The birth of Space Elvis results in an Idolatrous Interplanetary Space Trek.
PROLOGUE - Many millions of miles away on the opposite side of the sun lies Earth's twin planet called Heart. It's green faced residents have little idea that the package heading towards them can only be returned to sender. Mystified eh ! For the next eig ht weeks you'll be tuning into THE AMAZING ADVENTURES OF SPACE ELVIS - Dont miss an episode !
It was Christmas in the year 2031. At a big house high on a hill a traditional yuletide fire roared away, "Grandpa Tell us a story ?" the kids shouted.
"Ho Ho Ho, ok nips but let it be our secret, hey !" came the reply.
Long ago, back in 1973 the lunar exploration programme ended and Apollo Fifteen was discarded into the sun. By some amazing quirk of fate a blast of solar wind blew it into the orbit of Planet Heart, Earth's invisible, mirror-twin on the opposite side of the sun.
Heartian scientists eagerly studied the craft and its contents and found a few old videos and the astronaut's personal player. They came to the conclusion that the first video was the ship's log and the second footage of the leader of planet Earth addres sing his people.
Moved by bravery of the space vehicle's late commander the Heartian's named their interplanetary research unit after him. The James T. Kirk Centre was to study Earth's leader, King Elvis and also the technology of the craft. Yep ! you've guessed it, they were in fact an episode of Star Trek and two Elvis videos (Blue Hawaii and Aloha in Hawaii).
Sevil Selprey, the guy in charge of the Centre was obsessed by Elvis, no doubt prompted by the coincidence that his name was an anagram of Elvis Presley. Sevil copied the King and when a political coup on the planet scrapped his project, it was the last straw, he had to blast off and find Earth. It was easy, all he had to do was steal the spacecraft, repair it, fuel it, then wait three pliffs until the third head fell off the dandybanwongle plant and whammo off to Earth. The last bit was the important part because the Heartians are a sentimental race who celebrate plant death and calibrate their chronometers by it. 5-6-3-4-1 ignition.
Sevil ascended into the green nighty sky wearing a rather attractive green 'burning love' jump-suit and spent most of the journey in a part hallucinogenic and part cryogenic state induced by blur juice, a Heartian comforter. As the ship gunned through gr avitational fields towards earth a faint blip appeared on the early warning screens at Norad. An automatic message was sent in computerese "sshhhkwkcc" which means "friend or foe ?" to which the spacecraft responded automatically, "Hi pal !, I'm a friend of course, nice one, catch ya later".
"Its a joke" the four star general in chief exclaimed, but his disorderly orderly thought otherwise - it was genuine alright. But how could this space antique reappear in Earth orbit twenty years after it was junked?.
Casually travelling at seventeen thousand miles per hour, a mere one hundred and thirty miles above the surface of Earth, it dawned on Sevil that he hadn't really thought about getting down !, but crucial technological decisions had already been made, on his behalf, hours ago.
EPILOGUE - Will our erstwhile space friend splat onto the surface of our beloved planet Earth. Don't forget to tune into the next compelling episode of THE AMAZING ADVENTURES OF SPACE ELVIS, coming next week!
(c) David Wall 1995 Any resemblance to anyone living or having lived on Planet Earth is purely coincidental
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