Spite presents:

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Yes, Rob Thomas, There Is A Santana Claus
by Brian Hines
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December 14, 1999 - It seems every radio station has been pumping out the Latin flavor of the hit single "Smooth" by Carlos Santana featuring Matchbox 20's Rob Thomas. And musicians and music critics alike are losing their minds over this amazing come back by Santana. I have news for you people... this is no comeback.
The reason I can make such a brash statement is because I myself have had my own come back. (See my retirement and return.) The reason my comeback was pure and Santana's is tainted is because I did mine completely unassisted. I did not request help from other literary giants such as Kurt Vonnengut, JD Salinger or even Judy Blume. It was just me against the odds.
Santana's newest album is chock full of today's music superstars. Lauryn Hill, Eagle Eye Cherry, Dave Matthews, Eric Clapton and the previously mentioned Rob Thomas. How can people really be in awe of Santana's album hitting number one on the charts? With names like that appearing on an album the other guy from WHAM! would go number one too.
This wouldn't burn so much is if it wasn't for the fact that someone else in pop culture had an amazing comeback, and nobody is giving him credit. Regis Philbin has come back with a vengeance. He is no longer that weird guy on a morning show. Nor is he just one of Dana Carvey's many impressions. He is a Renaissance man.
He has given re-birth to the American Dream, making it big on TV game shows. The ball that has been dropped by Bob Barker, Richard Dawson, and Dick Clark has been picked up by Philbin, and it's good to know it's in his caring hands. Jeopardy is too hard, Ben Stein doesn't pay out enough, and Wheel of Fortune is just cheesy. But Regis combines class, knowledge, and finesse to the timeless art of game show hosting.
So Santana, take notes from Regis Philbin. Don't go strutting around like you've arisen from the ashes like a fiery phoenix. Send a thank you card to Rob Thomas and watch Regis at work. That man has truly comeback, and that is my final answer.

Brian Hines makes no sense.

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