Writing for a Film Student


I receive about 100 emails a month from people asking for help. Everyone has a story and wants a movie made about it. Students want me to do their homework for them. And so on.

Now and again, an email strikes me as interesting and I actually reply to it. That was the case with Mariana.

She's a film student at NYU who doesn't speak English very well (her first language is Spanish). She had a project due, an eight-minute movie, and she was having trouble writing the dialogue in English. Could I help her? She already had a story that she liked.

I asked her to send me the story. Here's what she sent:

The movie is an aprox. 8 minute long romance comedy in english. The story would be about a girl (22-26 yrs.) that daydreams about what may happen if she takes the chance of going up to a guy (24-28) she sees in a park and tries to meet. The idea is to have her sitting in centrtal park reading or whatever when she looks a the guy close to her (he might be reading a book) and she thinks about how cute he is....and of different ways to start the conversation (these part would be internal dialoge)......When she finally thinks of something and goes up to him is when the daydreaming starts. (however the audience doesn't know is a daydream).....the story goes on about her idea of the perfect day with the guy how invetes her to lunch and then to the theater, walk around new york etc.....The idea is for them to be conecting in in many ways.....making everything seem to good to be true. At the end when he takes her home an they ar4e saying good bye and he is about to kiss her, she is interupted by her cell phone and wakes up from the dream and goes back to the park where the story started. She then looks around to see where the guy was ....and is disappointed when he realizes thast he is gone....she is mad at her self , for not having taken the chance before ....and thinks about how it is always the same with her.......she is then about to leave , when she sees him coming with a cup of coffe.....and that is the end.

I wrote back that I liked the story. How can I help?

Can you write a screenplay based on this story? she asked, which was a little more than her original question to help with dialogue. But I said, Sure.

I wrote a script I called Love (Abridged Edition). Here is the first draft.

Mariana loved it. However, I had written this with my Hollywood hat on, not thinking about the limitations of low budget filmmaking. She asked if I could make some changes: in particular, have all DAY scenes and mostly, if not all, EXT. scenes. These are much easier to film because of light considerations.

So I went back to the drawing board. Here is the rewritten version.

But we still weren't there. She didn't like the addition of a new character at the end, and she had come up with certain dialogue/monologue she wanted to use at the beginning. Here is the next rewrite. And finally, a polish to incorporate a few other specific requests, including locations and an opening sequence for the credits.

But we still weren't done -- and we had our first major disagreement. Mariana wanted me to put the kiss back in at the end, which was a good idea. So Moria takes the bite of cake, and then Cale kisses Moira, and then the phone rings. Our disagreement was about a line Mariana wanted me to add, in the section where Moira reflects how amazing and spontaneous the afternoon has been. Madam Director wanted to add that great cliche, "Life is like a box of chocolates..." Well, I've never liked the line! And I certainly didn't like the idea of stealing it for this. I let her know how I felt, but the decision to use it, of course, was hers, not mine. If this were a stage play, I would have been the boss. This is a film, and she is the boss.

This entire experience took only a few days. I enjoyed it, and the experience reminded me how practical the filmmaking business is -- and how the screenwriter needs to keep practical matters in mind.

As I write, she is casting, getting ready to film her story. I hope she does a great job. She's sending me a DVD, and I can't wait to see it.

Thoughts after viewing the film.

The moral of this story is: keep your eyes and ears open. Screenwriting opportunities can appear where you least expect them to.


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