Oh poo! Star Trek isn't true !
PROLOGUE - Lonesome tonight in Heartbreak Hotel after travelling across the universe in search of the King, Sevil Selprey our chlorophylliac alien hero seeks help, will he find it ? Just quit your cackling for the next five minutes and find out by tuning in your attena and turning on to THE AMAZING ADVENTURES OF SPACE ELVIS.
By the fourth day Sevil was going round the bend. In despair he went for a walk in the Hotel grounds and tripped over a small black creature which promptly swore at him.
"Sorry maan I didn't see you there" said Sevil apologetically not realising that only aliens could speak to cats. After the formalities were over the cat spoke and the two formed a common bond.
"I'll tell ya what, you could do with a bit of management guidance, just te get aroond like. It'll cost you a coupla tins of 'choosy' a day plus extras. Now, tell us yer story. Oh by the way my names' Terry, Terry The Cat. The 'The' is my middle name".
Terry spent the rest of the week instructing Sevil about the facts of human life, his big worry was figuring out a way to break the news that James T. Kirk didn't really exist and that Elvis was neither the king of the Earth nor was he around any more: t hat would have to wait until later.
An incurable romantic, Terry encouraged Sevil to contact Prudhoe Prescilla at work, which he did, although he didn't quite understand his new found emotions.
They met outside Newcastle Central Station and she drove him to Shilbottle Comrades Club. On the way they stopped at a store in town where William Shatner was signing copies of his new autobiography. Unaware of Shatner's identity Sevil twiddled his thumb s as they waited in line but when it was their turn the hairs stood up on the back of Sevil's neck. Sevil went into shock "C C C Captain Kirk of the Starship Enterprise"
"At your command sir !, you look surprised!" quipped Shatner.
"But you're dead" said Sevil turning pale blue.
"I have died many times, it is an actors lot. No sir, I'm very much alive as you can see" Shatner laughed as he signed Prescilla's book with two kisses 'To Prescilla with love, Shatner, X X. P.S. if you want a bit of advice ditch the weirdo ASAP'.
Prescilla was curious about Sevil's behaviour and on Terry's instructions told her his story as they drove to the gig.
"You've got to be joking !" she exclaimed whilst pulling into a lay-by on the A69. "but I dont think you are !, You're serious aren't you" she added.
"I am, Prescilla" Sevil confessed.
After ten minutes of contemplation she said "Space, I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you bonny lad. You've er got the wrong end of the stick I think, Well certainly in the Star Trek department"
"Star Trek ? What's that"
"Well those videoed ship's logs you just telt me about aren't really real. They are just TV programmes that must have been left in space by the astronauts".
"But what about the crew and the space craft ?" stammered Sevil.
"They're not connected, Star trek is fiction" she said kindly.
It took a while for Sevil to get his head around this because it undermined the product of his many years of deductive analysis, and it was such a simple answer. He felt really stupid, then the horrible implications of this hit him. "And King Elvis ?"
EPILOGUE - Has our space friend's journey been in vain, what will he do when he finds out the truth about Elvis. Turn on, tune and dont miss the next fabomundo episode of THE AMAZING ADVENTURES OF SPACE ELVIS.
(c) David Wall 1995
Any resemblance to anyone living or having lived on Planet Earth is purely coincidental
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