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----- Original Message ----- 
From: sadagopaniyengar@xxxxxxxx 
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Cc: Radha Jagannathan ; CHETLUR SRINIVASAN ; Srinivasan ; Thiruppathy 
Raguveeradayal 
Sent: Friday, October 20, 2006 9:05 AM
Subject: Of Inlaws and Outlaws--II


Srimate Srivan Satakopa Sri Vedanta Desika Yatindra Mahadesikaya nama:

 

                              Of In laws and Outlaws-Part II

 

            We saw in the last article how the Lord can boast of such 
distinguished fathers-in-law as Janaka Maharaja, Sri Vishnuchitta, Samudra 
Raja, et al and the unique relationship that He enjoyed with them. In this 
piece, shall we look at how the Divine Consort fares with Her father-in-law?

 

               As in the case of the Lord, let us first consider the Ramavatara 
and whether it has anything to offer on the subject of relations between women 
and their in-laws.

 

                The scene is the forecourt of the Ayodhya palace. A huge crowd, 
consisting of the Emperor, his wives, courtiers, Kulaguru Vasishtta, and the 
proletariat has assembled, to watch Sri Rama, Sri Sita and Sri Lakshmana take 
leave of everyone, headed for a long and potentially dangerous jungle sojourn. 
The atmosphere is heavy with grief and sorrow at the parting, most of those 
assembled wondering whether Dharma was really extant, with its sincere votary 
receiving such a raw deal, having to languish away in the dense forests instead 
of reigning over Ayodhya as was His inalienable and hereditary right. The only 
person to derive comfort from the happenings was Kaikayee, who had secured the 
kingdom for her beloved Bharata and ensured the banishing of his rival to the 
throne for fourteen long years, from which the latter may or may not return, 
considering the innumerable pitfalls that lay in wait for Him in the dense 
woods.

 

Kaikayee, the personification of the stereotype, draconian mother-in-law, did 
not specifically ask for the banishment of Sita too, for she knew full well 
that if Rama went, then so would Sita go. However, she did have a niggling 
doubt as to whether Sita would be compelled by Rama and others to stay back, in 
which case she could become a potential rallying force for all pro-Rama 
elements in Ayodhya (and there was no dearth of them) and become a threat to 
Bharata's reign. Now that the trio (Rama, Sita and Lakshmana) had assembled for 
leave-taking, Kaikayee breathed easy, secure in the conviction that the last 
threat to her son's ascendance had been removed.

 

However, not content with having inflicted a deadly blow on Daasarathi, 
Kaikayee hastens to derive as much pleasure out of the affair as she can. She 
personally orders dresses made of tree bark, for the trio to wear and she first 
hands over the same to Sri Rama, who does not bat an eyelid and wears the dress 
with élan, as does Lakshmana. Scaling the height of cruelty, Kaikayee next 
calls Sita and gives Her the two-piece dress made of grass and tree bark. 
Having worn nothing but the best of clothes, of silk and similar material, Sita 
is bewildered as to how the aboriginal dress should be worn. Trying to drape 
first one and then the other piece of the dress over Herself, Sita is unable to 
get the hang of wearing the dress of Kusa grass and helplessly looks at Her 
husband for assistance. And Sri Raghava, never one to fail His beloved, shows 
Her how it is to be worn, by draping the same over Sita's dress.

 

The long-suffering and disciplined citizens of Ayodhya, who had not voiced 
their resentment at the banishment of Sri Rama in any demonstrative fashion, 
rebel at the Princess of Mithila being told to wear clothes which were totally 
inappropriate for Her and let their feelings in the matter be known to the 
Sovereign in no uncertain terms, as does Kulaguru Vasishtta, abusing Kaikayee 
roundly in the process. However, even with all this opposition to Sri Mythily 
being asked to wear dresses of grass like an aboriginal, Kaikayee shows no 
signs of relenting.

 

As a classic example of the father-in-law trying to set right wrongs 
perpetrated by the mother-in-law, Dasaratha tells Kaikayee firmly that Sita 
should not be allowed to go to the forests, dressed in grass and tree 
bark-"Kaikayee! Kusa cheerena na Sita gantum arhati". "Such a delicate and 
fragile young girl, used only to the best of apparel and comforts, is 
definitely not fit to be sent to the jungle" says the Chakravarthy. "I will not 
allow the daughter of Janaka Maharaja to go the woods dressed like a mere 
hunter woman. If She at all goes of Her own volition, let Her go in all comfort 
and dressed like the Princess that She is" rules Dasaratha with unusual 
firmness, telling Kaikayee that sending Sita to the forests, that too dressed 
poorly, was definitely not part of the boons Kaikayee had sought from him 
earlier. "You may have some imaginary grouse against Rama: but what harm did 
this innocent girl, a mere infant, do to you to deserve such cruel treatment?" 
enquires Dasaratha of Kaikayee, who still sports a stony face.

 

It is here that Dasaratha displays his boundless affection for his 
daughter-in-law. Unable to bear the sight of Sita in the austere garb and of 
his beloved sons bereft of their princely wear, Dasaratha simply swoons and is 
out for a long time. Regaining his consciousness, the grief-stricken emperor 
immediately orders trusted Sumantara to go to the royal treasury and bring the 
costliest and grandest of female attire, gems, jewels and precious stones of 
all sorts and insists on Sita decking Herself in all of them before She leaves 
for the forest. Sita obeys meekly, dons all the finery gifted by Dasaratha, and 
shines like fire, the jewels and dresses battling vainly to enhance Her natural 
beauty.

 

Consider! Whither the mother-in-law Kaikayee who wishes to see Sita in tatters 
and whither the father-in-law Dasaratha who refuses to see Her in anything but 
the finest of apparel and ornaments!

 

And when the time draws close for its departure, the jungle-bound trio falls at 
the feet of Dasaratha and his wives, seeking their blessings for a safe sojourn 
in the forests. While Kaikayee predictably stands unmoved, Dasaratha excels 
again with his words and deeds. When Sita prostrates before the embattled 
emperor, he locks Her in a fatherly embrace and sheds true tears of sorrow, 
feeling as much grief at parting with Her, as with Rama. Due perhaps to his own 
experience, Dasaratha makes quite a few uncomplimentary references to women in 
general (which I shall diplomatically skip) and pleads with Sita not to 
belittle Rama in any way, now that He has been transformed from being the 
Prince of Ayodhya to a mere jungle-dweller. Dasaratha's words of wisdom 
showered on Sita in particular, but meant for women as a whole, are indeed 
worth their weight in gold. For those who are interested, I would suggest a 
perusal of the 39th chapter of the Ayodhya Kaandam. The conversation between 
father-in-law and daughter-in-law is at once illuminating, enlightening and 
emotional, couched in the most beautiful of words and portraying one of the 
most poignant scenes in Sitaayaa: Charitam mahat. Sri Mythily, true to Her 
upbringing, tells Her father-in-law with hands folded in respect, that he need 
entertain no fear about Her conduct towards Rama and that She would abide by 
Dasaratha's advice in letter and spirit-"Karishye sarvam evaaham aaryaa yat 
anusaasti maam" . In one of Her most uplifting speeches, Sita tells Dasaratha 
that the husband is indeed God personified for women-"Streenaam bharthaa hi 
daivatam". What benefits a woman derives from her father, mother or from her 
son is definitely little, compared to what she gets from her husband-

 

"Mitam dadaati hi pitaa mitam maataa mitam suta:

amitasya hi daataaram bhartaaram kaa na poojayet"

 

Just as a Veena doesn't generate music without its strings, just as a vehicle 
doesn't roll without wheels, a woman doesn't attain comfort and pleasure 
without her husband, even if she is blessed with a hundred good children, avers 
Sita-

 

"Na atantree vaadyate Veenaa na achakro vartate ratha:

na apati: sukham edheta yaa syaat api sataatmajaa"

 

These wonderful words of Janaki, reaffirming Her devotion to Sri Rama despite 
the dramatic decline in His fortunes, fill the eyes of not only Dasaratha but 
also Kousalya with tears. Valmiki says these were tears of both joy and 
sorrow-joy at having been blessed with such an affectionate and righteous 
daughter-in-law, and sorrow at having to part with Her for fourteen long 
years-"Suddha sattvaa mumochaasu sahasaa du:kha harshajam"

 

Even after Sri Mythily leaves for the jungle, Dasaratha keeps shedding tears, 
thinking time and again as to how the young and delicate Sita would suffer in 
the jungles, Her small and dainty feet repeatedly pierced by stones and thorns, 
how entirely and painfully different a jungle sojourn would be for the Princess 
of Mithila, unused to anything but the most comfortable way of life. How 
frightened would She feel at the baying of wolves in the dark night, laments 
Dasaratha. Kousalya's heart too brims over with sorrow at the thought of the 
Vaidehi being banished to the forests in the prime of Her youth, when She ought 
to have enjoyed all that life had to offer, subsisting on mere fruits and roots 
and having only trees for a roof, while all the comforts of a princely life 
were Hers by right. Sita's other mother-in-law, Sumitra, while consoling 
Kousalya, pays Sita the ultimate tribute, likening Her to Sri Mahalakshmi-"When 
Sita, who is veritably Mahalakshmi, accompanies Rama, He would definitely not 
lack for anything nor would anything be unattainable for Him" says 
Sumitra-"Sita iva anugataa Lakshmee: tasya kim naama durlabham"

 

It is this boundless affection showered on Sita by Her father-in-law that 
prompts Her to introduce Herself to strangers as the daughter-in-law of 
Dasaratha-"Snusha Dasarathasyaaham". It is commonplace for women, even married 
ones, when an introduction is sought, to project themselves as the daughter of 
so-and-so; thereafter, they may furnish additional information about their 
husbands: but none would offer a primary introduction as the daughter-in-law of 
so-and- so. It goes to Sri Mythily's credit that despite having an extremely 
distinguished Emperor for Her father and a husband of renown in Sri Rama, She 
considers Herself and prefers to speak of Herself as the daughter-in-law of 
Dasaratha, first and foremost.

 

And this affection of Dasaratha for his daughter-in-law is no flash in the pan, 
but an enduring and abiding emotion, which began the day She was married to 
Rama. In fact, contrary to the popular belief that Sita was won by Rama as a 
prize for His valour, Sri Valmiki tells us that it was Dasaratha who made the 
formal and final choice of Sita as His daughter-in-law. In trying to ascertain 
the reasons for Rama's boundless love for Sita, Valmiki arrives at the 
conclusion that it was because She was chosen by and was extremely dear to 
Dasaratha-"Priyaa tu Sita Ramasya daaraa: pitru kritaa iti".

 

One can probably go on writing volumes about fathers-in-law-it just needs some 
more research. However, one of my regular correspondents, (who favours me with 
her opinion about my articles straight from the shoulder), tells me it is time 
I wrote a nice piece about mothers-in-law, if only to atone for my 
uncomplimentary references to them. I suppose I will have to do it-however, I 
shall be glad if someone helps me in this daunting task.

 

Srimate Sri LakshmiNrisimha Divya paduka sevaka SrivanSatakopa Sri Narayana 
Yatindra Mahadesikaya nama:

dasan, sadagopan


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]




 
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