What is a gentleman? Somebody who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't.  
What do you call an accordion player with a beeper? An optimist.  
What's the range of an accordion? Twenty yards if you've got a good arm!  
What is the difference between an accordion player and a terrorist? Terrorists have sympathisers.  
What's the difference between an onion and an accordion? No-one cries when you chop up an accordion  
What's the difference between and accordion and a concertina? The accordion takes longer to burn.  
What's the difference between an Uzi and an accordion? The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.  
What's the difference between a road-killed skunk and a road-killed accordian player? The skid marks in front of the skunk. 
How do you get a guitar player to play softer? Give him some sheet music.  
Why didn't the little drummer boy get into heaven? Because he woke the baby for Christ's sake! 
What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted. 
Why to bands need Roadies? To translate what the drummer says. 
Two drummers walk into a bar...which is funny because you would have figured the second one would have seen the first guy do it. 
A new customer walks into the new store on the block that sells brains. There are three glass cases, each containing a nice wet quivering grey brain. The first one says Astrophysicist, and it costs $10. The second says Avon Salesman and costs $1000. The third says Drummer and costs $10,000. The customer is confused, and questions the salesperson. I don't get it...why would I want a drummer's brain for $10,000 when I can get an astrophysicists' for $10?. The salesman replies, Because it's never been used. 
Q: What do you call a Drummer driving a Volkswagon? A: Farfromthinken 
Q: What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer? A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once! 
Q: What does a drummer use for contraception? A: His personality! 
What do Ginger Baker and 7-11 coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream. 
Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Just one, so long as a roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him. 
A drummer, tired from being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some real musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says I'll take that red trumpet over there and that accordian. The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay. 
Q: What's the best way to confuse a drummer? A: Put a sheet of music in front of him. 
A guy walks into a shop. You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a Gobson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremulo? You're a drummer, aren't you? Duh, yeah. How'd you know? This is a travel agency. 
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One, but only after asking Why? (Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?) 
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins. 
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner? You have to plug one of them in before it sucks. 
Why are bad drummers better than drum machines? You don't have to plug 'em in to get something stiff, mechanical and uninspired. 
If a dollar bill was laying in the center of a room, and the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, a drummer with good time, and a drummer with bad time were standing in the corners, who would get the money? The drummer with bad time since the other three don't exist. 
What do you get if you cross a drummer with a gorilla? A really dumb gorrilla!!! (ba-dump bump <crash!>) 
Hey buddy, how late does the band play? Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer. 
Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. They have a machine to do that now. 
Q: Why is a drum machine better than a drummer? A: Because it can keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend. 
Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Five: one to screw in the light bulb and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it! 
Why do drummers have one more brain cell than a horse? So that when marching in a parade, they can avoid the sh*t on the road. 
Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school? Me either. 
Q:Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes? A: So you don't have to retrain the drummers. 
Q: How can you make a drummer slow down? A: Put a sheet of music in front of him Q #2: How can you make that drummer stop? A: Put notes on it! 
Q: Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? A: So they can park in the handicapped spot. 
Johnny says to his mom: I want to be a drummer when I grow up! Mom: But Johnny, you can't do both. 
Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A: A drummer. 
Q: How can you tell when a drummer's at the door? A: The knocking speeds up. 
Q: How can you tell when a drummer's at the door? A: He doesn't know when to come in. 
Did you hear about the guitarist who was going to a gig and locked his keys in the car? It took him two hours to get the drummer out.... 
One friend to another: Why do you hang around with that drummer?? Beats me! 
Q: How is a drum solo like a sneeze? A: You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it. 
Q: What does the average drummer get on an IQ test? A: Drool. 
Q: How can you tell when the stage riser is level? A: The drools comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth. 
Q: What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend? A: Homeless. 
Q: What's the last thing a drummer says in a band? A: Hey, guys - why don't we try one of my songs? ... 
Q: What did the professional drummer say when he got to his job? A: Would you like fries with that?