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Penetrating Space

by Sabina

I fell asleep last night reading about space and the dancing body. The intuitive dancer penetrates the space with her body, rather than technically exhibiting the movements through discipline, force and control. In my dreams sexual tensions and possibilities abound, yet I am usually observer: retreating, navigating, thinking, distancing, wondering, waiting, watching with pain and relief when I am not the object of desire, not one of the primary characters in a play of pleasure.

The body, my instrument, penetrates space with grace and precision. Yet, that precision has been deployed as a tool of circumvention, distantly navigating the space of other bodies. When I have fallen out of touch with my body alcohol and 20 extra pounds have served similar purposes. When ones space has been penetrated in a violating way, all meanings of space are altered. This is clear. I am not sure if it is permanent. A larger space surrounds the body. A space others can feel. Some feel a determination to conquer it. Some will never try to touch it, whether for fear, respect or painful understanding.

When one has created this space around them, aware or not of their creation, they are running into that boundary continually while interacting with other people. While generally unaware of this barrier the pain and fear of its penetration is intensified by the proximity of ones you love. The awareness of this protective space one has walled oneself within becomes acute; the initial navigation through this foggy fortress bringing out banished demons and submerged ghosts.

To penetrate this space, which represents the pain and distance one feels, is much harder than similar movement in the space of dance, yet they are connected. The psyche can heal through the body: movement, release, voice. A lifetime process of self-awareness and expression. Feelings never go away, only constantly negotiated within the self and in relationship to others.