The Rules, Lake House edition

  1. These rules apply to all guests of the Lake House. These rules can be modified, ignored or violated at any time for any reason by the hosts The hosts may appoint other guests host status at their discretion.

  2. Doug's Rule Anyone who is on fire or covered in corrosive acid will be asked to leave the Lake House immediately.

  3. Doug's Rule, part 2 Anyone who sets another person or item on fire or covers him/her/it in corrosive acid will also be asked to leave immediately.

  4. Only those who have completed and can display their current marine operator's license will be allowed to drive the power and/or pontoon boats. Noone who has been drinking will pilot watercraft.

  5. You will clean up after yourself. Your parents are not here, and there is no maid. On the last day of the trip. all guests should strip their beds and bring the sheets to the main floor for the hosts to launder.

  6. Be respectful of Judy and Rocky's belongings. This house is decorated with many of their favorite treasures, and it is outfitted with many amenities they allow us to enjoy. If you break it, you will replace it, and probably have to apologize to Mister English (you'll be calling him Mister English then).

  7. All water craft will be re-filled with gas, cleaned out, and covered/docked at the end of the weekend. Failure to do so will result in a really angry Rocky, and we don't want that, trust us.

  8. Life jackets are mandatory. Why? Because it doesn't matter how well you can swim if you're unconscious.

  9. Drinking to the point of vomiting is discouraged. Vomiting anywhere but the bathroom is prohibited. If you get alcohol poisoning,or do something equally stupid while drunk, just remember -- we believe in Darwin. We'll let you die.

  10. The jet ski is an expensive and dangerous toy. If you have been drinking, it is off-limits. If you tip it, you will stay with it until help arrives. If you damage it, you will help pay for repairs. If you are not willing to do any one of these things, please stay off the personal watercraft. Inexperienced drivers should not take it out alone.

  11. Before leaving the dock on any of the watercraft, you must tell someone where you are going and how long you will be gone.

  12. Noone goes to the Big Lake solo.

  13. You may be asked to perform basic household maintenance during your stay. This could include hanging pictures, repairing floats, hauling shit, or taking out the trash. Complain and we just might drown you for being so damned ungrateful.

  14. Marsh's Rule No bad attitudes, battles, or bitching, unless games are being played. When gaming, bad attitudes, battles and bitching are encouraged. Cheating is optional.

  15. No calorie counting. No dieting. Healthy meals are allowed, but they should at least taste fattening.

  16. No children. Adults who behave like children will be asked to leave.

  17. All cigarette butts will be disposed of properly. Throwing them in the lake is not 'properly'. Smoking is not permitted in the house or on the boats.

  18. Anyone caught abusing, taunting malevolently, or in general mistreating any of the feline/canine visitors to the Lake House will be immediately executed. We'd also appreciate it if you'd not let the four-legged escape to the outside, as they don't live here either and could get lost.

  19. "I was drunk" is not an appropriate excuse for breaking any of the above rules. In fact, the punishment for offering "I was drunk" as an excuse for poor behavior is being set on fire. Outside.