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The Louis Cheskin
Animal Coloring Book

[ By Jack Szwergold ]

Published in 1951, Louis Cheskin's groundbreaking Color For Profit initiated a scientific approach to color and design. Cheskin's philosophy rotates around three core concepts:

1. Good taste has little to do with how well a design sells.

2. Asking customers what they think of a package design is not a useful way to measure effectiveness.
Surveys and polls don't measure unconscious reactions; and what consumers do, not what they say, is what matters. Research shows that most people who claim advertising doesn't affect them tend to buy widely advertised products.

3. Colors have symbolic meanings:
"We associate red with festivity, blue with distinction, purple with dignity, green with nature, yellow with sunshine. Pink is generally associated with health... White is a symbol of purity. Black expresses evil." Preferences for pure colors are often associated with the poor. The rich tend to prefer tints. And while women generally prefer tints and men deep shades, both are attracted to fleshtones.

With that in mind, the creative design of earth's animals leaves a lot to be desired. Brown deers? Black bears? No wonder you don't see these creatures flying off the shelves! God must've been given one stinker of a marketing plan. Luckily, we at Stay Free! have come up with some Cheskin-inspired suggestions to help refocus, refine, and establish brand equity for all of God's critters.



RED FOX
Red Fox? More like Rust Fox. The solution? Brighter orange fur with yellow highlights on the tall, feet, and tummy. While orange and yellow don't have a high preference rating, they both score high on retention. People may not be attracted to this natural predator, but they will remember him the next time he steals a chicken from the backyard chicken coop.


DEER
Combat the overgrown-chipmunks-with-twigs shoved-in-their-skulls-look with deep ebony antlers and yellow-green fur. The green shade will allow the deer to blend in with its natural environment, while the antlers will make the deer appear more threatening to potential predators.


CHIPMUNKS
Chipmunks are cute, but the dlarrhea-colored fur doesn't do much for their appearance. A light blue hue will make this reluctant scavenger stand out, while not imposing on her naturally timid personality. And while the round, white circle patterns attract attention, they would be more affective if they were more uniformly round, like polka dots.


FLYING SQUIRRELS
How can we-as a nation-guard against the encroaching flying squirrel threat? Easy! Make all gray parts of fur a light pink hue, but color the underside a brilliant, bright yellow. The yellow will act as a warning, indicating, "Hey, that's a flying squirrel over there... " so you can take cover before it descends and latches onto your face.


BAT
How can one ever make this flying, flea-infested rodent less repulsive? Color his wings forest green and give his matted gray fur a deep, cnocolatey hue. The green- normally associated with nature-will make the bat's wings resemble maple leaves. The fur surrounding the torso will contrast the green wings, and help camouflage the flea bites and scars on the bat's flesh.


WALRUS
How to dress up two big, dorky tusks and a flabby, floppy, blubber-filled body? Purple and gold! A deep currant-hued torso, accented with gold-plated tusks, will help give this sea-beast the dignity and regal air it needs.


SKUNK
Fix the skunk's clich6d black-and-white combination by replacing white areas with a shiny, iridescent tone. The black will accentuate the multicolored patterns created by the iridescent sheen and give the skunk a fancy, regal-esque air, much like a string of pearls.


SQUIRREL
How to disassociate squirrels from other rodents? Make all gray portions a light pink hue. Pink has a high preference rating and is traditionally associated with health. People can then approach these playful pals without fear of contracting rabies or consumption!


TURTLE
Turtle, schmertle. If it weren't for folktales and the occasional cartoon, nobody would give a rat's ass. The solution? A color combination with an attitude! The shell: bright magenta with slight white pinstriping. Arms and head should be white to avoid distracting viewers from the roundness of the shell.


RABBIT
Rabbits go out of their way to avoid contact with anyone. But why? Who knows. Who cares. They need to be seen. Recoloring all rabbits to match Easter pastels will help when the time comes to chop off their feet to make keychains and necklaces.


RACCOONS
Raccoons' oddly shaded pattern makes them difficult to disguise. Although there is no easy way to improve their appearance, placing a big, brightly colored oval on their heads will help people better target their gun and/or baseball bat when they find one.