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We'll try to keep up will all the great material that TomShane provides for us on JetNation!
TomShane 2004 Archives
- Holy s**t, GreenBeans spent more time on me than my mother ever did. That goddamn lesbian!
- Herm Edwards "You can't coach grapefruit!"
- I still haven't recovered from the time last season when Cannizaro listed Herm as the 5th best coach in the NFL. Who says the Post isn't a dishtowel?
- You semantic bastard. I never said rookies never played!
- You want one of my panty-melting poems for Kenyon Rambo? Get outta here! OK, I will for a lingerie shot. I can compromise
- 47 posts and Nuu knows it all. Thank GOD for mouthy newbies and letting us know "what's wrong with this board." Hey, Nuu, can you tell me what's wrong with Maxman's colon? It curves, and I was concerned about chafing.
- So, uh, I love you and I'm sorry about flaming on Terry Bradway. He's a great guy and has a wonderful selection of ties. Other than that he blows.
- I'll be at the Zone wearing my Bryan Thomas/ Victor Hobson/ BJ Askew/ Brooks Bollinger game worn, yet sparkling clean, jerseys. And when the Jets draft Chris Gamble, I'll be the free-basing out of the salt-shaker.
- I'm from Funkytown. People ask me for rides there all the time. It's quite the hassle.
- 9/30/2004 - Limolady's quote: Look for Cavka and Jones to start next season at T.
TomShane: And look for Chad to be fitted for a suit of armor. - man does not live by head alone.
- Change the name "David Barrett" to "Aaron Beasley" and that's the same article that they wrote three years ago at this time.
- Limolady: Cavka played both sides during college.
TomShane: Didn't we all??? - It scares me when Herm talks to "spirited" guys. The usually end up playing like Hari Krishna's soon after these chats.
- nyj102883: i think next yr is gona be bad were gonna have to find another
CB-barrets not gonna do it and dabe is old SAFTEY- tounge wasnt a perminete
thing hes up there in age RB- curtis is old and lj is gone G- wen never had 1
and T- no more km plus sighn our two prowbowler DE's- id keep j abe and chads
big contract/
TomShane: No offense, Bro, but did you type this with your dick? - In response to: Who should the Jets NOT draft this year? Whoever it is, Terry will find him! LOL!
- GGG: You'll all want to jump on my Terry's bandwagon next season!!
TS: There's a better chance of seeing Gary Coleman star in the remake of "The Godfather." - It's getting so bad in Jet-land that MTV has decided to shift its "MTV Spring Break" coverage from Cancun, Mexico to Hofstra. Look for Herm to compete in the no-hands, orange exchanging contest with Steve White and Damien Robinson.
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In response to the thread: I WISH THE JETS HAD MORE CAP SPACE
I wish my penis were bigger, my car was faster, and my vertical leap was better, personally. - "did i date her? if yes, is she pregnant? if yes, the answer is no"
-
In response to: WHO IS GOING TO THE PRO BOWL?
TS: Anthony Becht? THE Anthony Becht? The only way he's going to Hawaii is if a shark eats him and sh%ts him up on the beach. - Again in reponse to: WHO IS GOING TO THE PRO BOWL?
Brady going to Hawaii?? Remember what happened the last time that happened. Greg found the Tiki idol and weird things started happening! Look out Marsha! -
Jets D-Mastermind: I think sex for you has already been sworn off for life
with anybody resembling a cute girl.
TS: Disrespect your sister like that again and I'll report you to the proper authorities, young man. - TS: How does AL Davis keep finding those Members Only jackets? Does he have them stored in some hyperbaric chamber in the basement of his home?
- Garnes can be more of a vocal leader, like when he screams for Jon McGraw to help him chase TE's into the end zone.
-
Thread: FSU Running back Greg Jones
TS: Damn. Florida State does things the right way. If you don't expect your kids to read or go to class, then they'll have more time to spend in the weight room. -
Thread: Take the Hermy Challenge
TS: He is a leader like Walter Matthau was a leader in "The Bad News Bears." "Yes, we suck, now let's get 'em, kids!" - Tara dumped TOM! I read it in Tiger Beat!
- "TomShane" is French for "I have a huge package, mademoiselle, would you like to inspect it?"
- Brigette Nielsen set the Jets franchise back 10 years.
- Asking Salisbury to debate NFL issues with Clayton is like asking the Dhali Lama to debate who's the hottest porn star with Ron Jeremy.
- Scott Pioli and Terry Bradway locking horns in Intellectual Warfare? Has anybody notified the Star Chamber that this meeting of the minds is taking place? This is the most intriguing battle of brain-power sinve Gary Kasparov played that IBM chess computer!
- WOW! Me, Santana Moss and Marilyn Monroe, all June 1st B-days! We could be the new Rat Pack! Happy B-Day Santana, I'll send you my hamstrings if you send me your groupies!
- Another "Captain's Moment" with Derek Jeter (with Jose Contreras). Derek Jeter: So, yeah, we dated for a couple of months which was cool. I met Puff Daddy and Aaliyah and stuff. I felt like such a "thug!". But then Mariah started having multiple personality stuff, and I was like 'This is so not cool.' So I dumped her. I mean, I almost lost my favorite table at Sky Bar! Like, really!
- Jose Contreras:(Long Pause) Que?
- I said it will mark the first time Terry had a plan for THE future. Not his. Terry's future involves opening up a Dairy Queen in Raritan.
- Photoshop is AWESOME! Now I have those six-pack abs and that 12" penis I always wanted! AND I'm BLACK, to boot now! Woohoo! errr, I mean, Booyah!!
- hey just a thought. does mrs. penny like new york
Hang on. Let me ask her....
<mumble mumble mumble>
<mumble mumble>
She's fine with it, but Santana Moss' girl is undecided. - You know how these super-fags are, Husk. They get all sensitive. Tell him to go smoke a bologna-pony cigar.
- Askew. Ward, I honestly believe, is just Cecil Collins in disguise. I know this because I shook his hand at training camp and I noticed that he had melted off his fingerprints with battery acid while he was in the joint. Dead giveaway.
- That'll teach Kobe to try meeting chicks on Match.com. Although, they did match up on all 45 areas of compatibility, a 49 dollar value which the got for free for signing up that day!
- in reference to bollinger being kept on the roster as opposed to ricky ray:
and Bradway will hold on to a draft pick until they die in uniform. Ridiculous." - A WHITE cornerback!? I think I just heard Santana Moss bust a nut! This should totally make up for that whole slavery misunderstanding!
- I may just go up there dressed in camo (wrapped in R-4 insulation) and choke the freaking thing to death after punching him in the squirrel-balls.
- When are you going to write your new novel "Frankenscrub: The Marko Cavka Story," subtitled "A Woman's Guide to Identifying Talented Football Players and Completely Pass Them Over For Deadbeats," ghost-written by Terry Bradway?
- A chat room!!??!??!?? YES!!!! I call dibs on cybering Maxman!
- Come to the dark side. PM me and we'll bash Herm in private. Do it. Do it.
- They let you guys turn on the game in the rec room at the Institution? Usually they don't put sports on because it makes the patients too excited. Must have been an extra-green-pill day!
- Mark Cannizzaro still thinks Herm is a top-five coach, no matter how many staples you drive into his stomach.
- OK Bren, here it is. If you want to shrink something, tell the guy that you really, really want a commitment, and that you two will look SO good together in wedding photos. I promise it will shrink to nothingness in a minute flat. P.S. if that doesn't work, tell him that you're REALLY fertile between the first and the 30th.
- Dude, you traded your wife for that video game! No WAY she gave the approval only two days later! No WAY! LOL!
- My dick can punt better than Toby Gowin, and my dick doesn't even have feet!
- The subject: STOP YOUR F**KING WHINING!!!!!!!!!, JESUS YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK!!!!!!!!
The Post: I'm just kidding. I always wanted to say that because it makes me feel elitist and superior. Carry on! - I hate when I'm naked and women laugh at me. This is why I don't date comediennes. Although, it is a plus that she looks nearsighted.
- Peyton Manning is like the world's hottest transsexual. Sure, she looks good on your arm, but when it's time to cash in, she's got a penis.
- I've been praying nightly, as well as sacrificing virgin sheep to Ra the sun-god, and I have it on good authority that Herm will not be back next season. Stay tuned. I'm awaiting the fax from Ra any day now with a confirmation.
- You say you're "like" Jesus. Well son, I have met Jesus. Jesus is a good friend of mine. And you, sir, are no Jesus.
"I sayeth, this dude's a dick!"
- I am the devil's pony. I do admit it.
- You have a beautiful daughter GG.
Get in line, LJ, just like the rest of us.
To put it in words that perhaps you can understand....
Tom, F off.
I suppose this is why your screen name isn't "Lady With A Sense Of Humor Jet." - Hey Guns, what's the rule for, like, if you shoot somebody who is trying to break into your house, but then you get scared because you shot them in the back...four times, so you wrap their body up in a tarp and throw it in a dumpster behind the McDonald's up the street and you're pretty sure that there's no CSI-type evidence on the corpse?
- Smizz. I KNOW fake penises, and that was a fake penises. You can't slip a fake penis past this guy, I tellya. I've got an eye for 'em. I mean, people call me cock-eyed, and not just because I see things differently, ifyaknowwhatImean.
And Bergen, they don't make pools cold enough to explain that kind of shrinkage. Hell, Ted Williams isn't that cold. - OH DAMN! WHEW!
I was nervous there for a second. When I read that Weis might leave and that there was a chink involved with the Pats I thought they had hired Norm Chow to replace him. That would have been horrifying! - If I was a 6'1" vagina I'd run the dryer all day, sit on it, and never leave the house.
- What always confuses me is, how do women type so well with oven mitts on?
-
J-man. It would never work. Max HATES to be called Mini-me.
On the flip-side, however, TomShane does not "have sex." TomShane "makes love." Saying that I "have sex" is like saying that Renoir "slapped paint on a canvas." - Yeah, ummm, nobody's invited. Rent "The Olsen Twins take Paris" instead, you freaks.
- Bob and Baumer are my boys. I'm sure they want to see my penis even less than I want to see theirs.
-
The Pennington Noodle Song
Ziti, Penne, Rigatoni
Pennington, he is a phony
Angel hair, Rotini too
Where he throws it, I have no clue
Ravioli, Minestrone
Chadwick chokes, chicken bone?
Pasta, noodles, fettucine
The god-damn Jets shoulda kept Vee-nee - Thread: JI's Sean Deegan Will Be On My Radio Show Tonight, Long Island's
90.3FM @ 9:20 PM
Thank you. I called in and asked Sean when the goatee was going to come back in style. He said "God beeping beep it, you can consider your beeping beep beeping banned, you beeping beep." It's a good thing I called in as "Smizzy from upstate NY." - TS: I think you should interview Limo so she can discuss her anxiety over
Kenyatta Wright and Anthony Becht not getting the type of national respect
they deserve. i
Limolady: Too bad you live in a tiki hut Shane, I'm actually on patchy's show all the time engaging in professional and intelligent conversation about the Jets.
TS: How has that type of work evaded the notice of the Pulitzer people? - Art freaking Shell?
Fish, what is it with you and coaches that let players piss in their mouths?