Spite presents:
Whither the Token Babe?
by Will Hines

Late night cleavage on television isn't what is used to be. Oh sure, maybe I'm just a grizzled 30-year-old who can't let go of the past. But the blatant soft porn on Skinamax, or actual hard porn of public access channels (here in New York City) or even actual traditional porn you can rent from the back room of your video store -- all leaves me cold. They're just so OBVIOUS.

Now maybe my memory is failing me, but it seems to me that every movie shown on late night TV used to center on a likable protagonist, or perhaps group of several wacky protagonists, trying to beat the bullies at their own game. And part of this game was a very attractive woman whose only job was to be unattainable and be attractive. Until the end when he/she is attained by said protagonist.

Now THAT'S titillation. Sure, have the gratuitous babe. But put a story around her! And have it involve a crazy scheme. Give said babe very few lines and make her stare smugly at the good guys until near the end of the film. Sure, I'm shallow as I flip around the channels at 1:30 am watching for bikinis. But I'm a particular kind of shallow.

Of course, I can't imagine why any actress would want to BE the token babe. Check out what happens to the careers of those who were the great Token Babes of the 80s. I had a rough time finding pictures of ANY of them.

Whither The Token Babe?
Movie Character Why she satisfies author's
vague requirements for true "token babeness"
Career after this movie
Caddyshack
1980
Sorta easy to find
Lacey Underall,
played by Cindy Morgan
Attractive niece of stuffed shirt judge. Even though she sleeps with a few good guys, she's usually just unattainable bad girl. I assumed nothing ever became of these token babes, but when I looked up Ms. Morgan's career I saw her next movie after Caddyshack was Tron. That's not too bad! I was genuinely impressed. Oh, but then I saw her many appearances in "Chips" and her role in a Matlock TV movie. Never mind.
Revenge of the Nerds
1984
Had to expand picture and brighten in Photoshop.
Betty Childs,
played by Julia Montgomery
Textbook example of bad girl won over by good guys. Attractive snobby cheerleader who falls for good guy nerd's sexual prowess. She tried to escape Revenge of the Nerds franchise with Stewardess School and Savage Justice, but returned to her bread and butter with Revenge of the Nerds III.
Teen Wolf
1985
This took a WHILE to find.
Pamela,
played by Lorie Griffith
Unattainable bad girl. Attractive but mean popular girl who temporarily falls for Michael J. Fox when he becomes popular werewolf. Fox's character eventually chooses good girl Boof over Pamela. Teen Wolf was the peak, I'm afraid. After that it was Cheerleader Camp and a role on TV's Inner Sanctum, which I've never heard of.
The Sure Thing
1985
Sure
Known only as "Sure Thing",
played by Nicolette Sheridan.
An alleged sure thing, she is the object of John Cusack's fantasy while he road-trips cross-country. But he falls in love with good girl and future Melrose Place star Daphne Zuniga. She was on the TV show Knots Landing and could be the most successful token babe of them all! And what movies has she done since The Sure Thing? Spy Hard and Beverly Hills Ninja. Whoops.
Sixteen Candles
1984
Caroline
Caroline, played by Haviland Morris.
Mean popular girl snubs good guys for most of movie but ends up with lead geek, Anthony Michael Hall. After this, it was Gremlins 2 and Home Alone 3. Ouch.
Sixteen Candles
1984
Mike
Jake, played by Michael Schoeffling
Hey, guys can be token babes, too. And though I won't be channel surfing for gratuitous shots of Jake and his cool car anytime soon, he is a true token babe, story-wise. Unattainable popular guy is won over by lead geek Molly Ringwald. Apparently, good movies couldn't attain him either. After this it was Vision Quest, Mermaids and then a decade uncluttered by movies I've ever heard of. But someone still loves him.
All research done with the Internet Movie Database, friend to lazy researchers everywhere.

I'm sure if I think hard enough, there are probably suitable examples from more recent movies. But I don't want to. I enjoy loathing modern times. Oh, wait I just thought of one. That girl in Varsity Blues. She fits the formula I'm talking about.

Movie Character Why she satisfies author's
vague requirements for true "token babeness"
Career after this movie
Varsity Blues
1999
Darcy
Darcy Steers, played by Ali Later
Mean, popular cheerleader who is won over by good guy -- I forget his name -- the Dawson's Creek kid. She is the one who wore the whipped cream. It's only been two years, so it's hard to say whether or not she'll beat the Token Babe curse. Will she find herself in bad movie spoofs and prime time soaps like Nicolette Sheridan, or be shuffled off into the wasteland of sequels of mediocre movies like Haviland Morris? The world holds its breath in pretend anticipation.

Hopefully this article will bring the Token Babe back into prominence. Maybe I'll finally see more films following the 80's time-honored formula. Maybe more young women will forgo bad horror movies and try to challenge the curse of the token babe. Or maybe I will be forced to simply watch one of the myriad of E! bikini specials. Yeah, they'll do. Forget I said anything.


Will would probably be thought of as sexist if he weren't so lame about it.

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