Subject: L. A Times

From: [email-masked] (KENNY MORSE)
Date: Sun, 06 Aug 1995 14:33:27

In response to Adam's question....voila:

LOS ANGLELS TIMES
August 15, 1994  STREET SMART COLUMN
by Aaron Curtiss
MR. TRAFFIC - CABLE TV'S KING OF THE ROAD

    The real world of cable television - fictional home of Wayne
and Garth - is overcrowded with the libidinous chatter of sex
priestesses and the monotonous drivel of wanna-be Regis Philbins.
    But on Saturdays, Kenny Morse breaks the idocy with this remote
controlled Speakers' Corner, with his alter ego, Mr. Traffic - a fast
talking showman who knows more than seems healthy about the
rules of the road.
    He is hard to miss, his manic monologues and hokey sets knocking
even the most adept channel surfer off balance.  His "ASK MR. TRAFFIC"
is among the most popular cable television shows in Los Angeles County,
drawing a few thousand motorheads each time it airs.
    The phone lines are jammed minutes into the show, their lights
twinkling in furious cadence.  All want the ear and advice of Morse,
a former actor who landed by accident in the traffic safety racket
eight years ago, and oddly enough, fell in love.
    He still longs for the glitz of the Big Time, however.  If he ever
makes it on stage at the Oscars, he'll probably warn folks to
buckle up for the drive home.
    "I'll go to the opening of an envelope if I can promote traffic safety,"
said Morse who also works as a traffic school instructor.  "I am
flagrantly self-promotional."
    At least he's honest about it.
    His spartan set at Century Cable studios in Santa Monica includes
a prominent display of a recent award for "Best Live Call-in Show".
"It looks nice," he explained.
    Despite all the fluff, Morse's "Mr. Traffic" knows his stuff.  On a live
show recently, Morse - nattily dressed in black suit and blue shirt
(no tie) - breezily answered questions from callers ranging from what
to do about an undeserved parking ticket to whether tinted windows are
legal.
    Quite simply, Morse's 4 year old show is a hammy, but intelligent
tour through the hinterlands of the 975 page California Vehicle Code.
    It seems sometimes as though Morse has read every page.  In his four
years on the air, he claims to have been stumped only once by a caller's
question.

    Morse is all show, but his message is all business: Driving in Southern
California can be some tricky stuff, so be careful.  Sometimes he seems
almost too sincere to be sincere, but his passion for safe driving is apparant.
He jokes with his callers but never talks down to them.
    Why else would someone spend years boning up not only on California's
complicated traffic laws, but on those of other states and other countries
as well?  "I have to know more than anyone else," said Morse, who
describes himself as a voracious reader.
    It shows.  His first call on a recent show is from Jared, who hit the car
in front of him during a sneeze.  "What's the modus operandi for sneezing on
a freeway?" Jared asked.
    "Tailgaiting is the No.1 cause of accidents," Morse said, explaining to Jared
that it was not his sneeze but his proximity to the other vehicle that got him in
trouble.  "You should have had enough space in front of you,"
    Another call came from Joe, who had not been ticketed in years, but then
got popped for cutting off a police car.  "Does this sound familiar?" Morse
asked, turning on the siren of a toy police car on his desk.
    Sadly, it did, Joe confessed.  But he wanted to know why his fine was so
high.  "Because the state is broke," Morse responded, urging angry motorists
to vote out of office politicians who try to balance their budgets on the backs
of drivers.
    Bob wanted to know why his girlfriend was pulled over for driving with
tinted windows.  "That is a cop magnet," Morse explained.  "Take it
off, it ain't legal."
    Although, Morse said, later, it would be in some other states.
    Dan complained about a parking ticket he got in San Francisco for
not curbing his tires. "It wasn't very fair," Dan began.
    "Fair?" Morse interrupted.  "Your mother told you life was fair?"  He
then explained that Dan should pay the ticket because he should have
obeyed the law.

    Traffic safety was not the vocation Morse dreamed about as a kid.
He was born for show business.  Even his last name is the product
of parents positive their son would someday have his name in lights.
    For some reason, they did not think Kenny Schaffel would look
quite as good on theatre marquees.  Morse is actually his middle
name - a variation on Morris, an uncle, (and father of famed opera singer
Beverly Sills).
    He worked in production at 20th Century Fox, but was "between
jobs" when a friend suggested he teach comedy traffic school for
some extra cash.  He did.  It suited him.
    His students took to calling him Mr. Traffic.  The name stuck.  He,
in turn, began addressing his students as Mr. and Ms. Violator.
    Mr. Traffic hit the airwaves with appearances on local radio and
television shows, but none wanted him as a regular feature. So
he started his own show on cable TV.  (Since then he has made
numerous appearances on local and national TV shows)
    The audience is small, made up of mostly channel "grazers"
who meander through the airwaves in search of something to
watch.  Morse believes he has about three seconds to lure them in.
    To do it, his desk is littered with children's toys.  A helicopter. An
ambulance.  A Highway Patrol cruiser.  A hokey traffic light that
blinks red, yellow and green.  "Glitz," he explains.
    Mr. Traffic has found his niche.  "I have a cult following," he said.
He gets recognized in grocery stores.
    He practices what he preaches too.  He drives 62 m.p.h. on the
freeways, the fastest he says it is safe to drive and not get a ticket.
His last ticket year years ago.
    "Last week," he concedes, explaining someone rear-ended his
Honda, knocking it into the intersection.  "It shows that even Mr.
Traffic is not immune."

---

From: [email-masked]
Date: 6 Aug 1995 19:20:05 -0700

Mr. Traffic is funny, but his main message of "Pay up and shut up" is
so much garbage. 90% of all trafic citations are "Make money" deals to
support the government(s). When people stop paying them and do their
pennance(s) by sitting it out in Jail ($50 a day) the police will not be
eager to cite people.

Floyd

---

From: [email-masked] (Scott Dunn)
Date: Mon, 7 Aug 1995 04:17:48 GMT

>pennance(s) by sitting it out in Jail ($50 a day) the police will not be

Of course we could read the damn laws.  Oh yeah, people have time to 
work and send extra money to campaign funds.  And then we might write a 
letter to a pig..I mean politician (just thinking of Doris Allen) which 
takes more time.  Then the law we asked for gets passed and no one 
reads it.  What a surprise.

Sitting it out in jail is not much fun.  I have talked to people who have. 
But, if you knew the law well enough to fight your tickets, you'll be much
better off.  For starters, you won't have to sit with scum in jail.  You
will have the proper respect for a law, especially when its poorly
written.  And you will deprive the criminals in office (not in jail yet)
and those out of office (traffic school instructors) who profit from this
hopeless charade we call justice. 

-- 
Scott Dunn : [email-masked] : FOIA/PA researcher, tutor 
"When there is crime in government, there is no justice." --Potato

---

From: [email-masked] (Scott Dunn)
Date: Mon, 7 Aug 1995 04:09:18 GMT

In article <[email-masked]>,

>describes himself as a voracious reader.

For a guy who knows the vehicle code, I'm surprised he's not out there 
teaching people what the code means besides "don't speed, it kills".  Why 
don't you teach people the real meaning of the law and how to fight tickets 
Mr. MORSE?  I bet if people knew the law well enough to fight tickets, 
they would have much more respect for the law...and the police would have 
some time to catch real criminals.