Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 . __ . . -*- N A M V E T -*- ____/ \_ . . ( * \ . . Managing Editor \ Quangtri . . -------------- \_/\ \_ Hue . . G. Joseph Peck \_Ashau Phu Bai . . \_* \_ . . \ * ) . . Distribution Manager _/ Danang . . Jerry Hindle ( \_*Chu Lai . . \_ ------- \__ . . Section Editors \_ I Corps \ . . --------------- \ ------- ! . . AGENT ORANGE: Martin H. Kroll, Sr. /\_____ ! . . INCARCERATED VETS: Joyce Flory / ! \ . . HOMELESSNESS: Lefty Frizzell ! !___ \ . . FEDERAL BENEFITS: Jim Hildwine ! \/\____! . . IN-TOUCH: Ray "Frenchy" Moreau ! ! . . MEMORIES: G. Joseph Peck / Dak To ! . . / * / . . ! \_ . . ! Phu Cat\ . . \ * * ) . . \ Pleiku ) . . -**- N A M V E T -**- \ \ . . / / . . "In the jungles of 'Nam, some of us ( -------- ! . . were scared and wary, but we pulled _\ II Corps ! . . one another along and were able / -------- \ . . to depend on each other. That has \ \ . . never changed. Today, free of the ! * / . . criticisms and misunderstandings _/ Nhatrang / . . many veterans have endured, _/ / . . NAM VET is a shining beacon, __/ ! . . a ray of hope, and a _ __/ \ ! . . reminder that the _____( )/ ! Camranh Bay . . lessons learned / !__ ! . . at such a high / \ / . . price shall not \ Bien Hoa \ / . . be forgotten - ! Chu Chi * \ __/ . . nor the errors \_ * --------- \ ___/ . . repeated!!!" ____ \ III Corps \ _/ . . / \_____) )_(_ --------- !__/ Duplication in . . ! ( ___/ any form permitted . . _____! \__ * ___/ for NONCOMMERCIAL . . ! Saigon/ purposes ONLY! . . \___ -------- / \/ . . \ IV Corps / For other use, contact: . . ) -------- / . . / ! G. Joseph Peck (413) 442-1660 . . / ____/ Managing Editor . . / Mekong/ . . ! Delta/ This newsletter is comprised of articles . . ! ____/ and items from individuals and other . . ! / sources. We are not responsible for the . . ! / content of this information nor are any of . . ! __/ NAM VETs contributors or Section Editors. . . \_/ gjp . . . NAM VET Newsletter Page i Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 ================================================================= T A B L E O F C O N T E N T S 1. EDITORIALS An Electronic Vet Center Becomes A Reality! ............. 1 Here's Lookin' For Ya ................................... 4 In Search Of... ......................................... 6 Vaya Con Dios ........................................... 7 2. Time to Remember Duty, Honor, Country - MacArthur Style .................. 9 3. Missing!!! DAV Addresses the POW/MIA Issue ......................... 13 Home with Honor - A POW Returns ......................... 15 Return From Hell - The POWs Remember .................... 17 They haven't forgutten US!!! ............................ 24 4. In-Touch In-Touch: What is it??? ................................. 25 IN-TOUCH Registration/Request Form!!! ................... 28 5. But Its ONLY Heat Rash! American Legion Awarded AO Grant ........................ 30 Break out the Clearasil ! ........................... 32 6. Hearts n' Minds Vietnam Desiderata ...................................... 33 One Woman's Wait: Shades of Yesterday! .................. 35 Struggling with Stress .................................. 44 Deliverance ............................................. 47 7. Needin' to hear from ya! Stress & The Incarcerated Veteran ....................... 48 A visit or note once in awhile? ......................... 49 Incarcerated Vets NEED services of the VA! .............. 50 Incarcerated Pen Pals ................................... 51 8. NamVet's Quiet Corner A Brown Water Sailors Return! ........................... 53 The Electronic Chapel ................................... 54 9. Sand Fleas n' Desert Walkers (Camels) The Saudi Connection .................................... 55 Send Free Desert Fax Messages ........................... 56 10. Uncle Sam wants YOU to know... Vets eligible for waiver of VA Debts & Refunds .......... 57 Ask the Veterans' Affairs Counselor ..................... 58 Vietnam Women's Memorial Design Competition ............. 61 11. Concentrated IVVEC/NamVet Service Vet Service Summary - USPO, Radio Shack, DAV ............ 62 Radio Shack Hiring Practices Questioned ................. 64 Veteran Service Commissioners/Directors ................. 66 Non-Commissioned Officers Association ................... 68 Vietnam Vets Christmas Tree ............................. 70 Berkshire Veterans' Center .............................. 71 12. IVVEC & NamVet - WHERE? NamVet Roll Call ........................................ 72 IVVEC Nodelist .......................................... 74 Some Gave All... ........................................ 77 NAM VET Newsletter Page ii Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 ================================================================= E D I T O R I A L S ================================================================= An Electronic Vet Center Becomes A Reality By: G. Joseph Peck NamVet's Managing Editor President: Berkshire Veterans' Center, Inc. SysOp: VETLink #1 - Pittsfield, MA (413) 443-6313 To quote someone who possessed courage, dedication, and commitment I still continue to admire: "Some men dream dreams and say 'Why!' 'I' dreams dreams and say 'WHY NOT!'" And "WHY NOT!" an electronic veteran center to better serve YOU, your dependents and close others. As founder and President of Berkshire Veterans Center, Inc., and as one who has been close to many of you for quite a number of years, I proudly announce the reality of all that we have been working on: An Electronic Vet Center. The proper forms have been filed with the IRS (IRS-folks are not ALL boogey-men ), an official corporate seal has been obtained, and a very low-balance checking account in the corporation's name has been opened. We've only just begun, folks. We need YOUR help and YOUR contributions to help us continue. Here's what we've done, do, and hope to do : Berkshire Veterans' Center, Inc. was initially created to meet the needs of Berkshire County, MA Vietnam and other veterans as well as their family and friends through the operation(s) of a storefront-type Vet Center. Adequate, timely, funding to provide the quality and type of services envisioned in its original corporate charter did not materialize and the corporation, after assuring that Vet Center services would be available for local veterans, then concentrated its efforts on grass-root veteran service and the linking together throughout the nation of veterans, their dependents and others desiring veteran service and/or information. Via its computer-based bulletin board service, VETLink #1, the corporation began its pioneer efforts at bringing veteran-related services to the homes of deaf, blind, housebound/homebound disabled veterans and their close others. In March, 1987 the corporation commenced providing on-line camaraderie, support, guidance in completing claims for VA Medical, Educational, Burial, Dependency benefits, Agent Orange Exposure claims and medical testing, Employment searches and help for the homeless through the sponsorship of the International Vietnam Veterans Echo Conference (IVVEC) for the computer using general public. The corporation, through its nationally placed members, continues to provide 24-hour-per-day, seven-day-per-week coverage of the IVVEC, alert to aid and/or assist any veteran and/or his/her immediate family in the event of any crisis. In addition to the heretofore mentioned areas of service, the NAM VET Newsletter Page 1 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 corporation, on 11 November 87, co-developed and co-produced NAMVET - an electronic publication which aids in readjustment situations, coming to terms with life beyond the military, educating others from the experiences of Vietnam veterans, and generally strives to promote unity within the veteran community. Published monthly, NAMVET is distributed through a network of electronic bulletin board systems (BBS's) and is also made available in hard-copy form to various educational and penal institutions throughout the U.S., Canada and Australia. Presently, the corporation is concentrating its efforts towards developing its computer-based bulletin board service to include the capability of offering veteran-related items, to INCLUDE books, patches, hats, bumper stickers and other memorabilia, and to EXCLUDE any form of weaponry or arms for sale to its users. Additionally, separate sections of the computer-based bulletin board service, VETLink #1, will be allocated to accepting on-line membership applications for various local and national veteran organizations and groups. User/Member orders and membership applications shall be processed upon receipt of funds and/or chargecard authorization from the user/member to the home office of the corporation. The corporation is also presently developing a membership maintenance system which will allow authorized members of a veteran group to access, enter, maintain, produce mailing lists, labels and manipulate data concerning their respective members. Authorized in May, 1986, by the Veterans Administration in Washington, D.C. to reproduce, in computer form, any and all of the VA Claim and other forms in the public domain, the corporation shall endeavor to receive federal accreditation of its representatives authorizing them to act in and on a veteran or dependent's behalf in matters before the Veterans Administration for consideration. The future activities of the corporation include refinement and streamlining of the above-mentioned activities, continued production of NAMVET, and the development of personnel and methodology which will allow other Vet Centers and Veteran Groups to provide the same or similar services to veterans and others in their respective areas; the installation of a facsimile machine for rapid transmission of important documentation; multiline operation of VETLink #1; laser printing of NAMVET and other veteran-related information for distribution to incarcerated, hospitalized, house/homebound disabled veterans and to various educational and informational institutions and facilities. Wherever and whenever possible, as an adjunct to its self- sustaining, self-perpetuating methods of providing assistance, support and camaraderie to disabled and needy war veterans and members of the U.S. Armed Forces and their dependents, and the widows and orphans of deceased veterans, the corporation will seek grants and other funding in order to continue providing benefit information, care and assistance with a patriotic orientation which was EARNED by virtue of service in the United Sates Armed Forces. Want to help? We'd sure appreciate it! We kinda need EVERYTHING! NAM VET Newsletter Page 2 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 Older computers and computer-related parts (boards, hd's, floppy drives - 3-1/2 & 5-1/4, printers, etc) will help us keep going what we've begun. Fund$ help, too Please send your contributions to: Fund Raising Department Berkshire Veterans' Center, Inc. Post Office Box 2056 Pittsfield, MA 01202 Maybe not today; maybe not tomorrow; but sometime a housebound or homebound veteran or his family will benefit from your help today. 'til next month Show a brother or sister veteran that YOU care!!! Ci'ao for Ni'ao - Joe - NAM VET Newsletter Page 3 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 Here's Lookin' For Ya Editorial by: Joyce Flory NamVet's Incarcerated Veterans Section Editor Desert Dolphin BBS - Las Cruces, NM (505) 523-2811 Hi All; It's me, back again to "bug" you about writing to the incarcerated Vietnam vets. I get about 3 letters a week and all of the are "up" and just plain grateful that someone from "the outside" would take the time to drop them a line or two. I've even got pictures from most all I write to, putting faces to names CAN be a real surprise!! Let's start writing to some of the guys (sorry, no luck in finding the ladies yet). You may surprise yourself and find an old foxhole mate that could use some cheering up. The following is typical of what I find in my mailbox : "Hi Joyce; It's always good to hear from you and to know that you are okay as well as your family too. As for myself, well I guess I can't complain because no one listens anyway (haha). I am enclosing a copy of the article that pertains to the bill H 3453 that I wrote you about in a previous letter (Joyce's note: bill info published in Sept. 13, 1990 NamVet newsletter). This should be very clear? It's from the Veteran Newspaper printed by National in Washington DC. Thank you for the invitation for when I'm out and visiting near that area, it will be pleasant to put faces to people that I've come to know. Any time you should ever find yourself in this area, let me know and I am sure we can put you up comfortably during that stay. Sorry to hear your garden didn't make it! Buma: I have had excellent luck this year and have a festive & fruitful garden to enjoy, been eating my fair share of fresh vegetables. Have, lettuce Iceberg, tomatoes red & white, cukes, eggplants, hot peppers, bell peppers, squash, zucchini, corn, broccoli, radishes, scallions, onions, jives and of course green beans. Weather here has also been very humid and the plants needed a lot of attention and care. So did I (haha). Was it hot! This week the weather broke and the humidity is down considerably, which makes the high 80's comfortable. Also got a few days of rain that was a help, some areas in Mass. were flooded out due to too much rain though. Seems this summer went by real quick, couldn't believe it until you said the kids were going back to school. This will allow you a couple of hours of peace maybe?? Well it does not look to good at this point for us? Iraq is trying hard to pull off this power play. It's said to think that more innocent people will get hurt and die foe a cause that has nothing to do with them. I'm praying that any kind of a settlement can be reached that benefits all involved. I was surprised this week by an unexpected visit from an aunt that lives in N.Y. came to see me. She does this about two times a year, which I appreciate and enjoy seeing her. As for me i'm actively involved with the vet's of course but NAM VET Newsletter Page 4 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 also with other groups here to occupy my time. We're in the planning stage of getting our Veterans Banquet set for November. This week I had to get out 26 different letters for the POW/MIA State Committee that I serve on plus make contact with a prison in Nevada, to help them with their POW/MIA committee be started. The lifer's group I belong to is having Chinese food night, so I am coordinating that for them coming up the 24th. Also with the lifer's group I am writing to different state representatives to get their support to push bills into effect that will help benefit all inmates that are incarcerated here in Mass. with hopes to help reduce overcrowding as well as the recidivism rate too. (Joyce's note: The missing paragraph from this spot, I deemed a bit too personal to print.) Well I'll close for now and wish you and your family the best of happiness and health until next time take care and thanks for the friendship you offer, it is much appreciated by me. Sincerely Friends George (Hebert) NAM VET Newsletter Page 5 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 In Search Of... By: Ray "Frenchy" Moreau NamVet's IN-TOUCH Section Editor Herndon Byte eXchange - Herndon, VA (703) 471-8010 It took over twenty years to discuss feelings which I stored away. The cap blew off just a few months ago when the In-Touch system was installed and demonstrated at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. All those feelings poured out and it seemed that I was embracing the Wall and thanking my fellow vets for being complete and free. Since May of 1990 the In-Touch automated system, residing at the Friends of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial office in Washington, DC, is assisting to put family, relatives and friends of our living Wall veterans in touch with one another. Has it worked? Damn right it has!!!!! The system was a major issue at the International AFCEA Convention in Washington, DC raising many eyebrows of concern from both military and civilian exhibitors as well as the visiting guests. The system took to the air and arrived in Dayton, Ohio for the International Dayton Air Show and AFCEA East Convention. Again, In-touch grabbed the heart of America. Words received were welcomed such as: "If you are a Vietnam Vet, Welcome Home and thank you for this effort." A few of the EDS'rs were not Vietnam Vets but they shared in the tears of those that took twenty or more years to hear "Welcome Home we love you". In-Touch made its way from Dayton to the hall of Congress, then to Kokomo, Indiana and finally settling for an entire week in Santa Monica, CA. Each of the homes which InTouch reaches its massive electronic brain reaches farther providing much more information about our departed vets which gave the ultimate gift of life for us. InTouch is leaving this coming week for Dallas, TX and will be at the NRA 1990 National Conference at the Hyatt Regency Dallas (Reunion Drive). You can contact Ray "Frenchy" Moreau if you want to see the system and attempt to get in touch with a buddy. Telephone number of the hotel is (214) 651-1234. A 2nd and 3rd system was dispatched this week for Reno, NV and Ft Huachuca, AZ. You might wonder why all this? It is now up to the point that I would rather read the mail offline and write than to stay online and read those messages which are used just to tear people apart. God, we have been torn apart as a nation in the 60's and now, on this echo (VIETNAM_VETS), we have not learned the dark ugly messages from the past, we continue to do the same. Respect?? Come on shipmates... let's get intouch and use the echo for its primary purpose "The healing has just begun, and for many the healing will take much longer because many are not willing to accept the facts." Stay tuned for other InTouch related news. Welcome home brothers..and God keep peace among us all. Ray "Frenchy" Moreau USN (Ret) ... but not from life, the Wall won't let me!! NAM VET Newsletter Page 6 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 Vaya Con Dios Parting Editorial by: Todd Looney NamVet's CoCreator and Editor Emeritus VIETNAM VETERANS VALHALLA - San Jose, CA (408) 298-2740 > What's happened to you? Where ya been? WHY don't we > hear from ya anymore? I'm really sorry to have abandoned the IVVEC and the NAM VET bro, but the most important things in my life right now are Nancy and my son Jeremy. As you might recall my saying to you some time ago,the excess amount of time I dedicated to the veteran's projects while Nancy and I were living together contributed greatly to the disintegration of our marriage. Nancy and I still love each other a great deal, and have been attempting to reconstruct what we can of our relationship and I cannot afford to permit extra curricular activities such as the computer and BBS to interfere with that process in any way. I have been able to sneak a little time in here and there whenever the opportunity presents itself to maintain the Valhalla, but even that has been infrequent and sporadic at best. To add to this, I have finally succeeded in winning custody of my son Jeremy after a long, painful, drawn out legal battle against the court system and his estranged mother which has left me emotionally exhausted to say the least. What little spare time I have is being obligated toward invaluable school and PTA-related activities in support of Jeremy's educational welfare. To be completely honest and frank with you, my dear friend, my present priorities do not include the IVVEC or the NAM VET. I can't even truthfully determine when, if ever, they will be again. I'm so sorry to drop this on you, but I think it's better to be up front with you than to sidestep the issue any longer. > Hey Bro... You n' I started somethin' that's in quite > high a demand... Ya left for a bit and I tried to cover m' > brother's backside with the echo (IVVEC) and NamVet. Now I > hardly ever see a message posted from you and/or your board... > hardly ever hear from you concerning what we began Veterans' > Day, 1987 I sincerely believe with all my soul that you know how much our accomplishments together mean to me Joe. I hope as deeply that you understand how painful it must be for me to have to let it all go, but there are just no feasible alternatives at this time in my life. You valiantly took the helm without question during my absence and continued to mold the IVVEC and the NAM VET into what they are today, and when I came back I honestly could not find a role for me there which was as rewarding as the one I served prior to my untimely departure last year. You demonstrated your ability to manage things quite efficiently and productively during that time without me beside you, and I have confidence that such will be the case without my presence now and in the future. You have assembled a loyal team of concerned and capable men and NAM VET Newsletter Page 7 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 women who have consistently demonstrated their willingness to do whatever they can to help you facilitate the future success of both invaluable projects. I intend to continue making the IVVEC and NAM VET Newsletters available to both Valhalla members and Email Freq's as I always have, so will retain my link to the FidoNet EchoMail Backbone as well as be Freq'ing the NAM VET from VETLink#1 monthly. I will also stay in touch with you and other who I care for by Email from time to time, so don't think you've gotten rid of me completely (grin). I wouldn't even be surprised to see my name pop up every now and then in the IVVEC when I get the chance. > <<<<<< HUGS >>>>>> <<<<<< HUGS >>>>>> <<<<<< HUGS >>>>>> Those hugs will always mean a lot to me little bro'. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Your friend for life, Todd NAM VET Newsletter Page 8 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 ================================================================= T i m e t o R e m e m b e r ================================================================= DUTY, HONOR, COUNTRY By General Douglas MacArthur In the 11/86 American Legion Magazine Input by: G. Joseph Peck NamVet's Managing Editor VETLink #1 - Pittsfield, MA (413) 443-6313 [This speech was delivered extemporaneously at West Point by Douglas MacArthur in 1962 and became one of America's truly great pieces of oratory. It summarized MacArthur's philosophy of life and the guidelines he believed to be the heritage of the American soldier. To MacArthur, West Point symbolized a great moral code - "a code of conduct and chivalry of those who guard this beloved land of culture and ancient descent," he said. "For all hours and for all time, it is an expression of the ethics of the American soldier."] A veteran of three wars, General Douglas MacArthur epitomized the nation's elite in leadership and soldiering. Duty, honor, country: Those three hallowed words reverently dictate what you ought to be, what you can be, what you will be. They are your rallying point to build courage when courage seems to fail, to regain faith when there seems to be little cause for faith, to create hope when hope becomes forlorn. Unhappily, I possess neither that eloquence of diction, that poetry of imagination, nor that brilliance of metaphor to tell you all that they mean. The unbelievers will say they are but words, but a slogan, but a flamboyant phrase. Every pedant, every demagogue, every cynic, every hypocrite, every troublemaker, and, I am sorry to say, some others of an entirely different character, will try to downgrade them even to the extent of mockery and ridicule. But these are some of the things they do. They build your basic character. They mold you for your future roles as the custodians of the nation's defense. They make you strong enough to know when you are weak, and brave enough to face yourself when you are afraid. They teach you to be proud and unbending in honest failure, but humble and gentle in success; not to substitute words for actions, not to seek the path of comfort, but to face the stress and spur of difficulty and challenge; to learn to stand up in the storm, but to have compassion on those who fall; to master yourself before you seek to master others; to have a heart that is clean, a goal that is high; to learn to laugh, yet never forget how to weep; to reach into the future, yet never neglect the past; to be serious, yet never to take yourself too seriously; to be modest so that you will remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, the meekness of true strength. They give you a temperate will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions, a freshness of the deep springs of life, a temperamental predominance of courage over timidity, of an appetite for adventure over love of ease. NAM VET Newsletter Page 9 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 They create in your heart the sense of wonder, the unfailing hope of what next, and the joy and inspiration of life. They teach you in this way to be an officer and a gentleman. And what sort of soldiers are those you are to lead? Are they reliable? Are they brave? Are they capable of victory? Their story is known to all of you. It is the story of the American man-at-arms. My estimate of him was formed on the battlefield many, many years ago, and has never changed. I regarded him then, as I regard him now, as one of the world's noblest figures; not only as one of the finest military characters, but also as one of the most stainless. His name and fame are the birthright of every American citizen. In his youth and strength, his love and loyalty, he gave all that mortality can give. He needs no eulogy from me, or from any other man. He has written his own history and written it in red on his enemy's breast. But when I think of his patience in adversity, of his courage under fire, and of his modesty in victory, I am filled with an emotion of admiration I cannot put into words. He belongs to history as furnishing one of the greatest examples of successful patriotism. He belongs to posterity as the instructor of future generations in the principles of liberty and freedom. He belongs to the present, to us, by his virtues and by his achievements. In 20 campaigns, on a hundred battlefields, around a thousand campfires, I have witnessed that enduring fortitude, that patriotic self-abnegation, and that invincible determination which have carved his statue in the hearts of his people. From one end of the world to the other, he has drained deep the chalice of courage. As I listened to those songs [of the Cadet Glee Club], in memory's eye I could see those staggering columns of the First World War, bending under soggy packs on many a weary march, from dripping dusk to drizzling dawn, slogging ankle-deep through the mire of shell-pocked roads; to form grimly for the attack, blue-lipped, covered with sludge and mud, chilled by the wind and rain, driving home to their objective, and, for many, to the judgment seat of God. I do not know the dignity of their birth, but I do know the glory of their death. They died, unquestioning, uncomplaining, with faith in their hearts, and on their lips the hope that we would go on to victory. Always for them: Duty, honor, country. Always their blood, and sweat, and tears, as we sought the way and the light and the truth. And 20 years after, on the other side of the globe, again the filth of murky foxholes, the stench of ghostly trenches, the slime of dripping dugouts, those boiling suns of relentless heat, those torrential rains of devastating storms, the loneliness and utter desolation of jungle trails, the bitterness of long separation from those they loved and cherished, the deadly pestilence of tropical disease, the horror of stricken areas of war. Their resolute and determined defense, their swift and sure attack, their indomitable purpose, their complete and decisive victory - always victory, always through the bloody haze of their last reverberating shot, the vision of gaunt, ghastly men, reverently following your passwords of "Duty, honor, country." the code which those words perpetuate embraces the highest moral law and will stand the test of any ethics or philosophies ever promulgated for the uplift of mankind. Its requirements are for NAM VET Newsletter Page 10 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 the things that are right and its restraints are from the things that are wrong. The soldier, above all other men, is required to practice the greatest act of religious training - sacrifice. In battle, and in the fact of danger and death, he discloses those divine attributes which his Maker gave when He created man in His own image. No physical courage and no greater strength can take the place of the divine help, which alone can sustain him. However hard the incidents of war may be, the soldier who is called upon to offer and to give his life for his country is the noblest development of mankind. You now face a new world, a world of change. The thrust into outer space of the satellite spheres and missiles marks a beginning of another epoch in the long story of mankind. In the 5 or more billions of years the scientists tell us it has taken to form the earth, in the 3 or more million years of development of the human race, there has never been a more abrupt or staggering evolution. We deal now, not with things of this world alone, but with the illimitable distances and as yet unfathomed mysteries of the universe. We are reaching out for a new and boundless frontier. We speak in strange terms of harnessing the cosmic energy; of making winds and tides work for us; of creating unheard-of synthetic materials to supplement or even replace our old standard basics, to purify sea water for our drink; of mining ocean floors for new fields of wealth and food; of disease preventives to expand life into the hundreds of years; of controlling the weather for a more equitable distribution of heat and cold, of rain and shine; of spaceships to the moon; of the primary target in war no longer limited to the armed forces of an enemy, but instead to include his civil populations; of ultimate conflict between a united human race and the sinister forces of some other planetary galaxy; of such dreams and fantasies as to make life the most exciting of all times. And through all this welter of change and development your mission remains fixed, determined, inviolable. It is to win our wars. Everything else in your professional career is but corollary to this vital dedication. All other public purposes, all other public projects, all other public needs, great or small, will find others for their accomplishment, but you are the ones who are trained to fight. Yours is the profession of arms, the will to win, the sure knowledge that in war there is no substitute for victory, that if you lose, the nation will be destroyed, that the very obsession of your public service must be duty, honor, country. Others will debate the controversial issues, national and international, which divide men's minds. But serene, calm, aloof, you stand as the nation's war guardian, as its lifeguard from the raging tides of international conflict, as its gladiator in the arena of battle. For a century and a half you have defended, guarded, and protected its hallowed traditions of liberty and freedom, of right and justice. Let civilian voices argue the merits of demerits of our processes of government: Whether our strength is being sapped by deficit financing indulged in too long, by federal paternalism grown too mighty, by power groups grown too arrogant, by politics grown too corrupt, by crime grown too rampant, by morals grown too low, by taxes grown too high, by extremists grown too violent; whether our personal liberties are as thorough and complete as NAM VET Newsletter Page 11 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 they should be. These great national problems are not for your professional participation or military solution. Your guidepost stands out like a tenfold beacon in the night: Duty, honor, country. You are the leaven which binds together the entire fabric of our national system of defense. From your ranks come the great captains who hold the nation's destiny in their hands the moment the war tocsin sounds. The long grey line has never failed us. Were you to do so, a million ghosts in olive drab, in brown khaki, in blue and grey, would rise from their white crosses, thundering those magic words: Duty, honor, country. This does not mean that you are warmongers. On the contrary, the soldier above all other people prays for peace, for he must suffer and bear the deepest wounds and scars of war. But always in our ears ring the ominous words of Plate, that wisest of all philosophers: "Only the dead have seen the end of war." The shadows are lengthening for me. The twilight is here. My days of old have vanished - tone and tint. They have gone glimmering through the dreams of things that were. Their memory is one of wondrous beauty, watered by tears and coaxed and caressed by the smiles of yesterday. I listen vainly, but with thirsty ear, for the witching melody of faint bugles blowing reveille, of far drums beating the long roll. In my dreams I hear again the crash of guns, the rattle of musketry, the strange, mournful mutter of the battlefield. But in the evening of my memory always I come back to West Point. Always there echoes and re-echoes: Duty, honor, country. Today marks my final rollcall with you. But I want you to know that, when I cross the river, my last conscious thoughts will be of the corps, and the corps, and the corps. I bid you farewell. NAM VET Newsletter Page 12 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 ================================================================= M i s s i n g ! ! ! ================================================================= ADDRESSING THE POW/MIA ISSUE By Joseph E. Andry, DAV National Commander DAV Magazine - October 1990 Input by: G. Joseph Peck NamVet's Managing Editor VETLink #1 - Pittsfield, MA (413) 443-6313 Since World War II, thousands of American fighting men and women have disappeared from battlefields, officially listed as missing-in-action or acknowledged to be prisoners of war. Since World War II - through the Korean and Vietnam Wars - and up until today, little more than talk has been directed at solving the problem of this nation's POWs and MIAs. Most people have believed in this government's good faith efforts in resolving the issues, in State Department and Defense Department contacts with the governments of North Korea and Vietnam, for example. But there has also been that constant cloak of secrecy that has clouded the credibility of those efforts. Why must there be that secrecy when it comes to POW/MIA issues some 20, 30, 40 or even 50 years after the battles have ended? If we accept that few military secrets can legitimately hold on to their classified status for so long, why can't the same be said of reports dealing with possible American POWs or MIAs? Congressmen Denny Smith (R-Oregon) and Robert Smith (R-N.H.) agree, and they have introduced legislation that would remove that cloak of secrecy from military POW/MIA reports. H.R. 3603, would, according to its introduction, "direct the heads of federal departments and agencies to disclose information concerning United States personnel classified as prisoners of war or missing in action from World War II, the Korean conflict and the Vietnam conflict." The Pentagon is opposing the bill, saying it would jeopardize national security. The bill's sponsors, however, counter that the legislation actually protects national security concerns by exempting from disclosure sources and methods of intelligence collection. In addition the bill provides that: > All agencies which receive live sighting reports of any U.S. citizen reported missing-in-action, prisoner of war, or unaccounted for from World War II, the Korean War and the Vietnam War shall make available to the public all such information. > DoD shall make a public listing of POWs and MIAs along with their current classification and the history of changes in classification since time of the conflict. > The appropriate agencies' records and information shall be made available not later than 180 days after enactment of the bill or after receipt of the sighting information. > If the release of records are thought to compromise the NAM VET Newsletter Page 13 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 safety of U.S. personnel thought to be POWs or MIAs, the head of the agency must report immediately to the intelligence committees of Congress and to the President for their review. Currently, there are more than 130 cosponsors to the legislation, which should indicate excellent chances for hearings and passage. But that's not necessarily the case. The POW/MIA disclosure bill was introduced last year. It has languished without action for much of that time. But this past summer, recently declassified government documents again renewed interest in the measure. Those documents suggest an unknown number of American POWs from the Korean War were shipped to prison camps in China and the Soviet Union and left behind after the war. While both the Pentagon and the State Department have denied the allegations, other members of Congress have pointed to the incident as justification for the kinds of disclosure directed by H.R. 3603. And still others have pressed the House Government Operations Committee for hearings on the bill. In a "Dear Colleague" letter earlier this year, Congressman Denny Smith, who is a Vietnam veteran, wrote, "I wonder whatever happened to the American soldiers that never came home from World War II, Korea and Vietnam. With evidence mounting that a number of these soldiers - particularly those who fought in Southeast Asia - are still being held against their will i prisoner of war camps, it is clear that we must keep this issue alive in the public spotlight. "I'm concerned about the families of POWs and MIAs. Some families have been left wondering about their loved ones for as long as 40 to 50 years. We must help end their pain." Some people have opposed the measure, reasoning that if sensitive data were released to the public, raw information would be subject to inaccurate interpretation by those lacking the ability to analyze and properly investigate such data. I think the "experts" have had plenty of time to take their own cracks at the information. The bill provides safeguards for protecting intelligence sources and the privacy of the families of POWs and MIAs, even as it assures access to data and reports that very well would benefit from additional scrutiny. Too long has gone by with too few results. Too little information has been made public and too many questions raised as a result. I urge each of you to make your commitment to resolving the POW/MIA issue by contacting your elected representatives and encouraging them to support enactment of H.R. 3603. Then, just maybe, some answers will finally begin to come out of the government. NAM VET Newsletter Page 14 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 HOME WITH HONOR By Col. George E. "Bud" Day, USAF (Ret.) 2/83 The American Legion Magazine Input by: G. Joseph Peck NamVet's Managing Editor VETLink #1 - Pittsfield, MA (413) 443-6313 [Retired Air Force Col. George E. "Bud" Day emerged from the Vietnam War as one of America's most decorated officers. Shot down over North Vietnam on August 17, 1967, during a daring attack on an enemy missile site, the then-lieutenant colonel escaped from his captors and made a two-week trek through hostile territory before his recapture less than a mile from a U.S. position. His legendary feats of courage, endurance and resistance during 67 months as a POW earned him the Medal of Honor, presented for "conspicuous gallantry."] The United States I had left in 1966, enroute to South Vietnam and my fourth combat assignment, was a leader - confident, vibrant and certain of purpose. The United States I returned to six years later was divided, dispirited, confused and grossly misinformed, especially about Vietnam. We felt concern - concern over the negative attitude of much of the media and of many student and leftist intellectuals. To them, everything about the "establishment" was bad; our traditional values were wrong; the CIA and FBI were "criminal," and rarely was anything good said about the military. I was not alone in feeling that many of my fellow Americans at home did not seem to realize how their way of life was being threatened - from within. Our views, of course, were not popular then with many Americans, and they meet disagreement from some today. But there is an unmistakable awakening to reality and to the fact that many, if not most, of our citizens were misled - "had" - during the Vietnam era. When the Communists captured South Vietnam in April 1975 and our government did nothing, the morale of the ex-POWs plummeted. I felt that a part of me had died. As much as I loved my career in the Air Force, I began thinking about retirement. And so did many of my disillusioned colleagues in the military. After what we had endured in Hanoi, the abandonment of Saigon was a jarring letdown. Shortly before our release from captivity in February 1973, the prison guards got orders to treat us humanely. I had time for some philosophical introspection and reflection. What, I asked myself, had we POWs "sown" and "reaped?" We had sown leadership, good example, ethical conduct, concern for our fellow man. We also had demonstrated obedience to the rule of the law and to our Code of Conduct. Above all, there was love of God and strong allegiance to our country. We felt we had done as well as possible under incredibly difficult circumstances. Some possessed guilt feelings at not having been men of iron. Some were appalled at their weakness under stress. Yet others marvelled at their own strength. Senior officers and junior officers alike had tried desperately to keep all POWs within our clandestine chain of command, and if they slipped or strayed, to bring them back into the fold with forgiveness. NAM VET Newsletter Page 15 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 What were the reapings? We had not turned our back on our companions who failed the Code. Instead, we had tried to offer them moral inducements to get back in line, and often we succeeded. Men became charged with a sense of duty to our country and its institutions, despite our confinement and hardships half a world away. They came to know the full meaning of words such as freedom, democracy, self- government. All grew close to God and to His ways and truths. Those of little conviction were converted to the homely qualities of virtue, loyalty, decency, honesty, valor. For the first time, many of the imprisoned Americans understood the practical meaning of tyranny. By contrast, they saw America in the same light as did eager immigrants from the alleys of Naples or the ghettos of Warsaw. Few of us imagined our America as perfect, but none of us doubted that it was the noblest nation on earth. A clear and complete understanding of Communism's nature was gained, firsthand, by a large sampling of Americans over a dreadfully long period of time. We knew the Communists as Cain knew Able. We learned how spurious was the relationship between their words and their deeds. Their shabby morality and treasonous behavior no longer were mysteries. We had tasted their bitter brew. The overwhelming logic and morality of our Code of Conduct as prisoners became known and accepted by all but a tiny minority. Most POWs experienced what the persecuted Pilgrims must have experienced more than three centuries before: a yearning for freedom from tyranny. We no longer wondered about the nature of patriots like Nathan Hale, Thomas Paine, Daniel Webster, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln. They had often been beside us in spirit during our long and lonely ordeal. Some Americans may have been surprised when Jeremiah Denton stepped off the first homeward bound aircraft at Clark Air Force Base in the Philippines a decade ago and, in a voice choked with emotion, said, "God Bless America." We were not surprised. He spoke for all of us. Then and today. NAM VET Newsletter Page 16 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 RETURN FROM HELL: THE POWs REMEMBER By Philip C. Clarke 2/83 The American Legion Magazine Input by: G. Joseph Peck NamVet's Managing Editor VETLink #1 - Pittsfield, MA (413) 443-6313 Former POW Richard Keirn remembers well that day of freedom 10 years ago. "It was like a fairy tale, a dream," says the retired Air Force colonel. "After more than seven and one-half years in prison in North Vietnam, I was coming home along with all the others. Waiting at the Hanoi airport was the big, beautiful American plane. A U.S. airman was supposed to escort one of my fellow POWs, Kyle Berg, and me to the aircraft, but I don't think the airman's feet ever touched the ground till he got there because we were carrying him by both arms. 'Aw, come on, fellas,' he said. 'I'm supposed to be escorting YOU.' "And that airplane . . . It was the cleanest thing I had seen in nearly eight years. We got aboard, all 40 of us, very quietly. They started the engines and taxied out for takeoff and every one of us remained very quiet. The plane started down the runway and the pilot poured on the coal. As pilots ourselves, we knew when the gear left the ground. At that precise moment, as skinny and beat up as we were, we let out a mighty whoop and damned near tore that airplane apart. The shrink, who was over in the corner making notes, just ripped them up and tossed the pieces in the air. It was the wildest, most wonderful celebration I've ever known!" And so it was, not only for the 587 POWs who had resisted and survived throughout years of bestial torture and privation in North Vietnam, but also for their families, other loved ones and the entire country. Over a period of six weeks, from February 12 to March 29, 1973, a grateful America welcomed home with cheers, tears and overwhelming pride and affection some of the bravest and most dedicated men ever to wear the nation's uniform. Frank A. Sieverts, then-special assistant to the deputy secretary of state for prisoner of war/missing in action matters, was at Hanoi's Gia Lam airport when the first group of POWs arrived for their flight to freedom. "The guards ordered the men off the bus. Suddenly, the senior American officer of the group took command away from the guards and gave the orders for the men to march in formation to the release point. The guards tried to intervene but fell back. It was clear then that, despite the grim experience of captivity, our men had endured and prevailed." On this 10th anniversary of "Operation Homecoming," the AMERICAN LEGION MAGAZINE sought out and interviewed more than a score of representative ex-POWs from across the country, including three who received the Medal of Honor, the nation's highest award. Their responses reflect a deep and lasting bond, forged amid the hatred and savagery of wartime Hanoi. Few humans have suffered such extreme physical and mental abuse, yet have emerged with spirits unbroken. There is even now no precise count of the Americans who died on the blood-spattered floors of the Communist torture chambers. But of the more than 1,800 Americans shot down over North Vietnam, fewer than one-third returned home. And throughout the war theater, 114 American POWs are known to have died in captivity. A majority of those who survived the gulags of the North give full credit to their military training and discipline. Despite NAM VET Newsletter Page 17 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 solitary confinement and the risk of severe punishment for anyone caught communicating, the POWs somehow managed to establish and maintain a clandestine keep-in-touch network, tapping out Morse code messages through the prison walls. Amazingly, they also set up a secret chain of command headed by the senior ranking prisoner and known as the "4th Allied POW Wing." One of its chief organizers, and first C.O., was Col. John P. Flynn, a courageous and intrepid flier who had been downed over North Vietnam in October 1967 and who was promoted to brigadier general while still in prison. The former prisoners also attribute their survival to faith - faith in God, their country, their fellow Americans and in themselves. "The ability to hang on to that faith helped see us through some of the toughest times," says Air Force Col. Wayne Waddell, current president of "NAM-POW's, Inc.," the close-knit fraternal group that still links some 430 onetime residents of the infamous hellhole nicknamed, with macabre humor, the "Hanoi Hilton," and other North Vietnamese prison camps. "It was a matter of knowing that there were a couple of hundred million people back home who were not going to forget about you. It sure helped every morning to wake up thinking, 'one of these days...'" To a man, the former POWs believe that Vietnam was "a noble cause," however badly misunderstood and often misrepresented at the time in the news media and elsewhere. There remain, inevitably, remnants of regret and even some bitterness that the nation failed to unite behind its fighting men so that the war could have been won, quickly and at less costs in lives and treasure. "I'm convinced we were in Vietnam for the right reasons - and just as convinced we fought the war in the wrong way," says retired Col. Lee K. Thorsness, USAF, a Medal of Honor recipient who spent nearly six years in captivity. "As it turned out, it was the politicians who decided we should go to war, which was the correct thing, but then they continued trying to run the war, which was the wrong thing. They never gave us an opportunity to win." Although there are still some skeptics, most of the ex-POWs sense that the country's attitude toward Vietnam and the military in general is changing for the better. Their advice: continue to strengthen America's will and determination to defend peace and freedom, whatever the price. That the POWs paid the price, none can deny. And though most of the scars have healed, the memories remain. Retired Vice Adm. James Stockdale, whose heroic resistance to the Communists is now legendary, says the most critical time in his captivity came in 1969. "I had been senior officer at two prison camps that had been 'purged.' In each instance, our underground communications network has been uncovered and there had been much interrogation and torture of those involved to try to pry forth more names and details. Some of our people had been badly hurt and at least one of the Americans had died under torture. "After these two disastrous episodes, I was placed in total isolation and heavily guarded at all times. By then, however, I and several other POWs were in the process of setting up a third communications link by means of a note-drop system. To my dismay, I learned that the guards had found one of the notes on my person. "I became deeply despondent, not because of the torture I knew would be inflicted on me, but because once more the cycle of NAM VET Newsletter Page 18 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 terror was to be repeated. I felt I had to stop it. So the night before the interrogations, I broke a window and lacerated my wrist. I was discovered in a pool of blood and revived and, so help me, the North Vietnamese dropped the investigation and none of the other POWs were compromised or tortured." Stockdale, who received the Medal of Honor for his acts of valor, recalls a more heartening experience, when human compassion contrived to pierce the prison's inhumane barriers of silence and despair. "For two years," says Stockdale, "11 of us were isolated in a section of the prison we called Alcatraz. We were the so- called 'bad cases,' those who had been identified as POW ringleaders or who had tried to escape. All of us were in leg irons 15 hours a day and confined in solitary cells 10 by 4 feet. But because our cells were crammed together, we could communicate. "After dumping our slop buckets every morning, we would wash them out with a bamboo broom, using the wooden handle to rap out a word of code. As a kind of ritual, we decided to honor one another on the anniversary of each of our shootdowns. Mine was September 9, and as I listened intently on the third anniversary of my shootdown, I heard my fellow prisoners tap out this message: 'Here's to CAG - my tag as a former carrier wing commander - for three great years. We love you. We are with you to the end.' I don't think I've ever received a medal, an award or citation that meant as much to me as did that message from my fellow POWs." Retired Navy Capt. John S. McCain, III, remembers the agonizing decision he made in 1968 when the North Vietnamese offered him an opportunity to return home along with the six other POWs who were released to anti-war activists from the United States. "Even though I was in very poor physical condition at the time, thank God I had the strength to reject the offer and remain with the others." McCain, then a lieutenant commander, had been badly injured after parachuting from his crippled plane over the North and had been severely tortured. As the son of the then-Commander in Chief, Pacific, the late Adm. John S. McCain, Jr., the young flier was under intense pressure by the Communists to denounce the U.S. war effort. Retired Air Force Col. Larry Guarino doesn't conceal his disgust for leading war critics who traveled to Hanoi and, he believes, "weakened our country's resolve and caused us all a great deal of harm." Shot down June 14, 1965, Guarino, then a major, spent seven years and eight months in captivity, or, as he recalls, 2,801 days and 400 "beer calls." During that seemingly endless nightmare, he underwent, by his own accounting, 390 days of hard torture. It's a record he'd just as soon forget, but one that marks him forever as a towering hero among his peers. How did he manage to endure his long ordeal? "You stand up to them whenever you can," says Guarino. "but then, if you want to save your life and your sanity, there are times when it's best to hunker down and sweat it out. It's a survival program: You do as little as they demand of you and still come out alive. And I can say that most of our guys tried their best to live up to the Code of Conduct." They were difficult rules to observe, given the inhumane nature of the Communist cadres that rode herd at the Hanoi Hilton. But somehow, almost miraculously, the Americans managed for the most part to retain a sense of organization and self-discipline. And at times, they outwitted their captors. In a classic example, former Navy pilot Jeremiah Denton, now a senator from Alabama who spent seven years and seven months as a POW after his Navy fighter NAM VET Newsletter Page 19 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 was shot down, blinked his eyes during a Japanese television interview from Hanoi to spell out in Morse code the word "t-o-r-t- u-r-e." It confirmed what many Americans had feared was happening behind the confines of Hanoi's prison walls. Retired Col. John W. Finlay, III, USAF, who endured nearly five years of captivity, says he still marvels at the resilience of the POWs. "The Viets never really understood them at all! They could break one of their own people under pressure, but break an American and he'd bounce right back the next day. The Communists just couldn't figure it out. "On occasions," says Finlay, "the questioners would ask, 'Why don't you agree with what Jane Fonda says about the war?' And I would reply that as an American she was free to say what she pleased, and that I had just as much right to disagree. The Communists couldn't understand this, either." Except for the Communists propaganda broadcasts, which none of the Americans believed, the POWs were kept mostly in the dark about happenings on the outside. A newly arrived POW often could fill in some of the blank spaces, but normal conversations were impossible. In late 1970, however, the prison regimen eased slightly and the Americans sensed something important had taken place. Later, it was learned that a U.S. commando team had raided the Son Tay prison camp west of Hanoi. Unfortunately, the camp had been evacuated earlier and the would-be rescuers had to return empty- handed. But the audacious action surprised and frightened the North Vietnamese. They hurriedly moved American POWs from other outlying prisons and trucked them to the more heavily defended Hanoi Hilton. And, for the first time, the POWs were placed in large, open bay rooms holding from 20 to 50 men each. Although senior officers were still held in isolation, there was now an opportunity for most of the Americans to talk with one another. Taking advantage of the ease up, the POWs in early-February 1971 conducted their first do-it-yourself church service inside the prison compound, despite the ranting and raving of the camp commandant, a sadistic torturer nicknamed "Bug." That evening, the singing of hymns was followed by a spontaneous outburst of patriotic songs, including "The Star-Spangled Banner." Nearly every American joined in and the "Bug" was apoplectic. Troop reinforcements were called in, apparently in expectation of a prison riot or breakout. But for the POWs, it was a turning point. Morale soared, and so did hopes of freedom. But setbacks were yet to come. On an April night in 1972, the prison "goon squad" administered a terrible beating to Air Force Lieut. Mike Christian, apparently after a small, handmade American flag was discovered inside his shirt. The flag, pieced together from scraps by the lieutenant and another POW, Air Force Capt. Jim Hivner, had been secretly displayed while the Americans quietly recited the "Pledge of Allegiance." It was confiscated by the guards, but soon replaced with another improvised "Old Glory," and the pledges continued. The so-called "Christmas bombing," ordered by President Richard M. Nixon in December 1972 to hammer a recalcitrant Hanoi back to the peace conference table, marked the beginning of the end of the long ordeal. The POWs erupted in a surge of unrestrained joy and relief, greeting each wave of B-52s and F-101s with resounding cheers. The Communist captors were struck by fear. Retired Air Force Col. Richard D. Vogel was in a group of 180 POWs that had been moved to a camp near the Chinese border. "We NAM VET Newsletter Page 20 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 were trucked back to the Hanoi Hilton right after the Christmas bombing," he says, "and we could almost taste freedom." As Leo Thorsness remembers: "Happiness was those B-52s that kept coming and coming, night and day. We knew then it was nearly over. Even if a bomb or two had hit the prison, we couldn't have cared less. We had been there so long. And on the faces of the guards, we could tell that Uncle Sam had finally got their attention. The one thing they understood was force." The ex-POWs remember homecoming as a star spangled blur of joy, excitement and pride. Jim Stockdale says that after the years of death-like silence in isolation, the outside world seemed "awfully noisy, like being inside a brass drum. It was, to me, a yakety- yak world of noise, but a happy noise!" Thorsness says, "One returning American was taken off a homeward bound plane in Hawaii because he was running a fever. It was I. They kept me there until they got my temperature down, and then I came home in an airliner all to myself, with the best- looking nurses in the world. When we sighted the lights of California, I got an OK to come up front and as the crew played some background music on tape, I reported our position and told the tower we had presidential clearance all the way to St. Louis. Not bad for a farm boy from the Middle West!" Thorsness, now living in Santa Monica, Calif., and active in politics, is among those who believe the nation's sacrifices in Vietnam were not in vain. "Most Americans may still feel it was a mistake to get involved . . . but what's important, I believe, is that for 10 years we tied the Communists down in Indochina and gave other countries in the region - Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia, the Philippines - a chance to strengthen themselves. Their people, some 250 million strong, are still free and doing pretty well, which may not have been the case had we not gone to Vietnam. To my way of thinking, this is a living tribute to the Americans who died over there." As for the future, Thorsness believes that "so long as we're the leader of the free world, like it or not, there are obligations. This doesn't mean we should send our men to fight for every nation trying to remain free. But if we shrink back from our responsibilities, we could some day lose our freedom." Jim Stockdale, now with the Hoover Institution, a defense- oriented "think tank" at Stanford University, takes a different view of the Vietnam experience. "I see it as a national tragedy," says Stockdale. "We squandered so much public goodwill and credibility by trying to conduct a very worthwhile effort 'on the cheap,' so to speak. The nation's leaders never did explain to the people WHAT we were fighting for, nor did they do the things that would have signified a national commitment, such as formally declaring war and mobilizing the reserves. "Our leaders early on in the war were so afraid of public disapproval that they thrust the country headlong into a disastrous situation. In years to come, I believe it will be perceived as the nadir of the American political experience. "But don't sell America short," says the retired admiral. "We are people of great resilience. And when inspired by comradeship, as in the case of our POWs, we are capable of superhuman feats. Our biggest enemies today are timidity, fear and selfishness in facing up to trying circumstances. This should not be. Our people can cope with wars, floods and other disasters much better than Americans themselves realize..." Ex-POW John Finlay, now with the Planning Research Corporation NAM VET Newsletter Page 21 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 in Florida, believes the United States "had every right in the world" to defend Veitnam. He wishes that those Americans who "bum rap" their country could have "an opportunity to live in, say, Vietnam or any Communist country for awhile and see how the other side lives. They'd certainly end up with a better appreciation of our way of life!" Lt. Col Melvin Pollack, who serves with the Forward Air Control program and systems command at Patrick Air Force Base, Fla., is one of the relatively few ex-POWs still on active military duty. On returning from Vietnam, Pollack decided to catch up on the lost years (he spent five years and eight months as a POW). "While attending the University of Southern California in the fall of 1974, I read every issue of NEWSWEEK going back six years. What amazed me was that with all the trouble in this country and what seemed almost like anarchy, we still held together. So, despite all the dissent, I realized that this country was great enough to go through what it went through and yet survive intact. That, I feel, is the beauty of our country." Pollack remembers running into anti-war critics, including many old friends, after returning from Vietnam. "Some called me a liar for trying to answer their questions about how it really was. And they had never been to 'Nam! It was my first taste of the militant mindset of the antiwar people. "Now," he adds, "I see the mood changing. ROTC on campus has picked up. It's in vogue to be in the military, and short haircuts are coming back - even in California. The pendulum is swinging again." As for the public's perception of the military, Pollack says: "More than just respect, it's important that people appreciate that we're ready to defend the country if the time ever comes. And what's important for every citizen is to ask of himself: 'Am I or am I not willing to support my country in adversity?" That's the bottom line." Larry Guarino, whose unyielding resistance to his Communist captors was an inspiration to other POWs, is now retired and living in Satellite Beach, Fla. On returning home from his long ordeal, Guarino was disillusioned by what he felt was the don't- give-a-damn attitude of the average American. "I just couldn't see how anyone could sit back after it was all over and not care - care about those poor people who got themselves killed, or fed themselves to the sharks or to the pirates of the South China Sea in their attempt to get away from Communism. All those poor people ... they must be in the hundreds of thousands, even millions! How could anyone say we did not try to fight for a 'noble cause?' No matter how bad it looked, the cause was just!" Retired Air Force Capt. Howard Rutledge of Norman, Okla., now active in politics and veterans affairs, says his experiences as a POW in Hanoi convinced him that Gen. Douglas MacArthur was absolutely right when he admonished that in war "there is no substitute for victory." Observes Rutledge: "What came out of the Vietnam War is that our people probably never again will accept the idea of committing our armed forces to battle without an equal commitment to win. I believe that Americans will say, 'yes, there are some things worth fighting for and our way of life is one of them.' But they'll also insist that once committed, we must go to win or not go at all..." Dick Vogel, who retired from the Air Force in 1976, now works for Collins Avionics "helping make some of the stuff I used to fly with." The former POW believes there are some situations where NAM VET Newsletter Page 22 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 the United States should get involved. "I don't think we need to be caretakers of the entire free world. But where our national interests are at stake, as I believe they were in Vietnam, we should take effective action. And if that happens, we need to explain why we're doing what we're doing so the public will back our military..." Richard Keirn - "Pop" to his many friends - was knocked down in July 1965 by what he believes was the first Soviet-made SAM fired by the North Vietnamese. After military service going back to World War II - during which he also was shot down and spent 11 months as a POW in Germany - the colonel is now retired in Indian Harbour, Fla. Like other POWs, Keirn believes fervently in a strong America. "It's the best country on earth and we must protect it. I know. I've lived under Communism for nearly eight years and I experienced just how insidious it is. Just to get back to this country where I could say 'nuts to you,' or anything else I wanted to say without being tortured for it was the greatest feeling. It's been said a man doesn't appreciate freedom until he loses it. To which I would add, if a man's not willing to fight for the freedom of his country and his kids, he's not worth a damn!" EX-Pow John McCain, who hung up his uniform to serve in Congress from Arizona, sees America emerging from its Vietnam trauma as, overall, "a far better nation. Maybe some of the activists of the '60s and '70s still haven't 'found themselves.' But certainly the young people I have met in recent years are dedicated Americans, truly super people." On the basis of his Vietnam experiences, McCain, who comes from a long line of distinguished naval officers, offers this advice: "The right to disagree, to demonstrate and show one's ideological preferences is a precious heritage that we must guard, even if at times it seems to erode our national will, as I believe it did during the Vietnam War. Nevertheless, it is a right we should cherish, never forgetting that we still are the greatest nation, founded on the noblest principles conceived by the mind of man. It is our duty to preserve it." What manner of men, we might ask, are these POWs, these indomitable Americans who prevailed for so many hellish years in Hanoi, and then faced the divisiveness of their countrymen back home, and yet remain so steadfast in their patriotism? In contrast to earlier wars, our POWs in Vietnam were mostly mature men, career officers acquainted with the art of survival and with the Code of Conduct. Since retirement, many have distinguished themselves in business, the professions, academic life and public service. As POW wife Doris Day says, "They are a pretty special group." That they are, and more. Explained former POW Howard Rutledge: "I don't know what it was that pulled us so tightly together. There was no specific event. But I believe we were on the leading edge of a change in attitude, or philosophy, of the country as a whole. We came back 10 years ago with ideas that only recently have begun to be accepted, nationwide. I think we were ahead of where people are coming to right now." Whatever changes develop in our society as a whole, the POWs of the Vietnam War most assuredly brought out the best in our nation and set examples of courage that will inspire Americans for generations to come. NAM VET Newsletter Page 23 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 W W M M W W M M M M W W \ / M M M M OOOO W W W --*-- M M M IIII O O W W W W / \ M M II O O W W W W M M II O O W W M M II O O II PPPPPP O O ..... II AA PP PP OOOO . '' '' .. IIII A A PP PP ..' '.. A A PPPPPPP ..' ''. A A PP ..' '. AAAAAA PP .' ''. A A PP .' '. A A .' .:::::.. '. .' .::::::::::. ' .' .::::::::::::::. '. .' __ .::::::::::::::::;:... '. .' _- -_ .:::::::::::::::::::::::. '. .' _-_ _ _ -_ ::::::::::::::::::::::::' '. .. _- -!!___!!!-_:::::::::::::::::::::::. .. .' ==_ _- _= .:::::::::::::::::::::::: ', . =-_= _= = :::::::::::::::::::::::: . .' =-_ =_- = ::::::::::::::::::::::: '. .' = - -_ =_:::::::::::::::::::::. '. .' -_ -_- .:::::::::::::::::::;;;. '. .' _-_ ..::::::::::::::::::::::::; '. . _ _ .:;:::::::::::::::::::::;, . ' _ .:::::::::::::::::::::::::. '. Y .'.....::::::::::::::::::::::::::;' '. N ::::::::::::::::::::::::' `''' ': O `::::::::::::::::::::::: \v/ \ / :'E `:::::::::::::::::::::: =========================== :' U `:::::::::::::::::::::. /^\ \ :'T `:::::::::::::::::::: .: A `:::::::::::::::::: .:'T `::::::::::::::::::. .;' R `:::::::::::::::::. .;' T `::::::::::::::::. .;' E `:::::::::gjp::: .:' O `:::::::::::::...........'' G N O T F O R " Bring them home --- NOW !!! " NAM VET Newsletter Page 24 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 ================================================================= I n - T o u c h ================================================================= In-Touch. What is it ??? Input by: Ray "Frenchy" Moreau NAM VETs IN-TOUCH Section Editor Herndon Byte eXchange - Herndon, VA (703) 471-8010 ================================================================= |+++++++++++++++++++++++++ IN TOUCH ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++| | There are some 43 million people in the United States whose | | lives were directly and irrevocably touched by the Vietnam | | War. | | | | Almost four million people served in Vietnam -- the longest, | | and perhaps most difficult, war in our history. More than a | | quarter of a million were seriously wounded. 58,175 are dead | | or missing. | | | | Each of those who returned recognizes the true cost of war. | | But so too do the families and friends, wives and lovers of | | those listed on the Wall. They too paid a tremendous price, | | not always recognized... many still do. | | | | Though twenty years have passed, it seems that is the period | | people have needed to get the distance necessary to begin to | | address the unresolved, deeply personal issues that have | | been haunting them since the war. Perhaps that is a measure | | of the pain. | | | | But, the "healing of a nation" that was intended by the | | building of the Memorial, has begun. | | | | In the office of the Friends of the Vietnam Veterans | | Memorial, we hear them on the other end of the phone on | | any given day, and far into the night, they call from all | | corners of the country. | | | | "If only I could find out..." | | "I need to find his family so I can keep my promise..." | | "I just want to talk to someone who was with him... " | | "Please, can you help...?" | | | | At the Wall, we find them every day. Veterans who have not | | spoken of their experiences even to their most intimate | | family members are now beginning, tentatively, to seek a | | responsive ear. | | | | Brothers and sisters, parents and even wives who were simply | | never allowed full expression of their grief because of the | | fierce pressures of the time, are now coming forward, | | looking for someone who can help with their healing. | | | | We hear from children, now 15 - 25 years old, who are | | searching for bits and pieces of information they can | | assemble to help fill that empty place in their lives that | NAM VET Newsletter Page 25 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 | is the father they never knew well, if at all. And they want | | to talk to each other, to share their special needs and the | | unique experience of growing up with a father on the Wall. | | They understand each other all too well. | | | | Millions of Americans need to meet and talk because of the | | Wall, and only the Friends can help them. | | | | Initial discussions with many other national organizations | | whose work brings them into contact with Vietnam veterans | | and their loved ones have attested to the need for IN TOUCH | | and their willingness to help. | | | | Simply put, the Friends will draw on its special work at the | | Memorial, its acquired and available data bases and | | programs designed and integrated by Electronic Data Systems | | (EDS), and the commitment and concern of its volunteers to | | place people with a common association to a name on the Wall | | to be in voluntary communication with each other. | | | | From there, we will let human nature take its good course. | | And let the healing begin. | | | | The starting point for the data base will be the more than | | twenty thousand names of people who have requested name | | rubbings from our volunteers in Washington. Each will be | | contacted and given the opportunity to participate by being | | listed in the IN TOUCH central data base file. | | | | Confidentiality is the keyword to cooperation and IN TOUCH | | will respect the integrity of all lists and records. Lists | | will be unavailable for public use and will not be | | distributed for any commercial purpose. | | | | By its nature, IN TOUCH must reach far beyond the veterans | | community in order to be successful. With professional | | guidance, the Friends will develop a program of on-going | | articles and other coverage in major media markets, high- | | lighting the personal experiences of people as they are put | | "in touch." The International Vietnam Veterans Echo | | Conference via the Herndon Byte eXchange 1:109/316 node as | | the enter point for gathering and disseminating information | | will be used. Aside from bringing the program into public | | awareness, these articles and stories will serve as a val- | | uable tool for public education on a wealth of matters | | relating to the Vietnam era. | | | | As a preliminary test of the IN TOUCH project, the Friends | | has implemented a pilot project to test the design and | | demands of such a program. Several hundred requests with | | full background information have been entered into a system | | designed to match requestor data with the existing Memorial | | data. Even with such a small sample, limited data and a | | fairly unsophisticated cross-indexing system, matches have | | been made and IN TOUCH has produced its first real | | connections. The results have been as profoundly moving for | | the participants as expected. And as gratifying for the | | Friends. | | | NAM VET Newsletter Page 26 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 | But it was clear that the information management system and | | the supporting hardware system would have to be more power- | | ful and more complex in order to handle thousands, perhaps | | hundreds of thousands, of requests. Confidentiality of the | | system and information must be paramount. | | | | With well over 2,000 Vietnam veterans, Electronic Data | | Systems (EDS) became involved and has been generous in its | | assistance with designing the data management systems which | | will be critical to a successful program. The Friends have | | reached a three-year working agreement with EDS which | | promises continuity and maximum potential for success in | | building an information bank that can truly help people in | | their search for others who knew a loved one. | | | | The Friends are delighted that Bob Hope has agreed to make | | a public service announcement which we can use on radio and | | television to help get the word out to the public on the | | availability of the service. | | | | The Friends are also pleased to note that Hewlett Packard, | | Zenith Data Systems, Borland International, FASTCOMM | | Communications Corporation and the First National Bank of | | Chicago have all contributed computer equipment, computer | | software, and office equipment to the project, so they are | | beginning to feel fully functional. | | | | The Friends hear from people who have long been living with | | the pain of loss and looking for a way to heal. For | | instance, the Friends recently received a letter from a | | woman who wrote: | | | | Dear Friends: | | For quite some time I have been searching for a | | way to know my brother. It seems hopeless at times. | | I was 12 when he was killed... I had waited for the | | day he would come back to us. He never did. A part | | of me will always be 12 and continue to wait. | | Thank you for giving me hope that there may be | | a way to find him and bring him home to my heart..." | | | | + + + | | | | The Friends of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial | | Electronic Data Systems | | Herndon Byte eXchange TCOMMnet BBS 1:109/316 | | | |+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++| NAM VET Newsletter Page 27 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 IN-TOUCH Registration/Request Form Input by: Ray "Frenchy" Moreau NAM VETs IN-TOUCH Section Editor Herndon Byte eXchange - Herndon, VA (703) 471-8010 THIS FORM REQUIRES SIGNATURE FOR CONFIDENTIALITY RELEASE PLEASE READ BELOW ------------------------------------------------------------------ I wish to be IN TOUCH with (Please circle and/or comment) Family, Friends and/or Fellow Veterans of the following: __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ ----------- PERSON WHO DID NOT COME BACK FROM VIETNAM ------------ First Name_____________ Middle Name___________ Last Name__________ Relationship to You and/or Reason for Request (Answer as fully as possible)_____________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ ================================================================== -------- ADDITIONAL INFORMATION ABOUT HIM/HER - IF KNOWN --------- Rank_______ Birth Date ______________ Soc. Sec. # ________________ Tour Date of Birth _______________ Where Buried __________________ Branch of Service: AR__ NA__ AF__ MC__ CG__ RC__ CIV__ (Fill in his/her equivalent unit designations in the spaces below) Division ____________ Brigade ___________ Battalion ______________ Regiment ____________ Company ___________ Ship ___________________ Battles:__________________________________________________________ Locations:________________________________________________________ Nicknames:________________________________________________________ Hometown (while in Nam): ____________________ Home State: ________ ================================================================== ---------------------- INFORMATION ABOUT YOU --------------------- Title___ First Name ____________ Middle/Maiden Name _____________ Last Name ____________________ Address___________________________________________________________ City __________________________________ State ____ Zip: _____-____ Your Home Phone ( ) ____________ Work Phone: ( ) ____________ ---------------- IF YOU ARE A VIETNAM-ERA VETERAN ---------------- Tour date _______________________________ Rank __________________ Branch of Service: AR__ NA __ AF __ MC __ CG __ RC __ CIV __ Fill in your equivalent unit designations in the spaces below Division: __________ Brigade: ___________ Battalion: ___________ Regiment: __________ Company: ___________ Ship: ________________ Battles: _________________________________________________________ Locations: _______________________________________________________ Nicknames: _______________________________________________________ Hometown (when in VN) _______________________ Home State: ________ Comments: ________________________________________________________ NAM VET Newsletter Page 28 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 CONFIDENTIALITY STATEMENT _____ I give permission to the Friends of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial to release my name, address, phone number and relationship to other participants in the IN TOUCH project seeking information on the individual above (strike out phone number if you do not want it released). OR _____ I would like to have the names, addresses, and phone numbers of persons who knew my friend or relative, but prefer NOT to have my name, address, and phone number released. I hereby release the Friends of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial from any and all liability that may arise from the operation of the IN TOUCH project. Signature ____________________________________ Date _____________ NOTE: Do not electronically transmit this form, instead mail to: Friends of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial 1350 Connecticut Ave., N.W. Suite 300 Washington, DC 20036 ----------------------------------------------------------------- NAM VET Newsletter Page 29 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 ================================================================= B u t I t s O N L Y H e a t R a s h ! ================================================================= THE AGENT ORANGE PROGRAM The American Legion Magazine Input by: G. Joseph Peck NamVet's Managing Editor VETLink #1 - Pittsfield, MA (413) 443-6313 [Note from Joe: This article appeared in the 7/89 edition of The American Legion magazine. I have searched for and not found any evidences of this plan's successful implementations. Do YOU know of any?] The American Legion has been awarded a grant of $547,7567 to assist Vietnam veterans and their families who suffer from the effects of Agent Orange and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. The grant was awarded by the Agent Orange Class Assistance Program, which was established to distribute the settlement of a class-action suit filed by Vietnam veterans and their families against the manufacturers of Agent Orange. Over the next seven to 10 years, the court will distribute $52 million to social-service projects that benefit Vietnam veterans and their families. The Legion is one of 140 organizations which has applied for a grant under the program. Some small grants were awarded in March (1989). Additional grants are expected to be awarded through August 1989. Grants will be given for innovative projects that provide: > Assistance for Vietnam veterans' children with birth defects and other special needs, and for the children's families. > Counseling and support for families of Vietnam veterans. > Assistance for Vietnam veterans in obtaining benefits. > Services for disadvantaged or homeless Vietnam veterans, including treatment and counseling for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and substance abuse, and help in finding jobs and temporary housing during treatment periods. Plans call for the Legion project to begin in New York, Pennsylvania, Kansas and Kentucky. The court has limited participating veterans' service organizations to communities where the needs of Vietnam veterans and their families have not been met. The Legion's National Executive Committee authorized participation in the Agent Orange Class Assistance Program when it passed Res. 1 at a post-Convention meeting i Louisville last September (1988). Although the project will be conducted in four Departments initially, the Legion plans for it to evolve into a nationwide network that coordinates and develops new volunteer programs and expands existing ones. Emphasis will be placed on providing Agent Orange information and aid to veterans' families, especially those with children suffering from birth defects. The Legion project will identify existing health and genetic services and link veterans and their families to the services through an outreach and referral network. The plan includes the development of a directory of services, which Legion Department representatives will use to guide veterans and their families in NAM VET Newsletter Page 30 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 need of help. Each Department involved i the project will provide office space, telephones and administrative assistance. Departments will be required to establish an advisory committee to select Districts and Posts to participate in the project, to review operational procedures, and to ensure compliance with policies set by National Headquarters and the court. A state coordinator will be assigned to each Department to manage the project. When the grant is received, New Futures Inc., a firm that specializes in the development of community health and outreach services, will train state coordinators and provide technical assistance manuals. In a nationwide Legion survey, many Posts submitted their suggestions for programs that would best serve the needs of Vietnam veterans and their families. Legion officials urge other Posts to complete and return the survey questionnaires, which will be used to develop future proposals to serve American's veterans. NAM VET Newsletter Page 31 Volume 4, Number 10 October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xxx _ -. . - .-. - . . . . - XXXXXxxXXXXXXXXXXXx -. - .- . - . . XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-. .--. - .- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX -.- - -.- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX -. -. -. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx .g -. -. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX .- j. .- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX . p .-. XXXXXXXX ]XXXXXXXXX ]XXXXXXXX .- - -. XXXXXX XXXXX XXXXXX -.- - -- XXXXXX XXXXXX XXXXXX -- - XXXXXXXXX X'`XXX XXXXXXX Y Y XXXXXXXXX XXXXX XXX XXXXXXX X X XXXXXXXX XXXXXXX XXX XXXXXX XXX XX X XXX XX XX XXXX XX XXX XX XX XX XXXX XXX]XXXXXXXXXXXX XXX[ XX XX XXX XXXXXXXXXX " I t ' s o n l y t e e n a g e a c n e ! " -Robert Nimmo- NAM VET Newsletter Page 32 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 ================================================================= H e a r t s n ' M i n d s ================================================================= Vietnam Desiderata Input by: Scott Summers The Fireside BBS - Houston, Texas (713)496-6319 Found a handwritten copy of this in a book at the library while I was doing some research. I've never seen it before - and thought you might enjoy it as well. VIETNAM DESIDERATA Go placidly amid the artillery fire and rocket explosions and remember what peace may be found in body count. As far as possible be on combative terms with all people. Speak your truth with firepower and listen for signs of VC and NVA ambushes. Avoid loud and aggressive AK-47 fire for it is a vexation to staying alive, and you may likely incur a sucking chest wound. If you compare your M-16 with the AK-47 you may become bitter or vain, for always there will be greater and lesser weapons than yours - namely the damn Soviet B-40 rocket. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans to kill more. Keep interested in your survival; however humble, it is the only way you will ever get laid again. Exercise caution in your business affairs for the jungle is full of booby-traps, mines, and devious eyes with vindictive and malicious inclinations toward you. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is, and to what Phantoms can do. Many people strive for a successful search and destroy mission, but Tac-Air can make it a reality. Especially, do not be inhibited about shouting "Medic!" Neither be cynical about war - remember, it has given our girl "Hanoi Jane" an opportunity to exercise her ambition to become a foreign film star. Be yourself - no matter what the Sergeant-Major wants you to be! Avoid altruistic behavior while in the bush and remember that when you've got 'em by the gonads their hearts and minds will become very cooperative to your ways. Nurture strength of spirit and firepower to shield you on those occasions when the defecation hits the cooling apparatus. Do not distress yourself with imaginings; Charlie wants to rip your ass apart with high-velocity projectiles and that's no Jive! Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness, but that ain't nothing compared to the fears born in the midst of the mud, and the blood, and the bullets. Take kindly the counsel of years (if you live that long) and gracefully surrender the things of youth, but not your claymores. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with, and protective of yourself; when in doubt you must pull the trigger. You are an American soldier of the universe - no less than John Wayne, or napalm, or white phosphorous. So, be at war with whatever the hell gets in your way. And remember, with all life's sham and drudgery and broken dreams, there are still awards and decorations. Press on in the face of political adversity - some protesters at home will never fathom the philosophical depth of it, but one reason you are in the Nam is to defend their continued NAM VET Newsletter Page 33 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 rights to disagree with you. Therefore, step lively in your unselfish and noble purpose to defend the freedom of a struggling country. However cliche', freedom ain't free. Ours was bought, paid for, and reinsured by hard-fisted American patriots. Remember, take pride in America - She isn't without fault, but She holds the strongest and brightest torch of freedom the world has ever known! NAM VET Newsletter Page 34 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 ONE WOMAN'S WAIT From 10/1/90 Army Times Input by: G. Joseph Peck NamVet's Managing Editor VETLink #1 - Pittsfield, MA (413) 443-6313 Kathleen Rodgers' husband, a pilot, has deployed to the Persian Gulf. Coping hasn't been easy, but keeping a journal has helped. What follows is part of that journal she wanted to share. Kathleen Rodgers' husband, Lt. Col. Tom Rodgers, an A-10 pilot stationed at England AFB, La., deployed to the Persian Gulf region on Aug. 27. From the days preceding her husband's deployment to the day of deployment and the days subsequent, she has been keeping a journal. What follows is part of that journal, including excerpts from letters received from her husband since he arrived in the region. She's writing the diary because it helps her get through a difficult time. She hopes her words will help others, too. THURSDAY, Aug. 9 One week after the Iraqi invasion of Kuwait, rumors start flying that our base is deploying to the Middle East. It doesn't seem real. Tom's not saying much so I become a newspaper and Cable News Network junkie, familiarizing myself with the geography of that area. I grow impatient with other news that doesn't pertain to the Middle East crisis. All leaves have been canceled and our family vacation to Florida next week will have to be put on hold. How do I tell the kids (Thomas Clifford, 5, and James Patrick, nearly 3) that there will be no sand castles and seashells this summer? Maybe next. FRIDAY, Aug. 10 Tom brings home a power-of-attorney this morning and pops in and out of the house several times during the day. At noon he's back to tell me he's updated his will from 1972 but can't pick it up until 4 o'clock due to the long lines at the base legal office. My approach to all this is very pragmatic. Later, I read the will. It all seems to cut and dried, like when we decided to get some decent life insurance after TC was born. I file Tom's will, along with the power-of-attorney, in with the life insurance policy and lock it all away in our fire box. The rational side of my brain says "Now that's taken care of," but the emotional side denies it - "Of course we won't be needing any of THAT STUFF for years!" SUNDAY, Aug. 12 I get up for my morning run and head over by the flightline; at 6:30 it's already bustling with activity and the sounds of engine testings. On week-ends I seek out this road for its solitude, but the invasion and approaching deployment have changed everything. Later, on the way to church, I ask Tom if he's having deja vu from almost 20 years ago when he flew 101 combat missions in the F-111A over Southeast Asia. He says, "At least back then I knew I was going to a place that had a bed and an air-conditioned room. This situation is different; it's the unknown. Will we stay in a tent in the desert? For how long? Will there be combat?" NAM VET Newsletter Page 35 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 I'm fine until we walk into church. The moment the music starts and the chaplain begins speaking, I break down. The tears just pour out of control and I can't stop shaking. I sit so close to Tom I can sense his own despair. I feel it where our arms and shoulders touch. Without even looking at him, I know he is trying desperately not to cry. A seasoned fighter pilot is not supposed to cry. It shatters the image. Throughout the service I'm thinking, "It's just not fair!" Tom has already been through this sort of thing. He has paid his dues. We have our whole future planned out. Tom's retirement orders are for 1 April of next year, and I keep hearing a little voice mocking, "I told ya so - April Fools." Tom hopes to be flying for the airlines by then - and our family settled somewhere in Texas. Such dreams - our future interrupted virtually overnight by the crisis in the gulf. After church we both feel a little stronger, and, while Tom runs errands, I make the kids' lunch. I know it will be up to me to tell them the truth, something their daddy just can't do right now. I try explaining as best I can to our two boys about our current situation. After our little talk, I begin making backup plans - in the event that we may have to soar on alone. Without Daddy. A dark sense of dread sinks in, but I keep it to myself. I've got to be strong for these little guys. Easier said than done. MONDAY, Aug. 13 Still no word on when the base will be deploying. I step out of the shower and hear screaming above Lassie's barking on TV. Kids are fighting again, and I worry that maybe I've been too explicit about why Daddy is going away. In the afternoon the boys and I buy Tom a roll of stamps to take with him. Outside the post office we run into a young pilot, a second lieutenant, from our squadron. We stand talking to him near the newspaper stands where TC and JP tell me to buy a newspaper with a "Middle East picture" on the front. The lieutenant says, pointing to TC, "I was about his age when my dad went to Vietnam." He tells us his dad flew F-4s there. We exchange opinions on the crisis in the gulf, and I can't help but notice that he looks so vulnerable in his flight suit. Not much older than a kid, but old enough to fly fighters. His face burns an image in my mind, and I wonder the rest of the day if Tom wore that same look of uncertainty before departing to Thailand in late 1972. When Tom gets home from work he tells me he feels as if he's on an emotional roller coaster. He says, "Driving home from work I see little blond kids and I think of the boys." A part of him is already detaching himself from us - as if he has already left - while another part hangs on dearly until the last moment. TUESDAY, Aug. 14 The little noises Tom makes in the morning wake me up - the sound of zippers and Velcro. My eyes go straight to the gold star on the cuff of the right sleeve. That little star is a symbol of combat time, and you don't see too many of these among active fighter pilots. In today's Air Force, Tom is a dinosaur and I hope it stays that way. I watch him putter around the top of the dresser, looking for quarters to fill the cola machine at work. At 42, with flecks of silver in his hair, he's a far cry from the 3-year-old in 1951 who dreamed of flying airplanes. We're out of milk, and I take JP with me to the shoppette. He wants to look at toys, so we go scouting for GI Joes and Ninja NAM VET Newsletter Page 36 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 Turtles and find instead - right next to Barbie - a 12-inch airline pilot that "changes into a handsome date." Feeling a little silly, but scooping it up off the shelf, I purchase my own little version of hope. All decked out in uniform, Ken will stand on my night table. A corny and childish symbol of hope? Maybe. But if Tom can't be here going to airline interviews, then at least Ken can be a constant reminder that we can still hold fast to our dreams. That, for now, they're only on standby. FRIDAY, Aug. 24 Word is out that airlifts are on the way. Tom is ready to go. The waiting has been the hardest part. The warrior-pilot in him has kicked in. SUNDAY, Aug. 26 Tom calls his folks. His dad, who served as an Army captain overseas during World War II, asked Tom point blank, "You got your bags packed?" Not the same thing he said almost two decades ago when Tom made the same kind of phone call to say he was on his way to Southeast Asia. All his dad could say back then was, "I fought in WWII so my children wouldn't have to go to war." Tom's mother, who served stateside as an Army first lieutenant during the second world war, said this time, "What will be, will be. Don't worry about Kat and the boys, we're here for them." MONDAY, Aug. 27 At 1:30 this morning we wake the kids. It's time to take Tom to the mobility center. We won't get to see him take off, for the plane is not due to leave until 5 a.m. Probably best, since TC has to get up for school at 7. I carry them to the car and strap them in while Tom loads his gear in the back. By now they're both wide awake and alert, trying to be brave. Last night Tom sat down with the boys and told them to be good while he's in Saudi Arabia. I eavesdropped on their conversation and heard him say in typical fighter pilot fashion: "TC, since you're the oldest, Daddy's making you the flight lead, and your little brother is your wingman. While I'm away, your job is to help watch out for JP." Then TC asked, "What's Mom's job?" and Tom replied gruffly, "Mom's the commander-in-charge." Somewhere in the distance I heard The Great Santini bark another order to his kids: "Okay, hogs. Listen up!" Near the flightline, Tom unloads his gear and reaches inside the car to tell the boys goodbye. Gone is their usual jovial banter of giving each other a five, a thumbs-up, and a hug and kiss. Instead, he just holds each of them for a few seconds, then quickly hugs me and pecks me on the lips and is gone. For him, now it is business as usual while we sit alone in the darkness, and TC weeps into his blanket. In the driver's seat, I watch Tom walk off in his desert camouflage BDUs, and once again I see a hint of The Great Santini: "A fighter pilot isn't supposed to feel things - I have a mission to do. Period." This is when JP suddenly realizes that Daddy is not coming back to the car and he starts crying. "I don't want my daddy going to 'Saubi Awabia.' No way, Mom!" We head home and I want to join in the tearful chorus, but there are no more tears to shed. All I can feel is a huge lump in my throat and a determination to get the boys through their own crisis while the diplomats and world leaders work out the one where Tom is now headed. I put the boys in bed with me just for this first night, and around 3:30 they NAM VET Newsletter Page 37 Volume 4, Number 10 October 15, 1990 finally cry themselves to sleep. At 7 the alarm goes off and I rouse TC for school. He's a bit groggy but excited about school. He wants to wear his old, faded T-shirt with an A-10 on the front and the words, "My Daddy Flies Fighters." When I start to object, JP runs to get his own A-10 T- shirt. I realize if it makes them feel better, why not. TC's been looking forward to school, and now I'm thankful for the five-day-a-week-routing that will help us get through the long months ahead. After TC goes to school, JP and I go outside and watch the sky fill with A-10s deploying for Saudi Arabia. I'm proud of the pilots and all the ground crews who are also leaving their families behind. Moments later a friend stops by to say she's heard that some of the younger wives are moving home, leaving their base quarters and apartments behind. TUESDAY, Aug. 28 TC asks me this morning if he can have a picture of his dad for his bedside, like the one I have by mine. He smiles at my suggestions of a picture taken just one day be