FROM THE @CME FILES Fine Print by Jonathan Woodward Original material copyright Jonathan Woodward. Distribute freely. This file is available on the Web at "http://www.io.com/~woodward/@cme/". ------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you ever order something from @cme, be sure to read the fine print... Thank you for purchasing an @cme product! Some disclaimers apply. Hot-air balloons are not rated for use at altitudes of greater than 200 centimeters. Dynamite may adhere to some types of skin. Our fine line of "natural disaster" pills (including Earthquake, Tornado, and new misty Hurricane!) are harmlessly dissolved by certain forms of stomach bacteria found in birds. As a bonus for our customers, one in ten parachutes shipped is replaced with a promotional "Little Woodsman" cooking kit; use of this kit as a parachute is not recommended. Please note that our "Put A Bounce In Your Step" springs are coiled using a process that may cause them to expand in unusual, non-euclidian directions. All catapults and ballistae are manufactured by the Beep Beep Seige Weapons Company. Under some conditions, fuses may burn at 100x their rated speed. Our exciting line of "super-hero" costumes do not provide any meta-human powers. Trampolines may undergo unusual state-transitions when impacted at speeds approaching terminal velocity. Refrigerator ice-makers will not operate reliably if refrigerator is worn as a backpack. Our detonators are shipped with a safety catch activated that may best be disengaged by stomping upon it, as in anger. Products may not obey the law of conservation of momentum. Under hot, dry conditions, our line of paint products has been known to open transitory holes into other dimensions. Use of rocket-powered sneakers, roller-skates, and inline-skates by dogs, coyotes, wolves, or meerkats is not recommended. Do not taunt @cme products. Our detonator cord is stored in a tightly coiled state, and may return to that state unexpectedly. Adhesive products are manufactured using thiotimoline and other non-causal chemicals, and may bond in zero or negative time. Removal of packing material voids warranty. The sudden detonation of rocket-propelled vehicles falls within acceptable failure modes. Any and all guarantees may not apply in New Mexico, California, Arizona, Utah, Nevada, or Texas. @cme, Inc., is incorporated under the laws of Andorra, St. Kitts and Nevis, and Fiji, and all arbitration of customer relations is conducted within their respective judicial structures simultaneously. If you have a comment regarding an @cme product, please don't hesitate to call us at 1-800-555-@CME between 11am and 1pm on the 5th Friday of every month that doesn't end in "r". Thank you again for choosing @cme! -JW