This is an informal survey to help improve communications between rape and sexual abuse and assault survivors and therapists. If you could say anything to your therapist- what would it be? - A survey.

 

1. If there were anything you could tell your therapist- what would it be?


1

I often think you must get bored with me. As I talk I sometimes wonder what you're thinking and what you must think of me. Its makes me feel shame and like a burden

3

It is good when you show outrage, sometimes.

4

I am trying. I know that it may seem like I am not, but please be patient, I really am trying. We are working on a lifetime of shit I have compiled. It is going to take some time to work through it all.

5

That my "accidents" aren't accidents. It's purposeful.

6

I just would have liked her to understand better that even though logically I knew that what happened was not my fault, in order to really let go of the guilt it takes alot more than just repeating the words. I am still not sure how to let go of it.

7

I wish you were my big sister

8

that i'm hiding from her, all the time. that i need help coming out from behind the fear & shame but i don't even know how to ask for her help.

9

That my PTSD needs dealing with. i am not a textbook and i need dealing with as a survivor not a academic solution.

10

You scare me

11

Know what issues survivors tend to struggle with and know the approporiate questions to ask. I sometimes find it easier to answer questions than volunteer information.

12

that sometimes i hold back and am unable to be completely open and honest about how bad things really are because i am scared

13

i've been raped more times than they know. When i was 4-7(?) i was molested by an uncle and his son. i havent ever been able to tell anyone that.

14

That I tone everything down when I talk to her to make it seem less bad than it really is.

15

I think it would be that i fear she can't ever truely understand me. I think that feeling comes from me feeling so messed up within myself. I would tell her that i feel my life is so diverse with so many issues i am scared to bring them all to the session in case she thinks i am mad.

16

A sexual experience when i was young that wasnt abuse.

17

The whole truth. It is still so hard to talk.

18

Don't try to medicate me for the things I need to say. I just need to hear these things outloud so they don't stay in my head.

19

If I don't say anything, it might be because I've frozen up. It's probably not a game I'm playing. If I smile while talking about, it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. Chances are that I'm not ready yet to let myself feel the pain, but it's still there. I know my mind, life, etc. much better than you ever will. I welcome your insights as you offer a different perspective, but I need you to listen to - and trust - my own insights into myself. If I say something doesn't fit, it's doesn't. No need to take it personal, though.

20

i need help if im not admitted to the clinic i wil die

21

I'm currently away from my former therapist due to an international move, but I would like to thank her for her non-judgmental attitude.

22

My story from start to finish - but it takes longer than a normal 1 hour sitting.

23

To be gentle when it comes to questions regarding sex. And to be extra careful for me when I am fragile.

24

I need to be understood

25

That I have lied to her about something but I am very scared of telling the truth because to me it is such a huge deal

26

A lot of time I feel that whatever happened to me was not enough to make me feel as bad as I do. I guess I need reassurance, validation of my feelings.

27

that i feal depressed sometimes, and medications dont help....

28

For her not to answer her phone during our sessions. It makes me feel that I dont matter.

29

that I don't think she cares about helping me deal with my "big issues," my history and especially my sexual abuse history.

30

To understand that the details of a rape are very hard to discuss and re-live and you can assume there's probably always more to the story

31

Please let me know that I matter outside of the office to you.

32

How much this really hurts - without the mask or the protective barriers I put up. Just pure, blunt honesty

33

Sometimes I feel like I would be better off dead...I was normal untill then

34

She has no idea how important she is to me right now. She is all i have, the only person who gives me the time of day to talk. She is caring and compasionate and respects me if i choose not to talk about something. I am afraid to tell her this because i may sound too needy and be asked to see someone else for therapy. I could never talk to anyone else about the things i have talked to her about. It took a long time to learn i could trust her.

35

I would tell her that I do think about cutting more than I admit and that I do think about death more than I admit. And that I wish she would not place the klenex on the chair assuming that I am going to burst into tears and cry. It was like she automatically assumed my weakness.

36

I need to talk more about what's happened.

37

"Thank you so very much." I have actually told my therapist this. When I was 15 I was ordered into therapy (I am 23 now) and have been seeing her since. I had a lot to work on then (and then life happened and I got a lot more that needed to be dealt with ... for example: the death of my mother at age 16 and a fire that destroyed all I owned in addition to almost killing me). Anyways, the point was that she has stuck with me. Looking back to 15 or 16 I can see how VERY hard it must have been to work with me (thank god for some progress!) and I could list a million other reasons why many therapists would have referred me out to another provider. Other reasons for the 'thank you': I probably wouldn't be alive today if not for her, the support I have recieved, and her general going above/beyond what her job requires in order to help me (for instance, she will sometimes send me an e-mail if there is an article or something she feels would be a benefit for me). Oh, and her boundaries. I have had boundary problems with providers in the past (I became very personally involved with a provider 3 years ago).

38

Please teach me more about what trauma is doing to me- my brain and my body. It helps when I understand. I feel less like it's my fault. Please also explain things with images and give me a paper copy. I have memory problems with ptsd and am pretty much only using the right side of my brain due to trauma. I found it really empowering when i looked up what ptsd does to the brain. I realized it was normal for me to have problems reading (bc of the corpus callosum not working properly in ptsd survivors). It also made the fear less real when i saw a picture of the amygdala receiving fear messages as a malfunction. It means there's nothing to be afraid of.

 

39

 

I would tell my therapist how much he means to me. I need the safety he has provided during our sessions. Sometimes I wish for more, a hug or a hand on my back, but in reality, I know that the boundaries we have are a good thing and that they keep me safe. I know that he is not good at everything and all the work I need done, but I forgive his mistakes – it makes him seem more human to me. I’d want him to know that he is the only person I have been honest and real with, to the point that it hurts. I don’t think he knows how much I need to know that it wasn’t my fault.



2. What is the best / favorite thing your therapist ever said?

 

1

I will help you find another therapist you can afford and not just end our sessions.

2

"Going to class doesn't have to mean everything's okay."-I was struggling with how my actions appeared to others compared to how I felt inside

3

That I am a courageous resilient person. (I was very surprised)

4

You are surviving remarkably well considering your past.

5

Where do those feelings go, kiddo?

6

Not so much a saying, but a breakthrough where I realized just how much the abuse/attacks are still affecting every reltionship I have today

7

"I love you" "I believe in you"

8

i appreciate when she gets emotional. it's pretty rare, but i have such a disconnect from my own emotions that i am so profoundly touched to see others affected by my story. it makes me wish i could connect with those emotions & it challenges me to do so.

9

im sorry you had to go through that

10

That I can call her if I need to

11

When I was worried that my actions were going to cause another person to hurt him/herself my therapist told me that it wouldn't be my fault and that I was "not that powerful". It really hit home.

12

that she cares about what happens to me

13

its not your fault. when they seemed shocked that something like that could happen so many times and so brutally...i like it when they show emotion, otherwise its like they dont care.

14

The best thing for me wasn't something she said, but her body language when I was telling her some of my story. It was a look of genuine concern and sorrow for what I'd been through. That look was probably the singlemost thing that has allowed me to trust her so much, because I know she really cares.

15

The best thing my therapist can ever do for me is to empathise with me, to validate what i say, and to try and make me understand my feelings. I think the best thing she has probably done for me is to explain that feeling bad and upset is okay, and normal. My therpaist also expresses how she would feel if she was in my situation and that really helps me to accept that my own feelings are okay.

16

Take care of your physicall needs and it will help your emotional health.

17

That he doesn't see a victim.

18

That she was proud of me and that it was ok to feel any way I wanted to feel at any time.

19

One of them keeps reminding me that I can heal and points out every single bit of progress I make. She makes me feel strong and capable. By expecting me to handle things well while still validating my pain, I'm much less likely to feel desperate enough to cut or so panicky that I lose my ability to speak.

20

what are u scared of?

21

It would probably have to be "it's not your fault, and you can't be responsible for everything that happens". My history includes non-touching incestual abuse, familial emotional abuse, deprivation, neglect and rape by clergy/authority figures, and most of the blame for all those things was placed on me.

22

That she was a sexually abused child as well, and it was clear to me that there was help available. And - "there is no such thing as a magic wand where this will all disappear" - and had the magic wand there to reinforce the idea.

23

You are more than your trauma story.

24

She told me, with conviction, that I was meant to live and it (the depression) would get better. I clung onto that hope. I clung onto her.

25

Actually it is her whole manner. I often don't remember much of what she says! But she is very understanding and very respective of me as a person. She does not overstep any bouncdaires that are personal to me - even though I know they are very rigid and not really acceptable, she accepts them and doesn't make me feel stupid for having to be that way

26

It was actually something that my friend said, it really hit me in a good way. She said, "You can't save the 14-year old Lois, but you can save the 21-year old Lois". That was two years ago - I keep modifying the age thing - I can still save the 23-year old Lois. [myself.]

27

its not your fault. blame me... (as a joke cuz i liked to blame others)

28

That I am not the only one that feels the way I do. She told me that it is ok that my recovery is going slow, it takes time.

29

It wasn't so much what my favorite therapist said, it was that she said it continuously. She always told me that I could do or be anything I wanted, and she provided me with great validation constantly.

30

Not one specific thing as much as an overall caring and patience and helping me to understand that I wasn't responsible for what happened

31

Tie. When she laughs at my little jokes, and when she told me I seemed like a pretty balanced person.

32

It was in my first session and I said I needed help and she said so confidently - 'I can help you'

33

It wasn't your fault

34

She asked if she could give me a hug.

35

You're not alone...WE are survirors She did not have to tell me about herself. But I was deeply moved that she trusted me and accepted me as a survivor too.

36

It's ok, you're not an alien.

37

Hummm ... I have 8 years worth of session to think about for this one. I guess it would be that I am "very strong to still be alive after all I have been through (mostly referring to suicide) because most people who have been through what you (I) have don't make it."

38

The problem with sexual abuse is that it makes a person think they have no value. It helped me re-evaluate my thought system without feeling like I was wrong for thinking I was worthless.

3. Has your therapist ever said anything that upset you or made you feel bad? If you would like to share it please feel free. This survey is confidential and no one will know who answered it. If you don't feel safe then please don't answer.

 

1

yes. Generally I like all my therapists. One of them didn't know as much about rape trauma syndrome as i thought she did. I pushed her for a diagnosis after only a couple of sessions (so i could tell my teachers why my work was suffering) and she guessed at this really extreme condition having nothing to do with trauma. She also said this right at the very end of a session. As soon as she said it our time was out and I had to go home with this "door knob bomb". I felt very stigmatized even though she had only seen me twice or so. She apologized but i felt that if she knew more about rape survivors (i was told she did- but it turned out she worked with severely ill people in an institution) she would have realized it was just a complication of PTSD. That reminds me of the book version of Girl Interrupted. Kept me from telling anyone for years.

2

Over reacted to my disclosure about S&M. This closed me down right away.

3

She told me that maybe my loosing my dog would help open up the doors to having an actual relationship with a person.

4

Not really. Mre challenging my beliefs than making me feel badly.

5

I was offended when she suggested I take a rock from a glass jar and use that to ground myself when bad thoughts came. I felt she did not understand the whole scope of what I was dealing with. The rock never worked and really only made me angry.

6

once a long time ago she got really frustrated with me and blurted out "I'm your THERAPIST-- not your friend!" It was more her tone of voice than what she said. Even now 5 years later, when I am trying to say something hard in therapy, I hear that in my head, and I feel like a low-life, because I have to PAY someone to listen to me, because I have no friends, and she only listens to me because I pay her :(

7

i am heavy & i know that it is connected on many levels to my childhood & to the sexual abuse. she knows it, too, of course. but any reference to my weight makes me incredibly embarrassed & eager to end the session.

8

What baby? in response to my CPN mentioning my miscarriage. my psychiatrist had 'forgotten' about it even though she had been my psychiatrist for 2 yrs by then. needless to say i put in a form to change psychiatrist and have got the other psychiatrist in my region now.

9

A pervious therapist used the word "rape" before I was ready to call it that. When I questioned the terminology and said that it upset me she did not address that.

10

that i should have told the police. went on about that for ages and made me feel bad some one else could have been hurt because i did nothing. also after telling i had been raped, the reply i got was "mm that is becoming more and more common these days" made me feel like i didnt matter...maybe i dont..

11

Again, this is more of a non-verbal thing for me. It worries me when she fidgets after I say something. It makes me scared that I've said something that has upset her.

12

There have probably been a few things that have made me feel bad, but then again i think i really needed to hear them in order to move on in the therapy session. so although it made me feel bad initialy, eventually it made me feel better.

13

No my therapist has always been great

14

After talking about my latest rape he said that he was sorry and that he felt partially responsible

15

No

16

Yes. Silence has actually been the most hurtful - I tell them about the rape and then they don't say anything at all. Sometimes they say, "that was then, this is now." I've had one blame the incident on my poor boundaries. Once, I was sexually harassed right before a session, and the shrink kept coming closer than I was comfortable with, accusing me of playing games, and pressing me to tell him what happened. Also, I've had shrinks use words for my body that I'm not comfortable with.

17

maybe you shouldnt see me anymore

18

Not that I remember. I have been very fortunate in my search for a therapist in the past, and hope I find someone else as understanding now I'm in another country.

19

I read a book which gave certain techniques of remaining calm. These were physical activities. She refuted that they would be of benefit to me and queried it - I feel I was making some sorts of move to help myself, only for it to be shot down in flamess during the session

20

I'm on a medical leave of absence because I broke down- it is hurtful that she makes assumptions when I should go back. I know I'm not well, and work was not helping.

21

She told me my cutting was 'ridiculous'. She said she felt manipulated by me.

22

She has never said anything 'unkind' to upset me. She does challenge me and this can be upsetting, but I know it is for my own good!

23---


24

Once I had an appt lets say at 1pm. I came to the office and I waited for about 20mins. Finally she came out and said I wasnt scheduled to the following day. Which would have been unusual. Then she decided that it would be ok if I came back because she didnt believe her client was coming. So we sat back in her office. She looked like she was falling asleep. In the middle of a story I was sharing she stops me and asks if we could just meet tomorrow. I felt really upset afterwards. Sometimes she really makes me feel as though I dont exist...

25

I had a therapist that treated me like she was upset with me (I think she was but she would not admit it to me) because we kept having to go over certain things over and over. That's what her job was, and I felt very rushed and devalued by her attitude.

26

Not really -

27

One therapist I saw told me I was too young to be in a serious relationship (20's??) with my boyfriend. We we're having problems or anything like that. Current therapist says he seems like my rock--the thing that helps me keep stable.

28

She asked me if I would come to her office and sit and lie to her. It made me feel she didnt believe me

29

Who are you? Because I don't know

30

no

31

Not my therpist, she hardly talks at all. In fact that was kind of weird no formalities, names, forms etc... She just listened it was so nice. But I wish she would tell me that she is more concerned and that she does want to see me again. You see I wasn't raped, aggrevated sexual assault, attempted rape. I'm scared that my case is not a big deal to her after all the horrific things I'm sure she has heard over the years.

32

Yeah, there is one thing. Even still it is a sore spot. A little while after I started seeing her I told her that I had been sexually abused. Lots of complicated stuff happened and years passed. About 2 years ago I opened up and was talking about some stuff ... long story made shorter, she said that when I was 16 most of my providers didn't believe what I had said about being abused. She even admitted that she was one of them. She did apologize (she said that it would have been a lot different if she had known what I told her in the session 2 years ago back when I was 16 and people were questioning if I was abused or not). We have also talked about how I felt hearing that - and the issue still comes up from time to time because I think about it every time I come close to saying, or working, on anything abuse related.

33

I had a therapist once tell me I was faking it. I had another tell me that sexual abuse was not always traumatic. I had a third person compare being abused to being in a car accident. Sometimes my current therapist says stuff that makes me mad, but I usually call his voicemail at 4 in the morning and tell him off about it.


4. What are your favorite coping skills?

 

1

safe place.


2

Thought stopping

3

Walking, books, movies, swimming. Online support. Not going to work if I cannot cope.

4

Self-injury, in many forms, but especially cutting. I push things and people away. I am a huge control freak.

5

Excercise

6

Deep breathing seems to relax me best. Though I wouldn't categorize it as a "favorite"!

7

drawing, writing, making collages

8

writing. collages. talking to myself. repeating my latest realization to all my friends who know my story so i can hear it again & again.

9

listening to music using pandys going to the gym creative writing

10

Eating chocolate and listening to Metallica

11

Breathing

12

humor

13

Journalling

14

attending my therapy session. Writing in my diary. Going for a walk.

15

Writing in my diary and moaning to friends.

16

eating disorder and self harm, not that they are skills. More like behaviours but for now they help me cope with what has happened

17

Drinking, writing...

18

Cutting? err. Doing things I wanted to do as a kid but couldn't (draw, listen to radio dramas, curl up in bed with a stuffed animal, etc.) Writing. Practicing a musical instrument. Refuting negative beliefs. Do things that have physical sensations attached (draw on myself with a red ballpoint pen, play with a cornstarch/water mixture, rub a worry stone, walk barefoot, etc.). Talking with someone.

19

self harm

20

Curling up in bed and playing repetitive videogames, pitching a crying fit in private, temporarily growing detached and finding something constructive to do (drawing, jewelry making).

21

Writing

22

Sleep. Taking a walk. Calling a friend. journaling.

23

Drinking, cutting, bingeing, purging, sleeping

24

Whilst with her I pull my purse to pieces! She has offered other things for me to destroy but I can't take anything off her!

25

I don't have many healthy ones. I used to listed to music a lot, or go out to the mall with friends, but as I grew older, these things don't work as much as they did.

26

making crafts, reading, watching tv, eating (bad one i know)

27

The rubber band on the door knob. I have OCD and once I lock the door and remove the rubber band from the door I know i've locked it so I dont have to check a thousand times. Also I like to take walks and I also like my worry box.

28

Talking in my 12-step group and at church, and getting/giving hugs!

29

Writing down whatI'm feeling when it's too hard to say it out loud

30

Rationalizing my feelings... They can get out of control so quickly, but to look back and see that I don't always respond in a wrong way is very nice to see.

31

Shopping, watching TV and coming to Pandys

32

Music

33

Okay, please don't think i'm weird. But i have a vm that i saved from my therapist, and when i wake up at night from a nightmare or when i have flashbacks of my rape and am feeling so afraid i go back to that vm and listen to it. It doesn't say anything specific but just the sound of her voice helps. Its safe.

34

Healthy ones: warm baths, cuddling with my husband, drawing, prayer, after silence

35

praying, reading my Bible

36

"Buying time." This is where, if I have an urge to do something destructive (or anything that I might need a coping skill for) I set a time frame for myself before I act. For example: I used to cut myself a lot so if I got the urge to cut I would pick an amount of time (usually about 30 minutes), use a distraction coping skill, and make a deal with myself that if I still felt the urge to cut after the 30 minutes I would re-evaluate what I was going to do (and, back then, sometimes I did cut after the 30 mintes).

37

I call my T and listen to his voice on the machine. Sometimes I leave a message, but mostly I listen. I also post on my message board or call one of my 3 friends.

 

5. Do you think it would be more helpful if your therapist taught you more coping skills or do you think you have enough?

 

1

YES. I am very sorry that it took five years before anyone even mentioned coping skills to me. They would have helped immensely. My EMDR therapist taught me. Other than that I picked some up on the message boards. I think that's the first thing anyone should say to a rape victim. There IS something you can do to feel better except just wait for it to go numb.

2

I could always use a few more

3

Always good to have more.

4

I need more work on the coping skills area. I need more than just a paper. I need some practice in her office using them before I just try them.

5

I need all I can get.

6

I need more coping skills, but sometimes I feel I am too synical to really utilize what has been presented to me.

7

need more

8

my therapist actually taught me to make collages. she taught me to make them inside a manilla folder & then i can close it when i want to or when my feelings have changed. i think i have probably learned more coping skills form her than i even realize.

9

i could always do with more coping skills. i do not have enough and the psychiatrist doesnt provide enough..

10

Yes I think it would be more helpful

11

I would like to learn more

12

i have enough

13

more could be ok, but if its just gonna be the usual "talk to people, get support, surround yourself with good people" that really does not help...at all.

14

I think I have enough

15

possibly, but sometimes i think i just develop coping skills in the moment, i mean sometimes it feels totally appropriate to go for a walk, other times it feels more appropriate to write in my diary.

16

I had my own methods before therapy that worked for me so my T just helps me maintain them.

17

I do things my own way and oin my own time. it would almost be a waste of his time to try. I just apreciate being able to talk to someone

18

I like to stick to what I have, but more suggestions wouldn't be bad.

19

I think that learning more is always a good thing. I don't like it when the focus is ONLY on that; sometimes, I just need to talk (and be heard). Overall, I love learning new skills, though.

20

i think it would help if i had more coping skills

21

On the whole I'm right now looking for emotional coping methods to help me outgrow my stunted childhood and stifled emotional response.

22

No - had enough - have a lot of coping skills

23

I could always use more.

24

I wish she would help me learn more helpful ones

25

She has taught me other coping skills, but mostly she has validated the ones I already have

26

Definitely.

27

yes! you could always use more coping skills..

28

I would like to know more.

29

I think I am doing well with that.

30

I think he's done a good job of combining coping skills with other therapies associated with energy psychology

31

More is always better

32

Nah they could definately teach me some more cause I have a lot of bad ones as well

33

no I don't

34

i always am up for more coping skills. The more the better. Because some may work only sometimes.

35

I have enough

36

yes, I could use some more

37

I have been in treatment for 8 years now. Almost every type of treatment one could think of ... DBT, Cognitive Behavioral, Chemical Dependency, many day programs, EMDR, many inpatient programs ... and more. So there really isn't a whole lot of coping skills that she could teach me.

38

I went years without being taught coping skills and I got nowhere in therapy. It was constantly crisis management. When I was taught the skills, we were able to move on to dealing with issues in the past instead of putting a band-aid on the present. I need to be reminded to use my skills.


6. What is your favorite type of therapy session? By that I mean - did you tell your story and talk things over, was it EMDR, did they teach you coping skills?


1

I like needs meeting resources as a part of emdr.

2

I just like what my therapist does; She lets me talk about whatever I feel I need to bring up and we go from there. Often we talk about a little of everything since I tend to jump around with my thoughts.

3

Painting Art therapy.

4

Talking. I need help in the breaking the silence area of my life. Talking to her has given me a voice. Thus far her idea has been to bombard me with information. Which information has its place. However, I need time to practice the skills before I try to use on my own in the moment of trial and tempataion.

5

I'm still learning

6

I have only experienced one style so far. Basically it was her knowing just the bare minimum from my very early sessions and then her asking questions in order to open me up little by little. I think all in all it is a good starting approach.

7

tell my story, talk things over

8

emdr was not necessarily a raging success with me. what aorks best for me is if i can prepare what i want to say ahead of time & we use the poem or whatever i've written as a jumping off point.

9

i havent started seeing a psychologist yet i just have a psychiatrist

10

None of it is my favorite-I feel too uncomfortable. I guess my Favourite is when I have taken drugs the night before therefore I can talk easily with her the next day. She doesn't know this.

11

talking and getting reassurance that the ways I am reacting are normal

12

i write out whatever i feel on a paper. then read it out loud and talk about it.

13

When i told about the most recent and worse of the rapes that was pretty horrific, seemed really shocked and wasnt acting so cold more like the way a friend would act if they found out.

14

I like to talk over how things are going in my life that have been affected by rape and what I can do to try and make them better.

15

Well so farw e have only done 'talking therapy' where i just talk about stuff on my mind. although my therapist has suggested doing things like invisable chair therapy, and also stuff like writing my life line, or using pebbles to represent people in my life (and how i feel they position in relation to me). I think the more 'activity based' ideas are good as i sometimes struggle with just the talking all the time.

16

We talk through things and deal with flashbacks at the time they occur.

17

Mine is just psychotherapy but over the years it isnt so formal. we have coffee and a chat which is more "real" to me

18

One where I say what I need to say and then if I want advice, I ask for it. Other than that, I just mainly need someone to listen and tell me I'm not crazy.

19

I like a combination of techniques. Coping skills are a necessary component, but aren't enough by themselves.

20

i think to tell my story and talk things over

21

Talk therapy with medication prescriptions for the PTSD flashbacks and chronic depression. My therapist was qualified for EMDR but I opted not to go for it.

22

I do no know what EMDR means. However, telling the story

23

talking and using body movement to change the way the memories are stored.

24

Where my feelings are validated and help me to realise more about where they dome from.

25

Mostly we just talk. But we have tried 1 session of art and 1 of relaxation

26

Telling my story, how I feel, and being asked guiding questions.

27

just talking about what is on my mind...

28

IM not sure. I really liked EMDR but it was tough. I really liked the way I felt when doing EMDR. I stopped to early with it but I did like it. I really enjoy the one on one where I discuss my wk and how things are going. Then discuss what I could do to get my through the next wk.

29

I really would have to say that I am not familiar with any other type of therapy session other than just talking and regular cognitive therapy. So I can't say if any other type would be my favorite.

30

I think I benefitted alot from EMDR

31

I'm not going for sexual abuse, so for me, just talking and BEING ASKED QUESTIONS. (simple questions) helps. So does helping to set my own agenda..

32

Talking things over - it feels like the only thing that will help me for some reason

33

I ve told her...but she hasn't listened to me

34

i'm not sure what this question means. sorry.

35

I've only had 2 sessions so far and we just talked. I am surprised that I have said as much as I have to her and no she simply reinforced my current coping skills.

36

telling my story, but, I rarely actually do that.

37

I would have to say it is regular talk therapy (compared to all the others I have done/tried). Yes, she did teach me coping skills years ago when I needed to learn some.

38

Talk-Therapy is defiantly my favorite. For a long time I didn’t realize my thinking was wrong and I tried all kinds of behavioral therapy, figuring out that if I could learn to act like other people my problems would be over. That didn’t work and I just got worse. I also have a different T for EMDR and I wish she would talk more with me so I could trust her better to get out my story.

7. Do you feel that posting on support group message boards helps you cope and communicate with your therapist in any way?

 

1

Yes. I think it's empowering. I have seen so many people go from blaming themselves and feeling stigmatized, isolated and alone to being thriving, powerful individuals. I think telling your story and not being met with disbeleif, discomfort or secondary victimization is a big part of that.

2

Yes, it helps me think about things and can give me ideas about what I need to talk about

3

Yes. Important support from other survivors, who

know the road.

4

OH HELL YES!!!!!! I can post and get feedback from people who have been there. I still get to remain anonomous to a certian extent, but I get to still have my voice. And sometimes the most helpful thing I can do when I am struggling is to help someone else. This gives me a sense of pride and accomplishment that I can take with me into the next therapy.

5

No

6

Yes, I think that seeing other people with similar problems makes me feel more able to admit to my own, therefore it is a little bit easier to admit it to a real life person

7

yes

8

i think the message boards really help me figure out what it really is that i'm trying to say. if i post about it, there are often perfect questions or comments that i can already be thinking about before my therapy session. at the same time, i often use the message boards as a way of getting more affirmation or feedback after a therapy session.

9

defintitely. i often think of printing out things i say but i dont. i might do though.....

10

It most definitely helps!

11

yes I have often posted things before I have talked about them in therapy

12

yes

13

sort of

14

Definitely. Posting gives me insight into how I'm really feeling so that I can be clearer with my therapist.

15

I actually don't think it does. I get lots of support of the community boards, but i don't take any of it to my therapist. That however may be because i am completely open on the boards and not so much so with my therapist.

16

Yes definatly. The support from message boards gives me the courage to talk to my therapist.

17

yes

18

I don't currently have a therapist, but posting does make me feel better.

19

They can help me cope. I don't know if they'll help me talk to my therapist.

20

yeah

21

Yes, I do. I find validation and safety from online anonymity and find that fielding a question to a support group can often make it easier to disclose scary issues to a therapist.

22

Yes - more of an idea of not being alone with the problem

23

Absolutely. It helps me to get and give feedback, to know I'm not alone and be braver in what I tell my therapist.

24

It helps me realise other people have gone through similar things. It helps to talk about things I'm not sure whether to bring up with my therapist and gives me more courage to do so. She doesn't really approve of online communities though so I can't really talk to her about them...

25

Yes, I can sort out what I want to say and how it will be recieved before I can say it to her. I kind of rehearse it on the board first

26

Yes.

27

no

28

yes. Sometimes I ask the group questions on topics in my life. then i go to therapy and tell my therapist some of my "friends" from the boards opinions.(never giving my therapist their names)

29

Nope, because I've never done that.

30

Definitely - seeing what others are thinking and feeling helped me to understand my own emotions and realize I've made alot of progress.

31

Oh yeah... Didn't even know how much until recently.

32

YES more than I could ever tell you!!! It helps me to understand which in turn helps me to know that I have to push myself in T

33

yes

34

I do feel that they help cope, i have only been on one other site/message board and it was one that my insurance provides its members . As far as helping with communicating with my therapist, i have not learned any new ideas or tips.

35

Do you mean like after silence? My therpist does not have a message board, but if she did I think it would help.

36

yes

37

I don't do that ... but I do ask my therapist look at, or print out, my Live Journal before some sessions. It is helpful for the both of us.

38

Most defiantly. My therapist knows that my message board is a large part of my life and that a lot of my energy goes into Pandy’s. I think they work well together. There have been times when I am about to do something tough in therapy and I post for support and encouragement. There have also been times I have been afraid to post without talking to my therapist first. Either way, I usually end up posting. Sometimes I tell my therapist what other people (no names) think about a situation and I try to convey to him how real my companions are. Sometimes we even debate things he has said. He has on one occasion, when I was explaining something very difficult, if there was anyone on the support board who might have advice on helping me to explain to him what was going on.

 

 

8. What are the positive things that you have gotten out of therapy?

 

1

It makes me feel more grounded. Like someone is there to make sure or at least keep track of whether I'm ok.

2

Able to control my thoughts a little more

3

Helped me with extreme pain, stopped me from being frozen and destructive. Patience of T, just waiting, til I shift.

4

I cut far less than I use to. I feel like there is someone out there who knows about 85% of my story (still parts I struggle with revealing). And she still likes to see me come in. She doesn't think that I am tainted and damages and broken without remedy. Her hope in me has spawned the beginnings of hope in me.

5

Stability

6

More than anything it is the validation that what I am right now is really okay, and that my reactions are acceptable.

7

encouragement, hugs, support, learning to use my words, learning new ways of thinking, starting to trust someone

8

i am on a path to healing, whereas before i started i was on the path to self-destruction. also, i know that my therapist cares about me & even though at times it feels artificial (i am paying her after all), sometimes knowing that i have an appointment every week to talk with her & to be cared for (on some level) by her, gets me through the worst days.

9

being listened to (most of the time although it could be A LOT better)

10

I feel better about myself. I feel like I have never felt before. I feel free. I feel like I can cope with the world. I feel happy! I want to be alive.

11

I have a wonderful therpaist who has helped me to deal with a variety of issues life has thrown my way. She is always supportive and kind, but makes sure I talk about the things I need to.

12

i am not suicidal anymore. i have not cut myself in a couple years. i can cope fairly well from day to day. and i feel like im going to be ok.

13

getting another opinion, being able to talk about RAPE

14

The relief of having someone to talk to about what happened to me and how it affects me.

15

having an outlet to talk and express my feelings. Learning to understand me and the hurt i feel.

16

learning to like myself.

17

I don't try and kill myself anymore. I am alive and I am surviving.

18

That I'm ok to go out of my house and not be scared.

19

A few new coping skills, feeling a little less alone, and feeling a little more heard.

20

confidence

21

Increased self-worth, cessation of self-harm, cessation of binge-eating, less severe depression and anxiety, less severe nightmares/flashbacks, the balls to leave my abusive family behind and move to a new country.

22

Been able to protect other children, gained self esteem.

23

That when I feel crazy I know I'm not.

24

Increased self-esteem, confidence to stand up for myself, feeling less alone

25

More of an understanding of myself and how my behaviour comes so much from my past

26

Mostly the reassurance that it is normal to feel the way I do, that there is a future without all this pain, that even when I think I'm doing so bad, I may still have some progress in the smallest things. Hope.

27

fealing better about myself, and acess to other programs

28

coping skills, knowing when to ask for help, learning about myself, and having support.

29

Therapy has really helped me break out of many patterns that I have been in throughout my life in choosing unhealthy relationships.

30

I've been able to pinpoint what's really bothering me and also learned not to be so hard on myself. One statement he's made has helped me deal with alot of different situation - that is people's lives are their realities - or actions speak louder than words and no matter people say theythink or believe it's how they live or act that really matters.

31

Self esteem. Confedince, etc.

32

So far only an understanding that it is ok that I feel this way. I am not weak for letting it get to me

33

knowing it wasn't my fault

34

So far, its that i deserve to be heard and i deserve to have help in dealing with my past and with my rape.

35

I broke the silence. But other than that it has been really hard.

36

healthier than I was, I've learned things I didn't know

37

I have better self-esteem. I am not cutting myself anymore. I have less relationship/communication problems. The biggest positive thing is that I am nowhere as sick as I was compared to when I first started in therapy.

38

If it wasn’t for therapy, I would be dead many times over. I have great hope for my life, but my coping skills just don’t match. Sometimes all I need is to know someone cares enough to see me every week and help me deal with my problems.


9. If you could say thank you to your support system (be that therapist or not) what would you say?

 

1

Thanks very much. I know it's triggering and difficult to deal with trauma survivors and we appreciate it.

2

I have no idea why you guys feel the need to put up with me, but thank you very much for doing so. I might not be in the best place right now, but if it wasn't for you I'd be somewhere much worse.

3

Thankyou for believing me, listening, witnessing my pain.

4

Thank you to my message board. You got me through sooooo much. You are a wonderful and compassionate tool that I am able to use as much or as little as I need. You allow me to be hurting. You try to life me up when I am down. You provide me with alternative perspectives. You affirm, you care, and you allow me to be me. To my therapist, thank you for encouraging me. For pushing me, for informing me, and for being yet another tool in my bag of healing.

5

Dude, you're helping me save my life.

6

I guess, and this may seem ungrateful but I would really want them to understand that even if it appears I am making strides I still have a lot more to work on. I am always worried for people to think I am "all better" and abandon me. But I would also just thank them for getting me this far and not thinking that I was a disgusting human being or that I "deservd" it.

7

You're such a good sport for sticking with me. I love you so much, thank you for being so patient, thanks for always being willing to work things out even when we get mad at each other, thank you for being nice to me. Thank you for taking time to talk to my inside people and hearing them and most of all, thank you for believing me.

8

you have saved my life. i appreciate the time you invest & the emotional energy it takes to do what you do & have the impact that i know you have had. thanks are not enough...

9

thank you for being there for me to exploreeverything that i have inside of me. i couldn't have got through it without you...

10

thank you for listening to me

11

I would say thank you to my friends who know when I am not okay, even when I insist I am. I would thank them for being constantly supportive. I would thank my therpaist for understanding where I am coming from and helping me to see things in alternative ways.

12

to my therapist id say thank you for being the type of person i can trust. and thank you for trying so hard with me. thank you for continuing to see me.

13

thanks for listening to me, it means heaps, thank you for showing outrage at what i have been through, makes me feel like im not just overreacting

14

Thank you for being such a wonderful listener. Thanks for thinking about the things I've told you and helping me to understand why I feel the way I do. Thanks for your patience and gentleness in helping me to identify and work through problems.

15

Thankyou for listening to me, thankyou for understanding me, thankyou for giving me a safe place to find out all about the masses of feelings i feel. Thankyou for caring, thankyou for sharing ( by that i mean my therpaist has been very good at sharing how she feels and that has really helped me to feel that my feelings are okay.)

16

I would not be here without you thankyou.

17

I owe you my life, not just for being my therapist but for being my friend for more than a third of my life.

18

I already have told her thank you, but I think I would just like to give her a hug. No words can encompass the appreciation I have for all she has done for me.

19

Thank you for believing me and for believing in me.

20

i appreciate everything you have done for me and cannot thank you enough for all your efforts

21

I'd probably thank them for telling me to get out of my home as fast as humanly and fiscally possible due to the climate of constant invalidation and emotional abuse within.

22

I have already said thank you many times and that they have saved my life

23

I'd say thank you for being safe for me.

24

Words can't say what I want to, you saved my life and improved it.

25

yes

26

I guess I'll have to do with THANK YOU, because I can't find sufficient words.

27

thank you for being there in the highs and the lows, and keeping me safe...

28

Thank you for helping me through the hard times. I really apperciate it and I thank you for standing by my side. You guys always knew I could make it. I still need help but I feel better today then i did last yr. thank you.

29

You always made me feel like I could fly if I wanted to when I got out of a session with you. I hope God blesses you every day of your life, and I will pray for that to happen!

30

To my therapist it would be thanks for you patience and non-judgemental nature -- if only all people could be so understanding. To other survivors I'd say thanks for your insight and honesty in sharing painful experiences -- it helps more than you know.

31

Thank you for helping me feel like I'm not always wrong... and like I'm not always feeling bad for no reason.

32

You guys not only saved my life but also gave it some sort of purpose and made me kinda like it. For that I can never repay you or thankyou enough. I LOVE you guys sooooo much and without you I wouldnt be half the person I am today. THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU from the bottom of my heart!!!! (That was to Pandys :) )

33

You are making such a positive impact in my life, more than you know. Thank you so much for all your help.

34

Thank you for listening and for accepting me

35

Thank you, for staying with me for soooo long

36

I have had team meetings where all of my providers attend, and I have said this: "There is no way I could ever put into words how appreciative I am of everything you have done, and are doing, for me. I don't take seeing any of you for granted because I have seen the providers friends and other patients have, and all of you have very interesting personalities (it's a big thing with my team - they are all "nuts" in a good way!) that make doing treatment so much easier. Thank you."

37

There should be a “therapist’s day” just like all the other faux holidays that we have. That way I could send my therapists a card and let them know how they have changed my life without it seeming obsessive and strange. I would thank them for saving my life, for keeping me safe, for listening and for being honest. But, more, I would thank them for being there every day, listening to me on the phone, calling me back, taking time out to read my journaling, reassuring me time and time again that I am safe, confirming that I am not crazy, and being there on their bad days to help support me through mine.

To Pandy’s. You have been my life. When I found you I was lost and hurting. You have been there for me through thick and thin and sometimes were my only link to sanity. Being able to discuss my feelings and talk to other survivors and feel normal and have a sense of belonging in this community makes me all mushy inside. I wish none of us had to be a member, but I am proud to know each and every one of you and I carry your stories in my heart.

 

Back to information for therapists

Rape Crisis Information Pathfinder, UNC Chapel Hill, N.C., http://www.ibiblio.org/rcip/