01.13.03
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The Best and Worst of Television.


A L P H A B E T I C A L    I N D E X
Angel
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Forever Knight
Frontier House
jackass
La Femme Nikita
MacGyver
Manor House
Passions
Tarzan
24

B E S T
  1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
    Noone writes funny like Joss Whedon. I constantly crib from Willow and Tara and Oz and Spike -- and they aren't even the half of it. The plotlines are immense, with carefully interwoven details, hints, tricks, and traps. A totally bookish new-rules Universe, like Tolkien or Orson Scott Card. Each season is put together like a play -- protagonist, little evil, Big Evil, climax, resolution. And each performance is a volume in an epic.

    Not to say that the writing alone holds it together. Alyson Hannigan is gorgeous, good or bad, and her comedic timing is absolutely imeccable (see American Pie). Sarah Michelle Gellar (smg), though apparently not the nicest person in the world, if you read her press reviews, just is, y'know, Buffy. Kristy Swanson was neat and all, but whatever personal issues I have, smg gets some props for kicking so much ass over the years.

    smg and Eliza Dushku definately pull out all the stops for my pick of 'Best Buffy Fight Scene'. (Though not the best fight scene ever, as that goes to David Boreaneaz - more about him later). Though the best Buffy fight does involve Angel -- he fakes Angelus to goad Faith into spilling the Mayor's plans. When the gig is up, mayhem ensures, and Buffy and Faith finally have it out. The fight is for the world, yes, but it's also quite personal. And they're both wearing leather pants. Yum.

    Speaking of leather pants, Boreaneaz got his start here as Angel, Buffy's cradle-robbing creature-of-the-night boyfriend. Angel/us was alternately champion and villan, Buffy's true but forbidden love. For several seasons, he was central to the storyline, and even when he left for L.A., there were always connections, and hints of his return. It was fitting, though, that in the end she sent him away -- not for good, just for now. I realize this probably makes me a Buffy/Angel romantic, but I suppose I will have to live with that. I think Michael and Nikita end up together, too, so nyah.

    Angel isn't just a shot in the dark, though, because really all her boyfriends are exceptional. They run the gamut from Roswell's alien Max (Jason Behr) to government super-agent Riley Finn (Marc Blucas). She slings it with a true demon, the cockney-Billy-Idol Spike (James Marsters, who incidentally isn't british at all), whose cold malevolence is conquered by his love for her. She even has her chance at the hunky son-of-a-slayer Principal (snicker) Robin Wood, if Faith hadn't bagged him first.

    And the interesting doesn't stop with the main characters. Each season brings with it a new set of 'Big Bads' -- ubervillans with tightly woven schemes. There is the Trio, a group of high school nerds who have been omnipresent throughout the series. There is the God Glory, misplaced from her world and into Buffy's (played by the marvelously malevolent Clare Kramer). One of my favorite character actors of all time, Jeff Kober, does double duty, playing a minor demon (Kralik) in the first season, then reappearing in the 6th as Magickal bad boy Rack. Juliet Landau has a similarly insane role to play, the darkly crazy Drusilla.

    We saw most of these actors again this past season. Whedon resurrected a concept he'd hinted at before ('Amends'), the First Primordial Evil. As Anya (R.I.Pieces.) said, "It can be any dead person it wants." Hence there were visits from the ubermensch Adam, the deceased duo from the Trio, the Mayor, Glory, Ben, and, of course, a non-corporeal Buffy. Not to mention all her undead pals (Spike, Dru, etc.), see through and able to vanish with a flash of light. Not that eveyone was without form, but mostly the real folks fled (Clem). (This was fortunate, I suppose, for the civilian population of the former town of Sunnydale.) It was of course fitting that Angel should return, though the ender did not see Oz or Cordy (in a coma, so I suppose she had a good excuse), Riley or Tara float into town.

    And in the end it was about fighting together, about being more than one to stand against the dark. About growing up and changing the world. How cool.


  2. Angel
    Even on a different network, even if they don't share writers (which they occasionally still do), Angel is still a Buffyverse, easily. And that makes it better television than just about anything out there. It is darker and more adult with storylines that please me as much as Buffy's -- the addition of Connor, and the adventures of Wofram and Hart, the change in Westley Wyndham-Pryce (Alexis Denisof), for example. One of the additional major draws of Angel is a remarkably talented director/producer/set design team. There are certain shots and angles (the white room at the firm, the entire separate world of Lorne's origin) that are just simply amazing. There is a level of detail to the Hyperion, to the ritual books, to the clothing of the main stars. Even apocalypse is pretty. And I love pretty. David Boreanaz isn't bad either.

    And, again, the casting here rocks. Perhaps it's because they crossed over so often with Buffy, but even after that, the good baddies kept coming. Drusilla and Darla (Julie Benz), along with Spike and Faith, all make appeaerances. Then there is the hotter-than-hot lawyer Lindsey McDonald (Christian Kane). Lindsey isn't the only interesting face at Wofram & Hart. Other evil legal eagles include Lilah (Stephanie Romanov) and Gavin (Daniel Dae Kim). Lorne (Andy Hallett) proves the power of the casting agency, as he was a random discovery at a karaoke bar.


  3. La Femme Nikita
    I didn't say this was high-brow television. It's like candy. Eye-candy. I love spy-dramas, and I love conspiracy theories... and I do find Peta Wilson and Roy Dupuis quite compelling as the star-crossed lovers. Dupuis, as Michael Samuelle, the 'perfect' spy, supposedly the best in the world, is pure testosterone. Half the time he's lying to Nikita, the other half he's just not telling her the whole truth. But -- because it is television -- you love him anyway and know he's just trying to do what's best for her. Always. And that's straight up sexy.

    Nikita also contains surprising guest stars and character parts. Juliet Landau from Buffy/Angel among others.


  4. MacGyver
    Poorly written, sometimes terribly acted... but nonetheless one of my favorite shows of all time. I was allowed but one poster in my bedroom as a teenager, and my choice was -- much to the amusement of my peers -- Richard Dean Anderson. He was cute, he was older, he rode a motorcycle. And he could build *anything*. I once read an article in my brother's copy of "Boy's Life" (much better than the teenage girl magazines, with makeup tips and hairstyles) about the technical details of the show. Although many of the 'tricks' Mac pulls are very delicate and the amount or name of certain chemicals is altered to prevent viewer imitry, all the magic escapes he manages are fully vetted by a group of PhDs and physicists, scientists and secret agents. (OK, law enforcement personell, ballastics and the like, but it sounded cooler the other way.)

    Amusingly enough, there is a potential 2003 Fall series planned continuing the theme: Young MacGyver. So apparently I wasn't the only one with some fondness for old Angus.


  5. 24
    It's not surprising, if you've watched both series, that the people who brought you La Femme Nikita also wrung out two seasons (so far) of torture and mayhem -- 24 hours at a time. Like LFN and Angel, 24 is stylishly powerful -- the main gimmick being split-screen documentary, to allow the audience to sync happenings as they occur in "real" time. It's been done before, but rarely so well. Keifer Sutherland regains his Lost Boys hotness, even when he's naked and wet. A fair warning, however, to those of tender stomach -- like Nikita, 24 is about (semi-) secret government agents, and eventually involves espionage that leads to torture. (I'm beginning to think the folks at Lions Gate are sadists, but I like their work anyway.). Speaking of Lions Gate, 24 also has surprises in store in terms of casting -- look for familiar faces Robert Eugene Glazer (Operations from LFN), (Bauer from LFN), (Darlene, from Roseanne) and Daniel Dae Kim (Gavin, on Angel).


  6. Manor House
    A British series, from 2001, where they take a businessman and his e.r. physician wife (and their two sons and a sister(-in-law)) and turn them into a wealthy Edwardian (1911) family, replete with enormous mansion "country house" and a staff of almost 20 people -- butler and chambermaids, footmen, stableboys and all the rest. My roommate insists that the show proved the 'guards and prisoners' theory, and I have to say she's on to something there. We immediately eyed the young son with suspicion, thinking he would be a wildebeast to the young gentlemen assigned to see to him. Suffice to say, there were much bigger asses than the young master, who actually seemed one of the more comfortable of the cast. I'm firmly of the opinion that that type of living would not please me, but it was quite interesting to learn about the various trends and practices of the past. And, of course, watching 21st century folks try to cope with the lack of much in the way of modern appliances. Psychological experiments are always interesting and the series (3 two-hour specials, available on VHS or DVD from PBS.org) certainly sparked a definate change in these people. And some of them were just downright wacky.


  7. Frontier House
    Same as the previous entry -- british, aired on PBS. Though this time instead of Victorian, they did early US frontiersmen, and put four 'families' out on the plains to see if they could survive the first year. And let me say, these people were no Ingalls-Wilders. One family appeared normal but was actually imploding under the stress, another merrily and psychopathically abnormal, the third cheerfully moral and wildly successful. By the end you find yourself cheering in awe of some and snickering at others. Highly addictive, especially considering it's really reality TV.


  8. Forever Knight
    Yea, yea, I know. A plethora of French-Canadians. I didn't know this before a friend of mine informed me, but it appears that Forever Knight, Nikita and, yes, even the beloved 24 are all directed, acted, producted by Canadians or filmed in Canada. I don't particularly have anything against our northern neighbors, but I've never really thought of it as a fetish, either. I suppose it's just coincidence. Forever Knight shares some things besides country of origin, especially with Nikita. Uber-Agent Petrosian (3rd season, Nikita) is played by the same man as Uber-Vampire (and sire to the protagonist) Lacroix (Nigel Bennett). Lacroix's 'Night Stalker' radio persona is amusing, and the loosely historical backdrop is just sort of funny. A second Nikita vet is the Mick Schtoppel/Mr.Jones (#1) actor -- he shows up in 'The Human Factor' for a few moments. The lead actor -- though not what you'd expect to see as an toothy type, all blonde and beefy -- is disarmingly charming, almost naive.
    Another point for Knight fans is that Joss Whedon (of Buffy and Angel fame) openly cites FK as part of the inspiration for his Vampire-turned-hero ideology. It's pretty obviously there if you look: the sweeping leather duster, the gritty film-noir posing. The Master and LaCroix share many traits in common, as do Darla and Jeanette. The plotlines feel familar in points as well, and it's interesting to see the seed that germinated into the much-more-popular (well, it did come on in primetime instead of 2AM) series.


  9. Passions
    I've watched a soap opera or two -- mostly with my grandmother and in college with my roommates. And Passions doesn't exactly feel like a soap opera. It's pretty much a parody of a soap opera, blending in some pop culture, some fantasy and some... just plain weird shit out to play. It sort of ignores any resemblance to reality and just let's the crazy happen. I checked it out on Spike's recommendation (He and Joyce (Buffy's mom) watch it together), and was highly amused at the absolute irrationality of the plotline. Put it this way: the tale has included, at one time or another, a doll who was brought to life as a midget, a witch who was burned at the stake then returned to wreak havoc on her persecuter's descendants, satan himself (manifest as a glowing red basement and disembodied voice), the essence of goodness embodied in a blonde teenage girl, visions, fights with demons, mysterious disappearances, executions, dancing babies, freak blizzards, freak hurricanes, deliverance, miracles of religious nature, miracles of a medical nature, and so many rapes, murders, illegitimate pregnancies and executions that one would think that every resident in Harmony (the town that is the setting) would have fled long ago.

    I find, however, that Passions needs to be watched irregularly to remain interesting. It is apparently made for people with extremely short attention spans (or several yowling sprogs), as the dialogue is exceptionally repetitive. What happens in the first 15 minutes is exactly what happened in the last 15 minutes of the previous show, and many conversations are repeated almost verbatim. Checking out 2 or 3 episodes a week can sometimes be too much -- TiVo is set up to save only one episode of this one at a time. More than that is overkill.


  10. Tarzan
    Cancelled after about a fourth of a season, I found myself disappointed. Sure, it was fluff and the only reason to watch was underwear model Travis Fimmel... but it was an incredibly buff reason to watch, and it worked for me. Didn't hurt that he was perpetually naked, dirty, and wet.




The Worst
  1. The Real (Anything)
    Reality television is retarded. If I wanted to watch drunk stupid people, I'd go back and work in Residence Living on some campus somewhere. Puh-lease, make it stop!


  2. jackass
    These people are crazy. Even the episodes that make me laugh make me want to toss my cookies five minutes later. And some of their pranks are just... cruel. Ick. Ew. I couldn't check out the movie, cause I don't think I can sit through it all.


  3. anything with Scott Bakula
    I'm convinced that he is the devil.


  4. Touched in the Head by an Angel
    I don't mind spiritually-laced television -- I've even been known to watch Michael Landon a time or three -- but TITHBAA is possibly the most insipid chintzy schmaltz-fest I've ever seen in my life. Serious, dire problems are glibly passed over and patched up with a few words in a brogueish Angelic accent. I admit, Roma Downey is kind of hot, but, uh, to be kind -- I don't really like my women simple. And this show seems to assume a level of base stupidity that I find, frankly, offensive. I understand it's reputation as a popular retirement-home staple, but for a thinking person? Please, watching paint dry is more intellectually stimulating.


  5. SNL, the Chris Farley years
    I hate Chris Farley. Blech. I love David Spade, and can occasionally stomach an episode with the fat fuck in it, but mostly I skip over the skits where he flails around and breaks shit. I never figured out why that was even remotely funny, his incoherent drug-addled raving. At least John Belushi was funny and stumbling. Just stumbling doesn't cut it.




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