The Lexington Collection
If Pigs Could Fly
  Dave's Top Ten Alternative Fuels for Barbecuing
10 Hydrogen - Odorless, colorless, and tasteless. A perfect alternative fuel for that gas grill. Since about 75% of the universe is composed of hydrogen, we never need to worry about running out of it. Current available only from your local distributor of rocket fuels.
9 Recycled Cooking Oil - Seems the U.S. Department of Energy is paying $200,000 of our tax dollars to the State of Illinois to pay some company in Chicago to study ways of using the cooking oils from restaurants and food processing plants as fuel. Even if some of the stuff is a little fishy, why not use it as a barbecuing fuel?
8 Peat - Long a favorite of Scottish stillers for imparting that smokey taste to malts, this smoldering fuel will add a hint of the British Isles to your barbecue. Highly recommended for those Mad Cow briskets.
7 Everclear - For best results, remember to baste with grape KoolAide!
6 Landfill Gas - Another government project. Be the first on your block to use this still experimental fuel.
5 Coal - Available by the ton for that really big barbecue you are planning for this summer. The bituminius grade gives more of that coal flavor than the anthracite.
4 Lignite - A rarely used and underrated barbecue fuel. With properties somewhere between peat and bituminius coal, it is often mistaken for Henry Ford's sawdust charcoal.
3 Sunlight - Dig out those magnifying glasses and do some serious organic barbecuing with this cheap source of thermonuclear energy. Great on a windy beach, but a real bummer on cloudy days.
2 Votive Candles - Just light them up and you are good to go for up to 24 hours of cooking.

... and the Number One alternatve fuel for barbecuing ...

1 Sterno - A can of this stuff and some Vienna sausages on a coat hanger ... ummm-uh. Party on, dude!

The Top Ten Collection