The Newark Peppers, circa 100 B.C. Spite presents:
The Newark
Peppers
Kick Ass

Or, Nobody Loves A Winner

by Brian Hines

NOVEMBER 15, 1999 - At a bar a few nights ago, a fellow Connecticut native berated me after he discovered I was a fan of the New York Yankees. His message was one I've heard often: rooting for the Yankees is easy -- and therefore somehow weak -- because they supposedly win all the time.

He soon asked me, "At least tell me that you're a New England Patriots fan." I quietly said "No" trying to diplomatically avoid any more conflict. Unfortunately, my brother revealed that I'm a fan of the San Francisco 49ers (who dominated 1980s football), which appalled the sports nut even more. "Oh come on, you SELL OUT!" he snapped.

This didn't surprise me. I've been called a front runner and been accused of jumping on the bandwagon for a while - especially by New England fans. But come on! The Celtics were dominant in the 80s (just like the 49ers), and I stood by the Yankees as they sucked in the early 90s (remember Andy Hawkins pitching a no-hitter and losing!!!) and continue to stand by the 49ers even through their quarterback is out with a fractured brain.

But if I can't like these teams without upsetting my petty friends, then I give up. To please them, I will like the biggest losers out there. In fact to make sure I don't even accidentally pick a winner, I will root only for teams that no longer exist.

Brian's New Favorite Teams
Not the actual Peppers, but just a funny-looking.
The Newark Peppers
BASEBALL
New favorite team: Newark Peppers

I am now the world's biggest Newark Peppers fan! How do you like THAT, Red Sox fans? Go ahead and whine about how the Red Sox never win the World Series. The Peppers are all dead! Now that's frustration. Do you know what it's like to stand up and cheer for a team that isn't even on the field, or even this earthly world? It's not easy! But I'm doing it pals, and staying committed to the Peppers.
 
These are all real teams
The Quakers
HOCKEY
New favorite team: The Quakers

Go Quakers!!!! Who are these guys? I don't know. But as far as I know they played in some hockey league for a single stinkin' season in 1935. That's better than any Bruins fan being sick of the Detroit Red Wings or New York Rangers. My guys only played one year, and it was over 40 years before I was born. But from now on, I will stick with the Quakers until they are carrying the Stanley Cup back home to... whatever city they're from.
 
Real GuyNot Real Team
Left: George Halas
Right: Little Giants
FOOTBALL
New favorite team: The Little Giants

This one was tricky. At first, the play of George Halas that attracted me to a particular football team: The Decauter Staley's. They were lookin' good for about a year or so. Then they moved to Chicago in 1922 and became the Bears. I had to drop them off my "favorite team" list because in 1986 the Chicago Bears won the Super Bowl. How could I possible root for a team that won a super bowl? I will now fully support the Little Giants, coached by a one Rick Moranis. Now that's a team!
 
Al at 19
Al Cervi
BASKETBALL
New favorite team: Buffalo Bisons

My favorite sport is basketball, so this took some time to figure out. But I finally came across Al Ceriv. This man was signed to the Buffalo Bisons in 1937 and dominated the league with a staggering 7.9 points per game! When his 5'11'' frame stepped onto the floor heads turned to view this marvel. I mean look at his picture. They way he is forced to look at the ball while he is dribbling should strike fear into all those who dare to defend him. Cervi is to basketball as DiVinci is to art.

I hope now I can talk to sport fans without hanging my head in shame because of my favorite teams having the nerve to win a few games.


Brian can go overboard.


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