After the Prom you drove the truck while your date hit road signs with beer bottles.
All of your four letter words are two syllables.
Anyone in your family has ever purchased peroxide in a gallon container.
Bill Clinton is the most intelligent man you've seen.
Birds are attracted to your beard.
Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
Fewer than half of your cars run.
Hilary Clinton is the prettiest woman you've seen.
Hitchhikers won't get in the car with you.
If, when someone asks, Where's your bowling bag? You answer, She's at home.
In addition, you are a red-neck you paid more for the tatoo on your wife's right arm than you did for the ring on her left hand.
Jack Daniels makes your list of admired people.
Less than half the cars you own run.
MOTEL 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.
More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
Redman Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas card.
Someone asks, Where's your bowling bag? and you answer, She's at home with the kids.
The Home Shopping operator recognized your voice.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
The best way to keep things cold is to leave 'em in the shade.
The diploma hanging in your den includes the words, Trucking Institute.
The directions to your house say Turn off the paved road.
The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
The most common phrase heard at your family reunion is, What the hell are YOU looking at, sh1thead?
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
The tail light covers of your car are made of red tape.
There are more than 5 McDonald's bags currently in the floorboard of your car.
There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
When packing for vacation, your biggest decision is whether to use paper or plastic.
You actually know which kind of leaves make the best substitute for toilet paper.
You and your kid are both in the same grade.
You bought a VCR because wrestling is on while your at work.
You burn your yard rather than mow it.
You call your boss dude.
You can spit without opening your mouth.
You can't visit relatives without getting mud on your tires.
You clean your fingernails with a pocket knife.
You clean your fingernails with a stick.
You consider Outdoor Life deep reading.
You consider True Story or Field and Stream deep reading.
You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
You cut your toenails in front of company.
You don't need a clean shirt to go to work.
You don't think baseball players spit and scratch too much.
You ever cut your grass and found a car.
You ever hit on somebody in a V.D. clinic.
You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.
You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
You have grease under your toenails.
You have more fingers than teeth.
You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
You have no hubcaps on your car because you're using them to feed your hunting dogs.
You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey and the Bandit was snubbed for Best Picture.
You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
You have to take the entire day off work to get your teeth cleaned.
You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.
You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
You miss your sister's wedding because your best bowling shirt is at the cleaners.
You owe a taxidermist more than yuour monthly income.
You own a denim leisure suit.
You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
You own a homemade fur coat.
You own more than three shirts with the sleeves cut off.
You pick your teeth from a catalog.
You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
You prominently display a gift purchased at Graceland.
You prominently display a gift you CLAIM was purchased at Graceland.
You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
You refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as the day my ship came in.
You see no need to stop at rest stops because you have an empty milk jug in the car.
You show your boyfriend you really love him by carving his name on your arm.
You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue Ellen to walk by.
You take a fishing pole into Sea World.
You think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
You think a Seven Course Dinner is Possum and a six pack!
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
You think a family reunion is a good place to meet chicks.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup.
You think beef sticks and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
You think taking out the trash means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.
You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
You think the phrase chicken out means one of your pets has escaped.
You think the six to ten pounds on the side of the Pampers box means how much it will hold.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
You think the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention ever.
You use the term over yonder more than once a month.
You view the upcoming family reunion as a chance to meet women.
You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
You've been on TV more than once describing what the tornado sounded like.
You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
You've ever been blacklisted in a bowling alley.
You've ever been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
You've ever been kicked out of the KKK for being a BIGOT.
You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
You've ever been to a wedding reception at the Waffle House.
You've ever been too drunk to fish.
You've ever bought a used cap.
You've ever caught bugs just so you could throw them in the bug zapper.
You've ever cleaned fish in your living room.
You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.
You've ever financed a tattoo.
You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
You've ever had to scratch your sisters name out of a message that begins, For a good time time call...
You've ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge clearance restrictions.
You've ever heard a sheep bleat and had romantic thoughts.
You've ever hit a deer with your car.....deliberately.
You've ever hollered Rock the house, Bubba! during a piano recital.
You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
You've ever stabbed the back of someone's hand while they were reaching for the last piece of chicken.
You've ever stolen toilet paper.
You've ever stood in line to have your picture taken with a freak of nature.
You've ever used lard in bed.
You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
You've ever yelled squeal like a piggy when making love.
You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
Your child calls her father Uncle Daddy
Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
Your considered an expert on wormbeds.
Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
Your dog has a litter of puppies on the living room floor and nobody notices.
Your dog has ever brought home something that you cooked for dinner.
Your entire family has ever had to sit around waiting on a call from the Governor to spare a loved one.
Your family tree does not fork.
Your father executes the pull my finger trick during Christmas dinner.
Your father walks you to school because you're both in the same grade.
Your front porch collapses and kills more than six dogs.
Your front porch collapses and more than two hound dogs are killed.
Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the bingo hall because of her language.
Your honeymoon was in Little Rock.
Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
Your house has more milage than your car.
Your kids take a siphon hose to Show and Tell.
Your kids' favorite bedtime story is Curious George and the High Voltage Fence.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Your matchbook doubles as a toothpick.
Your mother does not remove the Marlboro from her mouth before telling the state trooper to kiss her ass.
Your mother doesn't put on shoes to go grocery shopping.
Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Patrolman to kiss her ass.
Your mother has ammo on her Christmas list.
Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sport event.
Your mother has ever been involved in a fistfight at a high school sporting event.
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
Your pocket knife often doubles as a toothpick.
Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.
Your richest relative needed help taking the wheels off his new house.
Your school fight song has Dueling Banjos.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
Your wife has ever said, Come move this transmission so I can take a bath.
Your wife has more children than teeth.
Your wife's hairdo has ever been caught on a ceiling fan.
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
after making love you ask your date to roll down the window.
all of your four-letter words are two syllables
common household phrase is Somebody jiggle that.
directions to your house include Turn off the paved road.
going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves shoes and a flashlight.
kudzu is in your family crest.
less than half the cars you own run.
love is a Family affair.
someone asks to see your i.d. and you show them your belt buckle.
someone asks you for ID, you use your belt buckle.
someone hollers Hoedown and your girlfriend hits the floor.
taxidermist bill exceeds annual income.
the UFO hotline limits you to one call per day.
the highlight of your family reunion was your sister's nude dancing debut.
there is a stuffed 'possum mounted anywhere in your home.
you PREFER to walk the excess lenght off your jeans rather than hemn them.
you consider a six-pack of beer and a bug-zapper entertainment.
you get a gun for your wife and think you've made a good trade. 
you go to a family re-union just to meet women.
you go to your family reunion to meet women.
you have appeared on TV more than 7 times just to explain a tornado.
you have ever financed your tatoo (two more payments, this tatoo is mine!).
you have trouble with people parking under your truck also, you see the height clearance on a bridge and turn your 4WD pickup around.
you keep your thermostat on 85 in the winter.
you own more than three shirts with the sleeves cut off.
you refer to the fifth grade as, My Senior year!
you think foreplay consists of saying: Are you awake?
you think foreplay consists of saying: Get in the truck, bitch.
you use a handkerchief as a gasoline cap.
you've ever been accused of lying through your tooth.
you've ever been blacklisted from a bowling alley.
you've ever been on TV more than three times describing what the tornado sounded like.
you've ever done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.
you've ever driven across a pond.
you've ever made change in the offering plate.
you've ever spraypainted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
you've ever used lard in bed.
your 1 year old has more teeth than you do.
your dad walks you to school because you are in the same grade.
your dog passes gas and you claim it.
your family tree doesn't fork.
your front porch falls off the double wide and kills more than two dogs.
your high school annual is now a mug shot book for the police.
your junior-senior prom had a day-care center.
your lifetime goal is to own your own fireworks stand.
your marriage proposal was .........YER WHUT!!??????
your mother has ever come out of the bathroom and said... Y'all come look at this before I flush it
your name consists of more names than you have members of your family.
your pickup line is  Hey, you look like my sister.
your three year old has more teeth than you do.
your underwear doubles as your bathing suit.
