Signs of Abuse

If you think you - or someone you know -
might be in an abusive relationship, check for these signs:
  • Feel like you have to "walk on eggshells" to keep him from getting angry and are frightened by his temper.
  • Feel you can't live without him.
  • Stop seeing other friends or family, or give up activities you enjoy because he doesn't like them.
  • Are afraid to tell him your worries and feelings about the relationship.
  • Are often compliant because you are afraid to hurt his feelings; and have the urge to "rescue" him when he is troubled.
  • Feel that you are the only one who can help him and that you should try to "reform" him.
  • Find yourself apologizing to yourself or others for your partner's behaviour when you are treated badly.
  • Stop expressing opinions if he doesn't agree with them.
  • Stay because you feel he will kill himself if you leave.
  • Believe that his jealousy is a sign of love.
  • Have been kicked, hit, shoved, or had things thrown at you by him when he was jealous or angry.
  • Believe the critical things he says to make you feel bad about yourself.
  • Believe that there is something wrong with you if you don't enjoy the sexual things he makes you do.
  • Believe in the traditional ideas of what a man and a woman should be and do -- that the man makes the decisions and the woman pleases him.

If this sounds like you, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. There are people who can help. Please visit our Get Help page.

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Domestic Violence Civil Legal Services Family Triangle Services Nadie merece ser maltratada El centro de prevencion de violencia domesticaNadie se merece que lo abusen

Signs and Characteristics of an Abuser

  • Threatening to use violence
  • Violent behavior (breaking things or hitting people)
  • Overly jealous (may over react if another man just looks at 'his' woman)
  • Controlling behavior (trying to control a woman's thoughts and actions)
  • Unrealistic expectations of the relationship (expecting a woman to be subservient and take care of all his needs for him)
  • Quick involvement in a relationship (living together after a short period of time)
  • Blames others for problems
  • May have been abused in the past
  • Cruelty to animals and/or children
  • 'Playful' use of force during sex (or talking a woman into things she is not comfortable with)
  • Substance abuse (alochol or drugs)

While there are Abuser Treatment Programs, the majority of participants never complete them.

More Resources

Check out the documents below. You will need Adobe Reader to view these resources. You can download it here: You may also want to visit our Links page for more online resources. Please remember our advice about covering your tracks before downloading anything.

Safety Plan Family Violence Prevention Center The Women's Center Legal Aid of NC Civil Justice for Victims of Crime Carolina Women's Center