IBM Net Toronto, ON 1-416-427-0682 9600 221/156 Waterloo CBCS PUBLIC Waterloo, ON 1-519-746-5020 9600 221/157 Waterloo CBCS Echomail Waterloo, ON Unpublished 9600 105/16 Net 105 EchoMail Hub Portland, OR 1-503-761-3003 2400 105/61 Shotgun OPUS Portland, OR 1-503-760-4521 2400 157/506 Beacon Hill OPUS Transfer, PA 1-412-962-9514 2400 362/1 The Mines of Moria Chattanooga, TN 1-615-344-9601 2400 NAM VET Newsletter Page 38 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 362/501 Coconut Telegraph Chattanooga, TN 1-615-698-4858 2400 18/7 Flash Port Memphis TN 1-901-525-2710 2400 18/6 POSSM Mail Echogate Memphis, TN 1-901-353-4563 9600 HST Jerry Hindle 24Hrs/365 Days BinkleyTERM v2.0 Mid-American Distribution Center Int'l NAM VET Distribution Center All NAMVET News Letters online for FReq. MAIL ONLY 130/5 CUSSNET UTA Arlington, TX 1-817-273-3966 2400 136/200 The Chai Way II Austin, TX 1-214-358-3738 2400 1:124/4210 Hardwired Dallas TX 1-214-437-4075 9600 124/4214 *CHRYSALIS* Dallas TX 1-214-895-9054 2400 124/106 CHAI Way II Dallas, TX 1-214-250-3323 9600 124/110 Flying Dutchman Dallas, TX 1-214-642-3436 9600 124/117 NCC-1701 Node 1 Dallas, TX 1-214-240-8821 2400 124/4117 NCC-1701 Dallas, TX 124/14 Chrysalis Dallas, TX 1-214-985-9054 2400 124/200 Dallas Outbound Dallas, TX 1-214-437-4075 2400 124/201 Hardweird Dallas, TX 1-204-931-2987 2400 19/5 Micro Application El Paso TX 1-915-594-9738 2400 106/386 Information Center Exchan Houston TX 1-713-872-4429 2400 106/108 Stormy Weather I Houston, TX 1-713-644-4345 9600 106/111 Shutterbug's OPUS Houston, TX 1-713-880-4329 2400 106/113 The Opus Network Houston, TX 1-713-780-4153 2400 106/114 The Fireside Houston, TX 1-713-496-6319 2400 106/357 TMBBS Houston, TX 1-713-497-5433 2400 106/666 Anything Goes OPUS Houston, TX 1-713-997-2624 2400 106/132 Fast BBS OPUS Katy, TX 1-713-392-0093 2400 382/1 Crystal Palace Lake Travis, TX 1-512-339-8037 2400 382/14 Corona Del Mar Rockport, TX 1-512-729-7026 9600 381/201 Pro Link San Angelo, TX 1-915-944-2952 2400 387/401 Comp-U-Gen II San Antonio TX 1-512-496-9373 2400 387/601 NCOA International BBS San Antonio TX 1-512-653-0409 2400 NAM VET Newsletter Page 39 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 387/800 NCOA International BBS San Antonio TX 1-800-365-6262 2400 109/604 ShanErin Alexandria, VA 1-703-941-8291 2400 109/639 The RENEX BBS Woodbridge, VA 1-703-494-8331 2400 343/111 Lessor Puget TB Edmonds, WA 1-206-742-8067 2400 343/9 Everett OPUS Everett, WA 1-206-355-1295 1200 138/4 PTC Net Mount Vernon, WA 1-206-757-5248 2400 1/217 Region 17 Echo Coord Puyallup, WA 1-206-848-5317 2400 138/101 Story Board Puyallup, WA 1-206-848-5317 9600 138/3 Region 17 ADVISOR EMERITUS Puyallup, WA 1-206-848-9232 2400 138/49 The Cohort Puyallup, WA 1-206-848-2646 9600 138/35 US HDS Human Service Seattle, WA 1-206-442-8127 2400 138/52 Burrell's Ballpark Tacoma, WA 1-206-752-4672 2400 139/640 Fox Valley Tech Appleton, WI 1-414-735-2513 2400 154/200 PC-Express Greenfield, WI 1-414-327-5300 2400 261/1004 The PainFrame 1-301-488-7461 UNK 343/26 AFMINS BBS 1-206-488-4309 9600 HST 387/801 The Commo Bunker Phone number not available. 161/208 G.A.D.M. Multi-User Hayward, CA (415) 581-3019 139/630 APPLEGATE Appleton, WI 261/1007 FINAL FRONTIER (301) 947-4404 344/117 LSO QuickBBS, Everett WA (206)334-3088 9600 HST 7:49/0 ALTERNET The Flying Dutchman, Grand Prairie, TX 7:440/1 Lord Frog Of Swamp (715) 362-3895 7:43/15 NITEWING HST * Addr Unk AFIMS BBS *WILDCAT* HST PCP (206)488-4309 231/70 ISU BBS Terre Haute IN 170/203 The GUNNER'S MATE 347/2 Computers on line 370/11 Classic City Vet's Conference, Athens, GA (404)548-0130 204/45 SeaHunt BBS (415) 343-5904 NAM VET Newsletter Page 40 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 14/703 Telen-Quest BBS (417)882-5108 154/288 The Inner Circle 19/43 McScott's BBS, Blytheville AR, (502)532-6212 9600 HST 344/9 tHE pRECEDENT, eVERETT wa (206)355-1295 322/230.0 Denis's OPUS!, Ayer, MA (Ft.Devens) 1-508-772-6373 Denis Marchand 7:520/563 EEE's BBS, Clifton NJ Ed Edell 107/563 EEE's BBS Clifton NJ 1-201-340-3531 9600 NAM VET Newsletter Page 41 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 The Nam Vet Newsletter is a nonprofit publication available free of charge to anyone wishing to have a copy. It can be obtained in electronic computer format by anyone having access to a computer and modem by dialing up any of the IVVEC hosting bulletin board systems listed in this issue of the Nam Vet. It can also be mailed to you in printed format if you are willing to pay the $1.67 cost for postage and the mailing envelope. If you desire to have the Nam Vet mailed to you in printed format, please complete the subscription form below, clip it out, and mail it to: Nam Vet Newsletter Vietnam Veterans Valhalla 28 Cecil Avenue San Jose, California 95128 If you send your payment in check or money order, please make it payable to Todd Looney. NAME_____________________________________________________________ STREET ADDRESS __________________________________________________ CITY/STATE/ZIP __________________________________________________ AMOUNT ENCLOSED ($1.67 per month desired) _______________________ If this subscription is for someone else, to whom shall we credit the gift? ______________________________________ May89 NAM VET Newsletter Page 42 Volume 3, Number 5 May 6, 1989 O SOME GAVE ALL ... ! pow mia pow mia - BRING THEM HOME NOW! - pow mia pow mia ! ! O O ! ! ~~~~~ ~ ~ O~ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~ O ~~ ~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~ ! ! ~~~~ ~ ~~ O ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~O~~~ ~~~ ~ ~~~~ ~~ ! ! ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ O~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~ O ~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~ ! ! ~~~ ~~ ~~ ~ O ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~ O ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~ ~ ! ! ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~ O ~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ O ~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~ ! ! ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~ O ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~ O ~ ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ! ! ~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~ O ~_~_~_~_~_ ~ O ~ ~~~~ ~ ~ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ! ! ~~~ ~ ~ ~~~ ~~ ~ O ) O ~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~~ ! ! ~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ /(O) / O \ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~ ~ ! ! ~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~ / / O \~~~~ ~~ ~~~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~ ! ! ~~ ~ ~ ~~ ~~ / PRISONER / \~~ ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~ ~~~~~~ ! ! ~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~ / / MISSING \~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~ ~~ ! ! ~~~ ~ ~~ ~~ / OF /\ \~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~~ ~ ! ! ~ ~~~~ ~~ ~ / / \ IN \~ ~~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ! ! ~~~ ~~~ ~ / WAR / ~~ \ \ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ! ! ~ ~~ ~~ ~ (_________ / ~ ~~ \ ACTION / ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ! ! ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ \ / ~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ! ! ~~~~~ ~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~ ~~~ \ / ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ! ! ~~ ~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~~~~~ ! ! ~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~ ~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~ ~ ! ! ~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ! ! ~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~ SOME STILL GIVE ! ~ ~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ! ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ! ! mia pow mia pow - BRING THEM HOME NOW! - mia pow mia pow ! NAM VET Newsletter Page 43