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                         "FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF"

                                     by

                                John Hughes






                        July 24, 1985
     

     

                         "FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF"


  1  BLACK SCREEN                                                  1

     MAIN TITLES

     IT'S SILENT. A BEAT...AND AN EXPLOSION OF SOUND.  A HOUSEHOLD
     IN THE MORNING. KIDS GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL. CLOCK RADIOS.
     KITCHEN APPLIANCES. SHOWERS. FIGHTING. PEOPLE YELLING. DOG
     BARKING. APPLIANCES BUZZING. CAR HORNS. IT SOUNDS JUST LIKE
     YOUR HOUSE DID. STREAMS OF ROCK'N ROLL FADE IN AND OUT. HUEY
     LEWIS TO LIONEL RITCHIE TO HUSKER DU. SURROUND MAKES IT FEEL
     LIKE YOU'RE IN THE ROOM. AN AURAL TOUR OF A HOUSE ON A
     SCHOOL MORNING. BEGINNING IN THE KITCHEN AND MOVING UPSTAIRS.

                              FATHER'S VOICE (TOM)
               Where's my wallet?!

                              SEVEN YEAR OLD BOY (TODD)
               YOU IDIOT!!

                              TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL (KIMBERLY)
               MOM!

                              TODD
               SHUT-UP!

                              EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL (JEANIE)
               I NEED A TOWEL!!

                              TOM
               JOYCE!

                              KIMBERLY
                          (whispers, sadistic)
               When you turn ten, your head's going
               to swell up real big like a watermelon
               and we're going to have to put you
               to sleep like they do with a dog.

                              TODD
               MOM!

                              TOM
               JOYCE!!

                              JEANIE
               WHO PISSED ON THE TOILET SEAT!? MOTHER!!

                              TOM
               Where's Mom?

                              TODD
               Is my head going to swell up?

                              TOM
               What?!

                              JEANIE
               OH, MY GOD! THE TOILET PAPER'S ALL WET!!!

                              MOTHER (JOYCE)
                          (screams)
               TOM!

     The house falls dead SILENT. We hear footsteps thundering
     through the house. A TENSE STRAIN OF MUSIC FADES UP.

                              TODD
               What's that?

                              KIMBERLY
               Wait! Hold still!

                              TODD
               What?!

                              KIMBERLY
               You heads starting to swell up!!

     Todd screams. We hear the sound of Tom's footsteps running
     through the kitchen, down the hall, up the stairs, up the
     hallway. A door open.

                              TOM
                          (breathless)
               What's the matter?

                              JOYCE
                          (worried)
               It's Ferris!

                              TOM
               What's wrong?

                              JOYCE
                          (snaps)
               What's wrong? For Christ's sake!
               Look at him!

  2  CLOSE-UP. FERRIS                                              2

     An eighteen year-old boy. He's staring lifelessly at CAMERA.
     His mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His tongue is fat
     and dry in his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his side.

  3  INT. BOY'S BEDROOM                                            3

     Ferris' parents, TOM and JOYCE BUELLER are standing at
     bedside. They're in their late forties, early fifties.
     Handsome, upper-middle class parents. They're both dressed
     for work.

                              TOM
               Ferris?

                              JOYCE
               He doesn't have a fever. But he says
               his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots.

  4  CLOSE-UP. FERRIS                                              4

     His lifeless eyes blink.

  5  INT. BEDROOM. PARENTS                                         5

     Tom bends down and touches Ferris' forehead.

                              TOM
               What's the matter, Ferris?

                              JOYCE
               Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy.

     Tom takes one of Ferris' hands.

                              TOM
                          (discreetly)
               Should you call the doctor?

                              JOYCE
                          (whispers)
               He doesn't want me to.

                              TOM
               Why don't you want Mom to call
               the doctor?

     Ferris exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can
     manage is a choked gasp.

                              TOM
               What?

     Ferris tries again.

                              FERRIS
                          (raspy)
               Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up.

     He starts to get up. Joyce gently pushes him back down.

                              FERRIS
               I have a test today. I have to take it.
               I want to get into a good college
               so I can have a fruitful life...

                              JOYCE
               You're not going to school like
               this.
                          (to Tom)
               Maybe I should call the office and
               tell them I won't be in.

                              FERRIS
               I'm okay, Mom. I feel perfectly...Oh, God!

     He's gripped by a seizure. His body stiffens and he chokes.
     His older sister, JEANIE, walks into the room. She's dressed
     for school. She's cute and stuck-up. A major pill.

                              JEAN
               Oh, fine. What's this? What's his problem?

                              JOYCE
               He doesn't feel well.

                              JEAN
               Yeah, right. Dry that one out
               and you can fertilize the lawn.

                              TOM
               That's enough, Jeanie.

                              JEANIE
               You're not falling for this, are you?
               Tell me you're not falling for this.

                              FERRIS
               Is that Jeanie? I can't see that
               far. Jeanie?

                              JEANIE
               Pucker up and squat, Ferris.

                              JOYCE
                          (annoyed)
               Thank you, Jeanie. Get to school.

                              JEANIE
                          (angry, defeated)
               You're really letting him stay home?
               I can't believe this. If I was bleeding
               out my eyes, you guys'd make me go to
               school. It's so unfair.

                              FERRIS
               Please don't be upset with me, Jeanie.
               Be thankful that you're fit and have
               your health. Cherish it.

                              JEANIE
                          (to herself)
               Oh, I wanna puke.

     She glares at Ferris. Her eyes are mascara and vengeance. She
     slips out of the room. Ferris' brother, TODD and sister,
     KIMBERLY peek into the room.

                              KIMBERLY
               Myocardial infarction?

                              JOYCE
               Get your stuff. Daddy'll be right
               down.

                              KIMBERLY
               Syphilitic meningitis? That would be
               a huge family embarrassment.

                              TOM
               Get downstairs!

                              KIMBERLY
               If he dies, I got dibs on his stereo.

     She turns sharply and exits.

                              TODD
                          (worried)
               Dad? Does my head look alright?

                              JOYCE
               Get downstairs! Now!

                              TODD
               Just answer me one question! Is it
               swelling up? Kim said it was going
               to get as big as...

                              KIMBERLY (OC)
               A WATERMELON!

                              TODD
                          (yells out the room)
               Shut-up!

                              JOYCE
               Get downstairs! NOW!

     Todd backs out of the room.

                              FERRIS
               I'll be okay. I'll just sleep.
               Maybe I'll have an aspirin around
               noon.

                              JOYCE
                          (to Ferris)
               I'm showing houses to the family
               from California today but I'll be in
               the area. My office'll know where
               I am, if you need me.

                              TOM
               I'll check it with you, too.

                              FERRIS
               It's nice to know I have such
               loving, caring parents. You're
               both very special people.

  6  CU. FERRIS                                                    6

     He acknowledges Tom with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids.

  7  INT. BEDROOM. JOYCE                                           7

     She strokes Ferris' hair.

                              JOYCE
               I hope you feel better, pumpkin.

     She leans down and kisses his forehead. Tom pats his
     shoulder.

                              TOM
               Get some rest.

  8  CU. FERRIS                                                    8

     Ferris lets out a wheeze. His glassy eyes follow his parents
     to the door.

                              JOYCE (OC)
               We love you, sweetie.

                              TOM (OC)
               Call if you need us.

     They close the door. The lock clicks. Ferris' eyes shift
     from the door to CAMERA. A sly, little smile crawls across
     his lips.

                              FERRIS
               They bought it.

     The MTV theme music ROARS IN.