12.04.02
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Pondering the State of People and Perception

  1. people are generally liars, cheats, and thieves. and assholes. this is on a good day.

    For the most part, people can trust those they are especially close to. It's just never really certain who you're actually close to. But it is fairly certain that one day you won't be close to them anymore, and usually that means wishing you'd never been close to them at all. Or realizing you weren't. The latter is usually the case.

    Yes, there are good people. Honest people. But, in the ways of balance, there are also not-good people. And there are conditions under which even the best person becomes a raging, logic-less black hole. And there isn't anything more conducive to the crazy-making than love. Put that up against self-interest (the other half of most fights, at their base -- love of others and love of self). There is, in general, a healthy amount of self-interest on the part of anyone, in any transaction. Some take it further than that.

    So we're basically screwed. Catch-22 of the classic variety. We want to commit, to share things entirely. But at the end of the day, we always want to count our own chickens and make sure nothing is *really* missing.

    And the older I get, the more I become convinced that either the populus, in general, is so stupidly simple in their pursuit of this ephemereal 'connection' that doesn't exist... or that *I* -- not them -- set the bar a bit too high for an expected level of intelligence and propriety. Maybe I think too much.

    People lie. They lie to their boss, to their mother, to their doctor, and to the guy at the DMV. White lies aren't so much lies as they are social convention. "That dress looks great!" "I love your new hairdo." "Sure, I'll be there."

    People are nice to those who serve them well and ignorant of all else. Who cares if we make up stories for someone we'll never see again? Are you really honestly honest about everything? We classify and we categorize and we decide what we 'want' when everything different has already been discarded. We have biases and prejudices and really bad days. Shit happens.

    So why do we act so surprised when the people around us turn out to be human?

    Why is it necessary to believe in perfection, to pretend like everyone around us is pious and faithful and good? We act like infidelity is the aberration, like treachery should be surprising and not expected, like sin is avoidable not inevitable. What's that all about?



  2. occasionally doing something completely insane is warranted.

    So WHAT if everyone stops and stares? You took a risk, had an adventure, danced with the devil in the pale moonlight.

    There is this story my father tells -- one of his favorites -- about a prank he and some friends pulled in college. It was something foolhardy and asinine and had they been sober or less drunk on testosterone, it might not have ever happened. But if you take the number of times I have heard that story as any indication of his pride in the moment... then that it is. Pride. There you go.

    It was a moment of pure joy. And maybe joy is made up of adrenaline and happiness. One part cool fall weather and the smell of leaves. One part unbridled passion, lunacy in its intent. When I think back over the amusing moments in my own life, many of them were quite radically impulsive. Crazy, even.

    But it took someone pointing that out -- someone I loathe purely by now, in part because of his considerable and constant lack of restraint -- for me to understand. For me to be willing to try it. Throw back the covers, and let out a shout.

    It really is quite satisfying.



  3. men pretend they don't know how to cook so that they don't have to cook

    This isn't really a theory. It's part stereotype, part anecdotal fact. And we all know stereotypes are just generalizations based on practical experience. It's like any test of probability -- your chances are still 50-50 with any given individual that they'll show a particular face. That's why racial and ethic profiling are wrong, the numbers simply don't bear out the injustice. But in this case -- more often than not -- I've found it to be eventually true. And, so as to remind both myself and you out there, here's a list of the things that conveniently disprove the likelihood that it's impossible to cook for oneself, no matter what amount of culinary ineptitude is professed.

    1. if you have a driver's license, it means you can follow instructions and remember basic rules. therefore, if you can drive, you can also cook.
    2. many dishes can be created by simply boiling water. even an idiot child can boil water. teapot? microwave? hello? are you mentally infirm?
    3. you can't cook, but you can grill? mmm-hmmm.
    4. so what if your mom never let you in the kitchen? my dad never let me in the garage, but i can change the oil in my car *and* build a bookshelf. so there.
    5. for the truly hopeless: the freezer section. you won't even need a book because the directions are printed on the side of the box, in language a slow kindergardener could follow. plus, there's pictures.

    I will mention here that I do know several men who *do* cook. Some look at it as a hobby, others a dangerous journey, but many still feel they should somehow be given an award for what is a often a daily, unnoticed occurance when performed by their mothers, wives, or girlfriends. They haul out their organic, hand-rolled, coddled cream of whatevers and shout 'ta-dah!' and much ooh-ing and aah-ing must commence, or else he is a failure in the kitchen, ne'er to grace it again. (My father has managed to stretch one bad seafood dish for about 5 years now. I know how this works.)

    And I'm not saying I haven't had some of my more successful creations 'ooh'ed or 'aah'ed. And I'm not saying there's not the occasional male version of Two Fat Ladies, who cooks with nothing but joy in his heart (Jamie Oliver). But I do think the majority of Moms and Grandmoms and Aunts and other cooking chicas have had their superb grub totally overlooked because it's an expected talent. Where are the famous female chefs? For that matter, why aren't there female Iron Chefs? Huh? Thank Momma, dammit. And while you're at it, why don't you offer to have a lasagna dinner at your place next time? ANYone can make lasagna.

    This rule also applies to other stereotypical "woman's work" duties like laundry, polishing silver, or cleaning toilets. Feigning lack of skill is possible with almost any undesirable task, no matter how simple. Especially if valuable breakable items are involved.



  4. sex is good, m'kay

    Sounds stupid, but how many people would agree with me? Not after five minutes, but immediately. Instantly. What is the first connection your mind makes when handed the word "sex"? It's far too rare that the association is a positive one.

    Is it something dirty? Something secret? Something you couldn't actually tell me that might make you blush? Of course it is... it's about *whisper* *giggle* sex. It must be baaaad.

    I don't know about you, but I've had sex. And it's not really very silent. Or terribly "sexy". Or -- usually -- "bad" in any way, shape or form. Or at least you don't intend it to be, usually. It's not a great mystery, something to be hidden. In fact, it can't really be hidden. Because it's as plain as the... well, as plain as the interlocking pieces of our bodies!

    I mean, give a kid a stick and what does he do? Poke something with it. Show a kid a hole in the ground and what does she do? Poke something in it. We don't tell them to do this. We don't show them how. They know. They're curious. They are so moved.

    Add the pheremone cocktail of puberty, and what do we expect? And not just what do we *expect* but what did we *do*? We want to think we can instruct propriety, require chastity and it will happen. Do we not remember our own childhoods, where the church youth group 'activity' room was rarely used for arts and crafts? Sneaking behind the drive-in screen to make out? Prom night?

    And even if we don't recall being a sexually-curious child or teen, it is highly unlikely that many can claim pure sexual disinterest. I'm not talking about abnormality (hormone deficiency, injury, etc.), but among those in good sexual health... how many can profess complete control over their biological urges?

    That's the word -- biological. We are trying to control something innate, something designed so obviously to fit into our lives. I don't know about you, but as an adult who has maintained a mental, emotional, and sexual relationship, I do crave that kind of connection. I did before I knew what it was. It does not stop until you have it, and there is nothing dirty or sinister about it. It is simply how we feel and what we need.

    People satisfied sexually are happier. They are healthier -- orgasms lower your blood pressure and as anyone with vigorous bedroom antics knows, can burn serious calories.

    I don't mean to disrespect biblical authority. But I believe that the same reasoning behind the banning of pork and the sequestering of the lepers existed for the moratorium on sex. Biblical times didn't include latex or antibiotics, diagnostic blood tests or The Pill. The flu was a deadly menace, syphillis or crabs could lead to insanity and gangrene, both rather unpleasant alternative endings. Even perfectly natural results like pregnancy and delivery carried high mortality rates. People did not live very long, and discouraging multiple-partners was a definate public-health issue. Not a holy commandment.

    And as to the floodgate of marriage -- the idea that chastity before vows is the penultimate necessity... I don't think so! Back in the day (those days just after JC), marriage was far less an institution than it was a state of mind. Wooing and courtship, and the large wedding ceremony, didn't come about until the Catholic church and the advent of property laws. We had to have a way to certify who got your stuff, you see. That's really what it's about. Money. Things.

    Not the instructions of God. Not literally.

    But many believe differently. Even seemingly open-minded souls have long-standing ideas about marriage as a holy covenant, something they are obligated to pursue to the exclusion of all else. Marriage is a ceremony, the embodiment of a committment to God and to each other. I don't see any problem with it, in any form. Whether it is a church wedding or a hindu ceremony or a blessing by a registered Elvii... it serves the purpose marriage licenses are supposed to serve. Whatever additional meaning you attach is useless to the state.

    I will give deference to those who believe otherwise -- they are perfectly welcome to practice as they preach. But the fact is that what they preach has poisoned society in such a way that sex, itself, is denigrated. Something beautiful made less so by other people's issues.

    And, at times now, it goes beyond that. Many cry for a return to marriage, the need for chastity and morality. But what they're really talking about it the desire to return to ignorance. Not piety. There never was piety -- it's a myth. When there were Beltane fires, young people danced around them and snuck off into the woods. Victorian women had special 'doctors' (today we call them prostitutes or gynacologists, I'm not sure which.) who induced orgasms to cure a variety of ills. And in every civilization since the dawn of time immemorial (remember Mary Magdeline?) there have been hookers.

    And it's about time we accepted the reality. Sexual feelings are a natural urge, endowed by what-or-whomever our 'Creator' might be. As a public health issue (nothing more or less meaningful than the fact that shaking hands passes along a cold -- or anthrax), sex should be careful and considered -- or at the least as safe as possible. Putting a sexual partner at risk without informing them is and should be a crime. Sexual assault in all forms is criminal. But other than that, designing moral barriers to encompass what we can't ever contain seems... utterly silly. This core belief extends into several other areas of human nature, but none so much as love and sex.



  5. Bill Maher is a god.

    He also makes my list of really hot people.

    Politically Incorrect was one of my favorite television shows, and I mourn its absence. (It filled a nice time slot between the last news and La Femme Nikita.)



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