How do blonde braincells die ? A:   Alone.
How do you brainwash a blonde? A:   Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1:   Blow in her ear. 
How do you change a blonde's mind?   A2:   Buy her another beer.
How do you measure a blonde's intelligence? A:   Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
HOW DO YOU KEEP A BLONDE BUSY ALL DAY? A:   Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
HOW DID THE BLONDE DIE ICE FISHING?   A:   She was run over by the zambonis machine.    
How do you get a blonde pregnant? A:   Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
How do you get a blonde to marry you? A:   Tell her she's pregnant.
What will she ask you? A:   Is it mine?
How do you get a blonde off of your knees? A:   Come.
How does a blond spell farm? A:   E-I-E-I-O
How does a bitchy blonde do it doggy style? A:   She takes off her clothes and makes her boyfriend roll over and beg.
How does a blond kill a fish? A:   She drowns it.
A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat? A:   Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
How does a blonde hold her liquor? A:   By the ears.
How do you know a blond likes you? A:   She screws you two nights in a row. 
How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity? A:   Her crayons are still sticky.
How does a blonde moonwalk? A:   She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!
WHY IS A BLONDE LIKE AUSTRALIA? A:   They're both down under, and no one cares.
WHY DOES A BLONDE LIKE THE NUMBER 77? A:   She likes to be 8 (ate) more.
WHY DON`T BLONDES LIKE ANAL SEX? A:   They don`t like their brains being screwed with.
WHY CAN`T BLONDES WATER-SKI? A:   When they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay down.
WHY ARE BLONDES LIKE PIANOS? A:   When they aren't upright, they're grand.
WHY ARE BLONDES SO EASY TO GET INTO BED? A:   Who cares?
Why can't blondes count to 70? A:   Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.
Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists? A:   The rest are hunt'n peckers.
How is a blonde like peanut-butter? A:   They spread for the bread.
What do you call a blonde on a waterbed? A:   Cherry Float
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? A:   Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth. 
What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125? A:   a foursome.
What do you give the blonde that has everything? A:   Penicillin.
What do you call a blond mother-in-law? A:   An air bag.
What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity? A:   B.J.
Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped? A:   Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.
Why do Blondes wear earmuffs? A:   To avoid the draft.
Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room? A:   They have to pull their own pants down. 
Why do blondes wear panties? A:   To keep their ankles warm.
Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee? A:   It's too hard to re-train them.
What do blondes do for foreplay? A:   Remove their underwear.
What do blonde virgins eat? A:   Baby food.
What's the mating call of the blonde? A:   I'm *sooo* drunk!
What is the mating call of the ugly blonde? A:   (Screaming) I said: I'm drunk!
What's the mating call of the brunette?  A:  All the blondes have gone home!
What's the mating call of the brunette?   A:  Has that blonde gone yet?
What's the mating call of the brunette?   A:  When is that blond bitch going to leave!?
What's the mating call of the redhead? A:   Next!
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? A:   Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
WHAT IS BLONDE AND GREEN AND JUMPS FROM BED TO BED? A:   A prostitoad.
WHAT IS 68 TO A BLONDE? A:   Where she goes down on you and you owe her one.
What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A:   Trying to hold on to a thought.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? A:   Because it said 'concentrate'.
Why did the blonde take two hits of acid? A:   She wanted to go on a round trip.
Why did the blonde with a big pussy douche with crest? A:   She heard that it reduces cavities.
Why did the blonde give a blow job after sex? A:   She wanted to have her cock and eat it too.
Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet? A:   She thought it was diet coke.
WHY DID THE BLONDE BAKE A CHICKEN FOR 3 AND A HALF DAYS? A:   It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
WHY DID THE BLONDE PUT HER FINGER OVER THE NAIL WHEN SHE WAS HAMMERING? A:   The noise gave her a headache.
WHY DID THE BLONDE HAVE BLISTERS ON HER LIPS? A:   From trying to blow out lightbulbs. 
Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar? A:   She heard that the drinks were on the house.
Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? A:   They don't know the route.
Why do blondes work seven days a week? A:   So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
What is the first thing a blonde learns when she takes driving lessons ? A:   You can also sit upright in a car.
What's the definition of a metallurgist? A:   A man who can tell if a platinum blonde is a virgin metal or a common ore.
What is the difference between a new blonde and an old blonde? A:   Vaseline and Poli-Grip.
What is the difference between a dead blonde in the road, and a dead skunk in the road? A:   There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
What is the difference between a blonde and a prostitute? A:   Prostitutes don't drive Ferrari's
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ELVIS AND SMART BLONDES?   A:   Elvis has been sighted.
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BLONDES AND TRAFFIC SIGNS? A:   Some traffic signs say stop. 
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A LIGHTBULB? A:   The lightbulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on. 
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A BITCH? A:   A blonde will fuck anyone, a bitch will fuck anyone but you.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A SHOPPING CART? A:   The shopping cart has a mind of its own.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CORN FARMER WITH EPILEPSY AND A BLONDE WITH DIARRHEA? A:   One shucks between fits.
What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? A:   It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
What's the difference between a blonde and a walrus? A:   One has whiskers and fishy flaps, and the other is a walrus.
What's the difference between a blonde and a brick? A:   When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining. 
What is foreplay for a blonde? A:   Thirty minutes of begging.
What is a blonde's idea of dental floss? A:   Pubic hair.
What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet? A:   Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth? A:   You need a quarter to use the phone.
What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth? A:   Only one person can use the phone at once.
What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common? A:   They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine? A:   She peed on her corn flakes.
What did the blind blonde say to her new boyfriend as she was making love to him? A:   Funny, you don't feel Jewish.
What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? A:   She turned it over and used the other side.
What did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her bra? A:   Thanks for the refill.
What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?  A::    It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt.
How does a blonde commit suicide? A:   She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
How do you plant dope? A:   Bury a blonde.
Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses? A:   Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.
How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A:   Wave to her.
How does a blonde measure his/her IQ? A:   With a tire gauge!  (da da dum)
How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex? A:  She opens the car door. 
How does a blonde get pregnant? A:   And I thought blondes were dumb!
How does a blonde part their hair? A:   (Action of scissoring legs apart)
How does a blonde part their hair? A:   By doing the splits.
How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle? A:   Shine a torch in her ears.
How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? A:   She drops her nail-file!
How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? A:   Who cares?
How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? A:   She says, Next.
How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? A:   The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? A:   He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? A:   I mean, who really cares?
How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? A:   The batteries have run out.
How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? A:   Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? A:   (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
How do you kill a blonde? A:   Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
How do blondes pierce their ears? A:   They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
How does a blonde like her eggs? A:   Unfertilized.
How do you drown a blond? A:   Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
How do you drown a blond? A:   Don't tell her to swallow.
How do you drown a blond? A:   Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping? A:   The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
How does a blonde high-5? A:   She smacks herself in the forehead.
How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots? A:   Flattered.
What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS? A:   A know-it-all bitch.
What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde? A:   One's a phony buck.
What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician? A:   A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have? A:   One that never misses a period.
What does a blonde think an innuendo is? A:   An Italian suppository. 
What is every blonde's ambition in life?  A:   To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet. 
WHAT CAN SAVE A DYING BLONDE? A:   Hair transplants.
WHAT DID THE BLOND SAY WHEN SHE WOKE UP UNDER THE COW?  A:   What are you guys still doing here?
WHAT ARE THE WORST SIX YEARS IN A BLONDE'S LIFE? A:   Third Grade.
WHAT DID THE BLONDE SAY ABOUT BLONDE JOKES? A:   She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.
WHAT DID THE BLONDE THINK OF THE NEW COMPUTER? A:   She didn't like it because she couldn't get MTV.
What did the blonde do when she heard the British were coming? A:   She stopped sucking.
What did the blonde say when she was showed her newborn baby in the delivery room? A:   I'm not going to suck anything *that* small. 
What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?  A:   You keep hearing about them, but never see any. 
What does a blond say during a porno? A:   There I am!!
Why doesn't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands? A:   Because the vaccum in her head keeps them in place.
What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating Jell-o? A:   Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.
What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer? A:   I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer? A:   Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it gets blood. 
Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses? A:   She was having sunny periods. 
What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant? A:   Her feet!
How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose? A:   When she farts, her knees bag.
How can you tell when a blonde is horny? A:   Stick your hand down her panties.  If it feels like a horse eating oats, she's horny.
What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist? A:   Marriage.
What's the ultimate embarassment for a blonde? A:   When her Ben-Wa balls set off the airport metal detector.
What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy? A:   A hundred dollar bill.
How is a blonde like a frying pan? A:   You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
How does a blonde interpret 6.9? A:   A 69 interrupted by a period.
How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ? A:   Tell them a joke on Friday night !
How do you describe the perfect blonde? A:   3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
How do you confuse a blonde? A:   You don't. They're born that way.
Why do blondes hate M&Ms? A:   They're too hard to peel.
How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? A:   You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? A:   Proofreading.
Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? A:   For throwing out the W's.
Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID? A:   Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress? A:   To keep her ankles warm.
How can you tell a blonde had a bad day? A:   Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.
What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms? A:   Way to go team!
How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator? A:   By the chipped tooth.
How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A:   (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
How do you keep a blonde busy? A:   Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? A:   To keep from bruising their ears.
Why do blondes have vaginas? A:   So guys will talk to them at parties.
Why does the blonde stand in front of a window during a thunder storm? A:   She loves having her picture taken  (flashes, got it?).
What do you call a blonde with a runny nose? A:   Full.
What does a blonde answer to the question Are you sexually active? A:   No, I just lie there.
What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning? A:   Thanks, guys...
What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool? A:   Air pockets.
What does Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde? A:   Space. The final frontier......
How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals team? A:   Just One... Boomer Esiason.
What's brown and red and black and blue? A:   A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner? A:   You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.
How does the blonde car pool work?  A:   They all meet at work at 7:45.
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?  A:   Her IQ goes up!
What happens when a blonde puts her panties on backwards? A:   She gets her ass chewed out.
Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?  A:   She found out Big Ben is only a clock. 
Why can't blondes make ice cubes?  A:   They always forget the recipe.
Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?  A:   Because you don't have to marry them to have sex with them! 
Did you hear about the blonde that said she would do Anything for a fur coat? A:   Well, now she can't button it.(prego)
Did you hear about the sophisticated blonde?  A:   She thought her period was French Provincial.          
Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio? A:   It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
Did you hear about the blonde whose boyfriend say id he loved her? A:   She believed him.
Did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes? A:   It's called MAIDS - if the don't get one, they die.
Did you hear about the blond with a Masters degree in Psychology? A:   She'll blow your mind, too.
Did you hear about the new slogan for Miss Clairol's Hair Dye? A:   Buy a double batch and get a snatch to match.
Did you hear about the conceited blonde? A:   She screams her own name when she comes.
Did you hear about the blonde that robbed a bank? A:   She tied up the safe and blew the guard.
Did you hear about the blonde who had an apendix operation?  A:   Well, now she is making money on the side. 
Did you hear about the scared blonde nurse down by the water? A:   She won't go DOWN ON THE DOC.
Did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds? A:   She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE THAT ALMOST CAUSED A WRECK? A:   The spare tire in her trunk blew out.
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE DOCTOR? A:   She shaved her patients, then took off their clothes.
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE THAT ATE MOUNTAIN OYSTERS? A:   She was dragged 200 yards.
Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see 20,000 leagues under the sea? A:   She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams.
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE WHO STOOD IN FRONT OF A MIRROR WITH HER EYES CLOSED? A:   She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEW FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL FOR BLONDES? A:   They take off their makeup.
Why won't a blonde drink beer at the beach?  A:   She's afraid to get sand in her Busch. 
Why do blondes wear tight skirts?  A:   To keep their legs together.
Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer? A:   So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
Why did the blonde give up bowling for screwing? A:   The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.
Why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank? A:   Her employer found out she was embezzling.
How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs? A:   She fell out of the tree.
HOW MANY BLONDES DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB? A:   Blondes screw in back seats, not in lightbulbs, silly.
How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek? A:   One.
Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ? A:   She didn't know what ONE came first...
Why don't blondes talk when having sex? A:   Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
Why don't blondes talk when having sex? A:   Their mothers told them not with their mouths full.
What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone? A:   Divorced.
What do you call a blonde without an asshole? A:   Divorced.
How many blondes does it take to make a circuit? A:   Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
How is a blonde like a postage stamp? A:   You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.
How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde? A:   Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? A:   She threw it off a cliff.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? A:   She fell out of the tree.
How did the blonde die drinking milk? A:   The cow fell on her.
How did the blonde burn her nose? A:   Bobbing for french fries.
How can you tell which blonde is the waitress? A:   She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? A:   There's white-out on the screen.
How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? A:   There's writing on the white-out.
What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? A:   You only have to punch information into a computer once.
What did the blonde think of the new computer? A:   She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9....
How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator? A:   By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
How can you tell if a blonde works in an office? A:   A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.
How can you tell when a blonde is dating? A:   By the buckle print on her forehead.
How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend? A:   He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead!
How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries? A:   She has a checkbook.
How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde? A:   There is a stamp on it.
How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook? A:   She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
What's the difference between a blonde and a guy? A:   The blonde has the higher sperm count.
What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal? A:   The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.
What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a blonde track team? A:   The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.
What is the difference between a crazy fighting hockey player and a blonde? A:   He is fussy by nature and would go to any length to get a puck.
What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?  A:   You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.
What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde? A:   The prostitute says Aren't you done yet? - The nympho says Are you done already? - The blonde says Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige.
What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde? A:   A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush? A:   You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
What is the difference between a blonde and a shower? A:   A shower has to be turned on to get wet.
What's the difference between a blonde and your job? A:   Your job still sucks after 6 months.
What's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist? A:   You can negotiate with a terrorist.
What is the difference between a blond and a toilet? A:   A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.
What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster? A:   In the morning a rooster says, Cock'll-doodl-doooo, while a blonde says, Any-cock'll-doooo.
What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine? A:   Not everybody has been in a limo.
What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? A:   You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? A:   You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? A:   There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke.
What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? A:   You don't eat your bowling ball
What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York? A:   The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS? A:   Lipstick.
Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A:   You can park in the handicap zone.
Why is a blonde like a turtle? A:   They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? A:   It takes too long to retrain them.
Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes? A:   They're doing research on black holes.
Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom? A:   So she can have a doggie bag for later.
Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month? A:   Because it says right on it good for up to 20 pounds.
Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? A:   So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? A:   So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.
Why do men like blonde jokes?? A:   Because they can understand them.
Why do blondes like lightning? A:   They think someone is taking their picture.
Why do blondes always drink with straws? A:   Practice.
Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead? A:   Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!
Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? A:   From eating with forks.
Why do blondes have more fun? A:   Because they don't know any better.
Why do blondes have more fun? A:   They are easier to keep amused.
Why do blondes have more fun? A:   Because they are easier to find in the dark. 
Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry? A:   Because you don't have to marry them for sex!
Why do blondes have legs?  A:   So they don't get stuck to the ground.
Why do blondes have legs?  A:   To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
Why do blondes have legs?  A:   So they don't leave trails, like little snails.
Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow? A:   So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo. 
Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow? A:   So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits. 
Why do blondes drive BMWs? A:   Because they can spell it.
Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm? A:   *Who cares?*
Why do blondes have periods? A:   They deserve them
Why do blondes have big bellybuttons? A:   From dating blonde men.
What does the postcard from a blond's vacation say? A:   Having a wonderful time.  Where am I?
What do a blonde and a good beer have in common? A:   They both go down easy.
What does a blonde and a tampon have in common? A:   They're both stuck up c*nts!
Why do blondes wear tampons? A:   Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too.
Why do blondes drive VW's A:   Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!
Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails? A:   To cover up the valve stem.
Why do blonds have square boobs? A:   Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
Why do Blondes take the pill? A:   So they know what day of the week it is.
But why do brunettes take the pill ? A:   Wishful Thinking.
Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes? A:   Toes go in first.
Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts? A:   Tits go in front.
Why do blondes like tilt steering? A:   More head room.
Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? A:   More leg room.
Why do blonds have orgasms ? A:   So they know when to stop having sex !
Why do blondes wear underwear? A:   They make good ankle warmers.
Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada) A:   Because they can spell it.
What is 74 to a blonde? A:   69 plus G.S.T.
Why do blondes wear green lipstick? A:   Because red means stop.
Why do blondes wear red lipstick? A:   Because red means Stop, wrong hole.
Why do blondes wear hoop earings? A:   They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A:   Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Why do blondes wear their hair up? A:   To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
Why don't blondes double recipes? A:   The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Why don't blondes make good pharmacists? A:   They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? A:   They can't remember the number.
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? A:   She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
Why do blondes always die before help arrives? A:   They always forget the 11 in 9-1-1.
Why don't blondes eat bananas? A:   They can't find the zipper.
Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts? A:   Cause their balls show!
Why don't blonds breast feed? A:   Because they always burn their niples.
Why don't blondes use vibrators? A:   They chip their teeth.
Why don't blondes eat Jello? A:   They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
Why don't blondes eat pickles? A:   Because they can't get their head in the jar.
What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? A:   Introduces themself.
What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? A:   Walks home.
What's the first thing a blonde does after sex? A:   Opens the car door.
What is the worst thing about sex with a blond? A:   Bucket seats.
What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before having sex? A:   Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? A:   What's a lightbulb?
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? A:   One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? A:   Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, Daaady!
What's a blonde's favourite wine? A:   Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!
What is the difference between a blond and a 747? A:   Not everyone has been in a 747
What do you call a blonde touching her toes? A:   A brunette with bad breath. 
Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? A:   The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? A:   None of them, three don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first? A:  The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first? A:  The brunette. The blonde is such an air head.
What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche? A:   You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
What's the difference between a blond and an ice cream cone? A:   Ice cream cones don't lick back.
What is the difference between butter and a blonde? A:   Butter is difficult to spread.
What is the difference between a blonde and The Titanic? A:   They know how many men went down on The Titanic.
What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? A:   Bigfoot has been spotted.
Why is a washing machine better than a blonde? A:   Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.
What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs? A:   Nice tits!
What does a blonde make best for dinner? A:   Reservations.
What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common? A:   Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.
What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning? A:   Pack their lunch and send them to work.
What does a blonde say when she gives birth? A:   Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
What do blondes and cow-pats have in common? A:   They both get easier to pick-up with age.
What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on? A:   It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common? A:   They both have a black box.
What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common? A:   Both have a cockpit.
What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts? A:   Change.
What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear? A:   Thanks for the refill!
What do blondes do after they comb their hair? A:   They pull up their pants.
What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair? A:   Last years hide and go seek winner.
What do you call a basement full of blondes? A:   A whine cellar.
What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool? A:   Air bubbles.
What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections? A:   A whine and cheese party!
What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing on a street corner? A:   4 bucks, 4 bucks, 4 bucks, not for a zillion bucks, 4 bucks!
What do you call a blonde lesbian? A:   A waste.
What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground? A:   An air mattress.
What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel? A:   An Air Bag.
What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A:   A mental block.
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A:   A wind tunnel.
What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? A:   A dope ring.
What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW? A:   Divorcee'
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A:   Pregnant.
What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning? A:   A visitor.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A:   Gifted!
What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head? A:   All you can eat, under a buck.
What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? A:   An interpreter.
What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ? A:   Sweet Fuck All...
What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes? A:   Bobbing for Bimbos.
What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? A:   Frosted Flakes.
What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A:   A Space Invader.
What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? A:   Branch Manager.
What do you call a smart blond? A:   A golden retriever.
What do you call a smart blond? A:   An indicator of a really bad hangover.
What do you call two nuns and a blonde? A:   Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes? A:   The back of her head.
What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla? A:   Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do...
What do you call a hooker and four blondes? A:   Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.
What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette? A:   Artificial intelligence.
What do a blonde and your computer have in common? A:   You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you? A:   Pull the pin and throw it back.
What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common? A:   Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common? A:   You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter and they'll always come back.
What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A:   Her ankles.
What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in? A:   Have another beer.
What do Blondes say after sex? A:   Thanks Guys.
What do Blondes say after sex? A:   Are you boys all in the same band?
What do Blondes say after sex? A:   Do you guys all play for the (..............)?  insert team name here.
What do Blondes say after sex? A:   Are all you guys in the Phrozen Crew?
What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A:   The more you bang it the looser it gets.
What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? A:   They're both empty from the neck up.
What do blonds and spaghetti have in common? A:   They both wriggle when you eat them.
What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common? A:   They both have black roots.
What does a blonde owl say? A:   What, what?
What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass? A:   A brain tumor.
What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down? A:   Two brunettes.
What do a blonde and Presdient Gorbachev have in common? A:   They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.
What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev? A:   He knows who the ten men were.
How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies? A:   10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies? A:   Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date. A:   If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
What's the Blonde's cheer? A:    I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea...
Why did the blonde cross the road? A:   Never mind that!  What was she doing out of the bedroom?!?
Why did the blonde cross the road? A:   I don't know. Neither did she.
Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A:   To see what was on the other side.
Why did the blonde have a sore navel? A:   Because her boyfriend was also blond!
Why did they stop doing the WAVE at BYU? A:   Too many blondes were drowning.
Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq? A:   They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.
Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute? A:   Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle? A:   She realized she gave her last blowjob.
Why do blondes give such good blowjobs? A:   Because that's what they train for all their lives.
Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? A:   So her male would get delivered to the right box.
Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? A:   From crawling across the street when the sign said DON'T WALK.
Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat? A:   In case she locks the keys in her car.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A:   So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper? A:   So she could lip read.
Why did God create blondes? A:   Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Why did God create brunettes? A:   Because blonds can't bring beer from the fridge.
Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A:   So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A:   To turn the blinker off.
Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A:   She saw 911 on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? A:   To see what was on the other side.
Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian? A:   Because she loved children.
Why did the blond take her typewriter to the doctor ?? A:   She thought it was pregnant becaus missed a period.
Why did they call the blond twinkie? A:   She liked to be filled with cream.
Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home? A:   It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was
Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? A:   She'd just dyed her hair.
Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? A:   She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Why did the blonde stop using the pill? A:   Because it kept falling out.
Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? A:   Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts? A:   Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
WHATS THE DIFFERANCE BETWEEN A FRIDGE AND A FANNY? A:   A FRIDGE DOSN'T FART WHEN YOU TAKE THE MEAT OUT.
How do you confuse a blonde?  A:   Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Why does it work?    A:   Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?
Why did the blonde call the welfare office? A:   She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
What is the blonde's favorite potato chip? A:   Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).
What is the blonde's favorite battery? A:   Ever-ready.
What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....? A:   A blond doing cartwheels.
What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp? A:   They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon? A:   A vacant possession.
Why did the blonde fail her drivers license ? A:   She wasn't used to the front seat!
Why did she finally pass her test? A:   She took the examiner with her
Did you hear about the blond skydiver?  A:   She missed the Earth!
Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant? A:   She blew it both times!
What do a moped and a blond have in common? A:   They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
How do you know when a blond's been in your frige? A:   Lipstick on the cucumbers!
What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common? A:   All you have to do is scratch the box to win
Why are blondes so sexually promiscuous? A:   Who cares
What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll? A:   About 2 cans of hair spray
What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants? A:   Pick them up off the floor
What did the Blonde get on her A.C.T.?  A:   Nail polish!
What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first time? A:   How do you shift this thing? (you make jacking off motions)
Where do blondes go to meet their relatives? A:   The vegetable garden.
How many blondes does it take to play tag? A:   One.
What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde and a Schwinn at the side of the road? A:   One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . . 
What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon? A:   Far-from-thinkin
Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean? A:   Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
What happened to the blonde tap dancer? A:   She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth? A:   Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke List.
What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina? A:   The Blonde!
What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina? A:   The other guys waiting their turn.
What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been  picked  up by 'the fuzz'? A:   'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? A:   Oh look!  Donut seeds!
What did the blonde name her pet zebra? A:   Spot.
What's a blonds' favourite rock group? A:   Air Supply.
Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ? A:   A blond electrician
Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A:   So brunettes can remember them.
Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A:   Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde ???? A:   She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!
Why are blondes hurt by peoples words? A:   Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
What did the blonde do when she got her period? A:   Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?
Why are blondes like cornflakes ? A:   Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? A:   They keep breaking them with the hammers.
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? A:   Perri-air
Did you hear about the blonde coyote? A:   Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head? A:   When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station? A:   The Air Pump!
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? A:   Because she got an F in sex.
Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air? A:   She missed.
Why are there no dumb brunettes? A:   Peroxide.
What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg. A:   Nothing - they've never met.
What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment? A:   She can't say No.
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear? A:   Data transfer.
Whats the difference between a Blonde and a Supermarket Trolley. A:   A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers? A:   They can't keep their calves together!
What was the blond psychic's greatest achievment? A:   An IN-body experience!
What was the blonde surgeon's claim to fame? A:   The world's first hemorrhoid transplant.
When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? A:   After a dye job.
What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? A:   Humpme Dumpme.
What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading  her nametag) ? A:   'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?
What did the South African blonde give her boyfriend? A:   Apart-head.
What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH? A:   A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car? A:   Cause she blows the horn!!!!!
Why is a blonde like a door knob? A:   'Cause everybody gets a turn.
Why is a blonde like railroad tracks? A:   'Cause she's been laid all over the country.
Did you hear about the blonde lesbian? A:   She kept having affairs with men!
What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10? A:   She picks up her purse and goes home.
If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge, who would die first? A:   The brunette -- because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
To a blonde, what is long and hard? A:   Grade 4.
What is the definition of gross ignorance? A:   144 blondes.
What is the definition of fuck off? A:   The final round of an all blonde beauty contest.
What's the white stuff you find in a blonde's panties? A:   Clitty litter.
What is a bellybutton for? A:   It gives a blonde a place to park her gum on the way down.
What is a blonde's only complaint about oral sex? A:   The lousy view.
Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds? A:   Because at 69 they blow a rod...
What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator? A:   A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.
Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? A:   Because they can't even keep two calves together!
What did the blonde say to the physicist? A:   Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission!  What do you use for bait?
Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? A:   They went to see Closed for the Winter.
Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?  A:   They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
What is the definition of the perfect woman? A:   A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
Why is a blonde like an old washing machine? A:   They both drip when they're fucked.
How would a blond punctuate the following?: Fun fun fun worry worry worry A:   Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning? A:   It swells at night.
A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks Where did you get that? A:   The pig says, I won her in a raffle!
A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. A:   Six, please.  I could never eat twelve pieces.
HOW DOES A BLONDE PREPARE FOR SAFE SEX? A:   She puts on rubber based lipstick.
What's a blonde's idea of safe sex? A:   Locking the car door.
Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test? A:   Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur within 5 miles of home? A:   She moved 10 miles away.
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A:   A blonde parade.
Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold? A:   They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car? A:   She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
THERE WAS A BLONDE AND A BRUNETTE WHO WERE ABOUT TO COMMIT SUICIDE. THEY BOTH JUMPED OFF A TALL BUILDING, AND A COUPLE OF SECONDS LATER, THE BRUNETTE HIT THE PAVEMENT, BUT NOT THE BLONDE.  WHAT HAPPENED TO HER? A:   She got lost.
A GUY ASKED HIS BLONDE WIFE HOW DID YOU GET THE CAR IN THE LIVING ROOM? A:   She said I drove it through the kitchen and took a left.
SOMEONE ASKED IF A BLONDE BELEIVED IN SMOKING. A:   She said Yes, I've seen it done.
I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting. A:   She told me she didn't know how to cook them.
Two blondes are in a dark theatre: A:   BLONDE #1:  Hey, the guy next to me is jerking off! BLONDE #2:  Just ignore him. BLONDE #1:  I can't.  He's using my hand.
This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend A:   Is it true that if you pull your finger out, I'll sink?
Q:  Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called How to Hug?   A:  Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopaedia...
Q:  A blonde's response to the comment, THINK about it! A:  I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!
Q:  A blonde walked into a hardware store, picked up the hinges she was looking for, and went to go pay for them.  The clerk asked her, Need a screw for those hinges? A: No, but how about a blow job for the shovel in the back?
