I was thinking the other day, as I braved 5:45 PM traffic near
the intersection of Hwy. 54 and Hwy. 55 (which is vaguely like braving
Pamplona Streets during the running of the bulls for those of you who
don't live and work near RTP...)... and I was thinking about my job.
For those of you that know me, you probably know that I just got a
new job. You probably know far more than you want to about said new
job, as I'm just a bit excited by the work. Sorry about that. Really.
But, honestly, this change has made me start to think --
think about the jobs I've been dissatisfied with, the ones I did enjoy,
and the differences between them. What is it that makes a good job?
What kind of environment is it that excites me, makes me feel the way I
do now about my work -- that it's not just to pay the bills, but something
to make a *career*? And what can I, as an employee or maybe (someday down
the road) as someone else's supervisor, do to make a work environment both
challenging and low-stress, friendly and warm but professional?
And then, of course, I about passed out from the wholesomely self-content
thoughts running through my brain. This are *rants*... I'm supposed to be *bitter*!
*Ahem* On to ranting...
So, I reformulated my theory -- I started to think
of ways that jobs COULD suck -- the *absence* of which makes the working world
palatable enough that its inhabitants don't snap whist braving work-week traffic.
(Let's face it, we'd all rather be independantly wealthy and not have to work at
all -- I mean, no one ever says "Gee, I'm tired travelling the world
in my personal Lear jet exploring foreign cultures and living in the lap of luxury.")
So, here's what I came up with... 6 things (I was going for 10, but I got
bored half-way through...) that can make a job really SUCK:
Humorless coworkers Humor is one of the world's greatest lubricants.
Like alcohol during your college years, humor creates a time and a space for interaction.
(C'mon... everyone went to at least one mixer/bar/hall crawl/dorm party/kegger during
high school or college... I don't know many better ways to get to know someone intimately
than to spend a few hours (a) keeping their head above sea level in the porcelain ocean or
(b) commiserating in adjoining bathroom stalls.) A good laugh, like a good stiff drink,
can do much to ease the discomforting unfamiliarity between people. A lack of humor
can make an uneasy situation truly awful. And, in my opinion, humor deficiency usually
indicates either enormously poor social skills or below-average intelligence, neither
of which I find particularly engaging. Call me an elitist snob, but I like smart people.
Hovering Supervisors One of the worst creatures in the working
world, the hovering supervisor is likely some weird genetic recombination of a vulture,
a pit bull, and your mother. He or she seems to be constantly peering over
your twitching shoulders, occasionally pausing the study to 'remind' (or, in
more common language, 'nag') you about something almost wholly unimportant. Didn't
anyone tell these predators that watched bots never purl? (Heh. That's a little
computer humor, there. Aren't I funny? No? Oh. Sorry.)
Slackerzzzz Now the slacker comes in several forms -- the two I've observed
at fairly close range are the boss slacker (the
exact opposite of Mr. Vulture Manager up there) and the co-worker slacker. The boss slacker
is just that -- slack. Whether it's arrogance (He doesn't need to do work -- he supervises.
He has peons like you to do the work.) or simple apathy, it's often difficult to
perform well for someone who doesn't seem to care at all. Not to mention that in
extreme cases, a slacker boss can really screw you over. My absolute worst work experience
was with a slacker boss. I loathed working each day, because I knew that I'd be responsible
for both my work and his/hers, and that s/he would be taking all the credit. Because s/he
was a close family friend, I was stuck. But I'll never forget the experience.
Now, the boss slacker can be a positive -- if you're exceptionally
self-motivated, have a complete understanding of what your job entails, and have higher-ups
than your slacker boss who pay attention. That kind
of situation is actually pretty nice, though I must admit that the temptation to take
advantage of this 'nice guy' slacker boss is pretty strong -- a self-defeating impulse,
to be sure.
The co-worker slacker, however, has little redeeming value. This guy or gal was the kid
in high school who thought buying the little plastic binder was enough of a contribution
for the group term project. Co-worker slackers spend all their time talking on the phone,
sending personal e-mail, wandering out for coffee breaks and lunch hour_s_, and
pestering other people. These creatures are particularly insidious because they are
deceptively charming -- you may befriend a co-worker slacker in spite of yourself because
they're just so darn *loveable*. It's also worth noting that co-worker slackers seem
to have a much higher incidence of personal tragedy, grevious physical or mental injury,
and general illness. Perhaps this is a way to secure our pity and, therefore, our
silence.
Daddy's Little Girl/Boy Now this one's a motion picture/television series
workplace character standard, but that's mostly because it's a fairly common experience.
Even if the
business isn't a family one, the big bossman usually has one or two protegees waiting in the
wings... there's always got to be an heir apparant. And dammit if they're not almost always
annoying little twits. My personal favorite was a Daddy's boy -- a school outcast whose
only leverage was that his Dad owned a local teenage hangout spot. The 'cool' kids always
got summer jobs there, but had to put up with Junior (and his fascination with M-80s and
fake poo) as their head of staff. Let's just say that Junior's bulb was kinda dim. But I'll
get to that later.
Overutilization There are lots of job situations, environments, and people
that can be borne for the right price, or the right perks. An inflexible, overbooked job
schedule isn't one of them. No
matter how many cool t-shirts they give you, or how many bonuses get doled out, if you're
living the life of some sort of crazed quasi-nocturnal cave animal, it's rarely worth it.
At least not after the first 6 or 8 months, when you realize that your cat just spit at you
because s/he doesn't recognize you anymore.
When your job requires that much of your time, your autonomy is gone; you might as well move
back in with your parents. Go out for a couple of drinks? Nah, gotta be at work early in
the morning. Go on a road trip? Can't, server might go down. Visit Aunt Ida? She's out
of my cel phone range. When you can't take off the leash, it's time to escape the pound.
Sure, there's such a thing as dedication to task and committment to company success, but
we're overlooking an integral physical need -- the unconscious craving for relaxation,
unwinding, 'down' time. That's gotta exist somewhere, or we break down.
Though I will admit, I'd probably live under my desk for 6 figures. So I'm a capitalist.
Sue me.
Stupidity Now I don't know about you, but I tend to believe that there
are an awful lot of just plain old *dumb* people in this world. I'm not saying I'm
Einstein or anything, but -- Damn! -- we've all wondered a time or two if Joe-Bob over
there has 2 brain cells to rub together. And a truly miserable work environment often
contains several weenies like Joe-Bob. Co-worker weenies, management weenies, client
weenies... there's not much worse than a supervisor who is constantly coming to *you*
with questions. Especially when s/he disagrees with your answers.
And general stupidity takes on a much more subtle and evil form in the workplace--
stupid *things*. Everybody's got something they're stupid about, whether it's their
sense of direction (that would be me, natch... my pals say I'm 'directionally impaired'.)
or their sense of tact. Maybe they can't write for shit, shouldn't even try to match
their own socks, or have the Touch of Death for all things digital. And, of course, by
some law of cruel irony, they're placed in an employment situation where their secret
ineptitude is exploited day in and day out. Gotta love that.
Now, those aren't the only things that can suck about work, but they're some of the
bigger ones. And I will say that one or two crummy co-workers don't often spoil the
whole bunch, as long as they're not part of your every-day experience. But, on the
whole, if you read that and didn't think, "Wow, this sounds like $co-worker!", then you're
probably feelin' pretty groovy.
Then there's the perks -- there are some really cool things that just make work rock.
I know -- and you know -- that money is usually the biggest perk of all. Whether it's
in the form of a nice, fat salary, a good-sized hourly wage hike or a spiffy year-end
profit-margin bonus, as long as it's cash, it's perfect.
But don't overlook the more reserved displays of appreciation. Some of my favorite
perks have included free web space, a nice, stable (everlasting!) e-mail address, nifty
t-shirts (especially when you're allowed -- nay, encouraged -- to wear the tees to work
with jeans...) and cool 'promotional' toys. Never overestimate the value of a good toy.
Other more practical (but still appreciated) benefits of the good old '9 to 5' world
include catered yum-yums (gotta love the inventor of the 'business lunch') and the
occasional office party/networking shindig.
Looking at the ratio of morons to money to perks to pains, my job pretty much rocks.
How about you?