Subject: Humor...

From: Dale Scheetz <[email-masked]>
Date: Wed, 3 Jul 1996 09:35:51 -0400 (EDT)

My partner sent me this this morning. Just thought that others might
appreciate it ;-)

>From [email-masked] Wed Jul  3 09:33:19 1996
Date: Wed, 03 Jul 1996 09:16:57 -0400
From: Fox Howard <[email-masked]>
To: [email-masked]
Subject: humor

My boss says this is canadian humor ...

>All about toasters:
>If IBM made toasters...
>  They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be
>  submitted for overnight toasting.  IBM would claim a worldwide
>  market for five, maybe six toasters.
>If Xerox made toasters...
>  You could toast one-sided or double-sided.
>  Successive slices would get lighter and lighter.
>  The toaster would jam your bread for you.
>If Radio Shack made toasters...
>  The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it. Or
you
>  could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.
>If Oracle made toasters...
>  They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and
>  styles of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the Bagel
>  Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three
>  years away, and that indeed the whole appliance was just blowing
>  smoke.
>If Sun made toasters...
>  The toast would burn often, but you could get a really good cuppa
>  Java.
>Does DEC still make toasters?...
>  They made good toasters in the '80s, didn't they?
>If Hewlett-Packard made toasters...
>  They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast
>  and gives you regular bread.
>If Tandem made toasters...
>  You could make toast 24 hours a day, and if a piece got burned the
>  toaster would automatically toast you a new one.
>If Thinking Machines made toasters...
>  You would be able to toast 64,000 pieces of bread at the same time.
>If Cray made toasters...
>  They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other
>  single-slice toaster in the world.
>If Sony made toasters...
>  The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single piece of
>  bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to your
>  belt.
>If CostCo made toasters...
>  They'd be really cheap, as long as you bought a six-pack of 'em.
>
>And, of course:
>If Microsoft made toasters...
>  Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a
>  toaster.  You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still
>  have to pay for it anyway.  Toaster '95 would weigh 15000 pounds
>  (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough
>  electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your
>  kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you control
>  how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly
>  interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them.
>  Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy
>  them since most of the good bread only works with their toasters.
----

Later,

Dwarf

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aka   Dale Scheetz                   Phone:   1 (904) 877-0257
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      Black Creek Critters           e-mail:  [email-masked]

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