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Srimate SrivanSatakopa Sri Vedanta Desika Yatindra Mahadesikaya nama:



The Concordant Couple


This is the age of discord and disagreement. People are intolerant of 
conflicting viewpoints and strife and dissension are rife. These affect all 
human associations and organisations, be they at the macro level, as in 
Parliament and the country's Cabinet, or at the micro level, represented by the 
family. We hear of fisticuffs in such august bodies as legislatures, while the 
familial scene too is little better, with matrimonial discord often ending up 
in separations, legal and otherwise. The dreaded demon of Divorce, once unheard 
of in India and confined to the affluent and uncaring Western societies, has 
now spread its tentacles everywhere. Man and Woman, who come together with vows 
of living as one "till death do us part", think nothing of going their separate 
ways, for the flimsiest of reasons. The other day, while browsing in a 
bookshop, I came across a printed greeting card meant for conveying compliments 
and good wishes to someone, who had secured a divorce. Even where the matter 
doesn't go to the extent of a divorce, marital harmony has become a rare 
commodity and in due time perhaps would be attracting an elegy. This is not to 
say that there are no happy couples, for there are indeed many. However, as a 
percentage of the vast majority of the wedded masses, the happily married ones 
would perhaps be forming a minuscule measure. Such discord is so rampant that 
there is perhaps no sphere of human relationship that it doesn't encompass, be 
it that of father and son, brothers from the same womb, or even the holiest of 
relationships-that of mother and her progeny. The classic tales of love and 
affection exhibited by husband and wife towards each other now appear confined 
to the pages of unread books and the Silver Screen.



It is against this scenario that a perusal of the exalted Epic drowns us in 
nostalgia, as a reminder of the Golden Era of relationships, which once was. 
Srimad Ramayana is verily a manual of behavioural science, demonstrating ideal 
and acclaimed associations of lasting value and love, be it between husband and 
wife, brother and brother, father and son, mother and her children, between 
bosom friends or between total strangers. Though the Epic glitters like a 
diamond whichever facet one considers, the Adikavi's treatment of the marital 
association is indeed unique and deserves detailed consideration.



Describing the initial years of the Divine Couple's matrimony, Sri Valmiki 
waxes eloquent. The mutual love of Sri Rama and Sri Mythily is so deep that 
they do not feel the initial hiccups that characterise any new relationship. 
This is perhaps because they are just re-cementing the bonds of an existing 
association, that of the Paramapurusha and His Divine Consort. Be that as it 
may, the affection and adoration each has for the other is immeasurable. They 
have no need for words or looks, which we see romantic couples exchanging for 
hours together on films. The communication is direct, between the two hearts, 
says Sri Valmiki-



"antarjAatamapi vyaktam AkhyAti hridayam hridA"



This signifies a unique meeting of minds and thoughts, which counts much more 
than mere physical union. "KaNNodu KaN nOkkin vAi chorkaL enna payanum ila" 
says Tiruvalluvar, putting visual communication between lovers on a much higher 
pedestal than the oral. Here, between the Divine Couple, messages are exchanged 
directly between the hearts, incidentally preserving the confidentiality of 
communication! The point here is that there was perfect harmony between the 
couple. Looks from the eye of the beloved could be misinterpreted and so could 
the words, because they do not reveal what lies in the heart and whether the 
sincerity of gestures is really matched by underlying feeling. However, when 
the communication is between the hearts, it leaves no room for misgivings and 
is extremely eloquent. Thus between Sri Raghava and Sri Mythily, neither the 
eyes nor the lips play much of a role in communication, their hearts providing 
direct and delightful alternate channels.



>From Sri Valmiki's words, it becomes difficult to divine who loved whom more. 
>If Sri Rama's adoration for Janaki was boundless, that of Janaki for 
>Raghunandana was twice as much, if such a thing were possible-"tasyAscha 
>bhartA dviguNam hridayE parivartatE". Many marriages are spoilt because either 
>spouse is unable to demonstrate his or her affection, which may fill the heart 
>but languish undeclared and unexpressed. In the case of Mrs and Mr Raman, 
>there was no danger of this happening, since their hearts were in direct 
>communication and could convey eloquently the immeasurable love and affection 
>they felt for each other.



A titbit for the connoisseur here-Sri Nathamuni says that the Lord knows 
everything that happens in this world and others, simultaneously and in a live 
display-"yO vEtthi yugapat sarvam pratyakshENa sadA svata:". If we are to go by 
Sri Valmiki's averment that Sri Sita knew what was running through Sri Rama's 
heart and thoughts, it appears as though the level of the Divine Consort's 
knowledge and wisdom is perhaps higher than Her Lord's. The Lord knows 
everything that happens, but Piratti knows the Lord Himself inside out, can 
divine His divine will or Sankalpam, perhaps even before He wills it. Wouldn't 
you therefore call Her superior in this respect?



Coming back to the subject, Sri Valmiki adduces several reasons for Sri Rama's 
devotion to His divine bride. 

"GuNAt roopa guNAt chApi preeti: bhooyO abhyavartata"



Sri Janaki's matchless beauty was beyond description, for Her tirumEni was as 
if put together with all the innumerable components of exquisiteness and 
magnificence in perfect proportion-"DEva mAyEva nirmitA". To add to this, Her 
character, conduct and comportment were equally unrivalled. She was the epitome 
of all womanly virtue, never to be seen either before or after-
"nAreeNAm uttamA vadhoo". Beauty by itself is bewitching: when it is 
accompanied by auspicious attributes, the combination is irresistible and it is 
no wonder that Sri Rama found it so.



However, beyond good looks and behaviour, there was one more reason, cited by 
Sri Valmiki ahead of others, which endeared Sri Mythily most to the Prince of 
Ayodhya. He loved Sita the better, for She was the bride approved by His 
father, Sri Dasarata Chakravartti-

"PriyA tu Seeta Ramasya dArA: pitru kritA iti"

There is any number of reasons to be fond of one's wife: but to love her 
because she was the one approved by one's father, is indeed unique and reflects 
the devotion the Prince had for His aged father.



On a re-reading of the sloka, we feel puzzled. Is it really true that Sri Sita 
was the bride selected by Sri Dasarata for his son? As we know, the 
Chakravartti appears to have been thinking more about Rama's coronation as 
Prince, than of His marriage, when Sage Visvamitra intervenes to take Him away 
for Yaga samrakshanam. And it is Visvamitra who takes the brothers Rama to 
Mithila, where the Dhanur Yagyam is being conducted, and encourages Rama to 
display His prowess with the mighty Shiva Dhanu:, lifting it with little effort 
(remember-it took 5000 men to drag it from its original position to Sri 
Janaka's court) and breaking the magnificent bow to pieces.



It is as a prize for this exceptional bravery and might ("veerya sulkam") that 
the hand of Sita is offered to Rama. Dasarata is nowhere in the picture and 
knows not what happened after the Princes were sent with great reluctance with 
Visvamitra. Therefore Dasarata is totally unaware of the impending union, till 
he is sent for. So where does his consent or selection come into the picture, 
as indicated by Sri Rama? For all practical purposes, the marriage was 
finalised by Visvamitra and Janaka and as the Groom's father, Dasarata is just 
asked to ratify what is practically a fait accompli.



Since it is impossible for even a single word of Valmiki to be incorrect or 
untrue ("yasya vAk anrutA kAvyE kAchit atra bhavishyati"), we must seek an 
explanation elsewhere in the same epic. And when we do so, we do find a 
solution to the puzzle.



While recounting the story of Her life to Anasuya during Her sojourn in the 
forests, Sri Mythily tells her that though She was offered in marriage to Sri 
Rama the moment the Shiva Dhanus was broken, Sri Rama refused to enter into 
wedlock without His father's approval-

"deeyamAnAm na tu tadA pratijagrAha Raghava: 

avigyAya pitu: cchandam ayOdhyAdhipatE: prabhO:"

Sri Rama was not prepared to accept the extremely desirable Vaidehi, without 
ascertaining His father's wishes in the matter. Thus it was only after Dasarata 
arrives on the scene, after being intimated by Janaka Maharaja, and accords his 
consent to the proposed alliance, that Sri Rama, ever His father's obedient 
son, accepts Sita as His life partner.



It is in this sense that Sri Dasaratha is said to have chosen Sri Rama's 
bride-of having conveyed his consent and approval, though after the initial 
steps regarding the alliance were taken by Visvamitra and Rama Himself. Thus 
Sri Valmiki's statement that Sita was the bride chosen by Dasarata and 
extremely dear to Sri Rama on that score, is indeed true and reasonable. And, 
as stated already, Sita was all the more the object of Sri Rama's adoration 
because She bore the stamp of approval of His respected father. It may be 
unfashionable these days to go in for arranged marriages and the done-thing for 
young people to strike out for themselves in the matter of matrimony as in 
others: however, we observe many a time that the outcome of these impulsive 
alliances prove unhappy. 



It is no wonder for Raghava to be devoted to His father: it is Sita's 
dedication to Dasarata that deserves all credit, especially viewed against the 
current day scenario of fathers being abandoned by their own sons on the advice 
of their intolerant spouses. When She is asked to introduce Herself, Sita 
proclaims Herself to be the daughter-in-law of Dasaratha! The normal instinct 
for any woman is to mention her father's (or, at the most, her husband's) name 
in introduction-here we see the spectacle of a lady devoted enough to her 
father-in-law and husband's family, to proudly proclaim Herself as the 
daughter-in-law of Sri Dasaratha Chakravartthy, despite Her own father Janaka 
Maharaja being of no mean glory.



While Sri Valmiki describes Sita Devi as the role model for women of all times, 
and the marital relations of the divine couple as worth emulation by one and 
all, it is not that he hides occasions of discord between these ideal partners. 
To name two, when Sri Rama starts for the forests to begin His fourteen-year 
exile, Sita presses Him to take Her along. Sri Rama demurs, pointing out the 
innumerable terrors and travails the jungle would hold for an extremely young 
Princess who had not known anything but the most luxurious of life since birth. 
Sri Valmiki devotes an entire sarga to describe the arguments advanced on 
either side. When Sri Sita stands firm in Her resolve to accompany Her husband, 
be it to heaven or hell, Sri Rama, looking to the logic in Her averments, gives 
in and takes Her along, in a scintillating display of give-and-take and 
compromise. Marriage is often about either of the partners giving in, without 
consideration for loss of face, rather than stick pig-headedly to one's own 
stand, prompted by a king-sized ego, and this is what the Lord demonstrates on 
this occasion.



We should not thus take Sita to have been an utterly submissive and abjectly 
dependent specimen of womanhood. This is displayed once again in Her venturing 
to advice Her distinguished husband, when She thinks He is straying from His 
usual path of righteousness. 



When the Rishis of JanastthAna appeal to Raghava for protection against Khara, 
Dooshana and other Rakshasas causing them harm, Sri Rama immediately promises 
them relief and takes up arms on their behalf. Sri Sita advances a beautifully 
reasoned argument, illustrated by a telling story, against Rama taking recourse 
to arms, having adopted the life and conduct of a man of peace and penance for 
fourteen years. She says that it is for Bharata, as the ruler of the land, to 
protect the sages, and he would definitely do it willingly and effectively too. 
Hence Sri Rama has no business to engage in war, for whatever purpose, having 
come on a mission of peace. Sri Sita's averments are really a treat to read and 
demonstrate Her willingness and courage to point out perceived injustice and 
erroneous conduct, even in Her own husband who is held out as a paragon of 
virtue. And the way She winds up Her arguments is really worth emulation by 
women trying to din some sense into their husbands, for it is most persuasive, 
aimed at salving the male ego and preventing any perception of insult or 
presumptuousness-



"snEhAccha bahumAnAccha smArayE tvAm na sikshayE

na katanchana sA kAryA griheeta dhanushA tvayA"



She tells Rama, "Please do not mistake me. I am saying all this out of my 
unlimited love and affection for you, and am just reminding you of what you 
already know. Far be it for me to teach a distinguished man like you." 



And how does Rama take this gratuitous advice from His spouse, who is hardly 
into Her teens and still presumes to tell Her great husband, (who is the 
acclaimed "vigrahavAn dharma:") where righteousness lay? Sri Raghava's reaction 
too is a model for us to follow. Whenever the wife comes up with some objection 
to a proposed plan, it is usual for husbands to brush it aside unconsidered, 
often contemptuously. Sri Rama does nothing of the sort. Though He doesn't 
agree with Sita's arguments, he records His disagreement in such pleasing 
words, full of love and endearment, that Sita doesn't even mind Her suggestions 
being turned down. Here are the beautiful slokas-



"mama snEhAccha souhArdAt idam uktam tvayA anaghE

paritushtosmi aham SeetE na hi anishtO anusihyatE



sadrusam cha anuroopam cha kulasya tava cha Atmana:

sa dharmachAriNI mE tvam prANEbhyOpi garIyasI"



With a glance full of love, Sri Rama tells Sita, " You have absolutely every 
right to tell me what you did. You have done so with the desire of saving me 
going astray from the narrow and straight path of Dharma I have been treading 
all along.

I am all praise for you for having taken the pains, for being frank, for your 
desire that no blemish should ever attach to me. Your warning is born out of 
your exceptional love and concern for my welfare. Though I do not think your 
warning to be anything to be concerned about, yet I appreciate your courage and 
good intention in voicing it, which is conduct worthy of our two distinguished 
lineages. You have every right, being my partner in righteous conduct 
(sahadharmachAriNI), to chide me, whenever you feel what I am doing may not be 
correct."

With such soothing words, which wife would persist in her disagreement? Sita 
too gives in, not because of the pleasing words per se, but due to Her 
conviction in the truth of the Prince's reply.



We thus see that there were indeed occasional arguments and disagreements 
between the Divine Couple too. We can derive consolation from the fact that 
they too had the odd moment of discord. However, it is how they handled the 
differences and came out of the situation with their love and respect for each 
other considerably enhanced, that tells us volumes about marital conduct and 
harmony.



A regular reading of Srimad Ramayana would be enough to ensure that peace and 
harmony reign on the home front. One fall out of Ramayana Parayanam would be 
that marriage counsellors and advocates specialising in separating couples 
would be put out of business overnight. However, in the overall interests of 
universal matrimonial harmony, they would surely not mind seeking other, more 
satisfying pastures.



Srimate Sri LakshmINrsimha divya paduka sevaka SrivanSatakopa Sri Narayana 
Yatindra Mahadesikaya nama:

Dasan, sadagopan

















[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]





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