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Memo to: G. Talbeau, Esquire
From: Jake
Subject: Farming

What with all the vegans demanding bean sprouts for breakfast, growing sow bellies for profit ain't what it use to be in the good old days. Why bother? Seems the government actually pays some folks not to grow perfectly good crops like wheat and corn. Of course, a small minority are opposed to getting paid for doing absolutely nothing. Some of these guys began milking a living from the earth by growing zoysia grass and selling little plugs of the stuff to City Slickers who compel their darling brides to plant untold thousands of them in the back yard behind the barbecue. Others grass growers saw the opportunity to turn barren cow pastures into sporting arenas where cursing hordes would pay cold, hard cash to use 14 awkwardly shaped clubs to hit little white balls into holes dug in the ground at various intervals. Unbelievably, the idea caught on like Pet Rocks, Cabbage Patch Kids, and California wildfires. Before long, all the remaining Former Farmers of America were working in factories, turning out DT90's, Big Berthas and Ping Zings. And, that, my friend, is the true story of how golf saved America.

Knowing that into every life a few putts must eventually fall, I remain your obedient servant,.
 

 

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