THE GREAT WORKS OF JEWISH FANTASY AND OCCULT
Compiled, translated and introduced by Joachim Neugroschel
 

THE CONJUROR*
Y. L. PERETZ

Once, a conjuror showed up in a small Jewish town in eastern Poland.
And even though he came just before Passover, during the anxious and costly days when a Jew has more worries than hairs on his head, the man's arrival caused a great sensation: What an enigmatic fellow! In shreds and patches, but with a top hat (though crumpled) on his head. A Jewish face - with God's image on his nose, but - clean-shaven. And no identity card, and no one ever saw him eating - not kosher, not Christian. What a mystery! If you asked him: "Where ya from?" he'd say: "Paris." "Where ya goin'?" "London." "Whatcha doin' here?" "Lost my way." He
seemed to be traveling on foot. And he never went to synagogue, not even on the Sabbath preceding Passover. And if people started getting pushy and crowded around him, he would melt away as though the earth had gulped him down, and then pop up on the other side of the marketplace.
Meanwhile, he hired an. auditorium and began performing his tricks.
And what tricks! In full view of the spectators, he would swallow live coals as though they were noodles, and pull a whole medly of ribbons out of his mouth, red ones, green ones, in all the colors of the rainbow and as long as the Jewish exile. He reached into a boot-leg, and out came sixteen pairs of turkeys, and what turkeys! As big as bears, and alive, and they scurried all over the stage; next, he lifted one foot and scraped golden ducats off the sole, an entire bowlful of golden ducats! The audience cheered; he whistled, and the air was filled with loaves of straight and braided challah flying around like birds, doing a circle dance or a wedding dance beneath the ceiling; and when he whistled again, everything vanished into thin air as though it had never been! Gone were the ribbons, gone were the turkeys - poof!
Now we know that black magic can do a thing or two! The wizards of ancient Egypt very likely performed even greater feats.
And so the townsfolk wondered: Why was he so poor? A man scrapes ducats off the sole of his boot, and he can't even afford a room at the inn; he merely whistles to bake up more loaves of challah than the biggest baker, he pulls turkeys out of his boot - and yet his face looks like he just stepped out of a coffin, and his eyes are ablaze with hunger. People joked about a fifth Passover question:
"Why is this man different...?" 
But before we get to Passover questions, let's leave the conjuror and turn to Jonah and his wife Rebecca. Jonah used to deal in timber; he bought a forest at a good price, but then the government declared it a natural preserve; he lost his shirt. So he? got a job as a manager in a lumberyard; but then they laid him off; that was months ago, and he had been out of work ever since. The winter was so awful you wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy; then, on top of everything, came Passover. And they had already pawned all they had, from the ceiling lamp to the very last pillow. So Rebecca said: "Go to the Community Passover Fund and get some money." But Jonah said he had faith, God would help, he didn't want any handouts. Rebecca once again started hunting through every nook and cranny, and up she came with a worn silver spoon - a downright miracle, the spoon had been mislaid for years. Jonah pawned it, and donated the tiny sum to the Passover Fund. The poor, he said, come first. Meanwhile, time went on. Passover was just a few weeks away - he had faith! God, he said, doesn't abandon you! So be it, Rebecca held her tongue; a woman has to obey her husband. But another day wore on, and then another, Rebecca couldn't sleep a wink, she buried her face in the hay mattress and wept silently so that Jonah wouldn't hear; not a thing for Passover. And the days were worse than the nights - at night, you can cry
your heart out, but in the daytime you have to put up a front. The neighbors gawked and gaped and goggled, needling her with glances of pity . . . . Others asked her: "So when are you gonna bake matzohs? How ya doin' with beets?" Those closer to her asked: "What's goin' on with you, Rebecca? If you need anything, we'll lend it to you," and so on.
But Jonah wouldn't accept gifts from anyone, and Rebecca couldn't act against her husband - so she made up all sorts of excuses, and her face grew redder and redder....
The neighbors, realizing things weren't quite in order, hurried over to the rabbi to get him to do something. The rabbi, poor man, heard them out, sighed, pondered, and finally answered that Jonah was a learned and God-fearing man, and if he had faith, then that was that!
Rebecca didn't even have any holiday candles.
And all at once - Passover.
Jonah, coming home from synagogue, saw that all the windows around the marketplace were bright and festive, only his window stuck out like a mourner at a wedding, like a blind man among the seeing. But he refused to despair: "God willing, we'll still celebrate Passover!" he thought to himself. Entering his home, he cheerfully said: "Happy holiday," and then, more emphatically: "A happy holiday to you, Rebecca!" And Rebecca's tear-soaked voice answered from a dark corner: "A happy holiday to you, my husband!" And her eyes glowed out of the dark corner like two live coals. He went over to her and said: "Rebecca, today's a holiday, to commemorate the Exodus, don't you see? We mustn't be mournful! And what's there to be mournful about anyway? If God doesn't want us to have our own seder, we'll simply have to make the best of it and go to someone else's. We'll celebrate in some other place. People will take us in all over . . . . Tonight all doors are open. The Haggadah says: 'Let anyone who is hungry come in and dine.' C'mon, get your shawl, and we'll go to the first house we find." 
And Rebecca, who always did her husband's bidding, fought with all her strength to hold back the sobs that were struggling out of her throat; she wrapped herself up in a tattered shawl and was about to set out - but at that very moment, the door opened, and someone walked in and said: "Happy holiday!"
To which they replied: "The same to you," without seeing who had entered.
And the man who had entered said: "I want to be your seder guest.
Jonah answered: "We're not having a seder."
The guest replied that he had brought the seder along!
"In the dark?" Rebecca let a sob escape.
"God forbid!" answered the holiday guest, "there'll be light" And he waved his hand: Abracadabra. And two pairs of silver candlesticks with burning stearin candles appeared and hovered in the middle of the room. The house became bright. Jonah and Rebecca saw that it was the conjuror, and they gawked and were so amazed and frightened they couldn't utter a single word. They grabbed each other's hands, wide-eyed and gaping. Meanwhile, the conjuror turned to the table, which was standing all neglected in a corner, and said: "Okay, chum, set yourself, and come over here!" And no sooner had he spoken, than a snow white tablecloth dropped from the ceiling and covered the table, and the covered table began to move and slid over to the middle of the room and stopped right beneath the candles, and the silver candlesticks descended and came to rest on the table. "And now," said the conjuror, "all we need is Passover seats - so let there be Passover seats!" And three chairs, from three corners of the room, marched over to the table and stationed themselves on three sides. The conjuror ordered them to grow wider, and so they widened out and turned into easy chairs. He called out: "Softer!"- And they covered themselves with red velvet, and, presto, white, snow white cushions came down from the ceiling, and, at the conjuror's command, plopped upon the easy chairs - which turned into Passover seats. At his bidding, a Passover plate with the seder paraphernalia also emerged and came to rest on the table, followed by red goblets with bottles of wine, and matzohs, and everything you need for a proper and merry seder, including gilt-edged Haggadahs.
"Do you have water to wash with?" asked the conjuror. "I can bring water, too!"
It was only now that they recovered from their astonishment. And Rebecca whispered to Jonah: "Is it all right? What do you think?" But Jonah didn't know what to say. So she advised him: "Go, husband, and ask the rabbi." But he replied that he couldn't leave her alone with the conjuror. He wanted her to go instead. But she said that the rabbi wouldn't believe a mere woman, he'd think she was out of her ind. So the two of them went to the rabbi, leaving the conjuror behind with the seder.
The rabbi said that anything fabricated by sorcery has no substance, because sorcery is merely an optical illusion. He told them to go home, and if they could break the matzohs and pour the wine into the goblets and feel the cushions on the seats, etc., then fine... it was all from God, and they could enjoy it.
That was the rabbi's verdict. And so, their hearts pounding, they went home. When they came in, the conjuror was gone, and the seder was just as they had left it. They could feel the cushions, pour the wine, and break the matzohs . . . . And only now did they realize that their visitor was the Prophet Elijah, and so they had a merry holiday.

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