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Amendment One: something we can agree on

Posted on April 26, 2012April 25, 2012 by Staff

By Jen Jones

It wasn’t until I took a job at Equality NC in 2011 that I became harshly aware that I had unwittingly surrounded myself with people who agreed with me all of my life.

It was only then that I began fighting a broad constitutional rewrite brought to the table by my own legislature – a DOMA-like ballot measure that would later become known as “Amendment One” – only to realize that there appeared to be quite a few folks in the last Southeastern state to consider it who not only didn’t want me to get married, but also who didn’t want me in the state at all.
A state, I might add, I was born in, committed to and never left.

This new legislative pushback of highly political proportions was a far cry from the acceptance I felt in my native Eastern North Carolina, not to mention the warm, progressive embrace of the Triangle area I now called home.

And so, learning quickly that some wanted to run me out of my state with this never-before-seen “domestic legal union”-defining legislation, I instead chose to run across it, searching for common ground as I traversed it, educating voters all along the way – 322 miles from Mitchell County to Morehead City – on the intended and unintended harms of Amendment One.

Admittedly it was a search, once again, to find something we could all agree on: that they or I or we weren’t all that bad, but that this amendment certainly is.

And we did. And we did.

In Bakersville and Shelby and Whispering Pines and other smaller communities like the one I grew up in, towns nice enough to host Amendment One events where our team, dubbed “Race to the Ballot,” faced opposition from those unimpressed by anything but the Good Book all it took was a mention that children could lose health insurance in a post-Amendment world to quiet even the most angry crowds and yield affirming nods from the masses.

We found something we could agree on: Children deserve health insurance. And if Amendment One would take away even one child’s medical care, then maybe we could just this once see this amendment isn’t for North Carolina – it’s against.

In places like Hickory and Salisbury and Rocky Mount – where people might have been undecided about marriage equality – they were nonetheless fazed by the very real threats to unmarried domestic-violence victims if Amendment One were to pass.

We don’t always agree on everything, but if even one woman or child is put in danger by an amendment that could invalidate basic protections for those who are battered by a person they live with, then maybe we could agree Amendment One isn’t for North Carolina. It’s against.

In places like the Triangle and Triad, where crowds lined up in droves to hear how they could get involved with defeating an amendment that hurts children, women and families they know and love, we were the least prepared. Unprepared for all of the stories – stories like one from a parent in Greensboro who attended an event with her daughter, knowing the next week she faced a court date over custody, and in a couple of months an amendment that could completely negate her relationship to a kid who’s always been hers.

And again we agreed. That’s not right. That’s not us. This amendment isn’t for North Carolina. We’re voting against.

Long before this statewide Race to the Ballot, I spent a lot of time in places like Carrboro all of my adult life, slowly forgetting that battles for justice – or in this case maybe just for basic protections – aren’t always a slam-dunk; that it sometimes takes more than a little bit of conversation to see these harms, and even then not eye-to-eye; that there can be no agreement in complacency; and that we all have a part to play in bringing our fellow citizens with us on this journey to keep our state on the right side of history – to the polls, on May 8, to vote against.

If I lived in Chapel Hill or Carrboro or Durham, which I do, I’d think defeating Amendment One was just such a slam-dunk. I can’t walk through my neighborhood without tripping over a “Vote Against” yard sign or having someone stop to tell me how much they like my “Protect All NC Families” T-shirt.

But they’re never far from my mind, the lessons of that Race: that while in my own backyard voting against Amendment One is a no-brainer, in my neighbor’s neck of the woods a couple hundred miles east or west or south or north, the path to what is right isn’t as clear and must come straight from the heart.

And if we can agree on that too, maybe we can try to remember a time before they tried to divide us, a time not so long ago in Eastern North Carolina, when I was just a girl, and you were just my neighbor, and we agreed. We agreed. Vote against.

Jen Jones is communications director for Equality NC and recently ran 322-miles across the state to educate North Carolinians about the harms of Amendment One.

4 thoughts on “Amendment One: something we can agree on”

  1. tom sisk says:
    April 26, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    Well said, Jen! I will absolutely vote AGAINST Amendment One. Firstly, it’s just not right to treat folks that way. Secondly, it’s not right to codify hate and discrimination into a document whose sole purpose is to PROTECT us. Thirdly, its foolish to knock the legs out from under so very many NC families.

    Last, but certainly not least, is this: I canNOT abide a bully, and that’s the most charitable thing I can call the people who pushed this through. I won’t even talk about the cowards who voted for this due to an utter failure and lack of political courage.

  2. Ben Church says:
    April 26, 2012 at 8:02 pm

    Jen Jones:

    You never cease to amaze me, and you never stop making me cry. I’m going to be a basketcase by the time May 8 has come and gone, and I blame you for a lot of that. Thank you for the work you have done, are doing, and will do moving forward.

  3. John Michael Watkins says:
    April 27, 2012 at 7:02 pm

    This is so very, very true! There have been so many college friends of mine here in Chapel Hill who can’t fathom that this amendment would ever pass. But I grew up in a very conservative pocket in Charlotte, going to Christian schools. I know full well that there are people who support this amendment on principle, people who not only think it’s a sin to support marriage equality for same-sex couples, but who also think that the messages about the far-reaching consequences of this amendment (that it bans civil unions & domestic partnerships, that it takes away children’s health care, that it could invalidate domestic violence protection for unmarried couples) are tricks that the devil is trying to play to get them to vote against. There are people who cannot think past “Vote For Marriage,” people who it takes all your patience and love to deal with and talk to.

    If they opened their ears and looked critically and compassionately at this amendment, even they would turn against it. But they won’t, at least not with us. It’s not enough for just the liberals to talk about. We need the moderates and conservatives to talk out, too, and thankfully they have been. But if we are to defeat this amendment, we need to push our already impressive efforts even further. Even with all the ground we’ve covered in a few short months, we still have a lot more to cover. We cannot rest until we’ve powered through to the end.

    Please talk to anyone and everyone you know. Tell them about this amendment. Volunteer to phone bank (visit the Protect All NC Families website for volunteer opportunities). Speak to your pastor, and speak to your church congregation. Speak to your friends, your coworkers, and your family. Tell them what this amendment is, how far it goes, and why we all need to vote Against by May 8th. Whatever it takes, do it. Please. If for nothing else, for the sake of the children who will lose their health care and their legal security because they were not born into a family with a married man & woman.

  4. Amanda Boswell says:
    May 5, 2012 at 9:29 am

    It’s amazing that I too this week had this realization when I went out of Raleigh to Franklin on a business trip. I came back and told my husband that I didn’t occur to me that this was a statewide vote. How stupid and narrow minded could I have been??? This is a huge issue for us, not legal married by choice, and already I have to fight my company to keep my family on my insurance plan every January and my insurance company recognizes domestic partnerships such as ours. However, the company mandated in the most recent paperwork, “marriage defined by our state laws” and so we have one more year and next year, if this passes, they will be kicked off and I won’t be able to fight it. I’m glad someone has been less short sighted than myself and has traveled the state to spread the word. Thank you. Has anyone noticed the lack of Presidential primary ads during this election???

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