The first thing I do as a tree person is fetch my
paradigm chart (or step outline if I made one) and put it beside me as I
prepare to write.
Here's how I would go from chart to script. Remember that our paradigm chart has this:
Two strange characters are tailing the First Lady as she tours a children's hospital, a retirement home and a library dedication during a busy day.
One way to write this would be this way (and I consciously am avoiding a duplication of what I've already written as a forest person [go there]):
FADE IN:
EXT. WASHINGTON D.C. - WHITE HOUSE - DAY
A Presidential limo comes out of the driveway, pulling onto
the street.
As it moves away, an older car pulls in behind it.
INT. WHITE HOUSE - ROOM - DAY
Looking down at the driveway below is the PRESIDENT, 50s, a
handsome man who looks like he belongs in a commercial. He
is holding a cell phone as he watches the limo pull off.
PRESIDENT
She just left. I'll be there in an hour.
INT. OLDER CAR - DAY
Behind the wheel is KARL, 30s, bohemian-looking in his beret.
Beside him sits EMIL, 50s.
KARL
What do you think? This our lucky day?
EMIL
I'm tired of waiting for luck. We got to
make our own luck.
KARL
Emil, I got a feeling this is the day. Don't
lose the faith on me. Not when we're so close.
EMIL
I don't want faith, I want action. If we're
gonna do this, then let's get it done.
KARL
I got a good feeling about today. Very good
feeling.
EXT. HOSPITAL - COURTYARD - DAY
The FIRST LADY, 40s, is visiting patients at a hospital.
She goes from one wheel chair to another, bending down to
greet each patient personally.
EXT. HOSPITAL - STREET - DAY
Karl and Emil watch from across the street. Emil has
binoculars focused on the First Lady.
KARL
You ever see anyone spend so much time
on charity?
EMIL
What if we took her right now? How a bunch
of cripples gonna stop us?
KARL
Lady's got a heart of gold.
EMIL
For Christ's sake, Karl, this is as good as
it gets. Let's make it happen.
KARL
We'd be too much in the open.
He stares at Emil and raises a finger.
KARL
We've been through this a hundred times. The
right time will be obvious when we see it.
This isn't it.
INT. HOTEL - BEDROOM - DAY
The President is making love with THERESA, 20s, his young
and beautiful mistress.
EXT. WASHINGTON D.C. - DAY
The limo is in traffic again, followed by the older car.
INT. RETIREMENT CENTER - DAY
The First Lady is posing for photographs with a group of
senior citizens.
An AIDE moves her away, pointing at his watch.
EXT. RETIREMENT CENTER - DAY
The First Lady and her party get back into the limo as nurses and
senior citizens wave goodbye.
Down the street, Karl and Emil watch from their car.
INT. HOTEL - BEDROOM - DAY
The President is getting dressed. Theresa is stretched out on
the bed.
PRESIDENT
How'd you like to spend a couple weeks in
South America?
THERESA
When? Not during-- . . .
The President nods. Theresa bolts from the bed and moves
quickly into his arms.
THERESA
Jack, of course I'll be there.
She looks up with sudden caution.
THERESA
What about Barbara?
PRESIDENT
The First Lady declined to go. Her
loss is our gain.
Theresa kisses him with youthful passion.
EXT. VACANT LOT - DAY
The First Lady cuts a ribbon, dedicating a new library.
Across the street, Karl is surveying the scene with
binoculars and great interest.
KARL
Emil, this is it. We get a tire and move
in while they're changing it.
Emil fetches a rifle.
The limo is parked on grass near the dedication. Leaning
against a fender is the CHAUFFEUR, 30s, who hears a sudden
"pop" sound.
He looks down to see a front tire quickly deflating.
Across the way, Emil lowers a rifle, which has a silencer
attached. Karl and Emil move quickly into their car.
The chauffeur and an aide start preparing to change the tire.
The First Lady, looking for shade, moves to a tree near the
curb.
Suddenly the older car swerves alongside her, the rear door
of the car swings open, and Emil grabs the First Lady, pulling her
into the car.
Karl speeds off, and it takes a moment for the First Lady's
party to understand what is going on.
And then the most they can do is put in a call on a cell phone.
INT. OLDER CAR - DAY
Karl is speeding through traffic, looking in the rearview mirror
as:
Emil has a small pistol pointed at the First Lady's head. She
is in absolute terror.
KARL
It is not our intention to hurt you. Do
you understand me? You cooperate and
nobody has to get hurt.
EXT. WASHINGTON D.C. - STREET - DAY
The older car is moving through traffic.
Remember the complication from our paradigm chart?
At the same time, the President is having a rendezvous with his lover.
What I've done here is intertwine the hook and complication. That is, the hook is a sequence with the complication developed as a smaller sequence within it.
But I've also done something "most un-treelike" here: I've shown my true stripes as a forest person. That is, I ignored my paradigm chart and let the story take me on my merry way! And as a result, look what I've missed:
At the end of her busy day, the First Lady meets with her lawyer. She knows her husband is having an affair and wants a divorce - political consequences be damned. Against her lawyer's advice, she decides to file.
I've neglected the thread that has the First Lady taking charge of her life to get out of a bad marriage. This is important, I see now, so let me rethink what I've written and see the best way to fix it.
And an even better hook comes to mind, that will include this thread of the story nicely, and intertwine the hook, complication, and call to action in one compact weave of narrative. Or so it seems to me.
Here's the revision:
FADE IN:
EXT. WASHINGTON D.C. - WHITE HOUSE - DAY
A Presidential limo comes out of the driveway, pulling onto
the street.
As it moves away, an older car pulls in behind it.
INT. WHITE HOUSE - ROOM - DAY
Looking down at the driveway below is the PRESIDENT, 50s, a
handsome man who looks like he belongs in a commercial. He
is holding a cell phone as he watches the limo pull off.
PRESIDENT
She just left. I'll be there in an hour.
INT. OLDER CAR - DAY
Behind the wheel is KARL, 30s, bohemian-looking in his beret.
Beside him sits EMIL, 50s.
KARL
What do you think? This our lucky day?
EMIL
I'm tired of waiting for luck. We got to
make our own luck.
KARL
Emil, I got a feeling this is the day. Don't
lose the faith on me. Not when we're so close.
EMIL
I don't want faith, I want action. If we're
gonna do this, then let's get it done.
KARL
I got a good feeling about today. Very good
feeling.
Emil sees something strange ahead.
EMIL
What the hell?
EXT. WASHINGTON D.C. - STREET - DAY
Suddenly the limo pulls to the side of the road, then backs into
an alley.
The older car passes slowly.
INT. OLDER CAR - DAY
Emil is looking back at the limo.
EMIL
They goddamn see us.
KARL
Not necessarily.
EXT. STREET - DAY
The older car pulls to the curb and parks.
INT. OLDER CAR - DAY
Karl and Emil look back over the seat, at the limo in the
alley.
INT. LIMO - DAY
In the back of the limo sits the FIRST LADY, 40s. She looks
very stressed about something.
EXT. STREET - DAY
The limo is in the alley. The older car is parked down the
street.
Suddenly a second Presidential limo comes down the street.
When it passes the alley, the First Lady's limo waits for a
couple of cars to pass before moving into traffic.
INT. OLDER CAR - DAY
The first limo passes.
Then the second limo passes.
KARL
I'll be damned. She's tailing the
her husband.
EXT. WASHINGTON D.C. - STREETS - DAY
The President's limo is being followed by the First Lady's
limo, which is being followed by the older car. All keep
a safe distance.
EXT. HOTEL - DAY
The lead limo stops in front of an obscure D.C. hotel and
the President gets out, moving quickly to a side entrance.
The second limo stops down the way.
INT. FIRST LADY'S LIMO - DAY
The First Lady is on a cell phone.
FIRST LADY
I'm in front of the sleazebag hotel where
he's meeting her, that's where I am. ...
Look, if you don't want to be my lawyer,
I can find another. ... You've given me
that advice more than once, Harold. What
I'm telling you is, file the papers. ...
What is it we say in Washington? Read my
lips? File the goddamn papers!
INT. OLDER CAR - DAY
Karl and Emil are parked, watching the action ahead.
KARL
He's cheating on her. The President of
the United States has a two-bit hooker in
there.
EMIL
They're moving out.
EXT. HOTEL - STREET - DAY
The First Lady's limo moves on, passing the hotel. The
older car pulls into traffic to follow behind.
Now I can pick up as before, being
sure to revise the dialogue to reflect what Karl and Emil now
know. Karl especially would be sensitive to this - he is the one
who says the First Lady has a heart of gold, and now he also knows
that she has an unfaithful husband. It is Karl, of course, who
will begin an affair with the First Lady later.
Now maybe you like what I've written so far and maybe you don't. Neither is the point. What I hope to do here is to give you an example of how one screenwriter, myself, turns a paradigm chart into script - and how dynamic a process this can be, especially to a borderline forest person like myself who is always getting carried away by the story and going in directions I never dreamed of when I started writing.
Sometimes this is good, and often this is bad. When it's bad, I go back and fix it, as I've demonstrated above.
Give yourself the same kind of slack when you write - or at least do so if appropriate. True tree people, which I am not, adhere very strongly to their left-brained story foundations.
In fact, the surest way to stay "on track" is to have a step outline of index cards. Then one has already broken Act One into its scenes, and writing the script is merely moving from one index card to the next.
It does not matter in the slightest how you do it. That's why teaching writing is so difficult - what works for me may not work for you.
Until you find what does work for you, try everything. Keep trying new things until you do find the writing method that works for you - and "working" means that you end up with pages of script that you can keep.
When you find the method that works for you, patent it. Lock it away in a safe place. Insure it with Lloyd's of London. Treasure it. Nurture it.
Your own way of writing a script is worth its weight in gold.
SCREENWRIGHT: the craft of screenwriting8/97